Nap issues...

I am crying as I write this post. I am so fed up with trying to get these babies to sleep...naptime is bad, but bedtime/nighttime is HORRIBLE. If there was just one baby I could deal, but I don't have enough arms to make them happy. I was told you cannot spoil a baby, but DH REFUSES to sleep anywhere but in someones arms. We are terrified to put him down when he falls asleep for fear of the crying mess that occurs. We are now sleeping with him at night b/c the minute his head hits the mattress, WHAM his eyes are open and he starts crying.

Please help...I think I am trying to do so many different things right now that everyone is getting confused. They are going into daycare in 3 weeks and need to know how to self-soothe to sleep and must sleep unswaddled!!! I still swaddle, but I am trying to get them in their cribs for naps. I rock them for 5 minutes and them put in the crib...if they are still crying (not just fussing) after 5 minutes, I return and try and pat them back to sleep. I will repeat until I know it is a lost cause. It has only worked ONCE in the last two days. Every other time I ended up with two very unhappy babies who wouldn't even calm down in my arms. My gut tells me they are not ready for this...

Nighttime is all over the place...they were falling asleep while nursing around 8-9pm, staying asleep for the swaddle/transition to crib and sleeping until 12 or 1am. After that feed, they would be up fussing a lot and I would be replugging the paci so one twin wouldn't wake the other. At least we could count on a good stretch of sleep for the first half of the night. Now, well, neither baby will settle at night and we are up for several hours trying to get them down.

I am just so overwhelmed right now...I did so much reading and soliciting of advice before we got to this point. I didn't think we would have any issues with sleep b/c I was so "prepared." Yeah, right. We are so out of our element now...I feel like I don't know how to be a mommy.

 

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I don't know what to say to make things better.. I just hope the babies start napping soon. It's better for Everyone.

Take care, momma

 

I read somewhere that you should set him down, then as soon as he stiffens up to cry, pick him up, and just keep repeating that until he understands that he is ok. Just a thought. It would be a process. I don't know where I read that... so take it with a grain of salt. It is just a suggestion.
My twins were horrible sleepers so I don't have much advice for you. I think I'd nurse DS to sleep until about the time he was about 4 months old, when he wouldn't fall asleep. It was a process, but he got better. WHen the time came, he was the one we did CIO with (did not work with DD). :hug: I have been there dealing with that. I hope it gets better for you fast! :hug:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: I wish I had advice but we're battling it out here, too. I do some of what I read, more of what I feel, and keep questioning everything as I go when it doesn't work anymore. Nights are ok ONLY if I manage to get in enough daytime naps...but those naps are all over the place and definitely not self-soothed. I do whatever it takes, and if one of them manages to escape a nap or two, I'm up with that one all night, too. :unsure:

Does the daycare center actually say that babies need to self soothe? I worked in one a loooong time ago and we helped the babies fall asleep (rocking, patting, not swaddling) unless we were told not to. If you talk to them, do you think maybe they would swaddle/rock/whatever for the first few weeks until your babies are more developmentally ready? You may be putting too much pressure on yourself to get them *ready* and maybe I'm crazy but I swear babies can sense your stress - I know mine seem to. I hope it gets better (for both of us!)...you're a great mom, babies just don't follow what the books say they're supposed to.

I just thought of one thing that might help your DS at night...it worked for mine at his fussiest...try putting a heating pad on his crib mattress while you're getting him ready to go to sleep...when you go to put him down, he won't have the cold sheet hit his face, and the warmth might sooth him to sleep. We put it on medium so it didn't get too hot and then took it out just before laying him down. For us, it didn't form a habit...he gets it once in a while if he's had a bad napping day or seems extra fussy. Worth a try, right? I know it doesn't solve your future nap/daycare problems, but if it gives you a few hours of sleep, you'll be able to think more clearly. We've had a few bad nights in a row here and last night I was so foggy from lack of sleep that I put something plastic in the dryer with my new (and $$$) cloth diapers by accident and ended up with a huge mess...blue streaks all over everything. I know that's totally off the topic, but my point is you need sleep to think straight about all of this! GL!

 

:hug: It sounds like you are doing a great job! Everyone has given you good advice here. The only thing I would add is to see if you can get a break. Maybe you can get some more sleep or get some fresh air while someone else watches them for a little while. That will probably help you too :hug:.

 

Oh Im so sorry this is happening to you. You´re not a bad mum at all, its not you its just their age. Im sure you´re doing a fantastic job.

Have you tried giving them a bath before their last feed, say around 7-8pm? I used to do this with mine as soon as the umbilical cord came off (and still do) and it relaxed them a lot and ´told´ them it was nighttime. Even when they didnt sttn, they always slept afterwards for a few hours. Of course we get the occasional meltdown after the bath but in general it works. Maybe you could introduce a night time routine to help them relax: bath, feed, song. Make sure the room is ready (curtains drawn, night light on). Set the scene so to speak. It may take a few nights but they will adjust.

With DD, we went through a month of non-stop crying though she didnt do this at night. We were lucky. During the day we´d rock her wrapped up in a blanket then put her down so she didnt feel the cold of the sheets - as mamabee says here. It worked quite well. Also, using a dummy helped loads.

It´s tough but you need to start making the changes now otherwise they´ll get used to sleeping in your arms all the time. I guess they see where they are then wake and see they arent in your arms anymore and cry. However, they are still really young and if your gut is telling you they´re not ready then trust that instinct. When my two are out-of-sorts this is what I do: with DS, I hold him upright against me and rock back and forward and repeat a sssh sssh sound past his ear (imitates a heart sound which babies associate with being in the womb). It really relaxes him and when he´s half asleep, I put him in his cot then give him his dummy. He goes straight to sleep. With DD, I hold her in my arms with her head on my left arm and give her her dummy and do the same and jiggle her with my right hand which is supporting her bottom. She meltsdown regularly and is also very sensitive to how I react. If I get upset or tense, she gets worse.

