New here, and freaking out - could use a pep talk!

Hi Everyone -I am 9 weeks pregnant with twins through IVF. I have a 3 1/2 year old DS. After a year and a half of infertility treatments, I know I should be over the moon about having twins, but I am not. I am totally freaking out and really wish I didn't feel this way! I am (no surprise) struggling with MS and fatigue, which is not helping. I know I will be excited soon, but I'm having such a hard time adjusting. I work full time, and my career is important to me. I am worried that I am ruining my older DSs life. I am worried that we will be broke. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer- I'm usually much more fun then this! I would love to hear from anyone who can relate or can give me a pep talk! thanks! Laura PS I just spent half an hour reading best rest stories and crying - can you tell I am freaking out? Ha ha.

 

Girl!! Give yourself a break AND some time to get used to the idea of twins. It took me MONTHS during my pregnancy to accept the fact that I was having twins & how to deal/cope with that. (I also battled infertility & used Clomid/IUI to conceive my girls)
Twinstuff was AMAZINGLY helpful & really allowed me to finally get excited about the thought of two babies :hug:
Hang in there & take your time getting used to the idea of twins ~ :grouphug:
We will all be here to support you!!

 

well, certainly it's normal. At first i was sooo sick m/s that i couldn't enjoy pg plus all the hormones.... I don't have other children so i can't relate but it will all be okay. We found out at 12 weeks that we were having twins and it's a big surprise and it's kind of scary but as time goes by and more when you have them in your arms you will see how you wouldn't change them for anything in the world. I get overjoyed at tmes and them somtimes it's scary too but it's all normal


i don' tknow if this will help u much... hope u feel better.. :hug: :hug: .. sorry i am not very good at this..

 

Please relax. I totally understand where you are coming from. I am 34, have a 2.5 year old and FREAKED out at the thought of twins. I still do occasionally. We were just trying for one more, thinking it would be nice for our daughter to have a sibling. TWINS?? OMG. All the same thoughts and feelings went through me. I still worry that I am going to ruin my daughters otherwise perfect life. I worry she won't get enough attention and end up resenting the twins. All I can say is, I have prepared for help and have a plan to make sure she gets her needs met too. I will have family helping with her and the babies for the first few months. Someone is taking her to swim lessons for two weeks, we have gym class, and play dates arranged as well. And, I will also be arranging for someone to help with the twins so we can go off and have some quality mommy/toddler time.
It will work out! Don't stress too hard mama!!

Oh, and the broke thing... yeah, we were already broke, and now twins? Well, we are working out ways to cut our costs even further. I am also looking into WIC assistance. I do also have family that is willing to help me out in tough times though, so that helps tremendously.

Molly
35 weeks

 

I think your reaction is totally normal and LOTS of women who are/were pg with twins at one point or another felt the same way. It's a scary proposition, raising twins, but it really does all work out. I was also very worried about how twins would affect my daughter, but she loves them and while she has her moments of frustration with them, she also has 2 new play mates. Try not worry and don't worry that you feel this way! Congratulations on your twins!

 

QUOTE(mommylaura @ Jun 29 2009, 12:04 PM) [snapback]1373640[/snapback]
Hi Everyone -I am 9 weeks pregnant with twins through IVF. I have a 3 1/2 year old DS. After a year and a half of infertility treatments, I know I should be over the moon about having twins, but I am not. I am totally freaking out and really wish I didn't feel this way! I am (no surprise) struggling with MS and fatigue, which is not helping. I know I will be excited soon, but I'm having such a hard time adjusting. I work full time, and my career is important to me. I am worried that I am ruining my older DSs life. I am worried that we will be broke. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer- I'm usually much more fun then this! I would love to hear from anyone who can relate or can give me a pep talk! thanks! Laura PS I just spent half an hour reading best rest stories and crying - can you tell I am freaking out? Ha ha.


I have 17 month old twins via IVF, no older children. I too was freaking out a little even though we obviously knew it was a possibility and were okay with that possibility. You will be fine. I love my career too (I'm a lawyer). I'm still full-time, still on partnership track, and even manage to get up 5-6 days a week to exercise on top of it all! It was a very rough first 6 months, but you'll find a rhythm and be fine.

