Need some insight.. Want to BF new baby but not IN LOVE with idea..

Okay. So, I'm due in September with ONE baby! Whoah. I nursed the twins for five weeks (due date) but ONLY because the Nurses told me I HAD TO..

I know in my mind that it's GREAT for the baby etc. I know all of that stuff. I've read enough books, blogs, sites etc..

It's not that, at all. I get that part.

It's just that I'm not "into it", if that makes sense? I don't have that strong desire to do it.. Does that make sense? I WANT TO WANT to do it! That's what I'm saying here. Can anyone help me?

LOL.

It sounds soo great AFTER the very beginning.. I'll also have the twins who will be almost 4 at the time. Can I handle it? Talk to me! And also, why do some people TOTALLY feel the love for nursing and some not? I was not raised by my mom so maybe that's why?? IDK!

 

Sorry, one more thing.

Soooooo many of people's statments that BF say they do it "to get thru cold and flu season" etc. Here's what I do not get tho.. Once you stop BF (cuz you DO have to stop at some pt), won't they get all of those sicknesses ANYWAY? I mean, is that not just delaying the inevitable or am I wrong? I mean, it doesn't STOP them from getting sick forever does it?? Sign me up now if it does!

ThankS!

 

Illnesses are more dangerous to infants than to older children, so a delay can be good. It does jump start the immune system.

I always found nursing very relaxing (once my nipples toughened up), and for *me* it was so much easier than bottle feeding. Always ready, always the right amount, always the right temperature and no extra dishes to wash. Although I did pump with my first because I worked FT, my second would not take any sort of artificial nipple, so I never pumped with him or my girls. This did mean that I couldn't have babysitters until they were old enough for solids and sippies, but that never bothered me. If it would be a problem for you, you should take that into account. I think not pumping actually made the experience more pleasant for me. It wasn't bad pumping for my son because I did that at work at lunch--it was never a case of trying to nurse and then pump, I only pumped at a time I didn't nurse anyway. (I think I would just supplement with formula rather than trying to pump on top of nursing if I were a SAHM bfing mom and needed to go out. Formula is not evil. )

When I nursed I sat down with my baby(ies) and that's what we did. It was a pleasant, relaxing moment for us. And so much easier at night! DH brought them to me and I nursed them, I didn't have to get up and make formula.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I had always "wanted" to breast feed. Not because I thought it would be lovely or fun, but because it is what was natural for my baby. Babies comes out of the womb and your breasts (in most cases) are prepared and designed to make milk for them. Case closed. It gives them every single thing that they need during their first year of life, all within arm's reach right under your shirt! That's really all the sales pitch that I needed before my twins were born.

Once the twins were born it was NOT fun for the first 3-4 months. Actually, I can't say it's ever been FUN to BF lol, but it certainly has gotten easy, less time consuming, cuddly and cute (BFing is a great Mommy and baby bonding time), and I'm so glad that I stuck with it. I never truly wanted to quit, as I thought of it was my only real "job" after giving birth and it seemed like a non-negotiable for me considering the above reasons and health benefits to BFing, but there were days when I toyed with replacing a feeding with formula and day when I told my husband that I didn't think I could do it. He knew how committed I really was so he would put it to me quite simply and ask "why?" if we had what nature intended and what was best for them would we give them anything less? Easy for him to say when he didn't carry the feeding responsibilities, but he was right. And when I truly needed a break (usually one night off every 2-3 weeks in the beggining) when I was at my wit's end then I would take some of my pumped stash and ask him to take over and let me sleep.

Almost 15 months later now and it's the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. There are no medals, and I'm sure that my babies will never say "Thanks Mom for breast feeding me", but I see how healthy and happy they are and how much they still love nursing and that is my reward. It's a great gift to give your baby the best nutrition possible right from the beginning. Just as I don't feed my kids junk food now that they are eating solids, I didn't want them eating less than the best as little babies.

So, there are all of the logical selling points lol at least as it was for me. Thinking about the bigger picture got me through some rough times when I was nursing every 1-2 hours or dealing with cracked and bleeding nipples.

As for your four year olds, I would guess that they are old enough to entertain themselves for bits of time while you breast feed your new baby. You can use that time to read stories to them, or set them to a particular task or activity that they know they only get to do when you BF? That might make it fun for them. And if all else fails then for a few weeks or months while your new baby needs lots of bf time then pop in some movies and let them enjoy!

