Nanny Issues

Hi everyone,

I am having nanny issues and am just looking for different points of view/advice.

We have a nanny come to our house M-F from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. We found her through a newspaper ad and did all our background/reference checks ourselves. She is a single mother with an 8-year-old daughter. She has been with us since October 1st.

She has been great with the babies. I have no complaints about her with my kids. She can be a bit "over dramatic" at times in her reports, but I can deal with that. The biggest issue we have had is her attendance. Since she started, she has only worked one full week. She has been great about telling us in advance about appointments, but it's all the "drama" that she can't plan that keeps us from work. She had an issue with her daughter that caused her to have to leave early for several days. She was sick for a few days, then the next week, her daughter was sick. Then her cousin died and she had to go to the funeral. We gave her paid time off for three days over Thanksgiving. Then, this week, her boyfriend was in a major car accident and she is off all this week taking care of him. We have been very generoulsy paying her for the few hours she misses here and there. We are not paying her for this week that she is off.

She did work Monday of this week and the babies are sick and were very cranky. When I called from work to check-in, she told me that she had found another job and was leaving after the first of the year! She told me she had found another job for about the same amount of money, but less hours. Then, two days later...she emailed me and told me that she had changed her mind and wanted to stay. I talked to her last night and she said that she had a change of heart because she likes us and the babies so much and we are very nice to her. I told her to take the rest of the week (since she's off anyway) to really think about whether or not she wanted to stay. We can't live in "fear" that she is going to leave everytime she has a bad day (which is what she told me - Monday was so hard and the babies were both crying all the time...well, that's going to happen with twin babies sometimes!).

I wanted to act fast to find a new nanny when she told us she was leaving on Monday, so I put an ad in the paper on Wednesday (before she told me that she changed her mind). I have been getting calls from people who are interested. I am trying to figure out what to do.

She is coming back next week and we really NEED her to be there. I don't want to make her mad or feel threatened by telling her that we are going to continue our search even though she told us she was going to stay (she knows about the ad). It would be very easy to stick with her because we know her, she is good with the babies, and in general, we like her. But then there is the whole attendance issue. When I talked to her about it, she said that honestly most of the time she has taken is for stuff that she couldn't have planned - and she's right. But how do I know that this pattern of "drama" isn't going to continue?

It is such a gamble to find someone new and I HATE gambling with my babies. I can't afford to stay home and I am trying to avoid packing them up everyday to take them to a daycare. We could find someone wonderful or we could find someone much worse. I am so conflicted. I am not convinced that our nanny won't decide to leave us again in a month or so...I mean, if she had a job offer, that probably means she was looking, right?

What would you do...stay with a known and deal with the issues or look for someone new??

Thanks for listening!

Jessica

 

I know nothing about nannies or the "politics" thereof, but it sounds like you barely have a nanny anyway, so my first thought would be to go for someone new. Sounds like a lot of the stuff that has happened, she can't help, but I would be always wondering when the next thing would happen and what I would have to do for childcare then. That being said, if you love her, I guess you can deal with it, but it doesn't sound like you absolutely have to have her.

Just my two cents, and like I said, I don't know anything about that sort of thing, but that's my thoughts.

Erica.

 

First of all, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It all sounds so stressful. I would definitely find another nanny. If she just started working at a company and was expected to be there 8-5 every day, there's no way she could have taken this time off--she'd be fired by now. When you're an adult with a paying job you have to make sacrifices...that's just the way the world works.

Have you thought about contacting an agency? I feel for you, I totally know what you mean about gambling with your babies, maybe an agency would have some eminently qualified candidates you could still background check on your own?

Good luck! :hug99:

 

We have a nanny who is WONDERFUL with the babies, and that is the most important thing about nannies. But attendance is super important too, b/c what good is a great nanny who is never there? Neither DH nor I could take all that much time off to accommodate the kind of drama you described in your post. My suggestion: let her work (when she feels like it apparently) until you find her replacement. then cut the cord. quickly. swiftly.

you know, all those times she was out sick or at funerals, she was probably interviewing. That's deceitful. That sucks.

we found our nanny on craigslist - no, seriously - we got resumes from a lot of very qualified candidates and it's cheaper (free!)than using an agency. I then had someone do the background check for me, which is one thing you get from an agency but not craigslist.

