Nasty Mother in - Law and another Question :)

I was just wondering if anyone else is having mother in law issues. I have a Nasty one. Nothing I say or do is right since i got pregnant with the twins and even if i agree or say or do what she says it still isnt right. Its like dealing with a 5 year old. Its gone through her demanding to be in the delivery room, to wanting 24 visitation in nicu if they need it to making fun of the names we choose and wanting us to name one after her, to wanting me to go back to work full time so she can just watch them every day. The list goes on and on I tell you lol I was wondering if anyone else went or is going through this- make me feel better lol

I was also wonder who else cant breathe!!! lol Its soo hard to breathe with at my lungs!

 

The good news is....you will have to deliver in the OR and she won't be allowed!! That's the best part. You can blame the hospital and the doctors!! There are seriously like 20 people in there (or so it seemed).

Don't let her bully you and stand your ground. Make your hubby stand up to her as well. Don't share name information with anyone (you don't have to do it!) and everytime she makes you feel bad - pull the WELL RECENT STUDIES (not 30 years ago when you had your kids) STATE THAT >>>>> __________. "THanks for the input, but I am going along with my medical professionals and pediatricians on major decisions affecting MY babies health and welfare "

It's going to be a long road with a nightmare like that!! When you can throw her a bone and ask her how to do something (I don't know what to pick, but....find something) and then thank her for the advice or whatever and move on. :hug99: I feel for you SO deeply, you have it tough!!

 

lmao! thank you so much- its almost comical but im getting tooo tired for her bull. tonight now she hates me bc i didnt invite her to a baby shower my friends is throwing for all of us young girls not a family thing lol all i can do is laugh
we arnt going to call her untl after the babies are born lol she lives down the street

 

Oh my Gosh!!!! She sounds like a nightmare!!! Geez, she thinks it's all about her, huh? :icon_eek: (I can only imagine how she was around your wedding time?!) Sadly, my mother in law passed away last year but she would never have acted that way. (We're sad that she will never know her 1st grandchildren. ) Does your hubby say anything to her or is he afraid of her? I think I would be!! That sucks tho that she lives down the street too- you can't get away from her! Try your hardest to not let her bother you and good luck!

 

Thats the best part lol we havent even got married yet. we were suppost to get married like 3 differnt times but the dates all had to be changed because of her. We were suppost to get married in maine..his aunt had a resort there she owns, we live in florida but his mom didnt want to pay to fly up there. So we changed our plans and she ended up going to maine anyway with his father for business. So then when we were working on the date and watching the house while they were gone i found out i was pregnant. lol so we just moved into our house and are now working on that and dealing with the insurance we will need for the family once they are born im still on my parents plan. My husband tells her off all the time, she doesnt care. Even if were over at her house just tring to be nice she had snooty little comments for us. Demanding when shes going to get them and take them out and there not even here yet! She doesnt like my mother because i always ask her if i have any questions but im a triplet lol who better to ask about multiples! lmao






QUOTE(Kristin7 @ Jan 28 2008, 12:46 AM) [snapback]592659[/snapback]
Oh my Gosh!!!! She sounds like a nightmare!!! Geez, she thinks it's all about her, huh? :icon_eek: (I can only imagine how she was around your wedding time?!) Sadly, my mother in law passed away last year but she would never have acted that way. (We're sad that she will never know her 1st grandchildren. ) Does your hubby say anything to her or is he afraid of her? I think I would be!! That sucks tho that she lives down the street too- you can't get away from her! Try your hardest to not let her bother you and good luck!

 

Wow, I don't envy your situation with her. It may be akward, but I think you need to stand your ground now and hopefully put an end to all of this. If you don't, I imagine it could only get worse.

My inlaws all live in Alabama, so I don't have problems with them up here in NY. My mom wanted desperately to be in the delivery room with my last child and I found that it was difficult to tell her that wasn't what we wanted. She was upset, but it was OUR experience.

She asked me recently who my husband and I had chosen to fill in for him if he isn't back from Iraq when our twins are born, and was upset again when I told her that we had chosen one of my sisters.

I finally make no excuses for my decisions, and do what I feel is best for my family. I wouldn't even let her come to the airport when my husband left because she is much too emotional and I wanted a more controlled environment for my daughters. (I had a going away thing for him where everyone could say goodbye, and my sister came to help me with my girls. It went so much smoother than I think it otherwise would have!)

Don't be afraid to be honest with her. She can't have her way with you and your family all the time. Goodluck!

 

Gosh.. I would tell her to shove it!!! Its not her decision its yours.. Having a baby or babies... Is a private thing not a family affair..
FYI.. they let my mom in the OR with DH (along with 3 docs and 3 nurses 4 me, 1 doc for the babies and about 6 extra nurses) .. But you dont have to tell MIL about that! My MIL doesnt even "care" about these babies. They havent ever even seen them.. They are 5 months old.

 

For a minute there, I thought you were describing MY MIL!!! I wish I could tell you that things changed for me once they got here...but not so much. I agree with the PP and stand your ground. They are YOUR babies, and you have every right to raise them as you see fit...regardless of whether or not she agrees with you. Talk to you SO about it also, hopefully he will talk to her. My DH had to talk to his mom, and things have been better since then. Good Luck!

 

QUOTE(troublewitangels @ Jan 27 2008, 11:52 PM) [snapback]592624[/snapback]
I was just wondering if anyone else is having mother in law issues. I have a Nasty one. Nothing I say or do is right since i got pregnant with the twins and even if i agree or say or do what she says it still isnt right. Its like dealing with a 5 year old. Its gone through her demanding to be in the delivery room, to wanting 24 visitation in nicu if they need it to making fun of the names we choose and wanting us to name one after her, to wanting me to go back to work full time so she can just watch them every day. The list goes on and on I tell you lol I was wondering if anyone else went or is going through this- make me feel better lol

I was also wonder who else cant breathe!!! lol Its soo hard to breathe with at my lungs!

I am so far behind on posts here, but had to respond to this one. My mother in law has become my worst nightmare. She was overbearing to start with, and now....I can hardly stand it. Tomorrow is my baby shower, she is throwing it....the baby shower I have told her from day one I did not want, but she won't listen. I registered to get her off my back. This past week has been one phone call after another to my husband(of course I am not suppose to know) about how the bouncy chairs we want are crap, how this and that is not what WE want or need for the babies.....then she will say how she has no clue what to buy b/c she doesn't know what we want....HELLO!!!! it is all on the registry. Which she is upset that we didn't put "big ticket" items on(which to me, we did) because she has spent so much money over the years on other family member's showers, it is their turn to spend it on me....whatever!!!!

She is very mad she won't be in the deliver room. Before I knew I would be in the OR I had already told her no....boy was she offended. For me labor and delivery is not a family event. It is for the mom and the husband/boyfriend/s.o. Not a huge family function. When I later told her that I would be in the OR in case of an emergency c-section, she said I probably asked for that, so she couldn't be there. I honestly think she is hoping my husband is working out of town when I go into labor and she has to take me.

When we picked girl names, she had issues with one of the names....Each time we would see her...oh are you still going to name her that if she is a girl??? UGH

I am sorry, this is such a sore spot for me right now. I have been in tears daily this past week b/c of her. I really don't want to be made to feel like I can't raise a baby(I have raised two) and that me and my husband can't make the best choices for our babies.

We had planned on having a long sit down with her about two/three weeks ago when her and her daughter had a huge thing, with her daughter telling her off, and now we are trying not to upset her more. Once this stupid babyshower is over, we will see how she is reacting to how we are doing things. At some point we will have to sit down with her. She doesn't realize it, but she is putting a huge gap in our relationship and it is getting where I really don't need her around the babies once they are born. I don't want to feel that way, but things just get worse and worse each week.

I could go on and on and on but the more I think about everything I get so frustrated. Sorry this was so long, just know ou are not alone. Sorry you are dealing with this too. It really does take away a lot of the joy of this whole experience.

Dianna

 

Get mad, put your foot down. NO MIL should ever be in the delivery room if you don't feel comfortable. She can see them 2 mins after there born. As for NICU visitation....I'd say ok. But make certain the nurses know she has a time limit if shes bossy boot her out.
Don't take it or the more she'll push. She'll demand to move in next.

 

Oh my gosh, I could tell you stories that would make your skin crawl. Fortunately, the only time I saw mine while preggers was at my shower. Hang in there and focus on yourself. TRY and not let her get to you, although it is soooo hard. :hug99:

 

MIL's can be tough. Since the day I started dating my husband, my MIL has made it clear that I am not what she had in mind for her son. You name it she has harped on me about it. She is one of those that says things you think are nice, but once you think about it it actually is a horrible insult. I thought it was going to be the same thing when the twins were born, but for the most part she has suprised me. My DH did have a heart to heart with her when I was about 6 months pregnant and let her know that they were our kids and her role was a Grandma and not a parent. We may ask her for advice, but we may or may not take it and it is up to us on how we decide to raise our kids. I would strongly recomend a face to face chat with your mil and DH and hopefully that will help. Just keep reminding her that they are your kids. Be firm and consistent with her and she will hopefully get the picture. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

 

I'm glad is isn't just my MIL that is crazy - I guess all MIL's are in same one. I cringe when mine holds my children - not that she sees them, she is 20 minutes from us and visits maybe everyother month. She feels she is a great grandma. We had a heart ot heart with her after we got married because she wanted to control that day - she didn't which made her mad. She hasn't gotten over it yet. She didn't even see the girls when they were born or go to the NICU.

