Need advise about disiplining my older son, worried that it might get worse after the babies come

The director of his daycare told me he has been horrible there. He has been going there for 2 years and loves it even on days off he wants to go to school but this is the first time I've heard of this I guess they even at one point switched his classroom because the teacher he had couldnt handle him and he's not doing any better in the new room. He's not listening and hitting other kids. none of the teachers ever brought it to my attention so I was shocked when I heard it cause he really isnt like that at home. When I pick him up he's always playing with other kids and having fun so I didnt suspect anything, How can I dicipline him for his behavior that is going on during the day when I'm not with him. He's there monday-friday 40hrs/wk. Once the babies come we will all be home full time for a few months and then he will go to public preschool for a couple hours a day so that he'll still get that friend time but I'm worried about this behavior now, it must be real bad for her to say he has been really horrible, but I'm not sure the best way to handle it. Any advise girls? =(

 

I don't have my son in a daycare and he missed the preschool cut off and i am not allowed to work at the moment hes been having some of the same trouble he acts out everywhere we go and its gotten worse since i have hit these last few months .. I am not sure what the answer is other than tell him its not going to be this way you can't act like this and put him in time out.. Some times i keep reminding myself and my mom keeps reminding me that my son has been the only one for almost 4 years and its hard for him to deal with having to share the spotlight .. I just wanted to let you know your not the only one and to hang in there it will get better

 

I would ask why no one has said anything until it escalated to this point. Something should have been mentioned when he very first started acting out. I would also then ask, how they *now* expect you to do something when it's been going on this long. I taught preschool for about 4 years and I can say this-not listening is perfectly normal for toddler/ preschool age, as is hitting, unfortuantely. Especially for kids who are stressed out by life change, and feel they need some control over something. As a preschool teacher/daycare provider, one needs to be able to handle these things. Why exactly did his past teacher feel she "wasn't able to handle him" or that he was "horrible"? To me that would seem to indicate she's not very patient or qualified. He's got alot going on in his little life right now, and it's only going to get more stressful for him. I also find it appalling that she would use the world "horrible" to describe a little one like that. At the toddler/preschool age they simply are not developmentally able to control themselves or their reactions to situations.

Find out how they are disciplining him-is it time outs, or what? If they're not using time outs, they may want your permission to do that, and let them know that you're ok with them taking away fun things when he acts up. (I used to take away outdoor playtime and free play time.) Some daycares don't disicpline at all, sadly, they just say "no, no" over and over all day, and that's not going to work for him right now. (I've found that most daycares, even if they use a pre-school curriculum seem to think that their only job is to "get all the kids through the day alive" and that it stops there.)
He is craving the structure and boundaries so he doesn't feel so out of control, and *that* is probably why he isn't acting that way at home for you-because he's secure there.
I dont want to sound like I'm making excuses for him-as he does need to be taught to listen at school, but doggone, it seems to me like much more of a problem with the way his daycare does things, than a problem with him. Sounds to me as if he's acting perfectly normally for a little guy who is experiencing what (for a kid that age) is ALOT of change right now.

Best of luck-keep us posted on how he's doing. (And give him a big hug from me!)

 

great previous post (pp) !! I would also post this on the 1-4 thread and see what suggestions they give you.

 

I am living this.. my almost 4 year old son is acting out at preschool and hitting We are trying to deal with is but its so hard.. I feel for you!