Need Parenting Advice

About 6 months ago I walked into out boys room to find them with their pants off and putting their penis into their toys (snake, dinosaur, ect) mouths. I sat them down and explained to them that that was not proper behavior. They I didnt want them taking their pants off and doing that anymore. They also told me at that time that they had touched each other penis's. We had a LONG talk and I thought things were taken care of. This afternoon I walked into the boys play room and one was playing and the other was under the table with his pants off. When I walked in he quickly started getting dressed again and then ran to him room crying when I said I wanted to talk to him. he was clearly embarrassed. I talked to the one that had his clothes on and he said his brother was doing a "boobie dance" I have no idea what this is or where they come up with it. We talked a little more and they said it was on a commercial that came on after spongebob but also seen it on Icarly. I still had no idea what they were talking about so I asked them to please show me. They started to take their clothes off. I said no no no! We keep our clothes on we only take them off in private when we are about to take a bath or a shower. Ect. So they continued with clothes on and they were rubbing their penis's together and then the other was picking to other up and taking tuns ect. I immediately started getting upset wondering where they came up with this at?? They are with me 24/7 except when they are in preschool and on the bus. From what I understand this behavior has continued since our talk 6m ago its just done carefully so my husband nor myself see it. I asked them if they have done this "dance" with anyone else and they say no. I asked if anyone has ever touched them or if they have ever touched anyone and besides each other the answer is no. They also told me they were kissing each other like Sam and Freddy do on Icarly and something about Freddy and some girl on Scooby doo.

Right now Im feeling like a pretty horrible mother for many reasons, First for not knowing this was going on or for how long its been going on. 6m ago I asked them both to tell me if the other was taking their clothes off or asking the other one to touch him or to be touched and neither came to me. Second for allowing them to watch the childrens stations. Maybe they are seeing something in the shows that I'm not IDK. Im 100% certain neither of them has been abused. Im also convinced what they are doing is NOT normal.

IDK what to do here I need some support, advice..... Once site said it was normal but to get some library books to read how to deal with it but didnt list any books. Can someone point me in the right direction. IM so confused, concerned and just in shock right now.

 

:hug: I don't know if it's "normal" or not. I also don't have any advice other then to talk to your ped about it or maybe a chat with a child psychologist, just to see what they have to say and what you can do to help stop the behavior yet continue the exploration of their bodies. Some of it is normal and I think at this point I would probably watch all tv with them for awhile. I koow that's alot easier said then done but that way if they have questions you'd be right there to answer them. :hug:

 

Not that I have boys so I don't have any help on that part but on the tv part I can speak. Spongebob is the worst "cartoon" out today. We are strictly no Spongebob. Nick has some good shows but I still wouldn't let them watch without supervison. Disney really isn't too much better. I let the girls watch nick jr mostly. We don't have cable at home so they watch PBS and qubo(strictly good morale kids shows) or movies that we have watched together first

 

it is normal sexual behavior for that age. They are experimenting and the LAST thing you want to do is make a huge deal of it. As long as you KNOW they have not been abused just don't go overboard about it and let your feellings be known that it is not appropriate and let that be that.

 

I agree that it sounds like normal behavior to want to explore their bodies. If something feels good, it feels good and they'll likely continue wanting and seeking that sensation.
If you know that nothing inappropriate has happened to them, I would not make a big deal about it at all. I would continue to casually remind them that it's not okay for others to touch them or make them do things like that.
But exploring their bodies is completely natural.

 

I agree that it is normal behavior. I think the more focus you put on it, the more attention they are going to give to it. I listened once to a big long discussion on boys and their behaviors and the big focus was not to make them feel llike they are doing something wrong...you don't want to make them feel guilty for being curious. I think focus on the family website has some excellent articles on this subject which I have read a lot as my son has matured and I have found them very helpful. Here's one link concerning an article over toddler sexual discovery. They also had a really good radio program on the whole boy sexuality that was fantastic, I just can't remember the name. I know focus on the family can be controversial, but this is one subject I found very helpful that they cover.

 

While I agree that sexual exploration is normal and should be expected, I am concerned about the putting the penis in the toys mouth action. I am unsure that this is "do it cuz it feels good" type of exploring. I would encourage you to be sure that they are not seeing ANYTHING or experiencing anything that is beyond the realm of personal exploration. Consult their ped for sure.

