Need help! About to lose it

I don't know how I'm going to make it with these boys. I love them sooooooo much, but I feel like I'm going to lose my mind! I've heard that things are different with twins but it just seems like all of my friends with infants are having such an easier time than we are. Yesterday DS2 screamed from sun up to sun down- literally if he wasn't asleep he was screaming. The worst part about it is that they take turns. As soon as one starts to calm down the other one starts. They still are eating every 2 1/2 hours and spend half an hour playing the "lets keep spitting out the binkie every two minutes and scream so Mom has to get out of bed" game, so I usually can only get 1 1/2 hours sleep at a time. I'm not saying this for pitty- I know you all have gone through the same thing. I just need to know how do you cope with this age? How long does the constant screaming last? I break down and cry almost every night when my DH comes home. I always wanted to be a stay at home Mom but the last week I've seriously considered going back to work just so we can afford a nanny. I love my sons more than anything, but I feel so guilty that I'm not happier. I knew having children would be hard, but I never planned on two at the same time, and I didn't know they would be THIS hard.

I guess the question I want to ask is this- What age do they start sleeping more and start screaming less?

 

First of all, HANG IN THERE!!! :hug: :hug: We have all been there and it's not easy! But there IS an end in sight!!

For me, my babes started sleeping about 6-7 hrs by about 3 months at night. And by 4 months they were sleeping 10-11 hrs at night.

As for the crying, every baby is so different it's hard to tell you what to expect. My ds hasn't really cried at all unless he's hungry, dirty or tired. My dd, however, had reflux and we think colic. She would cry all the time!!

All you can do is try to rotate their "environment". Move from the living room to the highchairs in the kitchen. To the bed in the bedroom. Maybe even outside on a deck or shaded lawn in their bouncers. A lot of people find swings work good, mine didn't like their swing so it never helped me.

#1 though is HANG IN THERE because it will end. The first 6 wks are really hard. The first 6 months are rough but it does start getting easier. Already at 5 months old things are falling into a "routine" for us! :hug:

 

First, I want to send out some serious hugs to you!!! You are doing the best you can in survival mode & need to give yourself some credit.
Next...wow! Your 2 angels are just "singing" and geeze, I feel your pain. When I was a little bit less sleep deprived, I was able to tolerate the
screams better. My dh used to take one of the early AM feeds on Saturdays so I could sleep that one (with the monitor off). I looked forward to that time soo much!
I also had my MIL and my mom on seperate times come over & watch them while I took a quick nap (no more than an hour). Can you get anyone to help give you more sleep???
Lastly, hang in there! You can do it!

Some things that get my guys to stop screaming...
ocean wave sounds, my singing their name, nowadays when I rattle the Puffs container around, the Happiest Baby Soundtrack, the Graco Lullaby CD (love it for carrides), gas drops

Hope you find your relief soon!

 

You are doing great! I call it the learning curve - your post sounds just like my life when mine were that age... they are 5 1/2 months now and it does get better!

I am alone most of the time and I remember the agony and guilt of not wanting to hold them.

But you are gaining all the skills you will need to parent 2 children the same age. It is hard - mother's of singletons do have it easier. My first child was easier and she was a screamer that would only catnap 10 minutes 2-3 times in the day.
It gets easier because you will grow and get more confident in knowing their needs and handling them. And they will grow and learn that you are doing the best you can. They will get older and feel your love.
You will develop routine and their gastric systems will mature and when you go out with just one, it will feel like a vacation. You will be able to handle so many of life's challenges in learning to parent multiples... Don't feel bad about the guilt - it goes with the territory of being a mother...
you would feel guilty going back to work too... Both ways have their advantages and disadvantages - you will figure out what fits your family best, but wait until you are less sleep deprived to make any major decisions...

I agree with Danibelle to rotate their environment. I took mine on walks - they screamed being put in the stroller and during the walks for the 1st 2 weeks - I took it slow and did only 2-3 min walks until they went in the stroller and outside without tears, then I lengthened the walk each day by a few minutes... I just had to have a 'go to' to not carry them and also have them quiet at the same time. Now it is out favorite activity and a great synchroniser when they get off schedule...

Breathe, smile and love - you are having growing pains and will look back on this time in a couple of months with surprise.

 

Huge :hug: 's to you. It's exactly what you said at this age, survival mode. You do whatever it takes to get through it because it WILL get easier. Maybe you need a little mommy time. When your husband comes home, tell him if he wants a sane wife he needs to watch them for a bit (I'm talking even just 30 minutes) while you go for a walk alone, have a bubble bath (turn on some music in there so you can't hear any screaming, go for a coffee with a friend, go hang out at the local library, even going grocery shopping was a sanity saver in the beginning. Anything that is away from screaming babies! I promise, if you can just get through it, things will get better.

 

:hug: I was horrible at coping with the sleep deprivation! I had to recruit outside help. I had my mom come spend the nights at my house and my best friend, and my DH too. We all took turns getting up for the first 6 weeks. My girls started going longer stretches at 12 weeks old. Hang in there!

Is there any way you can ask someone to come over and help you?

 

:hug: You are right in the thick of it. We hit the 6 week peak and all you know what broke loose in our house. Lots of crying, not wanting to sleep, etc. IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!! Ditto to trying to find some help. How about a high school kid out of school right now? Anyone. Hang in there. You will get through this. Mine started sleeping longer stetches at night around 12 weeks. :hug:

 

We have all been there! The first weeks of sleep deprivation are horrible! I'm one of those people who needs 10hrs of sleep to function. Wouldn't you know my two wouldn't sleep longer than 4 hrs until 5 months? It seemed like they went through two phases of fussiness. Once at their actual age of 6-9 weeks and again at their adjusted age of 6-9 weeks. It was awful, but soon after the smiles started and the sweet cooing began too. You can make it through this and there are so many fun and happy times ahead. Hang in there!

 

You are not alone.At least you have help with your husband.I have been doing it all alone..and my husband has not been the support that I need.I know exactly how you feel. It got kinda scary for me because I was so sleep deprived that when they would wake in the 2:00 all until 9 a.m. doing as you described taking turns yelling..one waking the other just as I finally got them to sleep...I really really really felt that I was going to lose it.(seriously!) Finally I thought of different methods that has been promising. when they wake..I lay one by my leg facing me and I hold the other so that I can feed them both at the same time..I do things like use my chin to hold the bottle in the baby that I am holding mouth and use my free hand with the help of a blanket to hold that bottle in the other mouth. I play classical music which is soothing for me and the babies and I've noticed that around the 3rd or 4th song we are out like lights. and if one baby falls asleep before the other I lay the other on my chest and we both fall asleep. I find that massaging their backs and heads and legs and the love their feet being soothed...these things help to put them in relax mode.I have maybe 12 bottles prepared with water and I use a crock pot that is by my bed to warm the bottles with the water and I add the formula so that they have warm milk which is also soothing to them and sits on their stomach better than the room temperature milk (in my opinion)I know that babies can easily sense if we are impatient with them and they like to feel comforted so I sometimes talk to my babies in coo's.(moan like they moan..but letting them know that it's alright) (call me crazy...but it works!lol.)And things like lighting and them being familiar to when it's bedtime and be able to differentiate "bonding" time. for instance...from 12p.m to 7-8 p.m is bonding time for me and my babies..that's when I talk with them and let them stare and have their way as far as holding them in a position where they can move how they please ( that's only done after feedings maybe for 10 monutes after feedings where I cuddle and kiss the sides of their heads massage legs andlet them see mommy.But from 12 a.m till morning it is strickly feeding & diaper change with no eye contact from me and back to bed...(cause this will make them want to play if you give them eye contact) (make sure you change the diaper before the feeding...cause they wake when you change diaper )One last thing...warm bathes clean diapers and warm milk with head and feet massages are definately relaxers and will put you baby to sleep. Good luck and remember I am doing this on my own with 0 help.I once was considering taking an offer by sending my babies off to live with their grandparents in another country.But things are getting better!Oh yeah also sleep every chance that you can when they nap.Even the 30 min naps add up to at least give you a total of 4 hrs. of sleep a day.Hang in there!