Good luck!

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this :hug99: . That's a tough one. I would definitely continue the search. You do not have to tell her you are still searching if you don't want to. Once you have found someone you can either give her a notice and hope she'll stay on (even though she'll be out of a job soon) or tell her at the end of the last day you need her. I know that doesn't sound like fun, but you deserve reliable help.

 

I would definitely be looking for another, more dependable, nanny. You'll have to take your chances about next week and maybe use a temp through an agency if necessary.

 

QUOTE(SnowCraig @ Nov 29 2007, 03:57 PM) [snapback]514158[/snapback]
What would you do...stay with a known and deal with the issues or look for someone new??

Thanks for listening!

Jessica

Jessica,

So sorry you are having nanny troubles. I just wanted to add, like previous posters, I'd look for someone else who will be great with the kids AND reliable! Like another previous poster, I found my nanny on Craigslist. It is a match made in heaven as far as I am concerned. We couldn't have been luckier. I asked for resumes and for previous experience with infant twins. I had lots of replies. My nanny is working on her master's degree and I know there are certain dates where she is not available. I have found two baby sitters also on craigslist and I use them to fill in when my nanny is not available. I always vet them first by phone, check references, then interview them in my home in the presence of someone else, then if I like them, invite them to work half a day or day while I am at home. I want them to know our routine and I want to be able to watch them in action. I've had very good luck with this approach.

I hope you find someone who's really dependable and loves your kids.

Sotto

 

so sorry you're going thru this, i had similar issues recently, and can totally relate to the sticking with a known not-so-great instead of heading into the unknown

my advice is the same as PP, to keep up the search and find someone you like, and inform this nanny that you found someone else on her last day of work (don't risk her leaving you hanging once again by taking another job in the time you allow for "notice"). explain that you understand what has happened is mostly circumstantial, but you need someone who can be there all day, every day.

good luck!!

sandra

 

QUOTE(SilvrHeart @ Nov 29 2007, 09:36 PM) [snapback]514226[/snapback]
we found our nanny on craigslist - no, seriously - we got resumes from a lot of very qualified candidates and it's cheaper (free!)than using an agency. I then had someone do the background check for me, which is one thing you get from an agency but not craigslist.


We found our nanny on craigslist too and she is amazing! Ditto on putting an ad out there.

I agree with pps... attendance is key and you need to go find yourself someone else. You may just find someone that is better with the twins and is reliable. Both must haves!

 

I agree with continuing the search and if you find someone you feel is more suitable then make the change. If you do find someone else then I disagree with waiting until the last day to tell her. I know she hasn't been the most reliable but she did warn you a month in advance that she was leaving and I would think at least two weeks would be appropriate for relieving her of her duties. Maybe it is because the single mom thing hits home but I don't think it is fair of any employer to have an employee finish a day of work only to be told to not to come back the next work day because they have been replaced.

 

I tend to aggree with PP, in that you should probably get a new nanny. She does not sound reliable at all. It kind of defeats the whole purpose of having a nanny if you have to take time off of work.

 

I say find another nanny, you need someone reliable. I've struggled with nanny issues as well, from hiring people and having them flake out the day before starting to reliability issues like you are having. We finally found someone and we love her and most importantly, we have peace of mind that she's going to show up everyday.

 

QUOTE(kj2racing @ Nov 30 2007, 03:01 AM) [snapback]514721[/snapback]
I agree with continuing the search and if you find someone you feel is more suitable then make the change. If you do find someone else then I disagree with waiting until the last day to tell her. I know she hasn't been the most reliable but she did warn you a month in advance that she was leaving and I would think at least two weeks would be appropriate for relieving her of her duties. Maybe it is because the single mom thing hits home but I don't think it is fair of any employer to have an employee finish a day of work only to be told to not to come back the next work day because they have been replaced.


I agree with Diane. Keep looking, but its cruel to just let her go at the end of the day. Offer her a severance package if you don't want her to return the next day, maybe a week or twos wages. It sucks, but how would your family feel if you were relying on that income and then *boom* its gone. With the severance you'd be done with her unreliability and she wouldn't be left scrambling to pay her rent and feed her kid. Just a thought. Good luck with your search.

 

Personally, I feel attendance issues are huge issues. My first nanny was absolutely fabulous with my girls, but she had a huge attendance issue. So I let her go.

