Need Advice

I know this is really petty but I have to vent. My MIL has never really been helpful with our kids and it has been a sore subject between my DH and MIL since our first child was born 3 1/2 years ago. She lives 10 minutes from us and never offers to help. We basically have to beg her to watch the kids and she will go 4-5 weeks without even seeing them. It's so sad because my DH wants her to be a part of their lives and she doesn't make any effort at all. On the other hand my parents and sister are very involved. They want to be around our kids all the time and see them at least 4 times per week. We have been so lucky to have their support and will need it more than ever with the twins coming. Anyway, we found out that we are having girls. My MIL called me last night and told me (not asked or suggested) that we name one of the girls after her and one after my mother. Her reason was because it would be a "nice tribute to both grandmothers since they both help us so much". I couldn't believe it! She really does nothing. The bad thing is that we had already thought of using our mothers' names for middle names but now I don't want to because she expects it. I know I'm being stupid and will probably do it anyway but I'm so mad. I feel like she took the fun out of it. Any suggestions?

 

they are YOUR babies!!! You name them what you want!! I would NEVER let my MIL try and name one of the kids!!
If you DO want to use it, then do it. But don't let her pressure you. If she questions.. Just say that You and DH decided differently.

We did use my middle name (which is also my mom's!!) and DH's grandmother's (DH's Dad's Mom) middle name. I think she was a little peeved but so what!!

 

Thanks! I don't want to use her name at all.

 

I wonder if my MIL and your MIL are related? You need to make your own decisions about naming your babies and not be pressured by her. You will resent her more if you cave into her demands. And honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't give my child her name because then I would be constantly reminded of her. Ugh.

 

QUOTE(Gordana @ Dec 18 2007, 11:57 AM) [snapback]538960[/snapback]
I wonder if my MIL and your MIL are related? You need to make your own decisions about naming your babies and not be pressured by her. You will resent her more if you cave into her demands. And honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't give my child her name because then I would be constantly reminded of her. Ugh.


Exactly! The poor baby would be named after someone who really has some serious issues and I don't want that.

 

We kept their names secret until they were born for exactly that reason. Wayyyyyy too much input if you start sharing the name-choosing process!
Do you even LIKE your MIL's name? I agree it's tricky if you use your mother's name and not hers, but I would feel exactly the same way - it will be a thorn in your side for YEARS to come if you do give one of them her middle name. (Think of graduations, wedding, etc....)
Choose names YOU and DH like, who cares about everyone else? And I think your MIL will drop the subject after a while once they are born, I mean, even she must figure out eventually that it is really petty to go around saying "well, I was HOPING they would name one of them after me...."
We chose a name from each side as their middle names - the first name of a great grandmother, and the last name from the other side. My parents didn't really like the last name (from the other side), but too bad, I like it!
I don't think you are being petty at all. I nixxed my MIL's first name as a middle name for one of my girls when my DH brought it up, who knows, she may have been secretly hoping the same, she is just the type!

 

My MIL only insisted on one name we COULDNT use, Emily, and I LOVED it. But it was the name of her father's 1st wife who treated MIL really badly, so out of that respect I let Emily go. We indeed did name our DDs one after MIL and one after my sister (my 1st DD is named after my mother). Anyway in your case I would basically tell her to stick it (of course not in that language) they are your babies name them what you want!!!

 

Jeesh, that takes a lot of nerve to tell you to do that! My girls' middle names are their grandmother's first names, but that was our decision and both of them were so grateful and delighted that we did that. Never once did they ever suggest we do it though.

I'd be tempted to give them both the same middle name - your mom's.

 

QUOTE(Babies4Susan @ Dec 18 2007, 12:34 PM) [snapback]539000[/snapback]
Jeesh, that takes a lot of nerve to tell you to do that! My girls' middle names are their grandmother's first names, but that was our decision and both of them were so grateful and delighted that we did that. Never once did they ever suggest we do it though.

I'd be tempted to give them both the same middle name - your mom's.


Great Idea!

