New Mom Guilt

Being a new mom and on top of it to twins sure is hard! Of course, this is nothing you all don't know already. I feel like I am always second guessing myself, am I doing everything right, should I be doing more, etc. I guess I am just needing to share my woes and get support.

For example, yesterday I was extremely exhausted for some reason. Around 6:30 - 7:00, we started getting the babies ready for bed - changed them into their PJ's and gave them a bottle. By 7:30 we put them both down in their cribs. My one son falls asleep almost instantly but the other one will cry for awhile. I feel bad about this but I let him cry for awhile while I got other things done like washing and making new bottles. I was so exhausted and just wanted to go to bed myself and thought I have to get these things done or I'll be up even later. When I went back in to check on him he was just laying in his crib awake playing with his little hands. I don't know why but it made me feel so guilty. I just imagined him thinking "well, I cried but nobody came so I guess I'll just lay here and look at my hands". I almost picked him up but then I stopped myself and thought "he's ok and he will fall asleep" which he did. He woke up this morning smiling and happy so I guess he still loves me!

Please tell me this gets better. Thanks for listening!

 

I think we all second guess our selves. I think all mothers do, we just get a triple dose. One for each baby and then we want them equal and not to feel like they get less because they are a twin. I just try to think of the bonuses they will get as tthey grow up to always have a playmate and a twin. Keep the long run in perspective. The biggest surprise and the hardest think I dealt with as a new mom was trying to figure out what was right and not feel guilty. It does get better. Just relax and know that if you are concerned they will be great. Also know that it is okay to want some mommy time. You need that down time to be a good mom the rest of the time.

 

Your post made my eyes swell with tears. I could see you thinking that when you seen him laying there i go through the SAMW things. Or when one is not feeling well and DH is not in the house and i need to hold the sick one... Ugh as the other one comes to my feet and cries to pick him/her up.... I get it, i am there some days too.. Hang in there all in all they know we love them and we can only do what we think is best...

 

Hang in there. It happens to the best of us. I always try to think of the great things my kids HAVE because of me, not the other way around. Doesn't always work but sometimes it helps.

It will get better! Hugs to you!

 

You are doing fine - you HAVE to make bottles, and you HAVE to sleep, and he fell asleep and woke up happy, so you did the right thing. It is good for them to have some independent time so that they can do things like discover their hands!
The fact that you feel guilty means that you are a good mom - you feel bad about time you aren't spending with them, even if in a particular case it might be best for them. If you had posted that you didn't care, turned off the monitor and just went to bed without a care in the world, I think THAT would be a warning flag! It is hard. With twins it can be twice as hard.
But they won't remember all the crying they did the first year, and you only have two hands.

 

We've all been there, you are doing the best you can and that is all that matters!!! And he was happily playing, that sounds perfect, nothing to be guilty about at all

 

Thanks for all your support and words of wisdom. I feel much better! You all are wonderful!

 

I feel the same way you described many times. I think it's worse b/c I'm tired a lot. You're doing great.

 

I can so relate to this post!

If I'm holding one, I feel guilty that the other one is either on the floor gym/mat or in the swing.
And I spend more time over thinking things than I should. I know that, but it doesn't help me stop it!

Parenting is hard. Parenting twins is REALLY hard. But then I smell their sweet baby smell (when they've had bath and no longer smell like sour milk and vomit...) or see their little hands or feet and it's all worth it.

I guess we all just do the best we can and pray it all turns out in the end. (Makes me appreciate my mother sooooo much more!!!!)


Hang in there! :hug99:

 

QUOTE
I think we all second guess our selves. I think all mothers do, we just get a triple dose. One for each baby and then we want them equal and not to feel like they get less because they are a twin. I just try to think of the bonuses they will get as tthey grow up to always have a playmate and a twin. Keep the long run in perspective. The biggest surprise and the hardest think I dealt with as a new mom was trying to figure out what was right and not feel guilty. It does get better. Just relax and know that if you are concerned they will be great. Also know that it is okay to want some mommy time. You need that down time to be a good mom the rest of the time.


Yes yes yes! Couldn't agree more. It is HARD. You're spread so thin with two babies, somebody always needs something, they want you at the same time...

QUOTE
For example, yesterday I was extremely exhausted for some reason.


Um, gee, I wonder why??? :lol:

Hang in there. You're doing a great job. And don't forget to take breaks whenever you possibly can - those babies need a happy, rested mom.