Need to vent and ask a question...

Ok......

I work 24 hour shifts every 3rd day. So yesterday my DH was home with the babies and his grandfather called him and said his air conditioning broke, could he come fix it. He lives about 1hr away. The only person who was available to come over was my SIL. She has no kids and never comes over to visit the babies. We were in a bind and it was close to their bedtime so I said just please wait until they go to bed and tell her that if my DD cries to leave her in the crib ( unless it sounds like she isnt ok then go in a "check" on her). My DD cries in the night, 99% of the time goes back to sleep within 5-30 min. My SIL came over one time with MIL and watched them and I said "do not get her out of that crib", what does she do.....gets her out of the crib and keeps her out for about an hour. If my DD cries and you go in their she usually smiles and if you put her back she goes hysterical. I have learned my lesson with this. Anyways, last night around 8:45 my SIL calls me (LO's went to bed at 6:30). She says, "well Lilly started crying around 8:15 and at 8:35 I went in to get her and Brock woke up too. So I have both of them up OUT IN THE PLAYROOM. SERIOUSLY!!!!! My DS was sobbing! He was so upset he couldnt even catch his breath! I was beside myself, I felt so bad. I told her to go put them back in the crib, shut the door and leave them in there!! I said "you have to leave them in their crib unless they are stuck or hurt!!". She says, so you just leave her in there when she is crying like that.......YES!!! I was just so upset, more so because my DS was so upset. It would have been one thing if she had kept them in their room and maybe rocked them and put them back down, but to bring them out into the play room , as if 9 month olds need to be up playing? UGH!!

So, thats my story of the day!

Am I being petty? Im thankful she came over to watch them, but GOSH.

My other question is...
Does anyone else Lo's cry at night after they go to bed? I was going to talk to the pedi about it, because sometimes it will be a couple of times a night. She always goes back to sleep. She has learned that if she gets hysterical enogh someone will come in, so I really try not to go in. Going in only makes it worse.

Thanks for listening.......

 

"Are you being petty?" In a word NO!!!!! I am sorry but i really think she has stepped out of line, you left her with a direct instruction on how to handle the situation so it's not like she didn't know what else to do. I can totally see why you are upset i would be livid if this happened with my two. I have no idea what she was thinking? Why would you get them up to play? I'm sorry your lo's had a rough night because of it, hopefully there wnt be any repercussions from last night.
One of my girls almost always cries after 45mins and then settles herself back to sleep for the night.

 

no, i don't think you are being petty at all. i have had similar issues with my mom, but she has finally gotten over it and knows that she needs to let them cry if they wake up. in you SILs defense, even though you had told her what to do, people without kids(and even people with kids) have a really hard time listening to babies cry and will try to do anything to make them stop! she just doesn't have the immunity to the crying that you do... but i do think she was CRAZY to take them out into the playroom! how confusing for them, no wonder DS was upset, he was tired and thought that he was supposed to be playing!!

as for your other question, yes, sometimes mine do wake up and cry in the night, but they always go back to sleep eventually. i am guessing that it is just an interrupted sleep cycle. i know that i wake up several times in the night and the only reason i don't cry about it is because i am an adult...

 

I don't think you are being petty & can totally understand your frustration. :hug: But not having kids, she probably just doesn't understand. I think back to before I had kids, I babysat for my nephew a few times when he was a baby & I was just so unsure of when to let him cry & when to go get him, I didn't want to neglect him, you know? And not being his parent & having no kids, I just didn't really recognize which cry was a fussy going back to sleep cry & which was a I need you kind of cry.

As far as waking in the night, I think it's pretty normal. As long as they are getting themselves back to sleep, I wouldn't worry.

 

I agree with Tina, even after having kids, if they aren't MY kids I'm very uncertain about some things. While I see why you are upset, you do kinda have to give her the benefit of the doubt in that she probably had no clue how to deal with one crying baby, let alone 2 crying babies once your ds woke up

Hopefully she learned a bit, and if for some odd reason you do have to get her to babysit again, maybe she'll listen to you next time! :hug:

 

