Need Help!

Okay, my twins are two weeks old. I have a 5 year old little boy, my husband is preparing to deploy to Iraq (again), oh, and we had to kick my MIL out of the house (she was stealing from us) all of this has happened within the last two weeks. I am currently BF but it is wearing me ou(someone is always on me) If I didn't have another child it wouldn't be so bad. I am very depressed and I have no time for myself (I know this sounds selfish)I am also going back to work in April. So, my question is this- Should I feel guilty about deciding not to BF? If I decide not to how do I stop? Do I just stop cold turkey? I really need my sanity and I am very frustrated. OH, and did I mention.....my girls don't sleep at night. They have their days/nights all mixed up. ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED. I am trying the BAby wise method (but all my girls do when I lay them down is cry) Is it to early to let them cry it out? and I also watched the video by dr. karp (which did help). I know this sounds random, sorry.

Shannon

 

I felt the same way as you do now. I have two older kids too that needed mommy and it always seemed that I had a baby on my breast and had no time for anything. I quit breastfeeding DD around 10 weeks old. I still breastfeed DS but my life got a lot easier when I switched her to formula. Two newborns are hard any way you look at it and it does get easier around 4 1/2 months old when they are more predictable. And yes you need time for yourself. This is also something I forget to do sometimes.

 

my advice is simple.. do what you feel is right..
i bf my twins for 5 months.. when i returned to wk i was pumping 3x in a 8 hour shift..
it sucked big time.. i regret stopping but at that time i had no choice..
mom was in the hospital.. my x was useless.. and waisting my ebm..

in hein sight i would have pumped and dumped just to keep the supply up..

i hope you make a decision that is right for you..
m

 

Hi. It sounds like you are having a hard time! I breastfed my boys for the 1st 3 weeks after they were discharged from the NICU. The 1st 2 weeks my mom was here. So I only made it 1 week on my own! I decided to try pumping instead of Breastfeeding them and it has worked great for us. Fortunately my milk supply was already well established due to 8 weeks of pumping while they were in the NICU. So I basically pumped 4 times a day while they were both sleeping so that I could still give them breastmilk but could give bottles instead.

The time spent pumping, bottle feeding and washing bottles was still LESS than it was taking me to nurse them so it worked really well for me. Plus I could bottle feed them at the same time (propped up in boppy pillows).

But...all that said...you need to do what works for you!

As for baby wise, I don't know anything about it. But I do think it is WAY too early to let a baby cry it out! Mine get picked up basically whenever they cry. I read that at this stage, the baby needs to know that you are there. Picking them up quickly now will make for more secure babies who cry less later. I just thought that made sense so that's what I'm sticking with for a little while longer at least.

Good luck!

 

:hug99:

First of all... don't feel guilty! You have a lot going on right now. I'm sorry to hear about your MIL and your husband going to Iraq(again).
As for the breastfeeding... in my opinion, if you are able to stick it out, it is MUCH easier than bottle feeding. But if you choose to switch, I would suggest dropping one feeding at a time, rather than cold turkey, it would be much less painful for you. I did my oldest daughter cold turkey, it didn't work out, and weaned my younger daughter one feeding at a time, and had no problems at all. It was quite painful during the cold turkey process.
I know a lot of people support crying it out, and sometimes there isn't much choice, but I think babies that little only cry if they need something, even if it is just to be held. They don't know yet how to cry to manipulate the situation...know what I mean?
Whatever you choose to do, they are your babies... you will know what is right for them, and for you.
Helen

 

Oh goodness, you are having a rough time. The first month with twins was the hardest for me and I had lots of help. I can't imagine how it is dealing with family problems and a military hubby. You are doing so so much. Here's my take on the BF thing: I had a terrible time with the first few weeks to a month of BF. It was very very hard and nobody warned me about that. I didn't throw in the towel, but I thought about it at least 20 times a day. I am glad I didn't quit because for us BF is easier than FF. It's cheaper, I don't deal with bottles, the babies are sick less etc. etc. I really feel that how to feed babies is completely the mothers choice. You should NOT NOT NOT feel guilty. Everybody will be fine with whatever you choose. I would recommend giving yourself a date and deciding then what to do. For instance, say I am going to BF for three more weeks then on February 21st I will make a decision. That will give you time to gather all of the info and make a good educated decision with a clear head.