 

QUOTE(jcs @ Dec 18 2007, 12:18 PM) [snapback]538975[/snapback]
We kept their names secret until they were born for exactly that reason. Wayyyyyy too much input if you start sharing the name-choosing process!
Do you even LIKE your MIL's name? I agree it's tricky if you use your mother's name and not hers, but I would feel exactly the same way - it will be a thorn in your side for YEARS to come if you do give one of them her middle name. (Think of graduations, wedding, etc....)
Choose names YOU and DH like, who cares about everyone else? And I think your MIL will drop the subject after a while once they are born, I mean, even she must figure out eventually that it is really petty to go around saying "well, I was HOPING they would name one of them after me...."
We chose a name from each side as their middle names - the first name of a great grandmother, and the last name from the other side. My parents didn't really like the last name (from the other side), but too bad, I like it!
I don't think you are being petty at all. I nixxed my MIL's first name as a middle name for one of my girls when my DH brought it up, who knows, she may have been secretly hoping the same, she is just the type!


I know, I figure we have to use both of our mom's names or neither. <_<

 

Between all 4 of my girls we used my MIL's first and middle names, my mom's middle, my sister's middle, and our grandma's first names (they were the same.) 3 of the 8 names we chose because we liked them. Fortunately no one put any pressure on us to choose their name. Actually my mom and SIL begged us NOT to use their first names!!

 

Don't listen to your MIL! You'll always regret it if you use a name you don't want to use.

Perhaps you could use your mom's middle name or a variation of one of her names, even her maiden name, for one baby, so your mom knows you're honoring her. The other baby could honor a grandmother (yours or DH's) or a special friend, even a feminine variation of DH's name if that works. You could even let your mom choose the middle name for one or both babies, that would be very special too.

When I named my DD Emily, my MIL told everyone that the baby was named after her Great-aunt Emma (not true, didn't even know she HAD an Great-aunt Emma!) and she insisted on calling her Emma. That drove me bonkers! I kept correcting her, telling her it was EMILY not EMMA, but it took months before she stopped calling her Emma! Guess she just finally gave up, lol.

I have a niece named Summer Lynn who has always gone by just her first name. From the very start my MIL called her "Summerlin" because she thought it was "prettier" (Summer was an unusual name in the 70's!) and she even spelled it Summerlin on Summer's first birthday card!!!! My SIL was NOT amused to say the least. Fortunately MIL gave up on this too, eventually. Summer is older than my DD so I should have known something like that would happen with us .....

Anyway, sorry so long-winded ... just wanted to encourage you to name your babies what PLEASES YOU AND DH!!! That's all that counts, and your MIL will get over it. Mine did, God love her!

Best wishes!

 

that would so chap my hide!!!! My mom actually suggested the name Helga for our daughter. I soooo wish I was kidding. But seriously. I have a niece named Tait (which I think is adorable) who is now FIVE, and my mother *still* makes comments about her name (her favorite phrase is, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...") It's so annoying. Bottom line: There is NO WAY someone could guilt me into naming a child something I didn't want. You should not ever even address it with her. If she asks, you just say, "we haven't decided". Who does she think she is anyways--asking to have a kid named after her. A bit presumptous IMO.


Reyna

 

I would tell her that you have already decided on names and will let her know what you have decided when you are ready and that she may or may not be represented

 

QUOTE(Grandma2TwinBoys @ Dec 18 2007, 05:28 PM) [snapback]539471[/snapback]
Don't listen to your MIL! You'll always regret it if you use a name you don't want to use.

Perhaps you could use your mom's middle name or a variation of one of her names, even her maiden name, for one baby, so your mom knows you're honoring her. The other baby could honor a grandmother (yours or DH's) or a special friend, even a feminine variation of DH's name if that works. You could even let your mom choose the middle name for one or both babies, that would be very special too.

When I named my DD Emily, my MIL told everyone that the baby was named after her Great-aunt Emma (not true, didn't even know she HAD an Great-aunt Emma!) and she insisted on calling her Emma. That drove me bonkers! I kept correcting her, telling her it was EMILY not EMMA, but it took months before she stopped calling her Emma! Guess she just finally gave up, lol.

I have a niece named Summer Lynn who has always gone by just her first name. From the very start my MIL called her "Summerlin" because she thought it was "prettier" (Summer was an unusual name in the 70's!) and she even spelled it Summerlin on Summer's first birthday card!!!! My SIL was NOT amused to say the least. Fortunately MIL gave up on this too, eventually. Summer is older than my DD so I should have known something like that would happen with us .....