Oh man... I totally understand your frustration! That must have been terrible especially when you knew how tired and off schedule they were and you couldn't be there to fix it!
Some people just don't understand that it's really better to let them work it out on their own and much worse in the long run when you get them up. Your SIL just isn't used to crying babies I bet... and she doesn't know their patterns,etc... so to her 15 mins of crying is soooo long, but to you, it may be normal and just general fussiness before they fall asleep. I also think that we know our baby's cries and what means "I'm tired... sooo tired" and what means "It's not happenning MOM I need you NOW!", etc... and to anyone else it's all the same and they just want to help. One time I was letting my girls "fuss" while they were trying to nap and my Grandma was there and she kept saying "oh! They're crying! Oh, do you want me to rock them? Oh... I'm not used to letting a baby cry" and I just thought - well you didn't have twins!
It's been a while since my girls have cried in the night (knock on wood) but when they did in the past it was usually brief and sometimes if I DID get up, I just plugged a pacifier back in and they fell right back to sleep.

 

Okay, I have a question not really related to the post. Is there somewhere on the site to learn all of the abbreviations. I have no idea what the abbreviations stand for and it makes it hard to follow the story. I do think I was able to get the jist of it. I actually kind of feel bad for the babysitter. Taking care of one baby is one thing, but twins, especially when your experience is limited.... I feel for you and your frustration, but cut her some slack this time and give her another opportunity to get it right. I haven't even begun the babysitting journey with my twins but next Saturday we'll be taking the older kids out and my mom will be watching them for us while we're gone. So we'll see how that goes.

 

we have one gal who babysits for us in the evenings (MIL needs to be in bed by 10:00pm so she can't watch them if we're going to be out late. :lazy: ) & i've told her that if they wake & cry, to give them a good 30 minutes before checking on them, unless they sound really desperate. the first few times were fine, the girls didn't make a peep. but the last two times she's babysat for us, we've come home to find Danika up & playing in the living room. :blink: and boy did the poor munchkin look tired! she was trying soo hard to stay up & play even though it was clear she really needed to just go back to sleep. i wasn't mad about it per se, mostly just concerned about how the rest of the night was going to go. thankfully, both times i just nursed her, put her back to bed & she slept through to her normal wake up time.

i definitely think it can be frustrating when you leave your LOs in someone else's care & they don't do things the way you would - and sometimes do things that make the situation more difficult for your babies or for you in some way. but i think in the long run, your babies will be fine. and so will you. take a deep breath! maybe you could have your SIL over sometime when you're there so she can watch the routine - then next time if you need to call on her again, she'll have a better idea of what is & isn't normal for your LOs. :hug:

 

Hugs.. I don't think you're being petty... I had a very strict routine with my twins at that age and that's one of the reason's I never left home at night. I totally udnerstand that you didn't have a choice but I think that I'd be a little bit forgiving to someone who came and watched the kids on such short notice, especially someone who doesn't even have kids. I'm sure you were appreciative!
I think I just tend to be a little easier going on those that are watching my kids, doing me a favor. I do have a sitter that now comes in and watches the kids so we can have a date night. I've told her what we do and that we do NOT get them out of their cribs for any reason. However if that's what she felt she needed to do, and couldn't listen to them cry then I would be okay with that. I'd rather have them care too much then to neglect them and something be seriously wrong. JMHO...
That had to be so tough on you to listen too!! :hug:

 

I agree with this. I think that since she doesn't have any kids, it is hard for her. I'm sorry that she doesn't seem to spend any time with you/kids, but perhaps she feels like a duck out of water. It is very frustrating when the person who is watching them does things different. :hug:

 

I agree, we need a post that explains all the abbreviations! You are not the first person to mention this. It took me a while to learn some of them and there are still some I don't know. From this post, here are what the abbreviations mean:

DH - dear (or darn) husband
DD, DS - dear (or darn) daughter, son
SIL, MIL, FIL - Sister/mother/father -in-law
LOs - Little ones
JMHO - Just my honest opinion

And some others you might see a lot...

TIA - thanks in advance
STTN - sleep through the night
IMO - in my opinion

I know there are a lot more but can't think of any more right now!

 

that was my first thought. before i had these guys i would have had absolutely no clue.

 

I can see your frustration, but it's hard for someone who's not used to hearing them cry listen to crying for 20 min. etc... So, while it's frustrating, it's just one night and SIL was helping you out in a pinch. It's too bad they didn't calm down when she went and got them, but they aren't scarred for life!!

:hug: It's REALLY tough to have others watching them and not following the instructions. I totally get that!! Looking back now, I can say it from a different point of view!! Hopefully she'll do it again sometime and you'll have ample opportunity to prep her ahead of time! :hug: