My DS is driving me insane!

Well, my DS is almost 4 (7/28) and he has had a hard time behavior wise since the babies were born last year. Before they were born he was great. Smart, fun, a little needy but hey, he was 2. Anyway, ever since the babies were born which will be a year tomorrow, his behavior has been awful. It has been such a hard year with him and I don't see a huge amount of improvement. I really thought that the tantrums and outbursts and stubborness would get better over the year. He can be just wonderful and fun and great but when he is bad it is really bad.

Today, for example, he needed to go to the bathroom and the vacuum was in the bathroom in his way so I asked him to use my bathroom. Well, he threw a huge fit about it and said he didn't want to and was in the floor crying about it. He finally relented and used my bathroom. But then a few minutes later he got mad at me for asking him to come out of his closet and he started calling me a dummy and saying he hated me. I tried to remain calm and not let him get to me. Also, he will not play nicely with the babies. He always lays on the floor in front of them in their way. He can never just play nicely with them and I have tried to show him how to play with them. So, during the day when it is just the 4 of us it is just constantly him trying to get my attention and me having to deal with the babies. If I try to get him to play with us then I am always telling him to "get back" "stop", etc. Then I end up sending him into his room by himself. It is so frustrating! I just don't know what to do with him anymore. He makes me so angry and frustrated I just don't know what to do.

My mom was here today and she thinks his behavior is out the normal range of 3 or 4 yr old craziness. She is a retired teacher so she does have credibility on child behavior. She thinks I should take him to a counselor to find out how to better relate to him and discipline him since obviously what I am currently doing is not working.

I feel like such a failure. All I have ever tried to do is love him and be good to him and I have this angry child who lashes out. What did I do wrong??? I really don't understand.

Thanks for reading this if you made it through to the end! Any advice or comments would be great!

 

*sigh* i know you must feel disappointed in yourself. All we moms want is to have happy well adjusted children who are a joy to be around and who will obey. But we don't always get that do we. I am wondering if you could work through this without counselling. If there was a way you could find out what your child's needs are.... each of us interprets love in a different way. Like physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time. (see the book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) So maybe it's just a matter of miscommunication. I'll be praying for you.

 

You didn't mention this, so you may already be doing it, but I often realize that when my older ds is acting out, I usually have not been giving him enough 1 on 1 attention. I frequently have to remind myself that he had almost 4 years of me all to himself and then his whole world turned upside down. I try during their nap time to give him some special attention. We play board games, read books together, even play games on the internet, just something where it is just me and him. It is amazing how much better his behavior is when I make time to do this!

 

Just wanted to throw in here, that my dd was much more difficult over age three than she was over age 2....and it wasn't an adjustment b/c of the twins.... she was 20 months when the twins were born...so she had from age 2 to 3 to get used to that.... Then after age 3 it was like she was a different kid. She turns 4 next week... I'm seeing improvement over the last couple months, and I'm hoping that age 4 brings better things... My advice..consistant discipline...mixed with consistant loving attention. Find a way to take a deep breath and enjoy your ds. Create opportunities to just enjoy time together. And talk with him... be honest about your frustrations with his behavior... let him know that you need his help..that he can help by behaving himself and listening to you.