Need some opinions on when my DD should start kindergarten...

My DH and I are facing a tough decision! Our DD was born 8-22-08. Most of the school districts in our area have a age eligibility cutoff of Sept 30 of the year that the child turns 5 (even though classes typically start around Aug 20-26). For our DD, that is next year (2009-10 school year). She could, theoretically, still be 4 on her first few days of school (or even start school ON her 5th b-day! ). If we allow her to begin k-garten next year, she will always be one of the youngest children in her class.

So, our dilemma is, do we let her start next year, or wait until 2010-11? If we wait, she will probably start school the week of her 6th b-day, and she will always be one of the oldest students in her class. Which is the better alternative?? I would love to hear from those of you who have been in similar situations, and why you made the choice that you made, and whether or not you are happy with that choice!

I know that there are plusses and minuses to both scenarios. I have experience as being the youngest child in my class (I skipped k-garten and started first grade at 5). I was always naive and socially awkward with my peers (but I think that may have just been an innate facet of my personality, compounded by being an only child, rather than an outcome of being the youngest in my class), yet I was a smart kid and always bored/daydreaming. My DD is very similar to me as a kid, bright but always has her head in the clouds. She plays well with kids younger and older than herself. I don't want her to be the immature one in her class (if I start her at barely 5), but I also don't want her to be academically understimulated (if I wait until 6). My DH and I just keep running circles around this issue, and can't come to a decision that we are happy with. We are thrilled that the twins have a January b-day... we don't have to worry about when to start them in school!!

Advice, thoughts, please?

 

I would wait. Once she starts school she will be in school or have a job for probably the rest of her life. Let her be a carefree kid for another year, IMO. Good luck, though, I know it's a tough one!

 

Does she go to preschool right now? If so have you asked her teacher what she thinks? I am going to be in the same position as you with my son. His birthday is in the middles of Aug and I figure I will ask his preschool teacher what she thinks (if I end up sending him to preschool). If I don't I figure I will send him to kindergarten and see how he does and he can always repeat it if he needs to. I was always one of the older kids in my class and I had a bf that was always the youngest (we both had sept birthdays but my parents started me a year late). We both did fine in school. So for me it's hard to say whether to hold her back or not unless she has tried school and see how she does. Good luck on your decision I know it's a hard one.

 

That is a tough one for sure. I haven't been in your shoes and likely will never be in your shoes. With that in mind, though, I don't see any reason to hold her back. You say she's bright. Is she on par as far as maturity with other kids her age? Does she listen well, following directions, etc? Our school district has a list of things a kid should be able to do to start Kindergarten. Maybe yours does as well? Is your K full-day, everyday? That might make a difference too.

I just remember being bored in school and because of that I never had to study (not ever in 13 yrs) for exams or put any effort into homework. So, guess what happened when I got to college and finally DID have to study and do homework? I struggled.

I was going to say you have awhile to make this decision but I know that registration here is in February so maybe you don't? So much can change with her development in 8mos! I guess you could register her and then change your mind in the summer if you don't feel she's ready.

I would check with her preschool teacher (if she goes) too.

It's so hard to believe she's ready for K. I was just telling my DH how sad *I* am that a year from February, we will be registering our girls for K. It goes by so fast.

 

It truely depends on the child. I would start out, as Becky said, by speaking with her preschool teachers. My boys have late June birthdays, and the question I posed was, "If you didn't know their birthday, would you consider them ready for K?" Both times, I got a resounding YES!

One of my boys started K reading and knowing his math facts, the other started K doing neither one. Now, in First, they both have almost identical, almost perfect grades to finish out the first marking period.

They have a friend, with a Sept. birthday, who was held back and started K at just about 6, and he is still behind my boys academically.

There is another boy in their school, whose parents held him back also due to a Sept. birtday. Well, this year he was skipped to third grade (where he would have been had he not been kept home), and he is still in the Gifted Program, even with skipping second grade.

My point is, there is no absolute in this answer. Which is why I didn't vote. But, I would talk to her teachers, if her teachers feel she is ready, send her. If she struggles too much, she can always repeat K.

 

My sisters and I all have summer bdays, and all started right after turning 5. This was not a problem for any of us. DS2 also has a summer bday. He had no particular academic skills due to lack of interest, but he was clearly ready for more challenges, so I started him right after he turned 5. He did splendidly, rapidly learning the alphabet and all those other things he had disdained to learn. He is also in the gifted program.

My girls and first son have December bdays, so this was not an issue with them. However, I would have held DD2 back a year because it was just obvious she was not ready right after she turned 5, for emotional maturation reasons. Luckily for her, she didn't start until she was more than 5.5, and by then she was fine.

I would say that because you even have to ask, your child will probably be ready to start at the younger age, because if she really, really weren't, it would be so obvious you wouldn't be asking.

I agree with PPs that if she is in preschool or a similar program, get the teacher's input as well.

eta: remove redundancy

 

We have the same problem! My kids' birthday is Dec. 17th, and the cut off is Jan 1st here in CT. They could technically start K next September! I just don't see it happening though. I have put a bug in the preschool teachers ear about it and we plan to discuss it in a few months.

Of course I worry about their social skills now and whether or not they're ready (FWIW I think my daughter is ready, but my son is most definitely not!), but I also can't help but think of them later on in life....the teenage years....high school, and always being the youngest.....maturing later than everyone else.....17 and going away to college....for me I just think I'd feel more comfortable if they were older rather than younger.

 

Corey has a good point too. She will be going through puberty and getting her drivers license and dating, etc all during school years. Do you want her as an older child in the grade durig those times or younger? It is a hard choice.

 

I was the younger child, graduated from high school at 17, couldn't attend the Senior Bash the beginning of my senior year in college because I wasn't 21 yet (I was a class officer so I sat outside and collected tickets but couldn't actually attend, talk about fun huh?). The requirements changed and now my children are close to the oldest in their class. So far I am thinking it is better that they are older but I was just following the age requirements set by the school system, I didn't hold them or anything. I personally would lean towards following the guidelines of the school system where she would attend and send her when she fits the appropriate criteria.

 

We fall into this same situation with Peyton as well. Her bday is Aug 15th. So she would be on the young side as well. Knowing her, she is very smart, very independent (sometimes too much ) and gets along great with just about everyone. She plays with others kids in the neighborhood on a daily basis. And when I say older, we kids in the 5th and 6th grade who love to play with her. I swear, this kid is wise beyond her years. Her, I don't worry so much about starting K barely turning 5. But, who knows, I may be completely wrong. But, she falls within the guidelines, so we will send her at 5. It's worth a shot, right?! What do we have to lose? Repeat of K?

 

One thing to remember is that so many kids have summer birthdays. My girls are in a class of 16 and a third of the kids have birthdays in the June-August period. Even if your daughter is among the youngest in her class, she'll have company.

Like a pp said, looking forward to the future is important. There are more and more kids being held back out of kindergarten as parents begin to worry about how their age will affect them but it's still a very small percentage. Being a year older than all the other kids in your class (or knowing that the kids your age are all in a grade ahead of you) could be a problem that manifests itself later. Also, in some summer sports they divide children by age so your kids would not be in the same age group as her school peers.

The right answer depends upon your individual child. Good luck with your decision!

 

I'm a Nov b-day and started at age 5, nearly 6. I think it was better to be the oldest (or near oldest) in the class. I also never really had to study in high school, but I didn't struggle in college in switching gears and being more disciplined.
It was especially important when I went away to college. My roommates were Nov and Sept b-days, one year younger than I. The Nov b-day roommate was so clearly not prepared for college. She struggled immensely (and I don't think ever graduated). The Sept b-day roommate also struggled, but did graduate in 5 years - right on schedule for starting K at 5 turning 6.

My boys have a Nov b-day and I am so, so, so happy that they will be the oldest in the class.

 

My daughter's birthday is Aug 2. I questioned whether to send her or not as well. I sent her. I'm really glad I did, and she is doing great. However, I do think if it had been any of my other children I would have waited. There are kids in her class well over a year older than her, and there are kids in the class below her older than her. One of the main reasons I'm glad I sent her is that she has a really great class with a bunch of great kids. My daughter a year older than her got a tough class without as many good "friends" to choose from.

I do think it depends on the child, and on the parent. If you feel confident in her socially and emotionally, and you are ready, then go for it!

 

My middle dd started K at 4. She's the youngest in her class, but she doesn't care. She's the top reader in her class and would be at the top in math in she would slow down and check her work. She's 9 now and in the 4th grade. She didn't struggle with K at all but she didn't really read until 1st grade. Her older sister, with a July b'day was one of the older kids in the class and didn't read until 2nd grade. She's also a top reader, etc... It's all completely dependant on the child. What do you have to lose by sending her? Do you think she'll struggle with it? If she's bored at home, she may need it.

 

I'm facing the same decision, and so far - I'm on board to send them at 4. Their birthday is August 30th, so they made our cutoff by 2 days. They are in Pre-K this year at an elementary school, so they are with the same kids they would be in K with, and so far they seem to be fine. We've been to three 5 yr old birthday parties so far, and they seem to be on par with the kids they are celebrating. I volunteer in their classroom, and have discussed the issue with their teacher, so nothing has been set in stone, yet. We're both just observing, and I will make the decision in May, with her input.

 

We made the decision to hold them back and have been very pleased with the decision.

They were ready to go to K but I did not want them to graduate at 17. I also feel that it is always the older children that are the 'leaders' and wanted the boys to fall into that category.

They are now in their 3rd year of preschool and I can tell you I can see a difference from last year to this year. They really are becoming leaders. I was worried they would be bored - but they are not. They are taking all the crafts, games and everything to the next level! The teachers make sure they are challenged, so I am very happy how it has all worked out!
cheers
Tracy

 

I have a high school student who is in advanced placement classes, honors everything else and almost 1.5-2 years younger than his peers. DO NOT DO IT!!!! Here's why - I am dreading sending my (I think, my son does not agree...) emotionally younger son to college. I don't think he's ready to be turned loose as an "adult" at (barely) 17. There have been so many ways my smart son has shown me he is behind his peers socially - and when I say that I intend to say "making smart decisions in the face of peer pressure".

It is fun for a while to have the youngest, smartest kid in the class... but it's really not worth it. They can be smart and "older" in their class too. I have three other children and NONE of them will be on the young side when they start kindergarten.

Good luck with your decision - I know it's not easy.

 

Aug 22 is my bday also. I was the youngest in my class except for one girl. I would send her. I was also a daydreamer, head in the clouds kind of kid and I graduated as a salutatorian of my high school class with some college credit done already. I was not good at the social thing, but I think it was a combination of ultra-strict parents, sheltered up-bringing, and to be socially acceptable at my school you had better have alot of money (which we didn't).

As to going off to college at 17, it's fine. I did it. I actually did a year of college and got married at 18. We've been married for 10.5 years now.

I guess how I see it, is at best, she goes and thrives. At worst you try it and hold her back and have her repeat kindergarten if she wasn't ready.

Marissa

 

I started kindergarten at age 4 (turned 5 in October). Personally, I loved being the youngest of my peers. I still do. My friends all turned 40 several months before I did!

My boys have April and May birthdays, so they are among the younger kids in class. Truthfully, I think it has been a good thing. They were ready academically for kindergarten, and I think they would have been pretty bored waiting another year.

 

I started @ age 5 as did my two oldest children. My 3rd(as well as the twins next year) started @ 4 as they have October birthdays. Our school cut off is age 5 by Dec 31st.

We don't often see 6 turning 7 yr olds in K here. Most often they are 5 turning 6.

I do think it depends on the child and don't think you deciding either way will hurt.

ETA - I didn't vote.

 

I thank everyone for all the insights and responses! It really is a tough choice!!

I should have mentioned that she is in her second year of preschool; last year, she went to a one-day program for 3-yr-olds, this year she is in a 3/4 3-day-a-week preschool program. We had the option of sending her to pre-k this year, but did not, in case we do NOT put her in k-garten next year (didn't want her to have 2 years of pre-k).

Several of you have said that she could always repeat K if it didn't go well next year... that may be a great answer! Try out K next year, and, if she struggles academically or socially, repeat it the following year (although, then she will lose her friends...) Ugh, it's a rough decision! I will also talk to her preschool teacher (conferences are next week, so, great timing!) about K readiness.

 

Our preschool teacher was a little concerned with repeating K. her thoughts on that were that if that it would be very hard on the child to see all their friends moving on to Grade 1 and you were still in the Kindergarten class. Could have more social implications then starting early.

I think I mentioned it earlier, but my boys are now in their 3rd year of preschool/ I was worried about them being bored or unchallenged, but so far they are neither and are really becoming leaders.

Good luck with your decision.

Tracy

 

My boys are June babies and we're waiting even though they'll easily be old enough. It's the "trend" here and it's actually so bad that the counselor said that if they aren't born before March they'll be the babies in the class. . . I don't like the pressure of needing to follow the herd, but at the same time I want to do what's best. I'm not sure my boys would be ready for full day K anyhow.

 

Just go with your gut! Getting the opinion of pre-k teachers is good, too, but you know your daughter better than they do. I have 4 boys with late summer birthdays. My oldest (July 23) I sent to K and he has done marvelous. He is extremely bright and school is his 'thing'. My 2nd son (July 25) I also sent to K. I had been worried about him a lot and worried that he wasn't ready. His preschool teachers all told me he would be fine. I SO wish I would have followed my instincts and held him back a year. I know some people say, "oh, just hold her back if she doesn't do well", but sometimes that is easier said than done. My son's principal was strongly opposed to holding him back, since he was performing at grade level and making benchmark (just barely, though!) Now he's a 2nd grader and is sort of caught up, but I still just kick myself because I think the whole school thing would have been a lot easier for him if we had waited a year. His success in school is a result of A LOT of extra work and help on our part. Of course I don't mind helping him, and I think it's my responsibility as a parent, but I think he would be happier if we had held him.

With my twins (August 8), I decided to hold them. There is no disadvantage that I can see. Besides, one seemed more ready than the other and I wasn't willing to hold one and send the other. They are thriving in their 5 day a week Kindergarten/Preschool and I know they will be more than ready come September '09!

 

I think it just depends on your child.

My ds is 8/23 and our cut off is sept 1st.

He just turned 7 and is in 2nd grade. We did not hold him back. He is the youngest in his class and is a boy (which I am told is also another reason to hold them back). He is also small for his age so being the youngest and extra small was a concern for me.

Anyway, he is in the top math group in his class and one of the highest reading groups. He would so bored if he were in 1st grade right now. I just don't get the holding back thing unless being young would make them struggle. I also think you won't know unless you try. I planned on having ds be in Kinder for 2 years if it was indicated that he needed to be held back but wanted to try him on schedule. Once he was in kinder, the teacher said he fit in perfectly and there was no question he was in the right place.I really think that unless it is obvious that your childs NEEDS to be ehld back for some reason, let them try and let them determine if they need to be held back. I don't really understand the holding back thing unless it is clearly indicated.

 

My oldest is 8/21 (with the cutt off being October 1st) and we were in a similar situation many moons ago. She is one of the youngest in her grade instead of oldest. Academically she was totally ready, socially and emotionally she was ready as well. As of right now I cannot imagine her in the grade below - never have. She never once struggled. So I can't say I regret it at all. She though, dislikes it for the sole reason that she was the last to drive out of all of her friends.

A friend's daughter's school had a cuttoff of December 30th. And her birthday is 12/12 and she was put into the class where she would be young. In my daughter's case, she turned 5 right before K, this girl turned 5 a few months into the school. She really struggled for a while. She passed and all and was never held back. but for this girl, she should have waited until the next year. But it all worked out in the end, in middle school she really blossomed and caught up. She's now a senior in high school and is still 16 years old and she'll be going to medical school next fall.

Honestly, it depends on the kid. Can she socially ineract with kids older than her? Does her preschool teacher think she's ready? Do YOU think she's ready? It was the best decision I ever made for my child, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong one for yours. Good luck!

 

My dd is the exact same age as yours by one day and we have been having the same discussions. As of now we plan to send her to Kindergarten next year.
There are a few guidelines or suggestions on things they should know when they start and she already knows them all (and has for a while now). She plays well with children a bit older then her and is bored with kids younger then her.
Sophie knows all her letters uppercase and lower and knows the sounds for each letter as well. Her daycare provider (not her preschool) is working on reading with her-I think she will have basic reading by this summer. I think holding her back would not be a good decision.
They create those cut-off dates for a reason and if your child falls in that range then it is very possible she will be ready-IMO.
Good luck on your decision-just wanted to let you know we are planning (as of now) to enroll in Kindergarten next year...as a fellow August birthday dd.

 

That was interesting with the reference to college-aged kids. I didn't even think of that but it would have been a good thing to share.

In my college, I was the oldest of all my friends. Quite of few of them had actually just turned 17 when college started and the others were all spring/summer birthdays who had just turned 18. My birthday is in November so I turned 19 at the beginning of college. Off the top of my head, I can think of the birthdays of 10 of my friends and the closest one to me is in April. Since we were at Stanford, these were extremely bright kids and they definitely weren't hurt by starting kindergarten at age 4 or 5. It totally depends on the child but I'd err towards sending her since that is the social norm for her age group (and believe me, I'm all for keeping kids at home. I didn't even send mine to preschool.)

ETA: I didn't vote in the poll before but I just did even though I don't really agree with what I voted (I don't think it's better to be the youngest per se ). Reading the choices, I would guess they would be skewed towards the 2nd choice just because of the way they are written. I wasn't too surprised when I saw the results.

 

I started all of our summer birthday boys at age 6. Sean had been reading for two years already by that time! (He even read my computer manual at age 5.) But emotionally he was not ready, after just barely turning 5, to start school. I will say, with boys, I am happy I started them all later rather than earlier, especially as they have reached middle and high school. They are so much more mature than some of their younger male counterparts. I am also thankful Sean has had one more year under his belt before college. He would not have been ready emotionally for college last year either.

And being exceptionally bright was never an issue for any of them as their teachers always worked with them at the grade level they were reading at and gave them more challenging work in the younger grades until they started to separate them out by ability in the older grades.

BTW, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. I was always one of the youngest in my class. I think for girls it's generally okay since they do tend to be more emotionally/socially mature at a younger age. Although I was quite insecure (still am!) and sometimes think maybe if I had been a little bit older when starting school, maybe I would have had more confidence.

 

QUOTE(korie99 @ Nov 13 2008, 08:45 AM) [snapback]1068521[/snapback]
We have the same problem! My kids' birthday is Dec. 17th, and the cut off is Jan 1st here in CT. They could technically start K next September! I just don't see it happening though. I have put a bug in the preschool teachers ear about it and we plan to discuss it in a few months.

Of course I worry about their social skills now and whether or not they're ready (FWIW I think my daughter is ready, but my son is most definitely not!), but I also can't help but think of them later on in life....the teenage years....high school, and always being the youngest.....maturing later than everyone else.....17 and going away to college....for me I just think I'd feel more comfortable if they were older rather than younger.



You have some great points here. My older sons are 18 and 17 they missed the cut off by 6 days and by 6 weeks. Our cut off is Sept 1st in Florida. I do not regret for one moment that they are now a Senior and a Junior in HS. they are more mature than many of their friends. They are also leaders in their school. They are both holding top positions in the NJROTC. I am proud that they are doing what they are, and think their age has very much to do with it. I would WAIT! I have a nephew that is going to be 5 at the end of JUNE and they are sending him to school this year....I think that they should WAIT! (not my choice, just my opinion) You can also send your child and then let them do 2 years of Kindergarten, I know parents that have done that to avoid paying child care!! (check into your schools take on that)

I hope you are able to make the right choice for YOU and your family!

Missy

 

We will face the same things---my girls are Oct B-Days. As of now-we are sending them at 4 turning 5. It may change, but both Dh and I were 'early' B-days and had no problems (June & August).

It depends on child to child and I would actually go to the K screening and talk to Preschool teacher and see what they say. Each has pro and cons.

A older girl may hit puberty earlier and boys will be 'younger' in their class when thinking about dating. If a girl is the youngest they may be a late bloomer and that can cause problems as well and boys up to 2 years older be in their class of peers. Come High School this can be a 'big' deal.

Going to college at 17 turning 18 was a non issue. Many kids go later/earlier etc...and classes tend to be mixed in many colleges (except freshman english, etc).


It is a big choice, but that said --I have seen some kids breeze through K at 4 turning 5 and others struggle. Repeating K with a different teacher or another building is also a solution.

The best thing is to talk to preschool and go to the screening....they screen a lot of kids and know what to look for in all areas, not just academic!

KC