Need some emotional support

Hi guys.I have talked to my mom but I dont know where else to turn. I had my b/g twins on 7/29/09 at almost 36 weeks via emergency c section(due to preeclampsia) I feel like a horrible person for the way I have been feeling though-Im not sure if it is PPD but I am so overwelmed since coming home from the hospital, despite having husbands FT help at home for now. I tried to have these two miracles for years and finally conceived after 25,000$, IVF, and multiple heartaches. I have wanted these children more than life itself for years. So why do I feel so crappy, and sad, and overwelmed? I just dont understand it. Is it just the hormones frm the kids leaving my body so quickly, is it just normal to feel so overwelmed with twins? I love the babies and cant stop staring at them and thinking how awesome they are.... but I am feeling so not like myself...anxious about caring for them, sad, stressed about their care needs. To have thoughts like "what have I done?" when this is all I have ever wanted makes no sense to me and i feel like the worst mom...

 

:hug: I could not believe how my hormones made my emotions so irregular! I'd be laughing one minute, crying the next. My boys were in the NICU for a month and by the time they came home I was back to "normal". It is good to bring it up to your OB/GYN though as they will be able to help you determine if its just the hormones or something more serious. We have a PPD forum in the Mental Health section of TS. Feel free to PM one of the FY Mods for the password!

P.S. Congrats on those little miracles!

 

Sounds like you should call you doc. I would say don't wait. This can be such a wonderful time for you, don't let the days slip away from you. I had a SMALL touch of the babies blues with all of mine, but it was small and short. For me some extra vit b and some amino acids did the trick. Bring a new baby home (not to mention TWO) can be very stressful. There is so much that changes. Then your body has so much healing to do on top of it all. THIS IS HARD WORK, so please don't be so hard on your self. We all have good and bad days. If your body is not working right, it is much like a diabitic who needs meds. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need a cast for a broken bone and sometimes we need a little medical help with a mind that is out of whack. Take it one day at a time. You'll figure it out as you go along. Hang in there, you CAN do this. And there is ALWAYS a family of support here.

 

:hug: I would also say call your doc. I had ppd and it went on for 3 months before I got help. I couldn't truly enjoy my babies until I felt like myself again. I hope you feel better soon.

 

i don't have any experience with PPD, just wanted to give you a . i do think you should mention it to your OB though. the early days are hard enough without feeling like you have a black cloud hanging over you..

 

calling your doc would be a good first step...aside from that, what you are feeling is pretty normal...having new babies is very overwhelming, and having two is much more than doubly so...i'm honestly very glad that my twins were my last babies and not my first...i'm finding overwhelming moments, but as a whole i'm doing all right...i know that if i didn't have the experience of doing this multiple time before i'd be losing my mind right now...take it a day at a time...keep in mind that it is ok to let them cry a little if you are feeling very frustrated in a certain moment...walk out side or somewhere where you can't hear them and take a few deep breaths...and remember, that no matter what, this too shall pass...soon enough you'll be getting to the stage of crawling and walking and talking and you'll feel a new kind of frustration and WISH for the days when all you had to worry about was them waking at the same time and screaming to bed simulaneously...

 

i experienced many of those same emotions. i remember tearfully telling DH one night that this was the worst decision we'd ever made. which just made me cry harder because i love them so much and wouldn't wish them away for the world. it was a horribly conflicting feeling, to love these little babies and at the same time yearn so strongly for my old life.

it's a total loss of control over your life. it's overwhelming and your hormones are trying desperately to readjust after pregnancy and you're sleep deprived and it's just damn hard work.

try to be gentle with yourself. what you're feeling doesn't make you a bad mom. you're a mom who's been through a lot to get here, and everything you're feeling is normal.

please do call your doctor, though. studies have shown that multiples pregnancies can mean much greater hormone shifts and thus a greater risk for PPD. you don't have to grapple with it by yourself. it doesn't make you a better mom to struggle through it alone. and it doesn't mean you've failed if you feel like you need a little help.

you will get to a place where you're loving every minute of it. you're going to have a much easier time getting there if you make sure you get the help you need during these difficult early days.

 

Please call your OB and tell them how your are feeling. I waited way too long to get help. :hug:

 

I had the "what have I done" feeling during the "worst" of it after they came home from the hospital. They weren't sleeping well at night, I was tired and really wondering why I wanted to be a mom in the first place. Things will get better... my girls are basically sleeping through the night now and give me lots of cute smiles. Hang in there and it wouldn't hurt to have a chat with your Dr.

 

Having twins, I think, increases your risk of depression. Definately see your provider. Not something you want to let go unchecked especially with two knew little lives that you cherish and are responsible. You deserve to feel happy and they deserve to have you in your best form.

 

I had PPD and felt just like you describe despite all teh wonderful help I had. I was crying on a dime for no reason at all!
I went and saw my doctor 3-4 weeks after I had the babies. I dindt even wait till my 6 week check-up. She asked me questions, I answered and then we decided I would start on Zoloft (its safe for bfing)- I felt much better by the time I went in for my 6 week check-up. It can make a world of difference and is a real problem you have no control over.
Get help & feel better soon!

 

:hug: please call your dr. I had IVF and much wanted babies too, i also got and still deal with PPD. I can totally remember feeling like how you describe, i am now on meds for it and they have been a huge help to me. I still suffer a little with anxiety but i'm taking it steady and feel a million times better than before i admitted to myself there was an issue and that i needed some help. It is so hard to reach out but honestly it will be the best thing you ever did. Those dark days like what your describing are now becoming a thing of the past and mine and my babies future looks bright, i hope you don't wait too long as you can't fight PPD alone it is an illness. PLease take good care

 

I'm a therapist, and I have to congratulate you on acknowledging your feelings and sharing them...That's the first step to healing!! It could just be the "baby blues," which is very similar to PPD...just shorter in duration and less intense. If it doesn't get better in a couple weeks, it's most likely PPD. If that's the case, I'd seek counseling. Hopefully, it's just the baby blues because that usually just goes away on its own. GL!

 

Thanks for all the supportive responses. I am not saying this takes care of it and I'm keeping an eye on it, but I started taking vitamins again and got lots of good sleep and feel a ton better today. I'm hopin its just the baby blues but will go to my doc next week if it keeps up.I love these babies so much and want to be the best mom possible. Again, thanx so much-you guys are great.

 

I'm glad your feeling brighter today, sleep really does make the world of difference!

 

Totally normal, UNFORTUNATELY. Ugh.

BuT... DO get on some antidepressants/antianxiety meds (Zoloft) has worked wonders for me I've been on 200 mg since I was 15 yrs old, took it all thru pregnancy etc etc. I did try to wean at 7 mos pg but was an absolute DISASTER!!! Went right back on and could function.

Point is: Docs hear this all of the time. He/she will get you on something immediately!!

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's HORRIBLE!!!!! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Please keep us posted and do NOT feel alone. You are NEVER alone. I feel alone right now and reading these things really helps me.

Hugs.