 

Also (and correct me if I'm wrong) while you BF and your baby gets your antibodies it does help them to build up their immune system! So, you're not just avoiding the colds and flus of that season, your body is passing on immune properties to the baby's body and they are stronger for it! In fact, if your baby gets a cold she will then pass her germs to you while nursing, cuddling, etc. Your body, which is better and more skilled at fighting things, will then develop the things that she needs to fight her illness. Magic!

I know that not all formula fed babies get sick, and not all BF babies are in perfect health and avoid all colds and flus, but for what it's worth my twins are 15 months old and have only had two colds in their lives and they were minor

 

Here's the honest truth: I did not really enjoy breastfeeding all that much. It was never physically super comfortable to me and I had a lot of trouble with mastitis and abcesses. My kids had horrible latches and I had cracked nipples and yeast infections. I hated being the only one who could feed them and that they were so very dependent on me, and how my family would all flee while I was nursing so I would be all on my own most of the time. I hated having to be the one to get up at night to feed and how my husband was so freaky concerned that the kids be on 100% breastmilk all the time. Although I enjoyed spending quiet time with my kids, it would have been just as fulfilling to me to sit quietly and rock them.

That being said, I am a very stubborn person, so I knew that I wanted to give my kids the best start I could with breast milk. There's a lot of things about having kids that I don't WANT to do.. diapers, snotty noses, but I know that it's part of the package so I just powered through and did it. And you know what? In the end it was easy and I was enjoying it. I finally weaned my kids at 15 months and I was happy that I could do that for them.

 

I'm one of those moms that hated the feeling of breast feeding. It was not for me and I had so much guilt about that with my oldest that I just jumped to formula and dealt with it. Well when I got pregnant with the twins I decided that I wanted them to have breast milk but I really didn't want to breast feed so I didn't, I pumped.
I did start out breast feeding the twins and my youngest for the first week until my milk came down and they got all that good stuff, but after that I was done and went on to pumping. I pumped for the twins until they were 6 months and then had to go to my frozen stash (I had to stop because I was pregnant and my milk dropped drastically). But with my youngest I pumped till he was 8 months and then used my frozen stash for the next 4 months. I could have easily pumped longer but I knew I had enough to get me through a year and that was my personal goal.

Just another view point! But if you want to do it, then you totally can!

 

My oldest did after he took Anatomy & Physiology. :good:

 

First of all--DO NOT underestimate how much easier it can be with just one baby. I know every baby is different and there are plenty of difficult singleton babies. I'm lucky that I did not get one. I got a very very easy singleton baby and compared to having twins--seriously it's like nothing at all. If you did two, you can do one. Fours a good age and becoming big sisters will probably be good for your girls in terms of learning some independance and learning to help you out a bit.

On the breastfeeding side-with this baby I was in total complete pain until about 8 weeks. I didn't seek help soon enough. I was expecting some pain, because I had pain with my girls, so I kept waiting to get through it. When I wasn't through it by six weeks I came here looking for help and I found it. So with this single baby it took to 8 weeks to get through the pain, but then just another week or two to really get into the groove of breastfeeding. With the twins it didn't seem natural to me until around 12-14 weeks. So just because you didn't love it in the first 5 weeks, doesn't mean you won't grow to love it. If I hadn't been so determined or had pressure to just bottle feed, I probably would have the same opinion of breastfeeding as you do. In real life I only know a couple of women who took to it in the first six weeks. It seems to me that more women struggle through the first six weeks than not.
Now, I've become quiet the lactivist. It's really my singleton that got me there--I bet your singlton can change your tune too.

Oh and my goal with this little guy is to bfeed him at least through the chicken pox season--here that's March to June. I'd rather he be a little older when he gets it. That worked for my girls. I breastfeed them through two chicken pox seasons so they didn't get it until they were three.

 

I never wanted to BF until after I had my girls and decided to FF them from birth. Then I wondered what it might be like to BF since I hadn't even tried it with them.

I know everyone else has already given you a lot of really good info so I'll just tell you as someone who has done both that BF'ing is so much easier after you get it down, especially at night. The only part I find difficult about it is worrying about how much he is getting since I can't see it. If you can just get through the first month it really becomes so easy. And honestly, the first month of formula feeding was just as tough for me. The first month when everyone is adjusting is really hard period.

I can get up, feed the baby, and be back in bed asleep in 5 to 10 minutes. That alone makes it worth it for me b/c this time I have a baby who is not a good sleeper and is up quite often.

 

I think others have already said some great things.