Anyway, sorry so long-winded ... just wanted to encourage you to name your babies what PLEASES YOU AND DH!!! That's all that counts, and your MIL will get over it. Mine did, God love her!

Thank you so much!

Best wishes!



QUOTE(mrsfussypants @ Dec 18 2007, 05:35 PM) [snapback]539480[/snapback]
that would so chap my hide!!!! My mom actually suggested the name Helga for our daughter. I soooo wish I was kidding. But seriously. I have a niece named Tait (which I think is adorable) who is now FIVE, and my mother *still* makes comments about her name (her favorite phrase is, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet...") It's so annoying. Bottom line: There is NO WAY someone could guilt me into naming a child something I didn't want. You should not ever even address it with her. If she asks, you just say, "we haven't decided". Who does she think she is anyways--asking to have a kid named after her. A bit presumptous IMO.
Reyna



No Kidding!!!

 

QUOTE(****mws**** @ Dec 18 2007, 12:34 PM) [snapback]539001[/snapback]
heres my biggest mistake..

naming my son after my fil whoom i dispize now..

e david w..

they use both names like country bumpkins.. no offence..

but i so regret giving him my x fil's name..

 

:lol:

 

My mother came up with 2 names for our boys before they were born and we actually liked them. Then we ended up changing our minds and she said, "well I will call them what I want anyway". Don't let it get to you. You choose whatever names you think are best for your children. Your MIL will accept it eventually anyway--although it was pretty gutsy of her to suggest it!

 

QUOTE(first-time-mom @ Dec 18 2007, 07:15 PM) [snapback]539623[/snapback]
My mother came up with 2 names for our boys before they were born and we actually liked them. Then we ended up changing our minds and she said, "well I will call them what I want anyway". Don't let it get to you. You choose whatever names you think are best for your children. Your MIL will accept it eventually anyway--although it was pretty gutsy of her to suggest it!



That's how she is!

 

by all means, name your kids whatever you and dh want, i find it incredibly presumptious of her to ask for her name to be included!! honestly, the nerve....who came up with the idea of MILs anyway?? :lol: at least you have time to decide whether to leave her in or out of it, maybe you should tell her she should EARN it during the remainder of the pregnancy, and then decide whether she's worthy LOL

 

I am so sorry, your MIL sounds like mine. We told her that we had decided to give one of our daughters her first name for a middle name and she was upset because we were not going to make it her first name! Name your babies what you want! They are yours!

 

They are your babies and you name them what you want!! That is one of the highest honors of being a parent--giving a name to your children for life!!

FWIW, I am a petty person with my MIL and I probably would not name with her name if it was something she suggested, just because.

 

I'm with the previous posters ... don't let your MIL sway you in any way. I did and I totally regret it. Basically my MIL called every other week giving us suggestions for names. I have totally different taste than her. Well, we were planning to name our twin daughter Claire and at my baby shower my MIL told me that she hates the name and she took a poll with all her friends and they hate it too. I was so hurt and it caused quite a rift. When Jack and Meghan were born it took 4 days before I agreed to a name ... Meghan was always one of my favorite names, but truth be told ... I wish we used Claire. I totally resent my MIL for that and I'm STILL struggling with Meghan's name because of it. Plus we named Jack after my FIL and I don't feel like he appreciated it (inlaws are divorced). I feel like my inlaws ruined one of the neatest things about having children ... naming them. <_<

 

You just can't win with names, huh? There's always going to be someone who isn't pleased or people who just don't like it for whatever reason (although I think most of them wouldn't say so). For our first DD, we used a variation of my mom's first name for her middle name. When I was pregnant with our first set of twins and things started going downhill (TTTS), we wanted to decide on their names so people could think of them/pray for them by name. We chose DH's mom's middle name for one of our girls. It's also part of great gramma's name. Well, then we ended up losing both of our girls and I always get the feeling that my MIL wasn't all that impressed since her granddaughter wouldn't be alive to "carry the name." I don't remember her saying that she felt honored or anything. While I was on bedrest with the set of twins we have now, my MIL came up to help out and the anniversary of C and M's death rolled around. I think DH and I were even talking about it some, and she said NOTHING about our loss! Anyway, sorry to go off the subject...

You just can't please EVERYONE. I can't believe that your MIL actually demanded that her name be used! I would say something like "We already decided on names that have very special meaning to us, and we've already been referring to them by those names."