Nap and Bedtimes for 3.5 year olds

All: I could use some advice from the BTDT parents of twins!

Within the last week, bedtime has gotten very tough -- we are putting the kids to bed around the same time (8:30 now -- it was like 7:45 at the beginning of summer), but they have not been falling asleep for over an hour, until 9:30 or so. They are in separate rooms, so its not the all-night party problem (!) Anyway, taking so long to fall asleep at night makes me think we are approaching the time to give up naps. Sigh -- personally I love (LOVE!) naptime!

So, up until recently, they were sleeping 11 hours at night and napping for 2 hours during the day (ok--so my kids have always been sleep hounds, what can I say?) And, the kids are on the verge of starting preschool 3 mornings a week, which I think will totally wear them out (meaning they will need to nap), so I'm not anxious to transition totally out of naps now.

Any advice on transitioning thru these next phases -- transitioning out of naps and transitioning to preschool? I'm trying not to make both transitions at the same time. So, here are my questions:

When your kids phased out of naps, did they still nap every other day or every 3rd day?
Did Preschool change your nap schedule?
How early did you move bedtime after a "no nap" day?
How much total sleep did your kids need at 3.5?

Thanks so much!

Meg -- Mom to 3.5 year old boy/girl twins

 

We phased out---naps 4 day a week- then 2 then 1 and now 1-3 a month. We still do rest time from 1-2.

Preschool did not change naps---it was am preschool.

Bedtime was 7pm (sometimes 7:30) without naps. They get up at 6:30/7 --so 11-12 hrs a day. Sometimes they sleep later or get up earlier....with 1 hr naps they got up at 6 am ish and went to sleep around 7:30/8 for a total sleep of 11-12 hours.


Total sleep at 3.5 was 11-12 hours....same as at just about 4.

 

Our kids are the same age and I could have written your post! I feel your pain - you're not alone! My answers to your questions below...

When your kids phased out of naps, did they still nap every other day or every 3rd day?
Right now, they are napping only 1-3 times a week. And when they do, it's for a much shorter duration.

Did Preschool change your nap schedule?
We haven't started yet but I suspect that we will be off naps by the end of the year and before they start preschool.

How early did you move bedtime after a "no nap" day?
Bedtime for us is the same regardless if they nap or not. Just like you, bedtime seems to be getting later and later. And even then they aren't falling asleep until an hour or more later. Our bedtime also used to be about 7:45pm, now more like 8:30pm and falling asleep 9:30-10:00pm. It's been a very painful process that started after our transition to big boy beds a couple months ago.

How much total sleep did your kids need at 3.5?
At 3.5 our boys are sleeping on average from 9pm-ish (sometimes a tad earlier, sometimes a tad later) until 5:30-6:00am. So roughly 8-8.5 hours. It doesn't seem like enough to me, but there is nothing we can do to change it. They fall asleep and get up in the morning at the same time every night, regardless if they nap or not.

I also miss naps SO MUCH! And now combined with the late sleeping times and early waking, I have very little downtime / time to do anything else! I sure hope this is a phase they will all outgrow soon.

 

Here are a few answers for you:

My twins are just over 4 and still need to nap every couple of days. We had a period like you describe around 3.5 and it came and went, not sure why. Currently, mine do not nap on T/Th. As a result, they start to lose in the late afternoons if we don't eat/shower early [dinner 6]. Once they are in PJs, they get a 2nd wind and don't necessarily fall asleep that much earlier. On nap days, they generally are in bed by 8:30, asleep by 9/9:30, up at 7:30. On no nap days, bed by 8, asleep by 8:30/9, and up at 7:30. I've found mine really need to wind down before they will fall asleep whether they have napped or not. So, there is a lot of chatter, but they are in their beds so I am OK with it.

Preschool: As 3s, mine went to preschool from 9-2:30 MWF. On those days, they did rest at school, but came home and napped. They totally needed it! Still napped the other days as well.

I think the total amount of sleep varies depending on the child. Mine too are sleepers, but one is a night owl and one is a morning person, which is interesting since they share a room . DS gets very out of sorts when tired so it is obvious when he needs a nap or early bedtime. DD just gets crazy.

Best of luck!

 

We are having similar issues. Until a few months past the age of 3, my kids would nap for about an hour and a half M-F (at daycare) and 2-3 hours on weekends. They went to bed around 7:30, were usually asleep by 8 or 8:30, and woke around 7. Then suddenly they were staying awake till 9, 9:30 -- Sarah is occasionally awake till 10, though Amy usually crashes before that.

