my little vent

i am really sick of people saying "I feel sorry for you" when they find out i am having twins. i dont feel sorry for me. i feel excited and blessed and it has been ticking me off more and more over the past few weeks. what is wrong with these people? comments like "I'm glad I'm not you" and "wow, I feel sorry for you" dont make me feel any better so what is the point in saying them? sorry- it just irritates me to the point i dont even tell some people that i am having twins so i spare myself the stupid comments.
To be fair, i get some nice ones too, i had one guy and his wife get really excited when i told them i was having twins and he said to me "My wife and i have always believed that God only gives gifts like that to really special people, and you deserve it because you are a special person" that made me feel good, why cant everyone be that sensitive?

 

I know what you mean! My mother-in-law gets this look of disgust on her face every time the topic of twins comes up in conversation! You would think that she would be excited that we are going to have 2 more babies to add to the family, but her only comments are negative! :angry:

On the other hand, there are people who are very positive about it which helps... Obviously, anyone who is expecting twins is nervous and aprehensive about how things will be after they are born, but isn't every expecting parent?

 

Alot of people don't think before they speak, (My humble opinion) these days. Then too, maybe the ones that say these things know they would not be able to handle having nor raising twins! To be fair, I don't think they say these things to be insensitive, it just comes naturally :rofl: . I think I have heard everything so far.....I just grin and bear it and bless the heart of the person who says something stupid to me on the wrong day, I know it's coming, I can feel it!

 

I did get one "Oh, I'm sorry" with a hug, and I was just shocked that someone would be that insensitive to imply that this is something that I am unhappy about when I said nothing of the sort! I think people just automatically think of all the expenses and everything else that goes along with having one baby and then think to themselves, "I could never handle TWO of that!" and then just assume that we consider it a burden just b/c they would.

I do think that if anyone actually saw an u/s with two (or more!) babies in their own or their wife's belly, they'd sing a different tune! Once you hear those words "It's twins!" you join this new club that others just can't understand, so :blbl: to them!

On the other hand, the majority of people we've told have been SO happy for us, so I just try to remember those reactions and not got caught up in the dummies that speak without thinking first!

 

Yep, I've heard it all. I just try and come back with something like you said, "oh don't feel sorry for me, I feel very blessed and lucky." Or if they say "better you than me" I just say "yes, better me than you".

Try not to let it get it you, i know it's hard and frustrating, but people do not think before they speak and sometimes don't know what to say so they say anything that they think of. It won't end, you will still get the comments after the babies arrive too, I'm sorry to say. But luckily you do get some nice twin comments too.

 

QUOTE(Stephanie1074 @ Jun 13 2007, 09:57 AM) [snapback]290536[/snapback]
I know what you mean! My mother-in-law gets this look of disgust on her face every time the topic of twins comes up in conversation! You would think that she would be excited that we are going to have 2 more babies to add to the family, but her only comments are negative! :angry:

On the other hand, there are people who are very positive about it which helps... Obviously, anyone who is expecting twins is nervous and aprehensive about how things will be after they are born, but isn't every expecting parent?



I am sorry your mother-in-law is negative. Mine can't wait! She is a very supportive person.

Kiesha

 

I got one the other day "arent you scared?" NO I am not. God would not of given me this blessing if he knew I could not handle it. I am very thrilled to be pregnant with twins. Yeah it is a lot harder than just one baby to carry but I am thrilled.

 

I hate to tell you guys this, but it never ends. I STILL get comments...
Please read this poem I wrote...it sums it up:

people on the other boards wish to make laminated cards and give them out when they get these questions. I could seriously write a book on the things NOT to say to moms of multiples!!!


I am a mom of twins


I am a mom of twins
I get two times the hugs, two times the laughs and two times the bugs.

I am a mom of twins
I see two price tags, two sippie cups full, and two of everything gift bags.

I am a mom of twins
I have two bedtime books to read, two kisses goodnight, and two hugs that I absolutely need.

I am a mom of twins
I spend twice as much, answer all the questions, are they identical, and such...

I am a mom of twins
I carried them together, loved them together and sat in awe of them, together.

I have twins
They are brothers and sisters, sons and daughters.

I am a mom of twins
I have the extra wide stroller, cutely dressed kids, and no time for rollers.

Yes, I am a mom of twins,
I am also a mom of two very different kids.
I pick up twice the messes, make two lunches, and get twice the kisses.

Double the trouble?
Not in my house.

Oh you poor thing?
Im the richest there is..

Id kill myslef!
Isnt that nice.

Better you than me!
Yes, I agree, what a shame for you, that you arent me!

My kids are 12 months apart its the same thing!
No, Im sorry, maybe you should come to my house and see?

Did you concieve them naturally?
We just did it all night, we also kept at it for a month, 3 times a day, just to get it right.

YOUR SO LUCKY!!!
WHY, YES, YES I AM!!

