My daughter was sexually assaulted!

Last night I was talking with my older two girls about how their bus ride to and from school was going. There was an issue at one bus stop but we moved them and things are going well now. One of my younger girls heard me asking and she said "Mama I have to tell you what happened on my bus" I turned to her and said "Okay tell me your story" She always makes whatever she has to tell me into a story (so I did not think this was going to be a big deal).

She says "Mama a boy on the bus was looking up my skirt and pulling it" I was shocked and upset but held it in to ask her what she did. She said "I told him to STOP" Then she said he asked her if he could hold her hands she said "NO" Then he asked her if she wanted to play a hand game. She said "NO" then he pushed her hands off her skirt and pushed his hand up her skirt. She said she pushed him away and then he pushed her head into the window of the bus and she said she pushed him away and said "STOP". I guess by that time it was his bus stop and he got off the bus. I told her that she did the right thing telling him to STOP and pushing him away and i was very proud of her for how strong she was. I also told her I was happy that she told me about it and that we needed to tell the principle at school because what the boy did was bullying and that is against the rules. She said she would. I then asked her if she knew what his name was and what class he was in and she said she knew his name but not what class he was in.

Today when I went to the school to pick her and her brother up for a Dr appointment I went a bit early so that we (my daughter, myself and the principle) could talk. I must say that the principle responded to her wonderfully. I did not talk at all because I wanted her to hear it from my daughter. The principle told her that she was proud of her for listening to her heart and brain that it was wrong what the boy was doing and that told her Mommy about it and wanted to tell her about it. Then she said that she would be talking with the boy because no one has a right to touch anyone.

I can't believe this can happen on a bus with 5 to 8 year olds! I told my daughter that she cannot sit with that boy anymore on the bus and that I would like it if she would sit with her sister. I did not tell her this but there is such a thing as strength in numbers and she is a multiple so she has "numbers to have strength with".

My hardest and proudest part in this all was when my daughter finished telling her story to the principle her brother said "HE was mean and if I was there I would push him" In front of the principle. I immediately said to him "No matter how much you do not like someone or how mean they are you does not have a right to touch them unless they are touching you or your sisters. So when you see him again you canNOT be mean to him." That was a rough but imo proper statement but I am very proud that he recognized that the boy was mean and that he would defend his sister.

 

:woah: That's really disturbing at such a young age. I recall being harrassed in 6th grade, but not in the early grades.

Your daughter sounds like quite a girl. She really stuck up for herself. I'm glad the school responded immediately and appropriately.

 

I am so proud of your daughter. She is a wise little girl and so is her mother. The one piece of advice I could give to each of the mothers here is to listen and not for one second doubt that these things happen at this young age. I know there are a lot of teachers on this forum and the things they could probably tell you that happen at "good" schools would shock you. I retired from the public school system and my last few years I saw changes that I couldn't fathom. My job dealt with the hardcore discipline and court issues so I know that my viewpoint became a little jaded because of what I had to deal with, but my daughter teaches kindergarteners. She is in a multi agency, school, law enforcement meeting today because of the actions of a five year old that she has in class. It's almost beyond comprehension what some young children learn and how they are acting out.

Your daughter was strong and verbally and physically stood her ground. You took action where action needed to be taken. You didn't alarm her, but you definitely showed her that you would take care of the situation in the manner that it should be handled. You didn't scare her. I think you both did a wonderful job.

 

Cheryl, you have good reason to be proud of your daughter and don't forget to be proud of yourself. You must be a wonderful mother, I'm glad that she came right out and told you what had happened, that shows you have a good relationship with your kids.

I'm sorry your daughter had to experience this.

 

I am so sorry! how awful.
Personally I would be on the phone to the district superintendent and demand that this child never be allowed to ride the bus without a staff person or adult supervision (in addition to the bus driver).

That is unreasonable for the school to allow him to ride the bus unsupervised after something like that!

 

Cheryl, two things. First, praise her, praise her, praise her for telling you what happened!! And second, your daughter is awesome for telling that boy to stop and holding her ground. You must have taught her well. Good job on that!!

I would be LIVID if this had happened to a child of mine. Good for you for speaking with the principal as well. I'd be keeping tabs on the situation through the school if I were you.

 

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. Is she feeling ok about it today or is she still visibly upset? If you think she might still be scared of the bus, please do insist that this boy not be allowed on the bus with her unsupervised. I would also suggest that the school arrainge counseling for her if she shows ANY signs of being scared, upset or nervous.

I know you have a strong family and that you provide a safe and secure home for your kids. That does more than anything else to help kids to be strong in the face of bullies and to know what they should do. I hope you are very proud of your little girl for the way she handled this.

 

:clapping:to your daughter and you! I cannot believe this happened on the bus. Did the bus driver not realize something was going on? I know they can't see everything that is happening but I would imagine a little girl saying STOP would draw some attention. I hope that the school calls in this boys parents and talks with them. I would probably want him taken off the bus as well.

