My hubby is driving me nuts....Advice needed...

My husband and I agreed on girls names around week 24/26 of the pregnancy - Kalina and Katelyn. The names were put on baby shower invitations, which now means that we have their names embroidered on dolls, blankets, clothes, etc. Even the decorations for the room have their names on them.

Tonight, after sitting on the couch for some time with a troubled look on his face, he turned to me and asked, "How set are you on the name Katelyn?" HUH??????????????????????? My head started spinning. I asked, "What do you mean by how set am I on the name? I've only been reading to them and calling them by name for weeks. Their names are everywhere now. Of course, I am set on that name. I thought we both were." That's when he replied, "I really want Isabella!"

I was quite irritated at this point and snapped, "Well then you should have been more vocal about this 10+ weeks ago". He pouted the rest of the night.

Our three year old calls them by Kate and Kali and has made cards and such for them. If we changed names this late in the game, wouldn't this confuse her?

So, do I simply ignore it and hope he gets over it? I am extremely irritated that he waits until I am 1) about ready to pop, 2) extremely emotional, 3) extremely uncomfortable, and 4) extremely stressed out by all that I have left to do before they get here. I don't need this additional stress. I am really leaning towards just ignoring what he said, but am afraid that he will not be happy. However, this was a name that we equally agreed on.

Any advice (other than :catfight: him)? LOL

 

If you both decided to pick names early and put them out there on invites and everything I dont think its at all fair that he wants to change now. If you had picked names and kept them to yourselves then I would understand a change of mind but he knows your invested in theses names. Im not sure what you should do. For my last baby we picked the name while we were sitting in the hospital waiting to go and have her! Good luck I look forward to hearing what you decide :hug:

 

You both picked those names and agreed. He had plenty of time to voice his opinion. Katelyn it is IMO. That said what about naming her Katelyn Isabella. Seems like a reasonable compromise.

 

Kind of a tough pickle I would say...

I have had issues "sort of" like this as well. I always step back and think..."what if it was me?"

What if it was you that wanted to change the names and he was still set on it? How would you WANT him to react to that. I don't think you would want him to react as you did towards him. IMO...

I know it sucks, but best to maybe try and talk it out "civil like" and figure things out. Of course that is always easy to say.

Good Luck

 

Did he agree to "publishing" the names - on the shower invites, etc. If it's possible that he was not as on board as you thought, then the whole thing seems a little unfair. Names take on a life of their own, and he ends up stuck with something he was just "okay" with. If he was gung ho about them and okayed you putting them out there, then he's being really unfair IMO.

 

Thanks for all your replies. I welcome any more.

Yes, he was totally on board with the names (or that is the impression he gave). Our first daughter was named by him. Actually she is named after him (Matt --> Maddy). I did choose her middle name. Before we found out that we were having twins, we mutually agreed on Kalina Christine if it was a girl (middle name of Christine was named after his mother, not mine....which I reluctantly agreed to). He wanted Tucker if it was a boy. Tucker was another name he picked out, and I didn't really want...but knew I would have to compromise.

Sooooooooo, when we found out we were having twin girls, we of course stuck with the mutually agreed upon name of Kalina Christine. I asked that for the next girls' name we picked would have my mom's name as her middle name (only fair I thought). Which left us with ___________ Darlene Smith. After about 4 weeks of bickering about a first name that "fit" with the middle name, we decided on Katelyn. He even decided on the spelling. I wanted it spelled differently. He did bring up the name Isabella at that point very adamantly, but I just couldn't commit to that name and I thought Isabella Darlene was just too long of a name and didn't really flow. In addition, it is a VERY popular name right now, so I didn't want to join that popular baby name pool again. He shot down every other name I liked, and would only stick with Isabella or Katelyn. So, that brought us back to Katelyn Darlene.

He did agree to putting the names on the baby shower invitations (Let's Shower the Two Peas in a Pod - Kalina Christine and Katelyn Darlene), and he has/we all have been calling them Kate and Kali all this time. He even helped pick out the name lettering for their room.

I guess that is why I kind of snapped and reacted badly. I was shocked - didn't know it was still on his mind and actually thought it was a mute point.

