need some encouragement / advise etc

Hi,
I need a little reassurance that I am doing ok and on the right track. I have 2 gorgeous 14 month old boys who are sleeping, napping and eating well and play very nicely together in what used to be our living room. (it is now a very large play room with soft tiles and all the furniture pushed to the walls, which is open to the kitchen/dining room.)

I have a history of chronic fatigue syndrome and allergies so I knew that having twin boys would be difficult especially as I am older (over 40) so I have a mothers help who comes 5 days a week to help with cleaning, laundry, watching the boys etc.
my DH doesn't think she is responsible enough to leave the boys with her so whenever I need to go out I take everyone with. at the moment we are still on the 2 naps a day schedule which i am happy to keep as long as possible because it gives me a break & chance to have a shower, get dressed, make food or have a nap (which i often need).
We live 30 mins drive to the nearest supermarket and 45 mins drive to the main shops. The routine starts after the babies first nap & snack ,then once we get to the shops the babies have to eat lunch. I then have to rush around the store and rush back home before their second nap. they used to nap in the car on the way home but don't anymore and if we get home too late then they are overtired and wont go to sleep. they cry in their cribs until i get them up and then they are cranky in the afternoon. basically it is a mad rush and I only get to one store.
yesterday I was so fed up that I left the babies at home and went out for 3 hours and managed to go to 5 stores and do everything I needed to do - amazing!

so I'm looking for a little encouragement because I am exhausted and feel like I can't get ontop of all the things I need to do even with help. I have a very close friend who has very little help and manages just fine - so I don't really understand why I find it so difficult.

on my help's day off we mainly stay at home and all is fine but if I go out I find it difficult by myself - It would help if the supermarket had a cart that fit two babies - its just exhausing carrying one baby around the store and then they are grabbing at everything.

any ideas, suggestions? my DH thinks that I am too hard on myself and just need to be more organised. (I must note that DH is very helpful but busy and not around much!)

 

:hug: do not beat yourself up. It sounds like you have a pretty good routine with them. The only thing I would suggest is can you do some errands while DH is home and can watch the kids? I would also try breaking up the chores and errands into more manageable chunks and what gets done gets done. You do mention having chronic fatigue syndrome, so just do your best to get done what you can and save what does not get done for another day.

 

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and you're coping well. Comparisons are almost never helpful! Your friend does not have the same things to deal with as you, who knows how well she would do in your place or you in hers.

Do you feel that your mothers help is responsible enough to be left with your boys? Is there a specific reason your husband thinks she isn't? If so maybe you could find a way to change that (eg she could go on a first aid course) so that you can leave them to run errands. Is there anywhere (play area) at your shops that you could leave the boys with your helper watching them so that you can get in and out of shops quicker? Or would the helper be willing to go to the shops for you? Could you do some of the shopping on-line?
If you feel that what would be most helpful to you is having someone to leave your boys with, in addition to help around the house, it might be worthwhile finding someone different. Although bear in mind that in a few more months your boys will probably have switched to one nap and that will free up more of the day.

As far as going by yourself could you push the boys in their stroller and pull a cart behind you? Or get two carts and push one while pulling the other. That way they would be contained and you would not have to carry one around. If it's a big/chain supermarket and you shop there a lot it might be worth asking them if they can get some double carts.

 

I am so sorry, I myself had a horrible day out today so I truly do sympathize! What about the mothers helper sitting in the car with them for any quick runs in and out of the other stores that you need to? (Not the big grocery trip but you get the point.) Just curious, how old is she? I like the pp's suggestion about getting the store to look into getting a few bigger carts, I can only got to the 2 stores in town who have these. Thankfully we have 2 that do!

You can definitely not compare situations so try not to. I have three very very high maintenance handfuls (2.5 year old and the 1.5 year old twins which = UTTER CHAOS!!!!!), she may have children with different personalities that make it easier to get out and about or ones that are a little easier than yours.

I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed! I'm right there with ya, tho I know that doesn't help you any.

 

Hi - I just wanted to give you some encouragement. You seem like you are doing great to me. Every person (no matter what they say- LOL) has days where they feel like they are not managing well. It is really different having twins as there are so many more logistical things to work through. I complain to my husband all the time that it is so difficult to take the kids out. I would love to take them swimming - like lots of my friends do with their 'singletons' but can't hold them both in the water, or even just to the park to run around without worrying they will run in opposite directions and end up in the creek. It is physically tiring carrying around twins, moving them into strollers, car seats, grocery carts etc. given all that and your chronic fatigue you seem like you are doing really, really well.

The good news (I think??) is that your kids will be moving to one nap really soon and this makes it much easier as you have a longer period of time to get them out in the morning. the second piece of good news is that as the kids get older it really is easier to get them out and about - this I guess is just another phase we need to get through. haha.

 

You are doing great. I know you mentioned you werent sure about leavng the boys with your mothers helper, what if you did it in short time frames to see how she does? Like if one days you did 1-2 stores then came home. If she seems to do well when you are home and knows your routine, she should be fine alone. Just remember you are not alone, a lot of us know how you feel. You are doing the best you can do, and dont beat yourself up over it.