 

I am VERY proud of her.

You and others have said that I should keep tabs on the situation at school but I didn't think I had a right to ask anything about another child's discipline.. do I? I don't even know if I can request the boy not be on the bus even knowing that he has done this to other girls on the bus. I will share more in my reply to Azmom23

She is totally not freaking out. She was not even talking about it till just a moment ago. She cannot see what I am typing or reading. She turned to me and said "Do I have to find out ----- last name? I told her "no you don't even have to talk to him ever again. Why do you think you need to find out his last name?" She said because she thought the principle needed her to find out for her. I told her "no the principle is smart and will be able to figure out who he is because of his first name and your bus number" She said "Oh okay"

Then I asked her if she wanted to ride the bus tomorrow. She said yes. Then I asked her if she knew that I was proud of her and she said yes. Then she told me that he pulled up the skirt of another girl (2nd grader) on the way to school. I asked if she saw it and she said no but the other girl told her after the boy got off the bus. Then she told me that he has done it to other girls on the bus. Now I am seeing that this IS a regular thing this boy does. NOW I want to call the school and see how much I can find out about the action that will be taken to protect my and other children on the bus. OH and as soon I hit "Add Reply" I am calling the 2nd graders parents to tell that what happened to my and their daughter. I imagine she will talk to the principle also. Hopefully now the principle will see this as a pattern and take more action than she first thought.

 

Wow, that is really scary! I second what everyone else said, she absolutely did the right thing. :hug: I agree that the school needs to know that this is not a one-time thing, he should not be on the bus. I'm sorry this happened to your DD.

 

Oh, my goodness, he does need to find some other way to school! I feel both upset for you daughter, and proud to know both of you.

 

You can try to ask, but they can't tell you anything regarding discipline of another student. That is one of the reasons so many times I hear parents (when I was teaching) say things like "so-so didn't get punished for doing X", it isn't that the child isn't disciplined, but rather that the school cannot talk about it. As for telling about other instances, calling the parents of the other children is a better option. The principal needs to hear from multiple parents, not one parent talking about children not their own. If you know the parents of the other children your daughter is speaking of, I would call them, ask them to talk to their children and then report it to the school--it will carry more weight than you reporting what your daughter told you that other kids told her.

 

Cheryl, I agree with everyone else---how proud you must be of your smart and confident little girl! How horrible that this could happen on a school bus! And I know that your family will handle this well---

 

That is so scary! You both handled it very well.

 

I think both you and your daughter handled the situation brilliantly.

I would like to add that perhaps you should consider calling Child Protective Services regarding the little boy; because he is just a little boy, and he had to learn the inappropriate sexual behavior somewhere. He might need help.

It's just my two cents, but it is what I would do.

Donna

 

Oh my..!! Seems no where is safe anymore.. Geez.

I think you and your daughter handled things were well.

 

All I can say is I am SO sorry this happened to your DD and your family. I was abused by a teenage neighbor as a child, but too scared to tell my mom because she was going through a divorce with my dad. I still can't bring myself to tell her because I know it would devastate her. She already felt like a failure because my dad left her out of the blue for the mother of one of my sister's classmates.

Let me just say I am very proud of your DD for having the courage to tell you and the principal. It is very scary for a child because I know I felt I did something wrong to bring on the abuse and it took years to get over that. It sounds like you are raising strong, smart, young women.

 

Oh, your poor little girl. I'm so glad that she was smart enough and had enough courage to tell you about the situation. I hope that this boy is removed from the bus. I can't imagine that he wouldn't be if more parents speak up about it happening to their children.

 

Doesn't it make you feel good to know that in such a bad situation, they can handle themselves! I am also very proud of her. I am also proud of your son for wanting to take up for his sister - that was so sweet!

I have 3 sons and even now I cannot imagine them touching a girl like that but from ages 5-8 ??? Oh my goodness! someone may need to investigate that boy's home life.

 

Tonight was lower school open house. I spoke to the principle again and my daughters teacher

I had no intention of reporting any abuses to the principle about other children, I did talk with the principle before the open house. I THANKED her for how she responded to my daughter and let her know that she was fine but she (my daughter) did ask if she had to ask the boy what his last name was. I told the P that I told my daughter that she did not have to talk to him or sit with him. That is when the principle told me (without me asking) that she spoke to the boy and his parents already and that the situation is being handled. Then our conversation changed to the open house and directions to my children's classroom
After the OH I spoke to the teacher and asked if she heard about what happened to my daughter. I did not expect her to say no but she did. I told her "she was sexually assaulted on the bus" there were 2 other parents there and one said "I don't want to know about this" and walked away. The other was a parent with a child ON the same bus as my children and she asked if she could stay. I said yes. The teacher asked me to tell her just what happened so I did and then she asked me the other childs name. I told her I would not say because there was another parent there and she understood. Then she said just what many others here said "You need to stay on this and ask if the boy will be still riding the bus. I shared that I did not think I had a right to know and the teacher said that I was a parent of an assaulted child and I had a right to know if the child would be that close to her again. We then spoke about several other topics and then the principle came in. That is when I asked if the boy would still be on the bus and she said "I spoke to the boy and his parents and told them if she gets one more report concerning this type of behavior he would be banned from the bus. That is when I told her that my daughter was not the only child he did this to but I did not name names. She thanked me and assured me that the boy has been spoken to and that he was told that he could only sit with other boys on the bus.

 

I don't know that I could report this child (that I do not even know his last name). I am hoping beyond all hope that the school counselor has been brought in and if not yet he will be now that another parent has called the school on her daughters behalf. My friend with the 2nd grader that also had her skirt pulled up was calling the teacher as soon as she got off the phone with me.
I did talk with one other parent in the school that has a DH who is a police officer. She did tell me that the school would/should report the incident because ir was sexual and physical abuse. She also said she was going to tel her DH about what happened and see if he could find out if there was a report made.

I am so sorry that happened to you. I can understand somewhat what you went through. I was raped when I was in 8th r 9th grade (I blocked out the year but can remember the event like it was last week. I did not want to tell my parents. They had just gotten back together and remarried. I did not want my father to go into OVER protect mode and kill the boy. I did tell my mom a day later and she brought me to a Dr. We kept it a secret from my Dad. I don't even know if he knows today.
My daughter (thankfully) also has an open relationship with her daddy and she spoke to him about what happened and he told her he was proud of her and her brother and that he did not want her to sit near him again and if he did she was to do the same things she did this last time "YELL NO-STOP push him away and TELL the next adult she saw right away including the bus driver.

 

I applaud your daughter for being brave and to you also for not letting it go. However this boy should not be allowed to sit anywhere except the very first seat right where the bus driver can see him. He has some major issues because like previous persons said this is not normal behavior for a young child. As for your son, how sweet that he wants to protect his sister.

 

I would like that also BUT the front 3-4 rows are reserved for our kindergarten children. I would not want him near them.

I don't want to keep this event in the front of my daughters mind but I do want to know where and with who this boy sits with. I think I am going to ask my "defender" boy to do me a big boy favor. I think I am going to ask him rather than his sister how the bus ride to and from was after school tomorrow privately. I will also ask him other questions about his day. I don't want him to think I am wanting him to tattle tale but because I know he is a great helper he could help me know how his day went

 

Oh Cheryl, I'm so very sad to hear what happened to your daughter. What a strong, brave girl she is - I'm so proud of her, how she handled herself on the bus and for telling you right away, and for being able to tell the principal. It's obvious you have a wonderful relationship with your children, what a gift to them all. Help her continue to feel safe (as I'm sure you will!!)

 

First, I just wanted to say that I think that was very courageous of your daughter to come forward and speak with you. I see your instincts about the bus were right.

My first thought was if you think this was a sexual assault; then it is a crime. Even if we are talking about an 8 year old, it's still a crime, and a crime should be handled by the right officials. So if I was in your shoes, I would definitely check and see if this was reported to the police (and also to child protective services). I'm not sure that I would trust the school officials to do that. This matter needs to be handled not only by the school.

Also because it is very traumatic for a child to have to deal with someone who sexually abused her/him over and over again, I think they need to do more than just say this kid can't sit near her. Can we imagine an adult man doing this to an adult woman, and then the woman has to deal with him every day (I know this happens quite often.)? The kid needs to be off the bus period; he's been abusive to multiple children. Hopefully, the law enforcement folks, the school, and CPS, can work together to figure out needs to be done with/for this abusive kid and all of the kids who he abused.

I'm sorry you and your daughter have to deal with this. I have a feeling that your daughter not only helped herself and the other girls on the bust by coming forward, but she also helped any future who have contact with this child as well.

 

He should not be on the bus period, not until he gets the appropriate treatment or whatever. Unfortunately, a bus drive cant' keep his or her eyes on the road and 45 kids, so the kids still a danger to others.

 

I am sorry your daughter had to go through that as well.

Just a question about the bus driver. What does he or she do on the bus while the kids are being bad. Didn't you say there has been trouble before?? I know our buses in our district have video cameras on them and if yours do I would have the footage looked at. I would also recommend that the driver be more attentive if there is trouble. I might recommend that your children sit near the front as well. Honestly when I rode the bus the "bad" kids were in the middle and back.

 

I totally agree. I am not going to stop. Meaning I might call the guidance counselor and ask him his opinion about my daughters feelings. I will tell him that I don't know if he thinks she should have a talk with him and during this conversation I will share that I hope the boy is being talked to by HIM because if he did this he could be being harmed at home.