I really hope things improve for you asap. Remember, you´re doing a great job this will pass. :hug: GL and KUP.

 

I have to echo what Rachel said. I'm so sorry that you are going through this !!! :hug: :hug:

 

my babies are having a really hard time with naps. I have to work hard to get them to nap as well and sometimes I even have to lay down on the bed with one and side nurse him to sleep. I doze off too a little bit so it is nice. Yesterday I did this with one baby and got him to sleep. Then, I rolled over and my husband brought me the other baby and I did the same thing with him. Then we all slept there for a while. I did not sleep heavily but got a rest.

The way that I am looking at it at this point is, I am helping them to get their biological clocks set to having naps during the day. Once they are used to it, we can work on how they get the naps. At this point, they are doing better than they were a couple of weeks ago when I finally decided that this was an issue. I think they will naturally determine their own napping schedule.

It would be a good idea to see if you can get someone to come and help you soothe them during these times that you are trying to get them down. Can you do that? I have someone helping me and we are like the nap swat team.

Also, try and stay calm because they can pick up on your energy. Elizabeth Pantly and William Sears have a good book called No Cry Solution to Sleep.

 

Are you swaddling? At that age for mine swaddling and giving a pacifier worked pretty well. Sure, I had to go back in 10 times to put the pacifier in, but once it was in they didn't cry.

 

Sarah ((((HUGS))))  I know exactly how you feel!  I swear it's gotten harder lately than when they were tiny and I didn't think that was possible.  I have no advice for you as I'm in the same boat you are, but I will tell you the things that help me when I'm desperate in case any of it helps you.  To start with, I would be so overwhelmed trying to get them to self soothe and lay in their cribs right now.  I am still abiding by the "get them to sleep however you can" rule and even THAT isn't working so well during the day.  My babies still sleep in their swings and bouncy.  I was laying down DD at night, but her reflux was getting the best of her so I sit her up in her bouncy and put that in the co-sleeper beside me.  DS sleeps in his swing, nursing with me in bed, and on the boppy while I hold it.  So anyhow, you are attempting an amazing feat and you are my hero for even trying.  Please don't think that you're a bad mom.  You're definitely a wonderful mom, you can tell by the look on your darlings faces in your siggy.  All right, things that work for us.  This will be kind of scattered.  We just got some swaddle things from target that the babies love.  When they are both inconsolable I turn the vaccuum on.  It puts them in a trance and sometimes puts them to sleep.  Singing has been helping although I don't know how they can stand my voice     Lately our nights have gone well besides DD's ridiculousness and here's what I've done differently.  First I've started putting them to bed earlier.  MUCH earlier.  Before they were going down around 10.  Now they go to sleep at 6:30-7:30.  It's incredible.  In order to accomplish this, I have to let DS cluster feed from 1 or 2 on to be all tanked up before bed.  At 6:30 I get them ready for bed.  I nurse DS to sleep and lay him down.  Get DD down and get ready for bed, pump and stuff, then dreamfeed her before bed.  This has resulted in DS waking up at 1am.  I'm not sure how they got on this schedule, but I just decided they were going to bed sooner and within a few days they had adjusted.  During the night I keep them swaddled to feed them.  I don't know if that's an option for you with tandem.  I feed mine individually because my DD is still not nursing much.  They wake up for the day between 5-7am.  I don't know if any of that is even helpful.  I hope it gets easier soon... :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:  :hug:

 

:hug: I am so sorry that you are so frustrated. The nights were the worst. I hated them for the first 6 months. You are right that there are not enough arms sometimes to make everyone happy. But, that does not mean that you dont know what you are doing or that you are a bad mom. You sound like you are doing everything you can. I cried everynight at that age.

My only advice to piggyback on what others have said, would be to maybe add some white noise or lullaby music in the crib like a soother for example. That really helped for them to have the lights and music to look at and calm them. Also, are they "napping" in the cribs? If not, I would start there. Things got much better in the daytime sleep department around 4 months for us. That is when the morning nap got much more predictable and they started sleeping longer stretches in their cribs. We let them sleep on our chests for almost the first 3 months because that was the only way that we could get them to sleep. They transitioned to the crib without issue cold turkey. So, dont worry about the habits. GL!

 

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. :hug: Sleep is so important for EVERYONE - it makes it really hard when the babies won't cooperate!

I know months 2 - 5 were horrible for my boys' napping. They really just didn't nap. 20 minutes here. 35 minutes there. Some days I was SO desperate for them to nap so they would be well-rested that I would grab a water bottle, a book, both babies and head to their glider, rock them to sleep - and I would literally sit there for 1.5-2 hours while they napped. Sometimes I'd even fall asleep with them!

Have you talked to the daycare center about their napping issues? I know that when I worked in a daycare center while I was in college - some babies (especially young ones like your's) napped in the swings. Many of the workers would also rock babies to sleep before putting them in their cribs. Would that be a possibility for your babies? It sounds like you are feeling that they just aren't able to self-soothe yet - they are really young still.

As far as the nighttime sleep goes - I'll tell you what worked for us - may not be the best for promoting good sleep habits, but at 3 mos. between nursing, pumping, and trying to sleep - I just needed a bit of sleep. Our babies slept in their bouncies at that age. They loved their bouncies. I think they felt more secure and "cuddled" in them. I asked our ped about it and he said it was fine. We had to transition them out of them about 2 weeks ago (it took me that long to work up the nerve! :rotflmbo: ). But honestly, the transition wasn't even that bad.

I wish I had a magical solution for you! You need sleep! Just my opinion, but I'd do whatever works so that you and the babies are sleeping well. :hug: