Need some serious parenting advice...

My twins are 13 months old.....my DS has been my "problem" child since day 1!! And since day 1 I've tried to "break" him of this bad habit but as of right now he's still winning!

I can't really figure out if it's a seperation thing or more of "I want attention" thing. But I can't walk 2 feet away from this kid without him screaming!! He's not crying because he's never once shed an actual tear over it...he just screams! I've tried so many things and just can't get him to stop. I've tried putting him in "time out" in his crib when he acts that way, but 9 times out of 10 he falls asleep and throws off the whole day. I've tried ignoring him, but that's an almost impossible thing to do. It's getting to the point that I can't get anything done. I've even gone as far as hiring a babysitter 3 days a week that comes in for an hour so I can leave, I really thought with just an hour he would get the message that I always come back.

When my DH gets home he acts like a totally different kid....he plays and laughs and could care less where I am, but during the day its brutal!!! I know the seperation thing they usually grow out by 18 months and I'd almost be willing to wait it out...but I have my doubts with this one.

I'm all for "tough" parenting if it works....so ANY suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

 

It sounds like a separation anxiety thing to me. How is he when you leave when the babysitter comes? When my two were going through the separation anxiety phase(s) I would narrate where I was going, "Mommy will be right back, I am going to the kitchen to get your milk...I'm going to the bathroom...etc." I would keep talking loud enough so that they could hear me. That seemed to help my two out, they did not freak out as much when I left the room. I know it's hard to hear him scream but if you have to go to another room, he's going to have to get used to that fact so I would let him scream and then when you return, "See Mommy comes back, Mommy always comes back."
Another thing, if he freaks out when you leave is to make a quick exit, don't linger. Give him a kiss goodbye and go.

 

if he's not crying or acting anxious it could just be an attention getter also - if he just screams to hear himself scream or because he knows it means you'll come running back to him...I agree with Nancy about narrating - sometimes it helps.

 

When I leave my boys I try to never 'sneak out' but rather say goodbye and if I'll be 'right back' or 'back in a while'. That way they don't have to always keep an eye on me just in case I try to sneak away. I also narrate my activities, and try that if I say 'I'll be right back', that it's just a minute or so trip. Don't make goodbyes or hellos a big deal, with lots of apologies and emotions, just matter of fact.

 

Thanks Guys....

I have tried telling him where I'm going, but he really doesn't care and it's not like I'm even going somewhere where he can't SEE me!! He screams if I walk 2 feet away!!!! When I leave him with the babysitter he does scream, but stops within 5 minutes of me being out the door. I keep "good-bye" super short.....as I'm shoving him in her arms and running out the door!! :FIFblush:

What's worse is that he's been like this since DAY 1. :headbang: I really am at a complete loss as to what to do.

 

I dont' really know but you could try a program for say 2- 3 weeks and see if you get different results. (if you keep doing what you've always done you will always get to where you are)
I do remember my one daughter was very clingy but I'm not sure if two feet. I think I'd try if he is different at various times of day. My daughter seemed to be more willing to be alone in the morning first thing so this is the times I'd try to leave her. I found the whinning can get into your brain and you just want it to stop.

The other thing I did was to enter and leave the room constantly without interacting with her. There you saw me but i'm in and out doing laundry, etc. I'm not going to talk or pick you up. I know with my 15 month old I now will ask her if she is tired and needs to go to bed -- she shakes her head NO. too funny. Sometimes when she gets clingy I get over clingy with her and smother her with love and too much hugs. She ends up getting annoyed and fighting to get away. A bit of loving payback when she is overly clingy.

It is a tough age, but seriously the one daughter who was like that is very independent now and helpful and a real delight despite being very very very difficult for along time.

Sorry this post is all over the place hope something helps.

Heather

 

both of my twins were like this at that age. i didn't know what else to do so i just dealt with listening to the screams when i could not hold them, and i would wear them in slings on my hip when i could. eventually it passes. i promise you, its a phase. mine were soooo like this and i made many a desperate post to my other message boards.