 

Unless they are seeing it on Nick they have never been exposed to anything of the sort. I am 100% certain they have NEVER experienced anything of the sort. I dont allow anyone to watch my children but my immediate family. Which is hardly ever bc they are with me if they are not in school for their 3 hrs a day or on the bus to school. I to know there is some exploration I guess each child is different in how they do things IDK. This is something that I dont know much about. I an unsure about the snake/dinosaur biting incident I never really got much of an explanation for that one aside from the dino/snake was biting them. To my knowledge that has stopped. The boys are honest when confronted and there was no mention from either about the "biting" just this new dance. The boys are in school for speech so I may not be understanding them correctly. I am actually hoping this is the case bc we dont say the word "boobie" around them. I know on Icarly they do some little dance where she lifts up her shirt and rubs her belly but I dont know what its called.

No defending what has happened Im just hoping im over reacting. They take baths and showers together and they never give their private parts a second thought when they are in there so I just dont know.

 

You mentioned that they are in school for speech, and I wonder if they may mean belly instead of boobie since she does something with her belly while dancing? I've never seen Icarly, so I don't know anything about it. It could aslo be what they came up with to call rubbing their penis.

 

I've heard it's normal too... and yeah they probably got the dance thing on icarly but I'm guessing it's pretty innocent. We usually stick to nick jr in the afternoon here. But from what I've heard it's best to tell them that it's ok to do but only in private.

 

When you mentioned the dance the first thing that came to my mind was the "Potty dance" any chance that is it? I think they are down to diapers on the commercials so maybe that's why they are taking off their clothes? Just a thought...

 

I was just watching tv on our local stations and the boys are playing with their cars. The Zoosk.com commercial comes on and the boys start laughing. I asked what was so funny. They say " thats the "mercial" mommy. What they acted out in the bedroom this morning was almost exact to one of the scenes in the commercial. I dont pay attention to the commercials on tv. we make sure the boys are not watching any adult shows that are on during day time or at night but now I have to worry about commercials too At least now i have an understanding of where they are getting this.

 

I was privy to an embarrassing moment with my nephews. My SIL asked me to watch her two boys who were 5 and 3 in the tub. Her 5 year old started to hump his 3 year old brother while facing each other in the tub with him on top. What a shock! I was not expecting that and had no idea what to expect. I did find out that it's totally normal for kids that age to explore their bodies and what they can do, but nay not truly understand that while it's natural to be curious, there are things not done to other kids including relatives. The easy fix for my nephews situation was to stop letting them bathe together. In your situation it's a matter of getting them to understand that there is nothing wrong with them or their bodies, but there are limitations to what is appropriate and acceptable behavior in public and private. While touching themselves is a wonderful thing to do...in private, it is not acceptable to bring his brother or any other friend in to the activity. You can respect how each other's bodies is interesting and it's totally normal to want to explore, but it makes you uncomfortable to see them doing things to each other.

My boys touch each other's parts. They don't necessarily enjoy it. They are curious. It doesn't bother me. They don't do it much. I don't "like" it, but I know they are just curious to see familiar parts on each other and not just themselves. Your kids are a little older so I can''t relate at this time to the extent to what you are experiencing, but hopefully this phase will pass. It's important they don't see themselves and their bodies as something to be ashamed of. It's a thin line to walk when explaining what is appropriate and what isn't. I can only imagine what you are going through right now.

As far as TV. The big thing for them to understand is TV is a great way to learn about what is happening around the world, but everything in the TV is supervised. That means that copying what they see on TV is not always the right thing to do and they should not be afraid or ashamed to ask you about what they see before they try it out for themselves.

 

Mom you've gotten some good advice already. :grouphug: I just think you are confusing your ideas with theirs. Playing around with privates for them is VERY different than how or WHY we do it. Obviously continue to observe them but PLEASE keep your thoughts in your head as not to create issues in theirs. What does your DH think from a boys perspective? When I hear crazy/funny things like this (I grew up with all girls) he always tells me funny stories of what he or siblings did...I guess boys are a little funnier sometimes.