 

I went through the same thing with my boys for the first few months. I didn't think I would make it! So you are not alone. The other ladies have given you some good advice about how to handle things. I just want to say that you shouldn't feel guilty about not being happy. You said it right that you are in survival mode. Give yourself a break and lower your expectations. Things are tough right now and you need to get through this period alive and healthy; the fun comes later, I PROMISE!!!

Things will get easier every day. The first weeks can be miserable; but they will get better and you will start to enjoy your boys as they begin to interact with you and their environment.

Hang in there, and do what you can to make your life easier. Take things one day at a time and realize that this period is short and you will have the rest of your life to enjoy them!

 

Lots of hugs and more hugs to you! :hug: You are right in the middle of the hard part. I was there not very long ago and felt like I would lose it everyday. You have to be in survival mode, especially when you are alone, just to get through this time. You post all you want here and get all the hugs you need!!!!! When things are really bad, you might have to lay them safely in their cribs, shut the door and just go breath for 10 mins, or cry for 10 mins as the case may be. Especially if you think you are at the breaking point. If you know ANYONE in town, send an urgent email and ask for any help you can get. Even if it is just for 30 mins - anything! I hope you know some people there. I think the high school helper is a great idea - I could never even afford that but thinking back I should have found a way to even have someone 1 hour before my husband came home. Sleep deprivation is the absolute worst. I am thinking of you - hang in there...people told me it would get better about the time I didn't think I could do it anymore. I also dreamed of working and paying someone so I could get my adult life back. Try to hang in there a bit longer to make sure that is what you would want. If you have a swing start using it. Stick with it for a while - mine did not like it the first 5-10 times but by 8 weeks they might cry for 2 mins then go to sleep - the swings have been absolute life savers. Another option is to pack them up and walk the park. I walked the park many times with screaming babies (don't like carseats) but it was a lot better than sitting at home. Mine are 4 1/2 mos and I would say it started getting easier at about 9-10 weeks. It is still never easy, but different, and you will grow more than you ever expected to. Hugs to you lady!!!!

 

Lots of good advice, I just wanted to add one more "hang in there." My guys were born 4 weeks early, and by one month adjusted age, something clicked. I literally felt myself leave "survival mode" and things have been looking up ever since. It does get better and things should change for you very soon.

 

I agree, it does get easier! Just do what you can right now to get through it. The swing and swaddle were my bestest of friends for 3months. Do whatever works and keep in mind that it is just a stage and IT WILL PASS :hug:

 

I'm only 3 weeks in... and already not sure how I'm going to make it. Plus I'm dealing with a 2 year old besides. I love my babies, but dread the night time. I wish we never would have introduced my son to the pacifier, I hate having to get up to put it in his mouth every 10 minutes... I did that for an hour straight last night!

 

:hug: to you! Don't feel bad for feeling so frustrated - no one can really explain how hard it is with twins in the beginning. It's one of those things you just have to dive into. Having twins is a completely different ball game and I feel like survival mode lasts longer with twins because they are two different people and you are learning what works for whom, when, why and how. It does get easier, just take it one day at a time or do like I did and take it one feeding at a time.

One thing I used to do when my babies were that young and crying was to put on two snuglis and put them both in it and just walk. They loved it and I could eat, watch tv for a few minutes or just enjoy the quiet. Good luck!

 