As far as babywise, it has some super good suggestions however, it is way to early to apply almost any of them. Your babies need to sleep a lot right now...like almost always. If they cry, they need soothing. Crying it out or letting them cry will not be good for them right now. You have to power through the next few weeks or months of the fussy's because babies really need us to be attending to them all the time - especially while they are upset. That said, if you are at your end do not hesitate to lay a clean, fed, warm baby (or two) in the crib and let them cry for 15 minutes while you shower or go outside to clear your head. It won't hurt them if that happens every now and then and it's way better if you take a break.

If you want, you can post this question in the BF forum there are very smart ladies there who are NOT breastfeeding snobs and can give you good info. Also, can you see your doc about the depression? I know for me it was important to treat my depression. I am tons better now. It's really hard to make good decisions and to see clearly when you are sleep deprived, sad, hormonal and stressed...tackle as many of those things as you can...you can tackle the depression.

I'm sorry it's rough. It will get better. You will be love-sick and happy again soon. I promise!

 

I agree that it is WAY WAY too early to let them CIO. WAY too early! The books all say 4-6 months corrected age. My girls were full out colic screamers until they were 3 1/2 months old, so I KNOW how it is and I KNOW how you feel like you will lose your mind. I am lucky that I had my Mom to come help me here and there (she lives 3 hours away) ... my husband is a medical resident and works all the time ... and LONG hours and overnight ... I feel like a single Mom a lot of the time ... however, I could NOT imagine what it is like for you with your husband gone (or going) to Iraq ... you NEED to line up some help. Even if it is just a college student or high school student to come and help you ... if you feel like you will lose it (or hurt your child) then absolutely lay them down in the crib and walk away for a few minutes ... walk outside and collect yourself and then deal with them ... but to let them CIO for longer than 10 minutes ... it is just too early. Even put them in the stroller (if it isn't too cold) or in the car and go ... if they cry, they cry ... but at least you are trying but it gives you a mini break too ... you know ... as in ... if you are driving the car ... you can't pick them up so you get some time without a baby in your arms (hey, take a snack and some water ...) ... and you are trying to soothe them with the noise and movement in the car ... and please know that it won't always be like this ... you have to get help, though, it is too hard to do it all alone! I don't know if you need this or not ... but with all that you are dealing with, maybe talk to your doctor about some antidepressants just to help you deal with it all! You don't have to feel like this!

As for BF'ing ... never feel guilty for doing something that will help you ... the more sane you are, the better you will be able to take care of your kiddos. I BF still and my girls won't take a bottle ... but when they did (they started rejecting them at 8 wks) it was just as hard and time consuming (if not harder ...) than BF'ing them at that point. The first 6 or 7 wks of BF'ing was tough but it has only gotten easier from there ... now it is CAKE ... however, if you do find someone to help you ... bottling them will be easier b/c someone can help you ... it isn't you and only you that can feed them. There are plenty of healthy and smart formula fed people in the world ... I don't think it makes you any less of a good Mom to bottle feed! BF'ing twins comes with it's own set of challenges ... but doesn't everything with twins!?

Just hang in there ... they will start smiling and interacting with you and each other ... they will start to cry less and be content more ... it is all just around the corner for you ...

I wish I could help more ...

 

whatever you do DO NOT feel guilty about bottle feeding. Do whatever works for you... maybe bf during the day and give bottles toward evening when you are exhausted....maybe alternate bottle/bf between the two babies. (that's what my mom did for me and my twin sister...) . Bf is a ton of work even with one baby...don't let anyone try to guilt you into ebf twin babies if it feels like it's too much for you. You need to do what works for you and feel happy about it. It's going to get better!!

 

I went the pumping route for a lot of various reasons including a bad case of thrush. Do NOT quit cold turkey; you could give yourself mastitis and you don't need that on top of everything else.

You could try pumping 5-6 times in every 24 hour period and slowly cutting down/increasing the amount of time between pumping sessions.

Pumping worked well for us; I kept going 5 times a day until I went back to work at 3 months, then it was 4 times a day until 6 months, then 3, then 2, and now I'm down to 1 pump per day (and I don't get much). For all my dreams about BFing my kids, it ended up being the hardest thing about being a twin mom, but I have no regrets now (just two healthy 8 month olds who have been STTN since 3 months).

No matter what you decide to do, good luck! (For the record, of course I wish BFing had worked out for us, but I don't have time for regrets right now.)

 

:hug99: Oh, Shannon, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! You have got a LOT on your plate right now! Having newborn twins is hard enough, I can't imagine the stress of dealing with them AND having an older child AND having your DH about to redeploy AND having MIL trouble. Wow.

IMO, BFing is a lot easier in the long run. Nothing to buy, measure, mix, pour, warm up; no bottles to wash and sterilize; babies get sick less often and need less burping at each feeding; totally portable; once babies get efficient, they can get a full meal in 5-10 min, just open your bra and you're all set. But in the beginning, it is a LOT of work. There's a steep learning curve, and it is really hard for a while before it gets much, much easier. If you decide to tough it out, the rewards are great. But I can totally see how it would be WAY too much for you to handle right now!

If you decide to try to tough it out, please visit the TS BFing forum. You'll get great (non-judgmental) support and advice there. But if you decide that it's just too much, PLEASE don't beat yourself up! Nobody in their right minds would think any less of you as a mother. You'll love and care for your kids just as much either way. And you've got to take care of yourself and stay sane in some very difficult circumstances.

Also, you should be SO proud of the BFing you've done already! Even though it's "only" a couple weeks, you've given your babies a fantastic head start with immunity. They've gotten all those wonderful antibodies from you. WTG mama! :bow2:

If you decide to wean, you probably want to do it gradually, maybe one feeding at a time - otherwise you'll probably get engorged (ouch!). I don't know a whole lot about it - BF forum would be a good place to ask.

About Babywise - few people have lukewarm opinions of that book, and I'm one of the ones who are very, very wary of it. It has been condemned by the American Academy of Pediatrics. And any author who tells you that you can harm a baby by too much holding and cuddling should raise MAJOR red flags. CIO is a good sleep-training method, but only once babies are old enough to self-soothe (minimum 4 months adjusted age). Don't be afraid to cuddle and love on those precious babies! It's good for them and you.

Here are some links: http://ezzo.info/

"Of course you can harm a baby by picking him or her up too much," asserts Ezzo.

James McKenna, director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana, agrees. "The Ezzos appear to be the masters of the 'one-size-should-fit-all' school of childcare," he says. "Their simplistic, judgmental, and utterly self-serving program confuses personal and religious values with science, and strictly controlled infant care with successful parenting. The two are anything but compatible."

Anyway, good luck with everything. And WOW, you are doing such a great job just for making it through the day at this point! :hug99: Take care.

 

I went through something similar to you with not being sure what I should do. I went to my husband and asked him how he felt about it and explained what I was feeling and why. He told me that no matter what I decided to do, that he would support me 100%. I can't tell you how releaved I was when he told me that. I made the choice to stop breast feeding right then and there. By that time our girls were getting formula every other feeding and I was trying to pump after they BF so that I could build up my supply.

I was losing my mind at the time, because we had to move out of our FEMA trailer and back into our home (just remodeled after hurricane katrina) and we still had contractors in and out of our house finishing up their work. I had no time for pumping if the contractors crew were there, because there was always someone with a question about something in the house. So, I sat down with my husband about 4 1/2 weeks into BF our girls and just talked about this issue.

The choice is totally up to you! You should not feel bad, because your babies got the most important part of your milk in the beginning. Be proud of yourself for going this far! You are still coming down from all of the hormones from being pregnant with two babies! Two babies put your body into overdrive and you need to lean on your husband as much as you can for support until he leaves. I suggest talking to your husband and express how you feel with him. Discuss the important aspect of BF and Bottle feeding and the pros and cons. Make a choice together that you are both ok with and go from there. I think that including your husband in your decision is the key to feeling better. This will show that you have support and a person that is on your level.

No matter what you do, you are still doing the best that you can for your babies! :hug99: Hugs to you for how you are feeling. You are doing great!!! I pray that you will feel peace the minute that you make your decision. Just to let you know, in the end of our discussion, my husband and I chose to bottle feed our girls. I feel that this was the best choice for our family at this time. If you chose to bottle feed and you need to help drying up your supply you can drink tea with sage in it about 3 times a day. Boil the tea and sage, let it cool and drink warm. This cleared mine up within a week without much pain.

If you choose to BF longer, that is great! all the support that you will need is here on Twinstuff! We all love you!

Lots of love!
Meshell