And CONGRATULATIONS! on your pregnancy!!!!

Edit: for spelling

 

Just wanted to say I TOTALLY understand your emotions! We have also struggled with infertility and got pg with twins with a 3.5 year old at home (he was exactly 4 when they were born). I also work full time. We desperately wanted a second child...and I desperately did NOT want twins. I was resentful and angry for a long time that I was in that position.

And now we are a family of 5 and I can't imagine it any other way. I absolutely freaking LOVE having twins... my older son ADORES his brothers and they adore him. It's tough, sure, I'm tired, sure... but the overall emotion is pure thankful joy. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I remembered what my DH said early on when we were struggling to adjust to the idea of 2 new babies... Two is world's better than zero.

You can do it. And it will be great. And everyone here is so wonderful. I have learned SOOO much, from my pregnancy, to the newborn months to now.

Congratulations!!

-maria
DS1 4.5
DS2 DS3 10 months

 

Hi there and welcome. I am also relatively new here... I am just 15 weeks pg with twins from IVF. We also have a son that is turning 3 this Friday! I went through (am still going through) all of the same feelings that you explained. We spent 1.5 years with a fertility specialist for these babies and it is so hard when you aren't as excited as you know you should be. Of course we were initially so excited. Then the horrible sickness and exhaustion hit and at about the same time we learned it was twins (at 6 weeks pg). It is so hard to keep your spirits up when you feel so horrible and then friends/family just don't understand how you cannot be smiling at all times because you have something you have been wanting for so long. It is hard. Plus husbands do NOT understand what it is like to feel like this day after day after day... and to still have to keep up with life (working, taking care of your toddler, groceries, laundry, etc.). I am lucky that my DH is very helpful with my son.

My other big worries are finances (how to afford child care with 3 kids and still make a profit vs deciding if one of us stays at home) and worrying about my little guy's life being totally changed overnight. I worry so much about the first 6 mo - 1 year after the twins are born and how difficult is going to be on him when he is so used to our total attention. We are lucky that we have family close and great friends so I hope to rely on them to help with him and also the twins so we can get 1:1 time with him. We'll see how easy that really is when the time is here. I remember all too well how lack of sleep impacts everything during those early months.

I wish I could offer you some advice but at this point,I am also not out of the "overwhelming" stage. I will at least let you know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. Hang in there! Hope you start feeling better soon...

 

Awwww sweetie....BIG HUG!!!! You are completely entitled to feel the way you feel. It is overwhelming but it will get better and things will work out just perfect for you!

I have an 11month old son and my first thought was that he was going to miss out stuff because of the twins, but kids are so resiliant and they adjust to your lifestyle and they will eventually embrace it. I think that you need to stay positive and STOP READING THE BED REST STORIES!!! I laugh at this because I did it at first and thought to myself "I better check myself in right now"...but if you stay positive and be healthy at least you know that you are doing your best in this pregnancy and should something happen, it was out of your control!!!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! It takes some getting used to, we have all been there and done that, and you will eventually be pleased as punch that you have a set of siblings to come and entertain your son! He is going to have a blast!!!!! Heck sepecially if the girls are twins, when they are all in their teens, your son is going to be thanking you right left and centre!!!!

Hand in there hun and stick around...you will be shocked to hear all the POSITIVE stories that the girls on her have to offer! It makes me know that I can do this and I will get there without fail and I will have a beautiful family, just as much as you!!!!!

 

First off, welcome and congratulations on your twins. :Clap:

Having twins is alot to process... don't be so hard on yourself for not going straight to over joyed and elated. :hug: :hug: I don't have any other kids and the thought of twins was stressful. I think it's totally normal to go through these emotions. :hug: Let it have some time to sink in and take it one day at a time. :youcandoit:

 

Oh my gosh - you guys are awesome - this is exactly what I needed read. I just feel so guilty that I feel bad at a time that should be so joyous. I'm so happy that I found this board and that there are others who have gone through this too.

Maria - hearing that your son loves your twins is a huge relief!