Need Moral Support ASAP!

For the past two months we have not been putting our boys to bed untl they are completely asleep after an evening bottle. We are trying to get past this "crutch" to getting them to sleep on their own and tonight letting them cry it out. It is SO hard!!!! I know so many have been here before.....they are 14 mos now and this is making it harder!

They are currently in seperate rooms to lessen the noise factor, but I am completely confident that they hear each other. It is killing me to have to do this, but also killing me that they cannot seem to go to sleep on thier own like this at night. I feel that we have conditioned them NOT to be able to. So that kills me too, as I feel it is our fault and we are not "strong" enough to handle this CIO business. They are still on and off screaming as I type. It has been 20 mins.

Just needed to vent and need some support.....are we doing the right thing, or is it ok for us to do our bottle and then asleep in our arms then bed routine at this age? I am not sure how much longer I can take the screaming.... :gah:

 

I would say this...it depends on what works best for your family. If you are serious about CIO, you do have to be consistent and keep with it . Because if you give in then they will learn that you will come in after 20 minutes so there is no incentive for them to stop crying.
DH and I had to do CIO on DD because he was still rocking her to sleep after she turned one and she was not happy when he stopped (but she was getting too old and too heavy for him to rock and walk around). I think it took about a week and a half before she would go to sleep with no problem.
You can always change the bedtime routine a little bit. Give the milk about an hour or so before bedtime, do quiet time in a room with some books before bedtime and then send them off to bed. Maybe not making the association with milk=sleep will help them to transition to sleeping on their own easier.
Good luck!!!

 

If you are doing CIO, be firm. The worst thing you can do is let them cry for a time and then go in. It just confuses them and teaches them to cry longer. If you are consistent, it will work.

 

I agree with a pp who said to change your bedtime routine so that hopefully they begin to see milk doesn't equal sleep.

As far as the CIO, we finally did it at 9 months because they had to be held to go to sleep and were waking up multiple times every night. And we were exhausted!! We did modified CIO, though. We didn't just let them cry. We went in at intervals and gradually lengthened the time. The first night, we did something like 5 min, 7 min, 10 min (repeat 10 min until they were asleep). The next night we did 7 min, 12 min, 20 min. And so on. (that may not have been the exact times, but you get the point). When we went in, DH and I would each go to one of them and hug them and pat them on the back and tell them we loved them for about 1-2 min., but not pick them up. Then leave again and start the next interval. Doing it this way, it took us about 2 weeks before they were always going to sleep on their own. So it took longer than full-blown CIO, but it made it easier to deal with the crying.

Whatever you decide to do, hang in there and stick to it for awhile to see if it's going to work

 

I agree with the others - if you're going to do CIO, it's really important to remain consistent. It probably won't make you feel any better but our girls cried for almost 2 hours the first night we did it, 45 minutes the second, and about 10 minutes the third. So the first night pretty much sucked monkey balls, but it did get much better, quickly.

I also think Nancy's suggestion of switching up the order of the bedtime routine is a great one.

If you decide that the CIO approach isn't for you though, I would recommend reading any of Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution books (she has one for infants/toddlers & one for toddlers/preschoolers). You would probably find either one helpful as at 14 months your LOs could fit into either category.

Last, but not least, if you feel you need to change the bedtime routine because others have said your 14 month olds "should" be going to sleep a certain way, but you don't actually have any issues yourself with your bedtime routine, than I would honestly not worry about changing it. GL!

 

I agree with the others that no matter what method you decide on, consistency is the key. When our boys turned 1, we decided it was time to do some sort of sleep training. Prior to this, we were also rocking them to sleep after their bottles at bed time, rocking at nap times, and rocking in the middle of the night if need be. We used to joke that we felt like it was a daily rock-a-thon. After doing some research, we felt comfortable doing a graduated extinction type approach. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I think it's the Ferber method or at least similar to the Ferber method. We (personally) did not feel comfortable with CIO or something like the No Cry Sleep Solution, so we chose something in the middle, so to speak.

We were, and still are, very careful to stick to a strict routine-- the same thing every night only differing if they have a bath or not. We do teeth, PJs (or bath then PJs), books, bottle, bed. The difference would be putting them down awake. We both gave the boys little bedtime talks right before we put them down consisting of things like... it's time for night-night, Mommy and Daddy are going night-night too, we will be here when you wake up in the morning, etc...
We decided that the first night we'd start by letting 5 minutes pass before we reentered to pat backs, replace pacis, give "pep talks." We did not pick them up out of the cribs. We stuck to 5 minutes for couple of nights probably then did 10 minutes, 20 minutes, and so forth.
I have to tell you that we did not have a lot of push-back from our boys. There was definitely a little crying, more fussing, and then they quickly settled into our new routine. Now, had I had two screaming boys for 2 hours, I might be suggesting something different , but it went pretty well for us.

That was almost one year ago. These days there are still nights when we have to go in sometime during the night to give pep talks, pat backs, etc. (no picking up), but we've stuck to our system. There have also been nights when someone is sick or teething or something is just "off" and we do pick them up, rock them, and give them some extra TLC (you just know when they need a little something more). This has not interfered at all with the training we did. At nap times we now walk up to their room, put them in bed, and leave with only saying "it's time for a nap. When you wake up Grandma is coming over" over whatever the case may be.

It can sometimes take a while for them to get themselves to sleep at night depending on how well they've napped, their level of tiredness, etc. But, this is okay. I will go back in and give a "pep talk" if they're being rambunctious and keeping each other up, but they always (eventually!) go to sleep.

So, my advice to you would be to explore the various methods of sleep training, find what feels right for your family, and give it a shot. Stick to it unless you decide it's really not for you and then move on to something you think is more appropriate.

Good luck.

 

It really depends on your life style and what u are comfortable with.

Personally I love CIO. We did it at 5.5 months. But we repeated it many time in first year. To me sleep train is the most important in first year. Now we are 16 months, we never have any sleep issue. My kids know when heir nap time/ bed time. They ask us to take the gate down and they just go upstairs to their room all by themselves. In our house there is no suck thing rock to sleep after they turned 5.5 months.

If you go with CIO, be strong and consistent. I know it's hard to hear them cry. Since they are toddlers, it will be harder. But you can do it. Good luck!