Sounds like they might be colicy. My one son was colicy and it didn't set in for a few weeks and he would cry for hours on end. The best advice I got from this board and money I spent was on the Happiest baby on the block video, Miracle blank, and the Healthy Sleep habbits Happy Child book. I think these three items should be given to every mother since it has saved my sanity. The Happiest Baby on the Block Video you can buy or I rented mine from the library. Even though you are thinking I have no time to watch T.V. right now that is exactly what I was thinking back a few months ago, but was the best hour and a half I spent since it gave me hours and hours of quite. It explains that coliciness has to do with the nervous system and the baby not being able to cope with the outside world a different environment. THe baby is used to constant moition, noise and being help tight and you have to recreate that environment and feeling by using 5 techniques that he explain and different combinations work for different babies, some just need a passifier, some need a passifer and movement and some need a passifer, movement, tightness and white noise. After I watched that movie I order the miracle blanket(best swaddle blanket that they can't break loose from) from target. Wrapped my son in it, put on static (white noise), gave him a passifer and put him in the bouncy seat with the vibrator on or giggled him the way the guy describes how to recreate the same movement that is felt in the womb and he went from screaming his head to sleeping instantly. The miracle blanket and white noise, and changing their diaper about a half an hour after their last bottle (waited until they peed) got them both to sleep 12 hours at 8 weeks. The book Healthy Sleep Habbit Happy Child got them on the best rouitne which equals good naps and sleeping through the night. These were the best tools ever that I took from this board and can't imagine what I would have done without them.

http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

http://www.miracleblanket.com/ (my kids fit in it until 6 months) (If you watch the instruction video you can make your own using two blankets)

http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=0345486455

Another thing that they could have is reflux, sometimes it is called silient reflux where they swallow what they are spitting up so you do not actually see them spitting up so it is hard to diagnose, but very painful. I do not know much about it my son had just regular reflux not painful and the AR pillow helped him to sleep without spitting up.

http://www.arpillow.com/
http://www.tuckersling.com/ (this one has a better strap system)

I hope some of this information helps you. Know that you are doing a great job and that it will get easier. Dealing with sleep depervation is really hard, and unless you have multiples no one really understands how hard it is with two, even your closed friends and family. It also puts alot of strain on your relationship since you are both so tired. It is something you can't understant until you lived it. I hope things settle down for you soon so you can get some sleep!

 

I know you've heard this a thousand times, but it DOES get better. I could've written your post so many times in the last month or so. I cried almost daily but I gave myself permission to do that. It was how I coped when all I wanted to do is get in the car and drive far, far away...for good.

My boys just turned 11 wks. It IS darkest before dawn. Weeks 8-10+ sucked beyond belief, but I think I see the sun rising. Just in the last few days we've made some MAJOR progress in sleeping (every day they've been sleeping longer - they even lasted 7 hrs 2 nights ago) and they finally show a teensy bit of promise that they'll be successful breastfeeders. They've also just started smiling this week and tonight...perhaps the best part of the whole deal...instead of screaming blooding murder from 5pm til 10pm, they laid happily in their bouncy chairs and smiled at their giddy parents antics. It's like a light went on this week!

BIG hugs to you and thoughts of encouragement. You, too, will be ok and you will finally LIKE your babies very soon...trust me!

Eve

 

P.S. - I am SO thankful that I had a child before the twins. At least I knew a little bit of what to expect w/ newborns in general. I can't imagine having twins as my FIRST experience in baby-raising. For that, I think you deserve an extra pat on the back and hug!

 

Hnag in there! My girls are now 8 months old, and both my DH & I say we'd never want to live thru the first 12 weeks ever again. I would recommend reading a book on sleep/scheduling - pretty soon your gang will start sleeping longer & then you can think about a schedule, which really does help. Mine didn't sleep thru the night until 6 months (would put them down at 7pm, but needed a feed again between 11pm & midnight), & even now we rarely get uninterrupted sleep, but it is usually just a quick replace of the paci. No more night feeds! The girls now go down at 7:30pm & are up again at 6:30pm. I know you don't feel like you will ever get there, but you will. And thankfully, that 3am feed is the first one to be dropped!

I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" & "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems". I found both books helpful, but really, up until 12 to 16 weeks all you can do is just make it through the day. I used to consider my day a success if my DH made it home & both my girls & myself were still alive. A stroller walk at 4pm was a lifesaver - I swear the 2 hours between 4pm & 6 pm used to feel like 7!

Good luck, & know that you are human. It would also help if you could find other Mothers of twins to talk to, like a local mothers of multiples club. I joined one & started going to a playgroup when the girls were 3 months old, & I know have 3 other mothers who have become firm friends through thick & thin. There are so many challenges, but the worst of the sleep deprivation will soon be behind you.