Need advice

Okay,
My husband is military and is always gone. My twins are 4 weeks old and I have a 5 year old son. With this said, my husband is gone this week and last night I was at my breaking point. Both girls cried from 5 pm -10 pm. (that is when I finally just put them in the crib and let them CIO) I felt so guilty about doing that and that I was too exhausted to deal. I tried feeding, burping, gass drops, holding, swaddling, swing chairs, bouncy chairs, boppy, singing, music, white noise,....everything. This is the third night of the screaming. Do you think they could both have colic? If so, what do I do for that? Okay, so then once they went to sleep they slept until 5 am!! So, they went from 10 pm-5am. Is this okay? They are formula fed babies. I just need some advice or words of encouragment. DH gets home tonight...thank God!! But, he will be leaving again. I have had friends come over for spurts but they all work and have their own families. And with all of this, I feel bad for my 5 year old because he gets left out b/c I am with the babies. Very frustrating. Okay, that is my vent.

Thanks

Shannon

 

Oh my gosh, I feel for you. Both of my girls were like that every night for a while. :hug99: My dh works second shift so I was alone with them also (although I didn't have a 5 y.o. ). My girls were diagnosed with colic. There were some nights I just couldn't figure out what to do. Most of the time, bouncing them helped the best, but that is SO hard to do by yourself. My biggest piece of advice, maybe contact your friends and see if they could do just one night a week. Maybe you could contact local churches to see if they have any grandmothers to come and help you.

It doesn't last forever thank goodness. :hug99:

 

My girls were both colicky. They cried straight from 7pm-3am every single nite. Luckily I had another person, either my dh or my mom with me during those times so I only had one baby to tend too, but my heart goes out to you for having to go through it alone... :hug99: I tried everything you mentioned, even long car rides with no help, the screaming NEVER stopped! What I finally did was I changed their formula to Nestle Good Start (they were also being fed EBM at this time too) and switched to Dr Brown bottles. The formula helped a little, we tried that first for a week before the bottles. Once I started the bottles, the next nite they were normal happy babies. It was such a dramatic change I was in utter awww of it. So I would definately try the bottles if you havent already. Next I would look into a formula change. I should have done that first, but hey, a new, exhausted mama, I wasnt thinking that straight

 

:hug99: This is such a rough time. If your friends aren't available, can you guys afford to hire a night nurse? I know some women on here have done that and it was a sanity-saver. GL and hang in there. :hug99:

 

I SO know how you feel. Luckily we are out of this stage (the girls got out of the colic stage at about 4 months old). They, too, would scream from 4 or 5 PM until 2 AM ... my husband is a medical resident and I REMEMBER like it was yesterday my first night without him there. From that point on, I TRIED to find someone to help me on those nights. Even if just until 10 PM or so ... or one of my friends came several times after her 11 month old went to bed (what a GREAT girl ... I cried the first time she asked if she could spend the night when he was on call ... I was so touched by her generosity). She spent the night with us and slept in the nursery with the girls ... I got 5 straight hours of sleep and woke up a new woman! You NEED to find someone to help you. I can't imagine what you are going through. My husband was and is gone a lot but not out of town and the overnights are only about once to twice a week.

It WILL get easier! It was very gradual for us ... it was like one night ... they fell asleep at 1AM ... then a few weeks later it was 12 ... then 11 ... etc etc. Just try and get through each HOUR ... it is truly hour by hour at this point. Se if your Mom, MIL, sisters or sisters in law if you have any ... ANYONE ... aunts, cousins, friends ... people love to be needed! Just ASK! I would do it for a friend!

You WILL get through this! I promise! Is your older child in Kindergarten? If not, is there a Mothers Morning Out or preshcool that you could look into? That way, the 5 year old will get some attention ... even if it can't be from you at this point. Again, I can't imagine! I had a hard time just paying attention to my dog at that point!

Good luck to you ... I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time!!! I can totally relate!

 

I CAN ONLY COMPARE YOUR EXPERIENCE TO MY FIRST DAUGHTER WHO WAS COLICKY (AND I KNOW IT ACTUALLY CAN'T COMPARE TO BEING ALONE WITH 2 COLICKY BABIES.) HOWEVER, THE ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT ANY CHALLENGING STAGE IS THAT IT IS A STAGE AND WON'T BE FOREVER. I KNOW IT'S HARD TO THINK LIKE THIS WHEN YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, BUT IF IT AT LEAST CROSSES YOUR MIND IT MIGHT HELP A LITTLE.

GOOD LUCK.

LISA

 

My girls used to do the same thing every evening. I talked to the pedi about it and she said there have actually been studies done that show babies get increasing fussy when the sun goes down. Several of the moms on here reccommend I try Happiest Baby on the Block, it comes in the form of a book and DVD. It was/is a sanity saver for me because my DH is also gone a lot for work. GL I know how frustrating it can be.

 

Dr Browns bottles help a lot if it is colic. Also I would sit mine on the dryer, or in the vibrating bouncy seat that was alife saver for me. I agree with the pp you should try and see if someone could help. My sister came one night a week and stayed up with them (she works night shift) other times my mom would come when she got off work 430ish and I would go to bed, then around midnight she would go home and I would get up with a whole new outlook. :love0028:

 

Oh yes both of my girls were colicy for about 8 wks. Once Alyssa cried from 9am-5pm. I called my mom around noon (100+ miles away) crying and said "I NEED YOU", she was there in 3 hours with 3 pizzas!! Fed my family took the screaming baby and suddenly things got better! It is so hard to deal and I am sorry for you. Remember that in just a few short weeks it will be all better. We used gripe water and that seemed to help but certain brands have been recalled so beware when using. It shouldnt last longer than 12 wks (I couldnt see your ticker so I hve no idea how old your girlies are :blush: ) Anyway good luck to you!!

 

Thank you so much for all of the advice! I am going to try the bottles, talk to the ped. about switching formula, and I ordered the DVD! THANK YOU FOR THE WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT and for not making me feel like a "bad mom".

Shannon

 

If there is nothing else to be done (fed, clean diaper, etc) and you want to try CIO, this may seem like a simple suggestion, but try earplugs! If you seriously want to see if CIO works, the earplugs may not actually completely drown out the crying, but it will be MUCH more tolerable. I had to do it at one point to save my sanity.
I did CIO (felt terribly guilty but at wits end). After several days, she would just whimper a little and go to sleep. It did work at night. Unfortunately, naptimes are still a problem though.

 

Her babies are colicky and only 4 weeks old! CIO is for babies that are old enough (hers are absolutely not, they still need nighttime feedings) and that have no physical problems. Colic is painful for babies and to leave them alone, to CIO, being in pain is cruel!

 

My DD had terrible colic. I am alone evenings as my Dh worked 5 pm to 5 am when they were little. It is rough. around the end I found gripe water that did miracles for my DD. It might be worth a try. I know . We have all been there. I woudl get out if you can during the day to ahve a break, I visited a lot of friends so I coudl have a break and adult interaction. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

There is new info that probiotics can help with colicky babies.
If you look up BioGaia that is one brand of probiotic drops.

 

Put them in the crib and walk away! I've had to do this sometimes, but it's better that way then trying to deal with it and actually breaking! Of course you'll feel guilt (I hate it too), but sometimes you need a break, so let it go. I'm dealing with alot of this too, so I really dont have the "right answer", but let yourself breath if you need too, it's okay! As for colic, I've been giving mine gas drops and laying them on tummys for a while. It's been working so far (cross my fingers!) Good Luck! :hug99:

 

no advice on colicky babies but wanted to send some thoughts your way. Hang in there this too shall pass.

 

Hey there, you did the right thing by putting them in the crib. I dealt with the exact same thing from week 5-14....every single night. My DH travels two nights a week and those nights were so so so hard. I used to get anxiety attacks before he left. I put both the girls in bed with me and just cluster fed (breastfed) and held them in my bed. I'd hold one for a while then swaddle and lay her on the bed and start again with the next...this went on for hours.

Anyway, you'll get through it. It's insanely stressful. I hope it gets better soon.

 

I found the only thing that helped my son was to put him in his swing and put the vacuum cleaner on next to him...I would get a half hour or 45 min of peace - it was much easier to yell over the vacuum than it was to scream over the screaming...

 

I totally feel for you. Both of mine had colic/reflux. They switched formulas and were "different" babies. Every night from about 4 or 5 - 10ish would cry.. My DH would come home at 9-10 and i would just be sitting in the rocking chair with both of them...

You are doing great and this stage does not last forever..

BUT WOO HOO for them sleeping from 10pm-5am.. I wish i was that lucky!! Mine still wake 2-3 times at night;...

