My most hated comment

My most hated comment is when people say something like:

It's like i have twins because i have 2 very close together.

It absolutely kills me that they dont get the concept of having 2 the same age from the first moment of their life.

My dad (who has no partner, my mum died 2.5 years ago) has bought harnesses for them because sometimes he needs it (when he goes for a walk with them near the water). My MIL and FIL have NEVER taken care of my boys alone (always both) and on the weekend they said "you really dont need a harness. The twins is like having a 3 year old and a 1 year old.)

This
undermined my feeling of a mum of twins
undermined my dad's amazing coping abilities of caring for them alone
As usual, they compare my boys to all their daughters with kids
As usual compare my coping ability to their daughters with kids
As usual, puts MIL and FIL in a "we cope so well with the twins, its not THAT hard" headspace.

does any of this make sense? FIL and MIL drive me absolutely crazy witht heir comments and comparisons.

What can i do?

 

What can you do?

Next time you see your dad, give him a big 'ol hug and know how blessed you are to have someone in your life that really understands!!!!!

 

Ya know, I have heard that about a million times. And getting so POed at the person who said it, and my Mom can attest to this (my brother and I are 18 months apart) that it is harder with twins, but I have finally come to the conclusion that they are probably right, because they have one running everywhere and the other that is on demand at all times. I have concluded that twins are exceptionally easier because I didn't have to run one way and then feed a baby, on the sole purpose that my boys played wonderfully together and entartained (sp) each other, so that I didn't have to! I was not running 50 million different directions because they relied on each other for play and company. So, I usually answer that they possibly could not fatham the first 3 months, but after than it was a piece of cake! Usually tickes them off a little for making such a comment!

 

When anyone makes "that" comment, (especially inlaws), it's enough to drive me over the edge!!! NOBODY else knows what it's like to take care of twins, 24/7, except other twin parents. That's why this site is soooo wonderful!!!!!

 

You know people who have 2 close together dont know what its like to have twins, but having two close together is hard too!! Sometimes, IMO harder. So, it may be rude, but they are just trying to relate.

 

I hear your pain.

It's the comment... it's who is commenting... and it's your level of sleep depravation at the moment of the comment.

I agree with pp... give your Dad a HUGE hug and let him know how thankful you are that he helps you out and is so capable.

 

It is annoying, but I don't really pay attention to it anymore. I have a friend whose DD is 3 months older than my girls. Everytime I see her MIL (who watches her DD during the day), she is ALWAYS telling me how she knows how it is with me having twins b/c she watches both her grandDD's who were born 2 weeks apart from each other. I just smile and nod. It's not worth arguing the point with her.

Has she ever been up in the middle of the night with two hungry infants? NO
Has she ever had to take 2 sick kids to the dr all of the time? NO

So, it's NOT really the same, but no use arguing hte point really...lol!

 

I always say to people "Gee, I don't have kids 12-18 months apart so I really can't say if it is like having twins but I am sure it was tough for you - just like having twins is tough". Usually it is people who don't know me very well. Everyone that knows me well has seen me run like a crazy person trying to take care of 2 babies, toddlers, ect at once and can appreciate how hard it is.

Maybe your IL's just want you to feel comfortable in that they can care for your kids so you don't worry when they are with them?? My Il's always say mine were "perfect or great" even when my kids will tell me later they were bad and cried or fought the entire time.....

But, you just give your dad a big ole hug and tell him you and everyone here on TS thinks he is wonderful!! You are very lucky to have him!!!!

 

QUOTE(HeyThere @ Oct 7 2007, 08:59 PM) [snapback]439970[/snapback]
You know people who have 2 close together dont know what its like to have twins, but having two close together is hard too!! Sometimes, IMO harder. So, it may be rude, but they are just trying to relate.



I agree! People are just trying to relate. I can personally express my opinion on both sides, since I'm living it. I have twin boys who were born Oct 15, 2005 and a daughter who was born Oct 23, 2006 (only a year and 8 days later). In some areas having twins is much easier than having them closer together. Other areas it's harder. It's a give and take thing. Both have their challeneges. I just happened to get the double whammy of both.

 

Sounds like you have a wonderful father and ILs that need to stop comparing apples to oranges.

 

It sounds like your dad is doing a great job taking care of them. I know my InLaws can't take care of the girls with both of them but my mom can take care of the girls alone. I think it is a comfort level thing for them. My mom has been with the girls since day one alone my MIL/FIL live quite far.

I definitely agree to give your dad a big hug to thank him for all he does, he sounds amazing.