Stand your ground - we didn't want to tell them they were born at all! We often joked that we would wait till they were 1 to tell her. It doesn't matter, she isn't a part of their lives. If you want a relationship with her, talk to her and set limits.

 

Good luck!! I thought I was reading about my own MIL. Once we told here we were pregnant she blurts out at dinner that she is going to retire and raise my child and this was before we knew they were twins! Didn't bother to ask if I was going back to work after they were born. I told my husband that there was no way that his mom was raising my twins! Then there is the issue they think the babies will be at there house all the time since we live maybe 10 minutes apart. Get your husband to talk to her it is the only way things will settle down, though is she is like my MIL she will take the offensive and it will turn into a new family drama. We aren't telling them that we are going to the hospital when the time comes since she lives closer to it then we do. They will find out after the babies come the same as everyone else. Thankfully our hospital has fairly strict visiting hours.

 

ooo... i'm sorry. your MIL is certainly nasty. definitely stand up to her but you'll need the support of your fiance behind you and if possible he should do the standing up. i have different issues with my MIL like her saying things to me along the lines of "wow, my stomach was never that distended after giving birth" after i had my second child but honestly you shouldn't get bullied into names or having her in the delivery room. that's where the line should be drawn! some ground rules need to be drawn.

but i really wanted to address your breathing issue: yeah, i can't breathe either! i developed asthma during my first pregnancy so if the breathing is really bad get it checked out. you may need an inhaler. at some point the shortness of breathe does become harmful to the fetus so you need to be careful. there are non-steroid inhalers that are safe during pregnancy (although with my second pregnancy i did need to use the steroid inhaler and it was fine).

feel good and good luck!

 

My MIL is absent from my husband's life most of the time - long story there. Thank GOD I don't have to deal with this. I am sorry to hear you have these problems! Because if it were me, I would have told my MIL to go to **** a long time ago!

In fact, my FIL is a chauvinist for the most part. He never talks to me - he talks AT me. When he found out we were PG with Twins while he was down here for my SIL's DD's bday, he didn't say ONE FREAKING WORD. I think I am the only woman that intimidates him. He harassed us about SIL - how WE need to go SEE HER more. More of a long story there - but I finally told him to stop telling DH what to do, that we were not SIL's keepers and it needed to stop. Needless to say, I stopped getting birthday cards or any gifts from him. But it was worth it. He still talks to DH - so it was only MY relationship that was affected. PERHAPS YOU can get away with something like that. Get her out of your face without making it hard on DH. Hey, it's worth a shot!

HUGS! And hang in there!

 

[LMAO i love reading all everyones stories!! They make me laugh. Im glad im not the only one. Yea we are naming our twins Madison and Riley..Girl and a Boy and she doesnt like the name Riley. She wanted Strong Itlian names and im no where near that they wont look like they are at all. and then she wanted the middle name of madison named after her. I was like no way so now whenever we go over she pulls out her O' riellys offee and makes a sceen. Were like no one is going to think of that when they hear his name is riley..everyone else loves the names. My fiance is good about telling her to shut up but you kno it doesnt stop her. All she cares about is when we are going to go out and leavet hem with her and making sure my family doesnt get more time with them then her. she doesnt work so she spends all days concocking this garbage lol I just dont talk to her much and ignore her ranting. The war will start when she doesnt get a call till after there born but she has it comming to her. last night i found out she is having my fiances best friend be the spy at the baby shower to tell her if my mom shows up since i told her it was only my friends that were going to be there, which is true my mom didnt want to go cause she new it was just kind of a "hang out" lol but his mom his throwing a tantrum never the less.






quote name='JediMom' date='Jan 28 2008, 10:14 AM' post='592971']
My MIL is absent from my husband's life most of the time - long story there. Thank GOD I don't have to deal with this. I am sorry to hear you have these problems! Because if it were me, I would have told my MIL to go to **** a long time ago!

In fact, my FIL is a chauvinist for the most part. He never talks to me - he talks AT me. When he found out we were PG with Twins while he was down here for my SIL's DD's bday, he didn't say ONE FREAKING WORD. I think I am the only woman that intimidates him. He harassed us about SIL - how WE need to go SEE HER more. More of a long story there - but I finally told him to stop telling DH what to do, that we were not SIL's keepers and it needed to stop. Needless to say, I stopped getting birthday cards or any gifts from him. But it was worth it. He still talks to DH - so it was only MY relationship that was affected. PERHAPS YOU can get away with something like that. Get her out of your face without making it hard on DH. Hey, it's worth a shot!

