New to forum - I need advice please...

Hello all. My name is Barbara. I'm a SAHM/WAHM married for 10.5 years. I have a DD - 5.5 years old and sons that are 3.

I think I'm going crazy.

My tempermant is to be laid back; even through chaos BUT I get agitated when there is whining, unhappiness, disrespect... The more agitated I get, the more angry I get. Then the boys start reacting off me and it's like war.

They are energetic, pleasant, obedient little guys, but when they start their stuff and I get agitated it all turns to pot.

They are freaking out around nap time. It doesn't matter if I separate them, lay with them...they do not want to nap. The thing is they need to or by 4p they are miserable or falling asleep on the couch.
They are so harsh on each other. One more than the other. It's hard to stick up for either because the other one welcomes it and then gets mad when it goes to far. They know it's going to go too far.
The meltdowns, the meltdowns drive me nuts. I can't dissipate them. And, at times it doesn't take much for a meltdown to occur.

I know they're only 3 and sometimes I forget. I just want them to be happy and get so confused why they can't be in the pleasant situation we're in.

Anything will help - thank you.

Barb

 

Hey Barb, I wish I had some advice to give...I don't... it's just that I am in very much the same situation... :blink: ...I just finished crying because I had a horrible day with my boys (4). lately they have pretty much stopped listening to me, and tonight, I am so horrified to say, Gavin (who is my low key kid) called me an idiot... :umm: ...I was so mad I put him in bed without even brushing his teeth..I feel horrid! None of this really started until I got pg this time (unexpexted) and DH is tavelling a lot..he's gone right now for the week, and we have no family here, so it's me and them. ugghh! This has turned into a vent and what I really waned to say was you are not alone! Hopefully someone with some miraculous insight will respond to this post!!!!

Hang in there! We all have bad days!!!

:hug99:

 

Welcome to TS! It's difficult--they may be working themselves out of the need for a nap now. Try just letting them go without a nap and see what happens.

 

Welcome to TS! :sign0016:

Maybe you could adjust the time you put them down. 30 min or an hour later? They could be just outgrowing their nap. It takes a few days sometimes for their little bodies to adjust to not sleeping.

Transforming Anger This helped me to redirect my anger and even get rid of it.
Hang in there! :hug99:

 

Barb, sorry you are having a tough go sometimes. :hug99: Welcome to TS!!!

I let them have their fits on the "fit carpet". I say "I have a special place where you can whine and cry all you want" Go to the Fit Carpet. If they don't go, I take them. They stay there if you keep putting them back. Now I don't have to put them back. If they leave, they start to lose privileges like Dora and Diego after dinner! I say, "you can stay there until you are done with your fit or there will be no _______." Very matter of fact and calm.

I lose patience too - frequently! You are NOT ALONE!!! :hug99:

 

Ugh... its the age! Mine have already driven me batty.... :hug99:

Welcome to the 1-4... feel free to PM me with any other questions...

 

Wow, you described what I just went through last year. My boys have just recently turned 4.

I was increasingly getting more and more angry at EVERYTHING and I couldn't understand why.

Turns out that I was depressed. It just hit, at about 2 1/2 years after the boys were born. Don't know why, don't know what triggered it, but I can tell you that within 2 days of the depression meds, I felt normal. I could smile, I could stay calm when they dumped the 4th glass of water on the floor, or threw the dog's food all over the kitchen.

If you've just noticed this and realize that others are noticing too, ask them if you're different (be prepared to hear yes) and then make an appointment with a dr.

Good luck!

 

Thanks a lot for your ideas. I like the fit carpet thing. Thanks too for the "Transforming Anger" link. I'm so glad I found this place. I don't know anybody else with twins and I do not have access to an awesome twin playgroup. I'm feeling better today. I was already on meds but think I may request a stronger or new prescription. I feel a lot less incompetent today.

Thanks again guys.

 

Hi Barbara!

I can relate to your post. My girls are 4, and I have to say that age 3-4 has been the hardest. I think a lot of it has to do with their develpoment. We know how smart they are, so we expect them to listen, follow rules, behave, stop the pestering/arguing but they really aren't capable of stopping.

The meltdowns and the crying really push me ove the edge. I just have a really hard time with this. Again, I think the behavior is normal. I guess I just expected tantrums at age 2, but thought they'd outgrow them (Boy, was I WRONG!).

Some things I try:
- Model approaite voice when whining "Mom, can I have some water" or I say "I didn't understand you. Try again,please". They know what I expect. This doesn't prevent the whining, but helps to nip it in the bud before we all get upset.

- When I start to get angry, I will repeat over and over (either in my head or outloud) "It is my job to stay in control" and someone else told me this one- "It is my job to RESPOND, not to react".

- Sometimes I try humor, changing my voice to a silly voice, standing on the couch to tell them something- basically do something distracting from the annoying behavior.

- We recently made a poster of our house rules. DH and I had to really narrow it down to what we really wanted to work on. (4 rules). We had a family meeting and talked about what we expected. Together, we wrote the rules on a big poster board, all traced our hands and "signed " the "agreement" and I hung it up in our hallway so we can all see it. If they break a rule, I bring them over and show and say "Our rules says "Please listen". I'm asked you to _________ and you are not listening to me. If you don't _________ the you will have to go to time out for not listening." This is really helping. - it helps them to "see" the rules, even thought they can't read, they know what we are talking about. Posting the rules helps me becasue I have someting to reference, a tool to go to. So, it helps not to get angry becasue I have a strategy!

- I just started a "quiet time" right after lunch. I have them pick 2-3 books to look at. They can lay down on our bed, the couch, sleeping bags, under the kitchen table - WHEREVER! I set the timer (or play soft music for 1/2 hour) and they have to stay in their spot. They tested at first, but now they look foward to quiet time! I don't expect them to stay still,but theyso have to stay in their place. Sometimes they fall asleep. Sometimes they get so relaxed that they want to stay afther the timer goes off. They like to watch tv for a little while after and just hang out.

- When my girls were in the process of giving up naps, they still needed a nap every few days. Even now, they would nap at 4:00
if Ilet them. THe key for me is to have a super tight routine from 4:00 on, and they go to bed at 7:00.

One more thing that they love- exercise! If everyone is having a hard time, I'll say "Ok, everyone stand up! Let's do jumping! We'll jump up and down until I count to 20, then I'll bend down to touch toes 20X, then lay down and do 20 situps- Basically, I exhaust them before they exhaust me! :lol:

I'm in the same boat. All I want is for everyone to be happy- WHY can't we all just be happy?
Take care!

 

Naps are a foriegn language now... I don't know exactly when or why they stopped, but they just stopped. I still insist on quiet time. They go to their room, door closed, and can play quietly or read their books. I NEED at least a half hour of no one asking for something. If they get too rowdy, I open the door and tell them that if they don't settle down, we wont go outside or watch a princess movie, etc. Whatever loss of privelege works. They are exhausting at this age. Somedays, I LIVE for bed time.