Need Advice on Toddler Adjusting To New Babies

My 3.5 year old "spirited" toddler was okay with the babies for the first day or so. Now, he looks at them with disgust and says he does not want and did not want babies. He yells at them if they cry..."STOP CRYING BABY!" and the other day he put his elbow up to Joseph's ear and nudged him and said "argh! i don't like babies"! we are trying very hard to ensure this is a good transition but i'm not sure if this is normal or not.....

I keep his routine as much the same as possible. (still lay down with him each night, activities, etc.)

I try to not have babies in my arms when he arrives home from daycare...rather greet him like normal and focus on him and his day.

I offer for him to help us out by feeding or getting blankies, etc. (he does help but then picks at them and i'm afraid he would hurt them as he gets a little rough and i have to say "gentle"...then he says he does not like them again.

We tell him every day how much he is loved and we ensure to have quality separate time with him.

Sooo.....is this just a transition thing he has to go through? He's even having nightmares and crying out several times throughout the night, which he never did before. He's crying that he does not want to go to daycare every day and he never did this before. The whole house is out of whack.

I'm afraid he will hate them forever. I could cry thinking about it all.

Any advice?

 

QUOTE(Little June Bug @ Jun 11 2009, 11:27 AM) [snapback]1350203[/snapback]
Sooo.....is this just a transition thing he has to go through? He's even having nightmares and crying out several times throughout the night, which he never did before. He's crying that he does not want to go to daycare every day and he never did this before. The whole house is out of whack.


:hug: It sounds like you are doing everything you can be doing to help the situation. We had some night waking as well for attention. I tried to spend as much time with our DD that I could. When the boys were napping I would color or play with her. If I was feeding we would watch a show together. On the weekends I would take her out and run errands and grab a bite to eat with her. Hang in there.

 

Oh no! I'm so sorry, it sure can seem rough! :hug: for both of you!

I guess my kids were always so busy being a part of everything, they loved having the responsibilities. However, I had to "give" in my own way, like put on the outfits they picked out, let them help with the diaper even if it wasn't perfectly straight, etc. But, giving them a lot of the control with a new little one made our transition better.

And then doing like you have been doing, making time for just them, not changing the routine, etc. :hug: You are doing it right, the adjustment will come. I remember my step-brother's daughter was a little over 4 when her baby brother was born, and she absolutely DID NOT want him to stay. She wanted to send him back. This lasted for a couple weeks, and then she adjusted. So...there is an end, it may not seem in sight right now, but the adjustment will come :hug:

 

My DD was much younger than your son when my boys were born, but we went through the same rough transition. She had been such a calm and happy little girl, then the boys came. She threw tempers, and would say or do things just to be mean to them. I was seriously afraid that I had ruined my sweet girl.

I am happy to say, though, that my DD recovered from the shock of going from an only child, to one of three. She is now 4.5 and she and her brothers are wonderful friends and playmates.

For us, I think it took several weeks for my DD to settle into the new routine of having little brothers. I too, tried to keep DD's routine as much the same as I could, but the fact is, her life did change. I couldn't be there for her as quickly as I could before. She adjusted though, and I'm sure your little guy will as well.

Hang in there. I remember very clearly how tough it was to watch the adjustment, but it is an adjustment. It will get better. :hug:

 

I don't have a toddler older than my twins, but I was 4.5 when my brother was born. I hated him. I wanted him gone. I still remember how much I didn't like him. I tried to sell him, give him away, etc. I wanted a sister. On and on. I got past it, and he ended up being a pretty cool little guy. I learned I could boss him around and eventually we were able to play together, etc. We are good friends now. He won't always hate them. This is just a really tough transition. I think it's extremely normal actually. Heck, I wasn't sure I didn't want the babies gone at first - I can't imagine how a 3 1/2 year old feels!

 

The only toddler I had when there was a baby was with my oldest two singletons. But I did the same thing with all my kids when new babies came no matter their ages. I would talk for the baby(ies) and say.. "Oh look sissy/baby brother loves you. S/he thinks you are so funny, look at how s/he smiles and laughs when you walk by." I would even hold whole conversations between the baby and his/her older sibling(s). It seemed to work. All my kids loved their baby brother or sisters. It was when the younger sibling got older and could talk and get into stuff that we started having issues

 

Although my oldest never got to where she was saying she didn't want the babies or nudging them like you described, we could tell she had a bit of adjustment going on. She was the only one for 2.5 yrs. before they came along and then all of sudden boom. Even if you're still trying to keep routine, they just feel like they aren't the only ones anymore and may feel like the time you have to spend on 2 babies is taking away from his time. I did try to include my DD in a lot of actvities with them. I also made sure that as soon as the babies got on a nap schedule, I spent that time as one on one time with her even if I was exhausted. We'd play some quiet games, read, cuddle, etc. We also tried to make sure one of us (DH or I) took her places by herself (dinner, museum, etc.) whenever possible. The transition seemed to last a few months and then things were fine. She still loves them to pieces and we still try to give her (and each of the kids) their one on one time when possible.