I am the momma of twins...
Twice over, I am.

 

that is such a good poem!!

i actually had a lady look at me and seriously yell "What were you thinking? Are you crazy?" i was like uhhh, are you? :crazy:

 

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you receive a lot of these comments. I have as well. You are blessed. We are all blessed. Twins are beautiful and God gave my husband and I double for our trouble after infertility. I understand the feelings...vent whenever you need to. We're hear to support .

 

Unfortunately this really is something that you need to get used to and it will get worse once your precious babies arrive.

People are naturally curious about twins and with this curiosity is also this strange affliction where people think they can say whatever they like.

I have encountered so much negativity since I have had my beautiful blessings but the one that reduced me to tears was when I was having a bad day with reflux babies and a woman walked up to me and told me that my babies were beautiful and how blessed I must be to have two beautiful children. I had to explain to her that it was the first time anyone had said anything positive about my twins.

I've got a whole list of snappy comments for stupid questions but I really do sympathise with you.

 

That would be extremely annoying. I cried with happiness when I found out I was having twins because I really, really wanted them. Luckily, not many people every said anything like that to me. I got almost all nice comments.

 

I have never gotten that one... I have gotten a lot of "double trouble" and "you got your hands full" but that is as negative as it has gotten. It is quiet unpleasant to hear unsolicited comments all the time though. My advice: walk quicker and don't make eye contact to avoid coversation

 

All i have to say is get used to it b/c once you have the twins, it only gets worse. I have also realized now that i'm pg again, people look down on you like your populating the world and you dont need to b/c you alread had twins. My SIL came up to me the other day when one of the boys was crying (MIL wouldnt give him a bite of her fruit) and said "Boy, you are FU*$ING retarted arent you...having another one? What in the world were you thinking?" Needless to say this came from someone who had 3 by the time she was 18 and now drinks every night and leaves the boys at home (oldest one is 12) alone. I enjoy my kids and love every minute i spend with them and for the better you tahn me comment that people make...."i agree, if you cant appreciate twins than you dont need them, it does take special people to carry and raise two..." so pat yourself on th eback :friends: every time you get a stupid comment like that and hope that when they walk away they kick themselves in the butt thinking about how rude what they said was :umm: (if i could carry that smiley around with me, i would hand it out to those people). Enojoy your pregnancy, no one should be getting you down b/c you are doing such a great thing!

 

I totally understand. I'm just trying to hang on to the positive stuff and let the negative roll. Strangely enough the negative tends to come from total strangers, so those comments are getting easier to ignore!

I just noticed your daughter's name! My DS is "Kiah", comes from a great granddad "Hezekiah" who went by "Kiah". My DS has curly blonde hair and sweet features, so people often think he is a girl! I've never seen it spelled your way, very cool, does the name have meaning with your family?

 

QUOTE(stbmo4 @ Jun 14 2007, 03:48 PM) [snapback]292497[/snapback]
I totally understand. I'm just trying to hang on to the positive stuff and let the negative roll. Strangely enough the negative tends to come from total strangers, so those comments are getting easier to ignore!

I just noticed your daughter's name! My DS is "Kiah", comes from a great granddad "Hezekiah" who went by "Kiah". My DS has curly blonde hair and sweet features, so people often think he is a girl! I've never seen it spelled your way, very cool, does the name have meaning with your family?



nope no meaning, just the Rose part. We have just always liked the name and knew when we found out she was a girl what her name would be. the weird part is i live in a town of about 1600 people and there is a little girl in her preschool class with the same name only spelled Kaiah. i guess great minds think alike!!

 

i have the same problem i have 3 kids under the age of 6 and i get this looks when someone knows i'm having twins and they are like ''are u crazy '' how r u going to make it with 5 kids and the first thing they ask me is my age and once i tell them thats another :shok:.but i tried now not to put that much attention to them but honestly it does bother alot b/c where 3 mouth eat four and five mouths don't make no differences and plus i was raised that way not to judge other people b/c when least u expect u may be going through worst times.

so i'm very happy to all the moms of twins and mommies to be of multiples
so keeps those comments on the back of ur head :banana:

 

I LOVED that poem Mandylouwho. *thumbs up*

Right before Mother's day, a woman passed a very rude remark to me. A friend and I were having lunch at a chinese buffet and this family of 3(child looked pre-teen) was sitting to our right. The woman caught my eye and said, "You look miserable!" (I was 26wks approx)I glared at her and said, "Yeah I am, when complete strangers say rude things like that to me conserning my pregnancy!" and turned back to my plate. I didn't bother to look at her reaction, I was p*ssed. Before she had made that comment I had been laughing at something my friend had said. I looked real miserable huh! Later as we were leaving I heard her say in a very loud whisper, "Oh that poor woman!" :huh: No, more like poor YOU! Grr, people really need to use the brains God gave them!

Keep your chin up, cuz we ARE blessed people to be given twins!