Need some advice: Trying to make a dicison about moving internationally...Feel Like Pulling out my H

Hi, I am looking for some adviseJ I feel like I am being pushed and pulled in two different directions and I cant make a solid desiosion. I have been with my Brazilian husband for 8 years now, we have a 5 year old son and 1 year old twins. Our current situation isn’t the greatest, we live on the third floor in a two bedroom apartment, it’s a large apartment but non the less with the twins getting bigger and bigger we have outgrown it. My husband owns a pizza shop and works about 80 hours a week, thus he is only here one day a week if that. With the economy business is slow and I am a SAHM so I have begun selling my crafts and such online and out of my house (www.littlelillylove.com) this has brought in money for me and the kids to play around with, so that we can get out of the house. Life is stressful feeling like a single parent a lot of the time, so my husband has been really pushing us towards moving down to Brazil. There we will be able to buy our own home, have many trustable babysitters (7 sister in-laws) and if needed we could have someone come in and help around the house as my husband already owns a taxi company down there and has a lot in stocks. He also would like me in the future to open a store selling all my children’s accessories after we get on our feet (as a good percent of my sales now in the U.S. is within the brazilian community) I have been to Brazil three times and really do enjoy it but the thought of living there scares me. My mom is here and she is a huge part of our lives, she is very close to the kids and is a huge financial help when it comes to the three kids. Everytime the discussion comes up about us moving she freaks out and manages to completely talk me out of it. My friends are all here but we are all busy living our own lives and the main communication with all of us is face book and online so they are supportive. Also my husband is as cheap as cheap can get, here we work around it, I have my own time and my car and if I want a pair of shoes or an outfit for the kids I don’t fight with him about it I just go get it. In Brazil at least for a while he will be in complete control as I am still learning the language. Maybe I’m over analyzing everything but I’m just so nervous. I know I’m grown, 27 in July and need to live my life with my family and do what’s best but I hate that my mom will be hurting and then if it doesn’t work were will we be, coming back here with nothing and three kids…so scary… Please can anybody offer me any advice as an outsider? Thank you

 

Wow, that would be a big move! I know I couldn't move that far away from my family - but that is easy for me to say because my DH doesn't have family that lives in another country. It is hard to say that you should get to stay by your family but he can't be closer to his family, you know? I'm just not sure how to offer you any advice, it is such a huge decision. :hug: Have you guys ever talked about moving to Brazil before or did this just come out of nowhere? If you guys have talked about it and he has always assumed you guys would give it a try sometime, I can see why he's pushing for it - but if it is not something you've ever discussed, I would think he would be more understanding about your reluctance to even consider it.

Good luck! :hug:

 

Thanks for the hugs we have always sorta left it up in the air, we would talk about it... but i'm a huge planner so I would want days, times, who, what, where, like a year in advance were it his country so he's comfortable about it and is always like I dont know we'll deal with it when it comes. He really thinks its gonna be best and less stressful (on top of working 80 hours a week with a bad knee and wrist). When its come up in the past, I've tried to look at the good parts and when he talks to me I get all excited then I bring it up to my parents (who have always loved in Mass. and have no family far away) my mom brings me right back down to the ground with all the bad things about it and what could happen so then I come back to my husband the next day completely against it. I know its hard for him because he feels like its the answer to everything and I am so reluctant. But the idea that there's no one around thats really on my team is scary (my friends/family) but at the same time my family and friends all have there own life and are working and vacationing and I am sitting in this apartment with three kids where its hard enough to get everyone to the car never mind anywhere else, and the only babysitter around is Mom who can only really do it a day every week or two for a couple hours not long enough to get anything really done, me and my husband havent had a moment alone outside the house since September, so something has to change.... I JUST DONT KNOW... But thank you ladies for letting me vent :grr:

 

Personally I would try it for a year or two. Who knows, maybe you'll love it, and love having the extra help around. If not, can I move in your place?

 

Oh my goodness what a big decision to make! I would be tempted to do it, but I don't have much family and after losing my mom I've felt a bit lost. If I were you I would start making some pro/con lists and a list of priorities. Talk to the hubby and see where everything falls into place.
Good luck on whatever you decide! :hug:

 

Bex, i was actually just looking into that, since my husbands at work all day, and he left with us fighting about it, I was like well what if we put our stuff in storage for a year or two and some money in the bank for moving expenses for when we want to come home, at least then I wouldnt feel so trapped and like I have no where to turn if everything fails. At first we were pricing crates to have our furniture and stuff moved down there... But that is the part that has me really over the edge... coming back to nothing. and this way if all works out I can come back and sell the stuff off. I guess if were gonna do it nows the time since my oldest is only 5 and the babies are a year so while school is important its not as much of a main focus just yet so I would have time to feel out different private schools and such, plus the kids dont have firm ties here yet (friends, exc.) besides grammy, papa, and uncle....apposed to moving a 10 year old. I dont know my minds a roller coaster..lol

 

its a big decision that's for sure! I'm glad I don't have to make it... but I will say that recently my dh and I were looking at alternatives for our work situations b/c he is/was working so much and wasn't happy and I work part time ... we even looked at him staying home and me working. all I'm saying it we were trying to think outside the box for our personal family's needs. I think the idea of going and "trying" it out is a great one. I wish you well!