My house is a disaster - don't even know where to start

I'm coming to the experts once again. We've been way too lax in not having the kids help out with picking up. The house is a complete disaster. I couldn't even let people come over, I'm so embarassed. First, I don't even know where to start. It's just so overwhelming. Second, how do I get the kids to help with this. I definately need to start having them do chores, but how to get them to do it when they just scream the entire time? My girls will do it with some complaining, but Gabe will just sit there and cry and scream that he doesn't want to. Should I just keep counting for 1-2-3 Magic until he does it? I've gotten a chore chart for the fridge with magnetic stars that I want to start using. But should we get the house cleaned up first with everyone helping or should I just start giving them their chores and know that as we all start doing more, it'll get picked up. I'm at a loss. Sorry you guys. I'm so embarassed that it has gotten this bad and that I have let it go and not guided them more in helping. I guess I'm a bit lazy as well. :FIFblush:

ETA: FYI: A & G will be 5 next month and Bel is 7.5.

 

My kids are responsible for picking up their things while I make dinner. If they don't finish, we finish it together after dinner. It's done every night and that makes it easier to keep up. If they finish on their own, they get to spend the rest of the cooking time and the time after dinner playing outside, watching a video, or working on an art/craft at the table.

There are occasions when the mess doesn't get picked up entirely or I'll let them leave something they were working on and we save that one thing for later. I'm flexible like that but I make sure it doesn't get out of control. My folks were very lax about cleaning up and I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's OK to just have a path to their bed and the floor a mess as the regular state of things.

If it's really overwhelming right now, I might arrange to get them out of the house for a day and just attack it yourself. Once it's clean, explain to them their role in keeping it that way. OR, if this is not possible, do one room/closet at a time in its entirety. Be ruthless in getting rid of things you really don't need because clutter is a huge time suck when you try to do the maintenance cleaning. Be sure that the maintenance cleaning on finished rooms gets done daily so you aren't starting over again when you get to the 3rd room.

 

I think one of the biggest things is leading by example. Have a family cleaning day where you turn on some music, everyone pitches in, and act like you are enjoying yourself. I grew up in a household where the women were expected to much more than the men. It was hard to have a good attitude. In my own household, my husband and I both work together and our kids see that. They are only 2, but I expect them to pick up their own toys. They never see me picking them up. If for some reason, I need to pick them up, I do it after they are in bed. I want to teach them that everyone is responsible to pitch in. When we get up from the table, we all work until the kitchen is clean. My 11 year old step-son enjoys helping because he sees all of us doing it. His mom says he doesn't help at all at home. Hope this helps!

 

This is us and I fear that if I don't get control of it now, it'll ruin them for keeping "homes" in the future. Never mind that I am too embarassed to have playdates at our house. I don't want to live this way and I know when we do have a clean house, they are happier and can "run around".

I think we really do need to have them out of the house for a day or two and just tackle it big time. At the moment, it's hard b/c my Mom is having surgery on Friday and will be out of comission for 6-8 weeks and my MIL has company for the next month. I may see if I can get the daycare to add them for an extra day, but then it's all me and not DH helping out. We do need to do this though, so I'm going to try to work something out.

Thanks for the advice!

 

I think that the easiest way is to get it all picked up, probably by you first. Make sure that everything has a place to go to. I know it gets the most frustrating for my kids when they just don't know where to put stuff. So that probably means on the day you pick everything up, weed out things and truly make sure that everything has a spot.

After that, I would then deal with day-to-day life. Go with simple things like "after you play a board game, put it up so we have all the pieces next time". After baths, hang your towel up and clothes in the hamper. Make your bed in the morning. Maybe spend 15 mins before bed picking up the room. During the school year, we always set out clothes and backpacks so our mornings are nicer. Create a routine that just involves picking up as you go.

I've included the kids in picking up. Especially with games and activities that are for a limited time and then done. They need to pick up when they're done. I don't really allow them lee-way on that in the family room. In their rooms and in the playroom, I cut them some slack and if Sarah wants to leave a game of Barbie set up for a week or Timothy wants a car track set up for a week, it's fine.

Something I've pointed out to the kids is that "mommy didn't make all of the mess so it's not really fair for mommy to clean up all the mess". Especially since going to school and being left to clean up things on indoor recess days by themselves, they really are understanding it's not fun to be the one to get stuck with clean up while everybody just goes on to make the next mess. They are understanding that there are things that we all have to do to live in this house and keep it picked up. And they understand that those are not mine and daddies toys and we are completely comfortable with Goodwill and trash bags if we need to be.