HUGS! And hang in there!
[/quote]

 

holy fright! :icon_eek: so sorry! mine can be pushy but not quite that bad. sending a big hug! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(troublewitangels @ Jan 28 2008, 04:52 AM) [snapback]592624[/snapback]
...wanting us to name one after her, to wanting me to go back to work full time so she can just watch them every day.
I had to laugh as my MIL had a name suggestion for a boy that was her maiden name and the masculine version of her name! And at one point, she offered to let us live int he suite in her house so she could help. I couldn't handle that, even though we'd live rent free! Having a good relationship with your MIL is so hard, especially once grandkids are involved!!

 

QUOTE(troublewitangels @ Jan 28 2008, 12:36 AM) [snapback]592656[/snapback]
we arnt going to call her untl after the babies are born lol she lives down the street


Just a thought... my MIL could be the nasty MIL ringleader for this board!! I'm speaking from experience when I suggest that you tell her before the babies are born that you do not want her to come to the hospital until you call. With my first DD, like you, we decided not to tell MIL when we were going in for our induction. She went crazy when we didn't answer our phone at home and CAME TO THE HOSPITAL to check to see if we were there!! I was wheeled back from recovery room (emergency c-section), absolutely traumatized and craving company with my dh and new baby... only to find MIL holding and cuddling my baby BEFORE I EVEN HAD THE CHANCE TO HOLD HER. I am still very bitter about this.

I really recommend that, no matter how hard it is, be clear about what you want and need up front. We have a planned c-section date and we are planning a group e-mail to inform everyone (really only for MIL ) of the date and that we would like some time to ourselves to adjust to being a family of five before having ANY visitors. Of course, my mom will be with me but no-one else needs to know this. The message "We will call you when we are ready to see you" is what we want to get across.

Especially with twins, recovering from delivery and learning to BF is stressful, not to mention hormonal. You can even tell the nurses that you do not want any visitors! They will not have any complicated family dynamics to deal with!! I don't want my dh to have to be dealing with MIL's issues when he should be focussed on me and our new babies.

Just my opinion - good luck!

Angela

 

okay, we need to get our MIL's together!! Mine moved in with us and is exactly like yours. PM me anytime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shannon

 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this! :hug99: When my MIL would suggest names to me or whatever, I would tell her that she could name her next baby that!

 

Im so glad i have more stories to read!
Now it looks like tommorow is the day my fiance will be letting her have it lol they are going to breakfast together..oveously im not going lol but I did tell him he needs to let her know about our hospital arrangements now! cause were getting down to the last 2 to 3 months and im not having my experience ruined these are my first kids and i think will be my only.
I came up with the after idea from a friend who like the girl who posted that she got to her room and her MIL was already with her babies that happened to her too!! and i would seriuosly kill her !! lol its my nightmare. i want my fiance and i to get our time together afterwards and enjoy it. it only happens once. I know my MIL if she knew when we were going in would sit there the whole time trying to pry and be spitefull. I dont want drama when i deliver my twins its suppost to be the best day ever..just like our wedding she messed up lol
This is all the recent problems shes been calling shes been doing this from the first moment she found out i was pregnant its been all about her, her needs her wants. On me that i dont take care of myself I dont eat enough..she gained no lie like 200lbs with her last child and she thinks thats the way to do it..we all kno this is not true. be healthy. so it starts there then wanting to be in the D/L to everytthing i buy or get them isnt the right thing to how they shouldnt be at my parents house because they have a pool and canel.. all i had to say to that was well thats how im going to teach them to swin..when they fall in like were all dumb enough not to watch there every move.
The Big thing that realllly makes me mad is that fact im a triplet and my triplet brother is gay. he moved up north because the gay mariage laws there. She always makes slick comments on how my brother shouldnt be my sons godfather because hes not a good influance and there is always gay comments and jokes and how my brother isnt allowed to watch them..like she has the athority to make this decison.

 

It's nice to read the stories -- I am most definitely NOT the wife my MIL had in mind for her son and she has been difficult from day one. She tried all sorts of stupid shenanigans to break us up in the beginning and it escalated until my DH stopped speaking to her for a while. Our twins were IVF babies and she was nasty to me the whole time we were ttc. Once I got pregnant she started trying to micro manage all aspects of the twins post delivery care (i.e., she wanted to hire a full time live in infant nurse to make sure I didn't hurt the babies). My husband stepped in, reminded her of the fact that this is a high risk pregnancy (because it's twins and because of pre-existing medical conditions that caused my infertility) and that any stress is bad for me and the babies. She totally backed off and has been fairly pleasant by her standards. I think that once the girls are here, she will resort back to trying to micromanage but it's been a relief that Dh deals with any issues we have with her. So sorry to everyone who is dealing with this type of MIL but at least we are not alone.

BTW, anyone seen Monster-in-law? It was a bit over the top but captures the spirit of my relationship with my MIL minus the happy ending LoL.