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Feb 24 2008, 02:23 PM) [snapback]638374[/snapback]
Her babies are colicky and only 4 weeks old! CIO is for babies that are old enough (hers are absolutely not, they still need nighttime feedings) and that have no physical problems. Colic is painful for babies and to leave them alone, to CIO, being in pain is cruel!


I have to agree with Angie- 4 weeks old is too young to CIO... I know it's hard, but try what others have suggested about switching formulas and using different bottles, but I wouldn't put them in their cribs and walk away if you can help it... Good luck! I can't imagine how tough it is having 2 newborns (and a 5 year old) to care for!

 

Both my girls had colic used to scream every night from 6-11pm it woz hard for us to handle and I had DH by my side, we would hold them, take for long walks etc.. . Although I know thats gonna be hard especially with a 5 year old and dinner time and bedtime.

I couldn't leave them to cry although on ocassion just to run to the bathroom I would maybe just for 2 minutes. I think they need comfort, just set urself up on the couch and hold them and know ur not going to get anything done during that time (I know easy for me to say), maybe an early dinner with ur son at 4.30pm before all he!! breaks loose.

Good luck and hopefully it doesn't last too long.



amanda

 

QUOTE(angie7 @ Feb 23 2008, 02:38 PM) [snapback]637000[/snapback]
My girls were both colicky. They cried straight from 7pm-3am every single nite. Luckily I had another person, either my dh or my mom with me during those times so I only had one baby to tend too, but my heart goes out to you for having to go through it alone... :hug99: I tried everything you mentioned, even long car rides with no help, the screaming NEVER stopped! What I finally did was I changed their formula to Nestle Good Start (they were also being fed EBM at this time too) and switched to Dr Brown bottles. The formula helped a little, we tried that first for a week before the bottles. Once I started the bottles, the next nite they were normal happy babies. It was such a dramatic change I was in utter awww of it. So I would definately try the bottles if you havent already. Next I would look into a formula change. I should have done that first, but hey, a new, exhausted mama, I wasnt thinking that straight



Ditto. Griffin and Ella were both coliky and we ended up trying soy formula instead of Enfamil with Lipil and that didn't work. We then tried ALimentum and the Dr. Brown's bottles...the very next feeding, we saw improvement. I could only take 2 weeks of the constant crying, before we made the change- so congratulations to you momma! I had tried everything and it was about to kill us all! I would seriously try the new bottles, they are expensive, but worth it. To this day, the twins are almost 10 months old, and they still react unfavorably to anything but those bottles or a sippy cup! Good luck!

 

Okay, the vacuum is my new best friend! I put that sucker on and BAM! Crying stopped. Is it okay to just leave it on? It bought me an hour of peace!! I felt like a new woman! :a_smil09:

I am taking the girls to the doctor to check on the colic situation....still having problems with that but at least I got an hour of peace last night!

Shannon

SEDNING HUGS TO THE MOST ENCOURAGING WOMEN I KNOW... :love0028:

 

Our babies were also very fussy between 5-10. We found out that they were just tired and overstimulated at the end of the day. We then take them in a quiet and dark bedroom until 7. Then we have a little routine: they take their bath, have a massage and eat their last bottle before going to bed for the night (until the next feeding, 3-4 hours later). Starting a bedtime is the best thing we have done for them and for us. Good luck and hang in there!

 

I found if mine were awake too much during the day they would be overly tired in the evenings. There is what is called the "witching hour" were in the evenings most babies get fussy.... but if they were over tired it was worst. It took them 45 mins to feed sometimes -- I didn't have them awake much more than 1.5 hours. I would focus on settling them during the day before they got too tired. (staring off into space is a sign for the young ones)

Yes put them on their tummy -- great on your knees !! Gives you arms to hold the other one.

Bath in the evening can sometimes help -- it doesn't hurt. Or if you feel confident... shower much quicker. The johnston and Johnston bed bath lotion and soap was good.

Swings ? Some twin parents have two swings and that is where they sleep for 3 months even at night ! For twin moms it is whatever works.

My husband is military too mine are just over 3 months -- makes for a long day and night when they are away for a whole week at a time. I was lucky he was home for 4 weeks after they were born.

They are the worst at 6 weeks from their due date and they get better after that.

all the best

Heather

 

Ah, I remember when I too posted about the witching hour. It seemed horrible at the time. Turns out my DD did have colic and DS was just wild. She still has colic but is under control with formula change and some meds.

I remember one day they were both just screaming and I too did all those things to get them comfortable. My friend called and said she was rushing over to help me. She couldn't believe what was happening. She put DS in the crib and put the hair dryer on. 3 minutes later he slept for 2 hours!!!!!

DD slept in her swing most nights or on us. In the beginning you do what you need to do to get sleep. I know that is hard being by yourself and with a 5 year old. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.

 

I also think that at that age, they should not go that long without eating. I would talk to your pediatrician about that.

 

If the vacuum cleaner worked, then you can get a white noise machine -- Homedics makes one, available at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond -- and turn it up REALLY loudly. Or, there are also white noise CD's available, if you prefer that....

Good luck! You'll learn lots of tricks from the Happiest Baby DVD -- my favorite among them is swaddling. Have you tried swaddling the babies very tightly?

 

Our twins were born 11/23/07; at this moment they are at an adjusted age of roughly 8 weeks (they were bor 6 weeks early).

Our DD has colic; our DS is fussy - almost as bad! What has helped us:
Get MIRACLE BLANKETS!!! Just do it. I know they seem like baby-straight-jackets. I don't care. They will sleep longer and more calmly.

Watch "the Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD. There's a technique for "shushing" that WILL calm them down. Even if it's only for a little while - but it breaks their momentum, if you know what I mean. The "technique" involves:
1. Tightly wrapping the kid (just like with a Miracle Blanket);
2. Placing kid on side/stomach;
3. Loud "shushing in/near their ear. LOUD (think Vacuum cleaner)!
4. While "shushing", gently "jiggle" them back and forth. Gently - but firmly.
5. Place a pacifier in their mouth during the above.
This can take several minutes. Kid goes into a kind of trance. It's wild.
Repeat as necessary.

Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old. It's a book. Get it! It helps with daily structure. We started a couple of weeks ago and they are beginning to go to single night feedings.
For instance:
During the day, they eat at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, then get put down to sleep.
At night, they started by following the same 4-hr schedule: 10pm, 2am...
Then start over at 6am.
This schedule is flexible; the book is short and basic and helps flesh out a structure. Its purpose is to wean the kids off of night feedings altogether, so that they get "Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old".
Last night our DD had only 1 (one!) night feeding. Wow. I can almost imagine going to zero night feedings. Well, not quite! But one hopes..

We found a nice lady through Craigslist who is a night-nurse for us. There are places in our area that offer similar services (doula-trained nurses, etc) whose services were around $40/hr. Good Lord! The nice lady from Craigslist charges us $17/hr. She was a midwife in Peru and is a Registered Nurse here. She. Is. Awesome.
Twice a week with her gives us both (myself and my DW) a full night's sleep. IT IS WORTH IT. And it's not forever - just till they start sleeping through the night.

Anyhow, we're still at the start of our journey. I'm sure we'll make a ton of mistakes.
But we're not alone.
And neither are you.

Best of luck!
H.

 

I'm so sorry, it sounds incredibly stressful. ALthough it doesn't help right now, this stage WILL pass. That said - I agree, they are much to young to really let them CIO, but that doesn't mean walking away for a few minutes, taking a few DEEP breaths (and letting them out slowly) will hurt them.

Also - ditto, get WHATEVER help you can! I say it all the time: being a twin mom taught me to ask for help. Local churches/synagogues, other military moms, WHOMever you can get. It is just crazy-making being alone with twinfants, and add hours of screaming to that...

Yes, talk to your pedi about different formula. And about letting them go that long w/out feeding - generally they need to eat at least every three hours. Mostly try to hang in there; you are in a really tough stage. Big hug!

 

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Mar 1 2008, 03:01 PM) [snapback]648400[/snapback]
If the vacuum cleaner worked, then you can get a white noise machine -- Homedics makes one, available at Target and Bed, Bath & Beyond -- and turn it up REALLY loudly. Or, there are also white noise CD's available, if you prefer that....

Good luck! You'll learn lots of tricks from the Happiest Baby DVD -- my favorite among them is swaddling. Have you tried swaddling the babies very tightly?



Ditto, we STILL have the vaccume CD going in dd's room!!!! She listens to it at naps and bedtime. Ds likes white noise better (they have seperate rooms). We used to have it MUCH louder than we do now (barely up now).