I need some advice on how to handle this situation for the holidays. My MIL lives 40 minutes away from us. She is 67 and is pretty active in her community. But of course she complains about all her sickly ailments on a daily basis. She has not come out to see our babies once. She came to the hospital to spend 30 minutes with one baby. Sean was in the NICU for a few days. Okay, so they are almost 3 months old. We have not been able to go there because it is just too hard with 3 kids under 3 and to lug all the babies stuff around to sit at her house when she can just come to ours much easier. Anyway, here is my delima. This is our first Christmas with the twins so I have been excited about it until a few weeks ago. MIL wants my husband to go out there and pick her up, bring her back to our house and then get back in the car to drop her off and come back. This will take 2.5 hours out of our day for him to get her....WHEN she has a 42 year old daughter that lives 3 minutes from her house that was planning on coming too. What is wrong with her asking her daughter to drive her out here so DH can spend the whole day with his family (if he goes to get his mom he'll have to pick her up too). He is torn because he doesn't really want to do it but he doesn't want his mom to be mad either. My husband just told me he will do what I want him to do but he really doesn't agree with it (wha wha what? so I'm the bad guy?). I told him if he only had to pick up his mother then I understand him picking her up but not when his sister is perfectly capable of driving them both out here. Am I wrong to say this when she has not even called once to offer any help or ask how I am doing? What do you guys think?
My gut reaction is that if your SIL was planning on coming (and presumably driving herself) she should bring your MIL with her. Even if DH had to take your MIL home for some reason, that wouldn't be so bad. If he has to leave for that long to fetch people you are stuck alone trying to manage the babies and the meal (are you cooking a Christmas dinner?), and that's a lot to ask of someone with babies as young as yours and a toddler, too. The people with the newborn twins are the ones who should not have to do the driving if there is some reasonable way to avoid it. If it were just your babies, it wouldn't be so bad, but it will be hard for your older daughter to wait that long. I don't know the whole story here, so that's just my first reaction reading this. Everyone came to us for our girls' first Christmas. It was too hard otherwise. In fact, my parents, who live about 90 minutes from us, pretty much came to us 9 times out of 10 for the first 2 years. It was much easier for them to come to our babyproof house than for us to come to theirs.
QUOTE The people with the newborn twins are the ones who should not have to do the driving if there is some reasonable way to avoid it. My thoughts exactly.
Wouldn't the sister think it's really odd that she is already making that trip and her mom won't make it with her?
Yeah I agree and DH can just say nicely how about so and so (sister) and you take the ride down since my wife will need help with the babies and our toddler maybe they just don't realize that wouldn't make sense for you guys to pick up and drop off when they have no children and are capable of carpooling themselves. If they do realize it's just plain rude to expect that.
QUOTE(girls! @ Dec 9 2007, 04:44 PM) [snapback]526928[/snapback] Wouldn't the sister think it's really odd that she is already making that trip and her mom won't make it with her? Actually, she wouldn't be coming by herself. She will either come with her mother or I don't think either of them will come at all.
I agree with pp. There is no reason they should be making more work for you, the mother of 3 children under 3 just so she doesn't have to drive with her own daughter. Not to mention the weather in cleveland isn't all that predictable. All you need is for it to start getting late and the weather to get bad and DH have to hop in the car on CHRISTMAS! No Thanks! In-laws are so difficult to deal with and I have found that if you don't just make your voice heard on how you want things to be, they will TAKE CHARGE!
I don't think that should even be a discussion. No way should you dh spend his day fetching and carrying your MIL. Why would she even think that was ok to ask? Reyna
Thank you ladies...thank you. You all have pretty much agreed with what I have said and he has already told his sister that he is not spending the day getting both of them. He said he would love to have them and wishes they can make it. Wow, go hubby!!!
I see NO reason that SIL can't drive MIL there and back! That's LUDACRIS to make a trip there and back just because. The gas and time and SIL coming anyway! Sorry, that would irk me too!