I definitely think that nursing a singelton is way easier than nursing twins. Plus, you already have some experience with nursing, so this will be easier than the last go around.

You can add me to the list of people who think that nursing is easier when you have older kids around. Not only does it save on the time of mixing formula and doing dishes, but one thing I've loved is the freedom to travel lightly and never be worried about running out or things getting too hot. I can go some place with the boys and Lena, and I never have worry about carrying bottles. My diaper bag is like the size of a purse. And when you get the hang of it nursing is hands free, so I have sat on the floor and read books to the boys while nursing Lena.

I can understand your trepidations, I had some of those feelings. Nursing the boys was hard, and I never really loved nursing. I stuck with it because I thought it was healthier for me, healthier for them, better for the environment, and cheaper for all of us. I was also being a little bullheaded like Jen, so it gave me a sense of accomplishment. I didn't stick with it because I loved it and had some magical experience. When I was pregnant with Lena, one of my first thoughts was similar to yours--I was thinking how much I was going to hate nursing for the first few months.
But I only struggled for about a week. It's so much different the second time around.

 

Pps have given great feedback. I'd just add ---

For some reason, people sometimes have the feeling that you have to really "want to" to BF, or that you have to be "into it." That can also set women up to fail: they start BFing expecting it to be one big slush of gooey magical bonding, and then when they find that feeding the baby is another parenting chore, they figure they're just "not cut out for" BFing. Not that formula is any easier, but it's the one thing they can choose (since they can't choose to ditch the all the other parenting chores).

You don't have to be in love with it to do it or to succeed at it. I mean, you don't go into parenthood expecting to fall in love with wiping poopy butts, right? You just do it because you have to do it. Now, for a lot of moms, BFing does become a really neat experience, even if it doesn't start that way - and for some, they're in love with it from the moment their newborn latches on.

Anyway, it's ok to make the decision with your head, not your heart! Breastmilk is a) better than anything and b) FREE. What would it hurt to give it a try?

And as to the immune system stuff - it's not like the "now or later" of kids getting sick a lot whenever they start an out-of-home setting, and getting it all out of the way when they start daycare vs preschool vs kindergarten. Your milk is more like a vaccination: the baby gains the antibodies needed to cope with whatever the germs. Now, cold and flu strains are constantly changing, so one year's antibodies are not guaranteed for the next year, but even when you stop nursing, your baby already has a much more sophisticated immune system in place than a FF baby.

 

THANKS GUYS!! All of your advice/stories has REALLY helped me! I AM going to try it! THANK YOU!

 

I'm another one who is very stubborn. I took a full week when pregnant to decide to breastfeed. I literally did not make a decision for a week- just thought about it. Then, when I decided that's what I was going to do, it was not about what I'd like to do. Ideally it would be nice to be able to give birth and feed at my discretion. But that is not what I chose. I did not *like* breastfeeding for a couple of months. I think around 4 months was when I started enjoying it. Many, many, many times it was uncomfortable (there is no pain like healing from a a c-section and feeling the pain from the inside out!). It did not matter. I did not allow myself to have an opinion about how it felt at the time- I was that determined to do it. In retrospect it's kind of funny.

I will say that breastfeeding my boys has profoundly changed my opinion on nursing. I used to be freaked out about public nudity and nursing in public. Now I guess I'm a lactivist! :wavey:

The last 11 months that I did it, all the work and pain and sleeplessness so paid off. It is so much easier to nurse than prep, wash & obtain bottles. I wish I would have had a co-sleeper so the babies could be next to me and I wouldn't have to get up, but other than that, I have no regrets about my experience.

 

Thanks, GemelliBoys, for sharing your thoughts about breastfeeding with us. I must admit that throughout the last couple of months I have often judgingly wondered why people would decide to formula feed unless it is for a (valid) medical reason. Your post has given me a simple and clear answer. Actually it is more of a REMINDER because before my girls were born I used to think about breastfeeding in a similar way. Due to our difficult start (born at 34w2d, NICU stay for 5 weeks and crying almost day and night for the next 6 or 7 -I don't quite remember- months), nursing has come to mean a lot more to me than just a way of feeding my children. I now realize I may hold on to it too strongly. DH really wants me to wean the girls and it makes me sad to even think about it. I probably need it more than they do. Nothing would ever give me those "normal" baby months I so longed for, not even if they'd nurse till their 18th birthday.