Now my DH's niece is our nanny, she has a little bit of attendance issue but nothing like the first nanny. She's not nearly as good as the first nanny, but she's here and her mom guilts her...it works for us. That being said, I feel like my girls need more socialization, my nanny is a bad driver so we don't let her drive them anywhere, so we are looking into daycare starting early next year. But mine are getting close to two. A nanny when they are little is ideal.

I'd keep looking, be prepared to have the next nanny start, then give the first nanny two weeks notice. If she leaves immediately you've prepared to have the first nanny there already. It may cost you a bit more, but worth it.

Also, stop paying your nanny when she takes the time off (hours here and there). I make them use half a day of their PTO, but if yours just started she should not have earned that much PTO yet. She'll keep taking advantage if you keep paying. Did you document up front what her time off policies were? With your next nanny, I'd definitely document your time off expectations. We give two weeks paid vacation and 5 sick/personal days. I make them use 5 days of that vacation at the same time we are on vacation, and one week of their choosing. Their vacation and personal time must be scheduled well in advance. Obviously, sick time is hard to schedule in advance.

HTH! Don't keep with the first nanny just because you feel stuck. Attendance issues don't fix themselves.

ETA: I also recommend running an ad on Craigslist to find your nanny.

 

She sounds flaky and inconsistent. I would find someone else. I do know what you mean though - I have a nanny as well and it is really hard to find someone you feel comfortable welcoming into your home and your children's lives. I also do not want to pack mine up for daycare so I totally hear where you are coming from. Keep looking, if she is looking, so can you. I hope you find someone wonderful very shortly!

Amy

 

I agree that it's time for a new nanny. The attendance thing is important. I know it all seems circumstantial, but she had an interview in there somewhere to accept that one job and then change her mind. At that point, I would have been ready to cut the cord. It's deceitful to do that sort of thing. I do think that telling her at the end of the day is a bad idea. BUT IT really doesn't sound like she WANTS to work. So have your new nanny ready to start and I honestly believe after you say, 'We will give you 2 weeks to find a job' ... she probably won't show up the next day so you can have your new nanny start. Childcare is a difficult job and attendance is a big issue with that.

I made the mistake of hiring one of my best friends to nanny my son. She was great with my son but was not mature enough to handle the 8-5 thing. She called twice a week for two weeks and I had to tell her to forget it. We fought for half a year after that, but we're great now. It was so much easier having someone at my house than taking them to a daycare and picking them up adding an hour to your day.



Goodluck. I hope you find a fantastic nanny.

 

QUOTE(Babies4Susan @ Nov 30 2007, 07:58 AM) [snapback]515027[/snapback]
Also, stop paying your nanny when she takes the time off (hours here and there). I make them use half a day of their PTO, but if yours just started she should not have earned that much PTO yet. She'll keep taking advantage if you keep paying. Did you document up front what her time off policies were? With your next nanny, I'd definitely document your time off expectations. We give two weeks paid vacation and 5 sick/personal days. I make them use 5 days of that vacation at the same time we are on vacation, and one week of their choosing. Their vacation and personal time must be scheduled well in advance. Obviously, sick time is hard to schedule in advance.


Ditto - we made our vacation/sick time policies (which are quite similar to pp) clear right up front and it's worked well so far.

As far as giving notice to your current nanny - well, do need to do what you feel most comfortable with but I have to say I would not give notice for two reasons: (1) I wouldn't give my assistant or runner or receptionist or any other employee notice of a firing for cause, and the nanny is no different - in the working world, if you don't do your job, you get fired - that's it. Clean out your desk and let security escort you out. Seriously, in what other working situation are you given notice that you are going to be fired when there's cause for the firing? . . . And (2) If she is at all disgruntled about the way things worked out, I would not want her having continued access to my home and my children. If you feel really bad about leaving her hanging, you might offer her a little severance, but I personally would be wary of allowing her to remain in my home. Maybe I'm pessimistic, but I've seen too much to not be.

Just some things to think about . . . good luck - hope it all works out for you!

 

I thnk I would just let her know that it is probably a better idea that she take the new job and if needed let her now its because you need someone a little more dependable or simple tell her you decided that daycare was a better choice. Honestly you have to look out for yourselfs and thats not bad....

just my opinion...