negative daycare worker

so far i'm pretty pleased with our daycare choice. however, there is one employee in the infant room who i've disliked from day 1. she always seems negative about things that really don't deserve it. for example, when i started i originally brought in one change of clothes for each baby. hey, i'm a first time mom and i'm figuring this out as i go, so one change of clothing seemed right. well on the very first day owen had a big spit-up and they had to change him. when i arrived in the evening to pick him up, this worker looked very stressed and said in a very strained voice, "we had to change him so if he spits up one more time he won't have any clothes!" i understand that she wanted to emphasize the importance of planning ahead, but it hardly seems like an issue worthy of stress. she's done the same thing about diaper cream, too, when the tube was running low (we supply our own).

i can let that kind of thing roll off my back. but lately it seems like she's starting to regard owen as something of a problem child. the last several days in a row she's had some story to tell me about how owen gave her trouble. one day it's, "he wouldn't finish his bottle, he left an ounce." well that's okay. he has severe reflux. he drinks anywhere between 2 and 3 oz per feeding and we let him decide when he's full. leaving an ounce is okay and we already told them that. but she acts like owen defied her by not finishing. another day it's, "he spat up twice" with an intensely displeased look on her face. yeah? babies spit up. some spit up more than others. you work in a daycare, you're paid to deal with spit-up. every other employee is positive and tells us about how alert they were and how much time they spent doing tummy time and how smiley they were. this one woman never has anything positive to say like that. just negative things.

yesterday's comment was what made me think i need to speak up. the instant we arrived she loudly informed us that owen wouldn't burp for her. she said she tried for 10 minutes but couldn't get a burp out of him. i'd been missing my boys all day and all i wanted was to see their faces and she was raining all over my arrival with her negativity. so i sort of brushed her off and said, "yeah sometimes they don't burp." her response was to repeat, "i tried for 10 minutes." and then she turned away muttering sarcastically, "so that was fun."

my concern is that she's only specifically voicing these things about owen. she never has anything negative to say about jacob. i'm afraid she's projecting some kind of "problem child" issue onto one of my babies and she's being disproportionately negative about him. and i'm not sure i'm comfortable with someone handling him who can get that frustrated. i understand frustration, i get frustrated myself. but she's a professional who is supposed to have years of experience working with babies. i'm also paying enough for daycare that it's pretty much like owning a second house. i think for that much money it's not asking too much that the daycare workers keep their annoyance with my non-burping baby to themselves.

i realize i may be overreacting, but ultimately i'm worried that this one particular employee is becoming a problem. these babies are only 2 months old, and as preemies they're developmentally closer to one month. they're not capable of intentionally holding out burps or refusing the bottle just to piss her off. but her demeanor makes me worry that she's inventing that kind of scenario in her head. and i want zero chance that owen will be treated any differently from anyone else.

so what i'm trying to decide is this: do i say something to her directly or do i speak to her supervisor instead? i'm don't have a problem with confrontation and i can be very direct when i want to be. but i'd prefer to be direct in the appropriate direction. i'm half inclined to simply tell her flat out that i don't appreciate her negativity, but i also don't want to create a situation where she portrays the encounter to her supervisors as though i were out of line. however, if i simply go to management about it they may not communicate to her exactly what my displeasure is.

so what do you think? should i say something? am i being oversensitive? should i speak to her or speak to management first?

 

Yikes. This situation STINKS. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. I'm sure it is a VERY VERY VERY common thing (complaint.)

I am responding as a former childcare worker and mommy to one yr old twin boys, myself.

I had been in childcare/preschool/kindergarten care for approximately ten years before having the boys. I now stay home with them but have taken them to daycare 3 times at my gym.

Here's the first thing that comes to mind: IF you upset her.. it might backfire on your child. It's terribly unfortunate and sickening to say it but if the employees do not like the parent.. they usually don't go out of their way for the baby/child. It's terrible. If you could approach her in a kind, unassuming manner; that would be one thing... Attack the problem from a "how can WE make this work" rather than "Here is what YOU are doing wrong!" If you are accusatory, it could get ugly and let's face it.. You need her to be NICE to your babies.

Secondly: Unfortunately, the amount of money that YOU are paying to have your child in daycare has zero relationship with how much money this girl makes. She is probably making close to minimum wage and is working her ever-loving rear end off. She's making peanuts and we all know how tough it is to take care of our kids.. imagine taking care of other peoples!! It is NOT easy all of the time. This particular example is just another tribute to how backwards "our system" is.. Parents pay WAY too much money for their kids to be well taken care of and the poor employees who do the work-- get small measley paychecks to show for it. Sad.

Thirdly: There is no excuse for the smart *** comments she is making "Well.. THAT was fun!" Absolutely uncalled for and NOT acceptable. She clearly does not enjoy her job. It may be time for a change for her. Would it be possible for her NOT to be in the infant room? Are there other rooms where people "float" to?? How does it work?? IF you could somehow request this in absolute confidence with the Supervisor.. that might be an option. Perhaps she is better suited for older children. There are always alternatives.

Fourthly: Is it possible that this feels more personal than it really is?? Perhaps she is like this to everyone. I realize you are assuming that it's just Owen due to her lack of complaints with J, BUT maybe she isn't "in charge" of J and is more with Owen. In this situation, I am inclined to believe that this is how she is. I would hesitate to think that she is "disliking" or "picking on" a new baby. That is pretty much unheard of as far as I know. I am not saying that it is impossible, I'm saying seems unlikely.

Do you feel like there is some "static" between yourself and her?? Has anything taken place? I'm just curious because as I mentioned above, I really doubt her stinky attitude has to do with the baby.

I'm soo sorry that you are having to go through this. It cannot be easy. I can't imagine.

I would feel her out a little bit more just to get a secure handle on the situation and then maybe see if you can "make nice" with her a bit before you get critical. This might be a better approach since it could backfire.

Lastly, I would ALWAYS go to the Supervisor. I would also be sure that it was kept between you and this Supervisor. Hopefully, the two of you could come up with something. If what you are speaking of is a true problem, this will certainly not be the first that the Supervisor has heard from a disgruntled Parent.

Good luck!!! Do keep us posted!

 

ew. she doesnt seem very nice at all, and doesnt seem to like her job either. i worked in various daycares for 6 years and that kind of attitude would not have been tolerated. i would definatly talk to the supervisor. if you feel comfy with her you could ask why she is so rude (but in a better way lol). sure she's been at work all day taking care of the babies, but im sure she had breaks and time to herself. i know there were days i couldnt WAIT to get out of there, but i never was nasty with the children or the parents.

 

I hate to say this but I have heard my friend (loose term there) make some of the same rude comments to the people at day care where she works. She is a nurse Ö *gasp* and does the part time thing to help make ends meet.
It is clear to me that she doesn't like other people's kids at all. She can't stand girls. Period. When I hear her talk like this (in the stories she tells) I think to myself, "what a jerk". Unfortunuately I think she is worse to the kids of the parents who complain. Sad but true.

Some people are not cut out for the jobs they take. I have a hard time with day cares for just this reason. I take my kids to a baby sitter whom I interviewed and watches them in her home. They get more one on one care. (Can't beat the price either...) Not saying that the same thing couldn't happen there, just in my experience, there is less chance any way.

 

QUOTE(ivfbound078 @ Nov 25 2008, 11:21 AM) [snapback]1086115[/snapback]
Thirdly: There is no excuse for the smart *** comments she is making "Well.. THAT was fun!" Absolutely uncalled for and NOT acceptable. She clearly does not enjoy her job. It may be time for a change for her. Would it be possible for her NOT to be in the infant room? Are there other rooms where people "float" to?? How does it work?? IF you could somehow request this in absolute confidence with the Supervisor.. that might be an option. Perhaps she is better suited for older children. There are always alternatives.


there are other rooms but i don't know how often they float people between them. i get the sense, though, that they dedicate staff to each room so parents have consistent care workers to talk to.

QUOTE(ivfbound078 @ Nov 25 2008, 11:21 AM) [snapback]1086115[/snapback]
Fourthly: Is it possible that this feels more personal than it really is?? Perhaps she is like this to everyone. I realize you are assuming that it's just Owen due to her lack of complaints with J, BUT maybe she isn't "in charge" of J and is more with Owen. In this situation, I am inclined to believe that this is how she is. I would hesitate to think that she is "disliking" or "picking on" a new baby. That is pretty much unheard of as far as I know. I am not saying that it is impossible, I'm saying seems unlikely.


oh it's absolutely possible that i'm making it more personal than it is. that's why i asked for advice! i recognize that i could be reactive, like mama bear protecting her cubs. i think the reason it feels personal is that every other worker there has been fantastic. and even this worker's negativity has just been a mild irritation until now. but when she made that snide, "so that was fun" comment i immediately felt defensive of my child and it magnified the annoyance i've felt at all of her previous comments.

QUOTE(ivfbound078 @ Nov 25 2008, 11:21 AM) [snapback]1086115[/snapback]
Do you feel like there is some "static" between yourself and her?? Has anything taken place? I'm just curious because as I mentioned above, I really doubt her stinky attitude has to do with the baby.


i don't think so. she made the accusatory comment about not having enough changes of clothing on the very first day when we hadn't even really officially met yet. for all i know she was irritated that i hadn't brought more clothes and made a judgment in that moment that has lingered.

QUOTE(Charly @ Nov 25 2008, 11:54 AM) [snapback]1086169[/snapback]
Some people are not cut out for the jobs they take. I have a hard time with day cares for just this reason. I take my kids to a baby sitter whom I interviewed and watches them in her home. They get more one on one care. (Can't beat the price either...) Not saying that the same thing couldn't happen there, just in my experience, there is less chance any way.

i think maybe it's as you say, she's not cut out for the job. i think she gets stressed and frustrated, and that's not ideal for that environment. but as i said everyone else there has been marvelous. i'm actually more nervous about a babysitter because at the daycare there are always multiple people in the room and there are supervisors on-site. there are also webcams so they're under observation at all times. when i was little i had some fairly extreme experiences with babysitters so my instinct is not to trust them. you just don't know what they could do when you're not there. one of my babysitters would lock me in a closet every time i cried, among other things. she was my mom's good friend from high school and my mother never dreamed her friend would do something like that. i was too little to tell her why i was so upset every time i had to go to the babysitter so she didn't know it happened until much much later in life when i told her. i'm not sure she ever forgave herself for not knowing what was going on, and i never want to be in that position or put my children through something like that.

so i'm committed to making a good daycare situation work, i just want to find a good resolution for this one particular worker who seems to think she has a right to express her frustration with a helpless little baby.

 

I also worked in a daycare after having to return to work with 2 of my own children. My children still go to this same daycare.

I would say that you should definitely address the supervisor. I dont know how that daycare works (or any other one, aside from the one my kids go to for that matter) but the one my children go to has a Director and an Assistant Director, and then each classroom has a lead 'teacher' and other assistant teachers. . When I have complaints I will talk to the Director. Maybe its just me, b/c I used to work there, but I feel very comfortable with the whole situation.. Even though most of the teachers my children have werent there when I was there, I do tell them if I have a problem and if we are discussing something that is policy, I have no problem telling them I used to work there and I know how things are Supposed to work.
If that particular daycare worker comes across rude or negative you should definitely talk to the Supervisor or Director and express your concerns. She may have other complaints as well. A part of her training should involve her learning to talk with the parents w/out negative intonation. If there is something they want to express to you they should at least say something positive first and then say 'Owen did have an accident today and we used his only change of clothes...etc" to let you know he will need more clothes. The daycare my children go to actually has a "things your child needs" list and they will mark what they want you to bring, whether its a change of clothes, diapers, wipes, etc.

I totally agree that the things you mentioned are not a big deal and dont need to be stated negatively or with and attitude. I also agree that maybe she shouldnt be working with babies.

Keept us posted when you do talk to someone and let us know the results.

 

Haven't read the other replies, but here's what I'd do:

I'd let her supervisor know I was planning to talk to her about Owen's issues. And ask the supervisor if she thought it was a good idea to meet together (all three of you) or just with this particular daycare worker in private. Then I'd meet with said daycare worker accordingly and politely. I'd tell her you wanted to discuss Owen's care and any issues that Owen might be having so you could work with her on these things. I wouldn't attack her, but I'd certainly send the message that you get the feeling Owen is being more of a "challenge" for her and what could you do to make things better because you sensed her frustration every time you came to pick him up?

Then if the negativity continues, talk to the supervisor in private about what should be done. Express your concern that you don't want Owen getting some kind of complex too!

 

i decided i don't want to deal with this before the holiday so tonight i just didn't give her a chance to speak up. i spoke entirely with the other employee who works until close (she's awesome, everything i would want from a daycare professional) and kept the conversation positive and light. i'm hoping to maybe lead by example. if the behavior picks up again after the holiday i'll then consider looping in her supervisor and making sure it's nipped in the bud.

i'm glad i got input here, though, because it got me thinking about how she might potentially react by being even less caring with owen if i'm aggressive with my criticism. i don't want to be passive aggressive with her but if i can show through action that i don't want to dwell on what owen DIDN'T do each day, maybe she'll pick up the signal and stop making it the highlight of her conversations with me.

 

I'm glad you said something. I worked in the baby room at a daycare for a few years while in college. The baby room is probably one of the most stressful rooms I worked in (I also worked with toddlers, preschoolers and school aged kids). Not everyone is cut out to be in that room, and if this girl is giving you problems right off the bat then maybe she should be moved. There are nice ways of telling a parents about the bad things that happened during their child's day. I don't think you are overreacting....her comments were unprofessional and unnecessary. If it continues I would definitely talk with the director or her supervisor. You are giving the daycare alot of money by paying for twins in the baby room...and I'm sure that they don't want you to get mad and switch daycares, so I would bet they would either tell the girl to change her attitude or they would move her to another room.

 

I think it was a good idea to speak with someone else. Maybe she will get the hint???

 

I would suggest to talk with her first. I agree with pp about taking the "what can we do" approach, so you are including rather than alienating her. If that doesn't work, talking with her supervisor should be the next step.