That being said, I am happy you are going to try it because it is honestly the absolute greatest thing to be able to make your child grow in every way possible with your own special liquid love. It is easier than bottles, I guess, because you always have your breasts with you and they are more than food: they're cuddles and smiles and a time to relax and a quick way to comfort a sad child. I'd say it is a total time saver which is what you'll need with your three kids. GL (and thanks again)!

 

I chose to breastfeed because it is what a new mom's body is designed to do and it provides superior nutrition for babies. Not breastfeeding was never something I considered. However, I didn't love it right away, because nursing my twins was a big struggle for the first few months.

I have 2 year old twins and a 4 month old baby. Breastfeeding my singleton is MUCH easier than it was with the twins. Plus, she was a big, full-term healthy baby, which gave her a great start at it. It is so easy to whip out a boob whenever she is hungry and I have to watch my twins at the same time.

I think it's great that you are going to try nursing your singleton. I think you might have a much different experience this time around!

 

I don't always enjoy breastfeeding, and infact there are times when I just plain resent it. But I too am stubborn and determined to give my lo's the best possible start andI just power on through like the pp.

Agreed!
I have also ff (10yr old ds) and bf (5yr dd for 2 years!) and so know both what both options are like. I have to say that as much as what I sometimes hate being the only one who can feed my twinnies, it's soooooooooooo much easier than getting up aand preparing numerous bottles through the night.

What a wonderful post. So True! I think that if this was more widely spoken about and mentioned as part of breastfeeding, there might be a higher sucess rate.
Breastfeeding is not always enjoyable, but we sometimes do it because we want the best for our babies. It sometimes becomes just another part of parenting. Another chore. Acknowledging this, means that if bf is continued, moments that are special and more bonding can be allowed to happen naturally and not just because it 'should'.

With my singlton, bf took 3 months to settle. With my twins it settled so much faster, but I've had a lot less time to just sit and enjoy. I'm always thinking of what I should be doing etc. HAving said that, I'm extremely grateful I can bf and intend to do so for a long time yet.
There are plenty of times when I feel like I could just go to the shop and buy formula, but stubborness, laziness and a sense of pride that this is my job and I do it so damn well is what stops me. That and the thought of a WHOLE weekend alone at a resort by myself when they are weaned (after 2) as a reward!!

 

I'm going to weigh in from the other side of the equation...I had NO intention or desire to BF - ever...so I didn't...and I feel no guilt...my kids are healthy - didn't have their first cold till they were 6 mos old and then didn't have another one till they were over a year old...they didn't gain like FF babies - in fact even now they are still below 50th %ile but are healthy and growing on their own curve - pedi is not worried...they didn't have an inordinate amount of ear infections - but I never put them to bed with a bottle either...as far as fixing bottles and washing bottles - I used drop ins - so as long as the holder didn't get barfed on or something you could get away with washing that every other feeding...and I always considered washing as me time - we didn't have a dishwasher at the time, and I got a good 15 or 20 minutes where Tony had the babies, the water was running and I couldn't hear what was going on LOL! Also I would fill up enough bottles for 24 hours and keep them in the fridge - so I would just grab and feed...if we were going out it wasn't any harder than carrying a bottle of spring water and a pre-portioned amount of powdered formula - or on the rare occasions that I bought it, I would bring liquid formula...just pour and feed...

all that matters is that the baby is fed, warm and happy - whether that food comes from the bottle or the breast! Feed with love!!

the PP's have good advice for you on BF'ing...I just wanted to weigh in (like always) that bottle feeding needn't include guilt

 

As PP have said, it is important to try to breastfeed...sometimes it doesn't work out, but that's why formula was developed.

And for a *selfish* reason to BF, it does help a mother to lose those pregnancy pounds...

 

And significantly decreases your risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer! :woo:

 

A good friend of mine always says, IF a mother isn't able to breastfeed (for whatever reason) whats important is that you feed the baby in a way that imitates breastfeeding.
i.e.-
switch sides so bottle feed baby on the left and then on the right for the next feeding (so they get equal eye stimulation/strength)
Cuddle them (never prop)
Make sure they face you and when they want to turn their head to see (enter whatever here) take the bottle out of their mouth. A breast never travels.
Feed on demand not a schedule
dont encourage baby to finish the bottle. The reason formula fed babies are often obese or overfed is because parents think " oh just a little bit more", a breastfeeding mother doesn't worry about the cost or any waste.

I will say I think surrounding yourself with supportive people makes ALL the difference. Educate educate educate. BF has LIFELONG benefits for you and baby. Give it your all!