In addition to the things you do because you live here list (making beds, picking up towels and clothes and cleaning up after yourself with your toys), we also have $1 chores. These are things they can help me do beyond the norm. Like vacuuming out the couches. Edge-cleaning all the stairs. Cleaning and wiping the leather couches. We have a laundry contest. Whoever presents me with baskets of dirty laundry where all the clothes are turned the correct way for washing, wins $1. The first few weeks, only one of them would get it. They are now very practiced and both of them manage to get everything turned and they both get $1. I figured I could go crazy fussing about it, or make it fun and teach them a good habit. And for $2 a week, I get very easy to do laundry.

Hope some of this helps. I honestly think the biggest step is getting the stuff down so that everything has a place.

Marissa

 

I totally agree that you sending them away for a day or two to get the house totally cleaned up is a big step.

What I would do is write up a list of chores--say 5 per child. Then let them pick each week what they want. They can draw them out of a bag or rotate. If they have one chore this week then they can't have the same one next week. Make it a game. This works really well with my 10 year old. He has certain chores and if he really hates doing it (cleaning up the dog poop in the backyard) then I let him choose something else equally as bad (here it's taking out the dirty diaper bags). The go back to it the other week.

Also giving them a reward after they've done it--at the end of the week... And the reward can be anything and doesn't have to be a toy or worth a lot of money but sometimes just more game time or a movie night can really get things moving.

Good luck!

 

I posted a list someone had shared with me for when to start teaching our kids things and when to expect them to "get it" a while back. Here is the link.

 

I love this -- I think I might start with DH. :laughing: (I might have to give him a kiss instead of a dollar...)

I'm perfectly fine with folding his clean laundry inside-out and letting him just turn it around before he wears it, but he never turns the kids' clothes right side out when he undresses them either. I'm so sick of having to turn 1000 size-4T clothes right side out before putting them away.

Anyway, I ditto the idea of tackling it yourself just the once (or maybe just once a week), but then start slow with the other stuff. I'd hold off on the chore chart until they have a chance to practice. What we try to do (and admittedly we're not very good at it) is the "Clean up what you were just using before you start using something else" rule.

I basically let them have art supplies all over the place all the time (and I just clean them up myself every couple of days), because they use the art table all.the.time and it's so helpful to me that they entertain themselves there, I can deal with the mess.

But for things like doll clothes, games, puzzles, dress-up stuff, etc., I do want that stuff put away before we move on to something else.

I let one project at a time occupy the train table for days or weeks on end (train tracks OR Wedgits OR marble run) and just have the rule that anything belonging to that project must be on the train table. Then I rotate it myself every once in a while, after they're in bed or while they're out with DH.

It's a never-ending project, and we have lots of room for improvement, but I'm working on it.

 

Mine catched on when they were 4 that the house has to be clean and they have to clean up after theirselves. Katie has learned at a much younger age but she has so many to watch and learn from. They throw away their trash and make sure all their dishes are in the sink when they are done. The toy room is also their responsibility and they know they have to keep it clean. I vacuum it though. Katie and Zack love to do laundry, so their 'chore' is taking the laundry out of the dryer and putting it on my bed for me to fold. They will fold the load if it is towels and wash rags they beg me to let them do that.

I agree with PP they definitely cued in from watching me.

 

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My 6 yrs olds clean their rooms and put away their laundry. They will even vacuum if I ask. They started these chores at age 5 after our last au pair left. With 3 kids (4 if you count DH) and a full time job and elderly mom, I simply need them to help. They don't know any different.

My 12 yr old is another story. She is expected to keep her room clean (a never ending struggle), put away her laundry (another never ending struggle), and unload the dishwasher daily. I ground her until her room is acceptable.

They all need to help set and clear the table, pick up their toys in the main rooms and keep the play area clean.

If I could do over, I would have assigned older dd more responsibility earlier.

I like the idea suggested of getting the kids out of the house so you can get it in order - and then explaining to them that you expect it to stay that way. List out what each is expected to do. They are old enough, for example, to keep up their rooms, pick up after themselves, and probably do some vacumming/dusting/table clearing. Lay out the tasks - and then make them accountable. It won't get any easier as they get older.

 

We use the philosophy "if you can't keep your toys nice and neat then you don't get to have them". basically they need to show me they appreciate the things they are given and not take advantage of them. toys left on the floor overnight go in the trash or to goodwill. I have only had to actually do it once for the kids to know we mean it. Loosing their toys is a big motivator here in my house.

My 5.5yr olds have chores to help keep the house nice and then there are basic expectations of living in this house like cleaning your plate after dinner, putting laundry in the hamper, keeping shoes in the shoe bin, and backpacks on the hooks.

Your kids are not too young but you do need to set the example; they will do as you do not as you say.