Then they stopped napping on weekends (because I got tired of fighting them about it), but I can't stop them napping at daycare, so they haven't fully made the transition to being no-nap kids with an earlier bedtime. We're stuck in this limbo land where they are really tired on weekend evenings, but still falling asleep around 9 or later on weekdays. And since they are used to going to bed later on weekdays, they resist being put to bed earlier on weekends, even though they're more tired.

They get about 11 hours of sleep a day overall, which seems to be enough for Amy and not quite enough for Sarah. I wish we could get on a more consistent schedule, but as long as they keep falling asleep at daycare, it just ain't happening.

They also share a room, which is tough because Sarah stays awake later, but then Amy wakes her up every morning. So Sarah is chronically a little overtired, and very cranky in the mornings. (And last Sunday at 4:30, after they were fighting about something, Sarah suddenly wailed, "I want to take a nap!" and just dove into her bed and fell asleep. :ibiggrin: )

One thing I did want to say, though, is that it isn't necessarily a bad thing if they're awake for awhile. I admit that it stresses me out to hear them still chatting in there at 9 or 9:30, but (as DH often reminds me) we are still lucky that we can put them to bed, leave them more or less alone, and they do eventually fall asleep. Many of our friends (mostly with singletons ) still have to lie down with their kids to get them to fall asleep, and that's when the staying-up-till-10 thing becomes a real problem!

So if they still want to take the nap, and you still want them to have the nap, you might just decide that putting them to bed at 8 and letting them hang out for an hour before they fall asleep is still the best plan -- at least for now!

 

We're just in that transition phase now. Having reliably slept every day for 1 1/2 - 3 hours, they suddenly stopped whilst we were on holiday a couple of weeks back and haven't resumed yet. I think I'm going to try to get them to catch up a bit over the weekend, but so far it's been surprisingly easy once I made the decision to stop fighting them over it. Instead of falling asleep at 9 or 9.30 at night, they're now going to sleep at 7.30 very easily. They sleep through until about 7 am (when usually they're up at 6).

I was dreading this, but in fact it's easier now. I don't even really miss the naps which I thought I would do. I usually tell them that mummy's going to nap now and just lie on the sofa next to where they're playing for 10 minutes' catnap to refresh myself. As their room isn't yet set up for them to play alone there, I sit them in front of the computer (we don't have a tv) and give them about 45 minutes of Pingu DVDs just to give them some quiet time. They get lots and lots of books throughout the day so I don't worry too much about a bit of DVD.

The pros: bedtime is a breeze because they're so exhausted; they're really refreshed in the morning so they go to pre-school in a good mood (new pre-school so this is important); i still get 10 minutes' kip; we have our evenings back for the first time in 3 1/2 years; I no longer have to do two bedtime routines a day (nap and night).

The cons: they're a tad crabbier in the evenings but not as much as I would expect; we have to eat earlier (as I insist we eat as a family).

Overall they're probably even getting a bit more sleep 11-12 hours a day in one go rather than 9-10 at night plus 1 1/2-2 nap (and 3 at weekends).
Lisa

 

My twins will be four in December,and haven't napped since last summer I want to say. Once in a while they fall asleep on the couch, and in the car, if we go somewhere, but that is it. But on those days, they have a heck of a time falling asleep at night.

 

Ah. Just to follow up my earlier post. I did put them to bed yesterday afternoon. They slept for just over an hour each.

And last night was very very hard. In the end we didn't get them to bed until 9.45 pm and we were back to all the extended routine shenanigans - books, songs, big cuddle, little cuddle, hand holding etc. And as they woke at 6.30 they're lovely and crabby this morning.

I suspect I've rapidly changed from a parent who will do anything to preserve her kids' nap to one who'll stick pins in them to stop them sleeping (just joking). It's so much easier when they don't nap: better mood, easier bedtime ...

 

When your kids phased out of naps, did they still nap every other day or every 3rd day?
They napped every 3 days or so, and gradually napped less frequently.

Did Preschool change your nap schedule?
Nope, they were both phased completely out of naps by the time they got to preschool (3 years and 10 months old)

How early did you move bedtime after a "no nap" day?
By 2 hours. (They used to nap 2 hours, so I just moved the bedtime by the same amount of time.)

How much total sleep did your kids need at 3.5?
They slept 11 hours a night with no naps. (7pm to 6am)