 

Gosh, I certainly didn't enjoy bfing my twins, but I did it for 13 months! To this day, I still think that is my proudest accomplishment (and I have done a lot of great stuff...lol)
It was hard, it didn't come naturally, I resented never being able to really leave the twins for 13 months as no one else could feed them, I had to go to the lactation consultant several (probably 12 or 15) times. IN the end it was easier then making formula, but it really did confine me and the twins to our house, as by the time we fed, burped and then napped, it was time to start the process all over again.

I did enjoy the closeness, but most days it was a struggle to keep their attention, keep them latched, keep the feeding, etc, etc.

In the first few months I did do one ff at night so someone else could feed the babies (I tried to pump but I literally didn't have anything left, so resorted to ff). I stopped that one ff at around 5months, and went back to all bfing.

I am definitely a stubborn person as well and I think that is what carried me through 13 months of it. I used to set very small goals like, I will do it for the next week and if things dont get better I will quit, and it did get slightly better each week (altho I was still never in love with bfing!).

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

Thanks guys. I should clarify that I DID say "in love with the IDEA". I realize I won't be in love with the feeding as it is a chore BUT.. it's even the idea that I am not in love with. If that helps.

Like, I don't have the desire built in me to do it.

I mean, I am going to try it. I've definitely decided that! I just wanted to clarify that there are some of us who just don't "get it" as far as the idea of it. And unfortunately, I think it's going to be hard for me because of THAT! I'm determined now tho so we'll see!

 

BFing did not go well for me with the twins....I hated it at first, then had problems with supply....I supplemented with formula, and then finally weaned them at 7 months. I was so overwhelmed with everything, and nursing, pumping, cleaning bottles - I just couldn't do it anymore!

That being said, I knew I was going to try again with our new baby. At first nursing her was painful! It took about 6 weeks before we were really moving along smoothly! And now - it is SO much easier...when we go somewhere we don't have to take bottles or formula....and I love snuggle time with her! It is also a great way to get out of doing dishes or cleaning!!! hee hee - Oh, I can't do that right now, because the baby needs to eat! It is so nice to know that she is immediately calmed down when I can nurse her, and it has become relaxing to me too. Sometimes you just have to let things go!

As for the twins - mine are younger than yours, and I usually turn on a learning video for them, or sesame street when I need to nurse and I home alone. I have tried to read to them while nursing, but they usually want to climb all over the baby, and then she has a hard time nursing.

It is WAY easier to nurse one! And my supply has not been a problem at all....at her 2 month appointment she was off the charts for her weight and height! And I feel so good at being able to do that for her.

You could always set a goal of 6 weeks, and see how it goes, and then reevaluate!

 

I wouldn't set any goals, just take it as it comes.

 

I've breastfed 7 kids now and I'm still waiting for that magical moment when the golden light shines on me and baby and I hear the music and I look lovingly into my baby's eyes and fall in love. At this point I don't think its gonna happen. lol btw I fell in love with my babies the moment I looked at them.

Honestly breastfeeding is one of the things I dread about having a new baby but I nurse my kiddos for a year anyway. I know its best for them, its free and I always have their food supply with me.

Like others, I'm stubborn and I was determined to nurse my babies so I did. When I had my 1st kid I knew no one who breastfed. I had no support and I wanted to give up soooo many times but I stuck it out and it got easier as time went on.

 

Ditto!
It does feel very confining at times and can be a struggle to keep their attention etc!!

:blbl: :Clap: :Clap:
I must say that there is a large amount of satisfaction when my bf twins are consistently measuring on or off the top of weight and size charts!!! Heeheehee
Annnnd those charts are designed around formula fed babies! It kinda feels like justice for all the hard work and sleep deprivation.
I also love it when people comment on how healthy my babies look (ie: good size) and then when I reveal that they are actually bf, it's great.

 

I was breastfed by mom till I was 2.5 years old. My mother was breastfed by my grandmother, my grandma by my great grandma ... I don't want to interrupt that cycle .

 

I think that is helpful for you. I don't have THAT.. at all. I think that's part of the problem. I don't have anyone telling me about it; encouraging me (in person) etc.

I think that's great! Keep it up! Maybe I'll start a tradition!

 

I have a friend who is not sure if she'll ever have children. But she's sure that if she does, she will breastfeed them. She was not breastfeed, but she says if she thinks back over time. She's the first child in a long long long history back into the beginning of time, who was NOT breastfeed. Her mother broke that chain. And while she can't do that--she can repair the chain and get her bloodline back on track.