 

forgot to mention the bus has 65 students on it

The issues we had last week were with my older girls bus. They start school at different times (take different busses.

I considered having my children sit closer to the front but I think they may get the feeling they are being punished for someone else's bad behavior and I don't want them to think this. I would LOVE a bus monitor or camera on the bus but I don't see that happening

 

Crazy!!! I agree he should not be riding the bus. She should not have to go to school and have to worry about riding the bus with this kid

 

Cheryl...:hug: :hug: :hug: for you and your DD!! I am so sorry this happened to her! I agree with others that you should stay on this and not back down until you know that the boy is being taking care of and off the bus!!

 

So many of you have read my thread my daughter was sexually assaulted

Today a new chapter started. I went to work and DH brought the children to the bus (as usual). DH decided to speak to the bus driver. DH asked the driver how he was handling the situation with the boy and our daughter. The driver said he did not know what DH was talking about. DH told him a quick run down of what happened on Wednesday and he said he would have the boy sit at the front of the bus. I found all this out after I called DH from work at about 9am. I was LIVID. Not only livid that the driver did not know but that the boy was going to be sitting up front with kindergarten children.

I immediately called the school to talk with the counselor and was only able to leave a message for him to call me at work before 12:30 I left work at about 1 and he never called. I went to the school from work and tried to meet with him but he could not be found. I decided to talk with the principle again.

When I went into her office I tried to be as positive and thankful to her as I could be about her initial encounter with my daughter. Then I expressed my concern and frustration about the way it is being handled now. I shared that I am concerned on many levels.

• I am concerned for my daughter because she is now saying she does not think she should wear a dress or skirt anymore. Her favorite things to wear
• I am concerned for the kindergarten children who are smaller than my daughter that are now having to sit with this boy and
• I am concerned for the little boy because of his actions. I shared that the child may not be be treated properly at home because of the actions he is expressing with other children and I am concerned for the boys safety at home if his parents get upset with him if he is banned from the bus because it will cause a stressful environment for them.

The principle attempted to say that she thought the driver knew. I said the ONLY way he would have known is if she told him and she did not because he said he did not know. I asked if this had happened on a HS bus would the boy still be allowed on the bus or would he be facing charges of sexual and physical abuse. Then I said "If I have to I can report this to the police myself as an assault on my daughter" I then asked her if any other reports had been made and before she could answer I told her I knew there was one. She said yes there was and that she would be giving the parents a call back to let them know and then she said that she would like to talk with the bus Co about this matter.

THEN I cam home and went over to talk with my friend, the mother of the 2nd grader. This is going to make you all flip because I did. I found out that last night after the Mom got home from school (her open house) she talked to her daughter again because her daughters teacher was aware og her (the 2nd graders experience on the bus. I guess the little girls DID tell the bus driver, her teacher and the little boys teacher was told. NONE of them called or wrote a note home to the childs family. SO the bus driver did know there was a problem child on the bus but maybe he did not think much of the report from the 7 year old.

Now to tell you all what the boy did to the 7 year old. He pushed up the girls dress. She told him she did not like him and she did not want him to sit with her. He had a rock in his hand and he dropped it on the floor and when he bent to pick it up he looked up her dress then he pushed the rock under her dress toward privates (her words). When the bus stopped she told the bus driver then her teacher and then her teacher told the boys teacher. Problem is it was not the same bus driver in the morning as in the afternoon.

This boy imo should be banned from the bus for the year. I am going to be a tiny but more patient though because of the bus driver change. I am going to go to the school again on Monday after work and see if I can talk to the counselor. I am going to ask if they have spoken to the bus Co/other driver. See if anyone made a report. Then I will be patient but aggressive with my actions. I am going to ask my girls every day how their bus ride went. I am going to ask my boy if the other boy is still riding the bus (if he is not already banned), if he is acting up at all on the bus. I am then going to contact the principle again to let ask her if there have been any more incidents and share with her what my children told me during the week.

I know I am being WAY to patient but this is just the way I am.

Also I bought my daughter a new dress (sweater dress) tights, and pink frill boots. I showed it to her and she was immediately excited. I then asked her if she would wear it to school Monday and she (in her excitement) said yes and then asked if she could try it all on. She LOVED it and did honestly seem fine with the idea of wearing it on Monday so i think (hope) she is feeling better about the whole thing. I also hope I am not teaching her that she can be made to feel better with new clothing and boots. May not be a good lesson to get her used to but I can't worry about that right now. I pray this NEVER happens again.

 

:hug: I am sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. You are doing the right thing by staying on top of the school.

 

:aggressive: How maddening! You are doing the right thing.

 

Err... I hate that you are having so much trouble getting things done. I'm glad you're being aggressive about though, and I think you're going about it in a very rational manner, which is good. Keep on top of them until something is done!