I feel I have compromised more than enough. Call it the hormones, or whatever....but I think I have the right to stick with Katelyn Darlene since 1) Our first daughter is named after him, 2) Kalina is a name we mutually agreed on, with the middle name being after his mother, 3) we did agree on Katelyn Darlene at one point, and quite frankly....4) I'm carrying and giving birth to all the kids. That has to count for something...right???

Who knew names would be so difficult? LOL

Heidi

 

QUOTE(HMSmith @ Jun 30 2009, 10:49 AM) [snapback]1375397[/snapback]
Thanks for all your replies. I welcome any more.

Yes, he was totally on board with the names (or that is the impression he gave). Our first daughter was named by him. Actually she is named after him (Matt --> Maddy). I did choose her middle name. Before we found out that we were having twins, we mutually agreed on Kalina Christine if it was a girl (middle name of Christine was named after his mother, not mine....which I reluctantly agreed to). He wanted Tucker if it was a boy. Tucker was another name he picked out, and I didn't really want...but knew I would have to compromise.

Sooooooooo, when we found out we were having twin girls, we of course stuck with the mutually agreed upon name of Kalina Christine. I asked that for the next girls' name we picked would have my mom's name as her middle name (only fair I thought). Which left us with ___________ Darlene Smith. After about 4 weeks of bickering about a first name that "fit" with the middle name, we decided on Katelyn. He even decided on the spelling. I wanted it spelled differently. He did bring up the name Isabella at that point very adamantly, but I just couldn't commit to that name and I thought Isabella Darlene was just too long of a name and didn't really flow. In addition, it is a VERY popular name right now, so I didn't want to join that popular baby name pool again. He shot down every other name I liked, and would only stick with Isabella or Katelyn. So, that brought us back to Katelyn Darlene.

He did agree to putting the names on the baby shower invitations (Let's Shower the Two Peas in a Pod - Kalina Christine and Katelyn Darlene), and he has/we all have been calling them Kate and Kali all this time. He even helped pick out the name lettering for their room.

I guess that is why I kind of snapped and reacted badly. I was shocked - didn't know it was still on his mind and actually thought it was a mute point.

I feel I have compromised more than enough. Call it the hormones, or whatever....but I think I have the right to stick with Katelyn Darlene since 1) Our first daughter is named after him, 2) Kalina is a name we mutually agreed on, with the middle name being after his mother, 3) we did agree on Katelyn Darlene at one point, and quite frankly....4) I'm carrying and giving birth to all the kids. That has to count for something...right???

Who knew names would be so difficult? LOL

Heidi


Based on all this, I think you are right in sticking to your guns, although I'd explain to him how you feel by going through all the above. He may not understand how you feel. We were all over the place on names too.

 

One more question - does he not like the name Katelyn anymore for some reason? Because if that's the case, then it's a problem (you would not want to go through life with him secretly not liking your daughter's name). But if it's just that he is still hanging onto Isabella, maybe you could talk it through. Here is a suggested compromise:

If he loves Isabella, would be be willing to give up Christine as a middle name in exchange for Isabella? You could change the middle names still, without too much drama I think, right? Based on what he says then you might get an idea of where he is coming from.

But the reality is that at some point, the discussion needs to be closed. You need to make a decision and stick with it despite any second thoughts you might have. In your mind, that point happened months ago. In his mind, it hasn't. So that's the root cause you need to talk about - at this point, bringing up questions about stuff that you have already decided on is hurting, not helping. The reality is, you have beautiful names that you both like and you both agreed on.

 

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. My hubby and I sat down and had a long talk this evening, and all is resolved. The girls will remain as originally named. He said he didn't even know what really got into him last night, but we are all good now.

Thanks so much for listening and replying to my hormonal ranting! :laughing:

Heidi

 

Maybe he was talking in his sleep?

 

lol he's having sympathy hormonal issues

 

I would say not to dismiss him lightly.

Our boy twin was Michael up until 12:30am the day we had them.

I kissed my DH & went to bed @ 10:30pm as we were having a schedule section the next morning. I woke up @ 12:30 to pee, walked out, look @ DH & said "His name is Philip" and went back to bed. Don't know why it all of a sudden hit me. We had hardly even voiced the name prior.

Needless to say - his name is Philip and it is perfect for him.

I cannot tell you enough how much I love and appreciate my husband for going along with me.

This may be more important to him that you realize. No one will care or be confused if you change it late in the game ~ I promise.