My CIO Disaster

Background:
My girls still don't STTN and I was actually okay getting up 2-3 times a night with them, but nights have been AWFUL the past week or so. The girls wake up, I go in and nurse them back to sleep, and then 15 minutes later they are up crying again. I've been up at least 6 times a night (12 one night :wacko: ), sometimes for an hour at a time. Needless to say I've reached a breaking point! It was time to start CIO!

DH has not been very supportive about CIO (other post) so I decided to start last night while he was away at a poker game. Here is an account of what happened:

6:00 - Bedtime, cried for 45 minutes

7:00 - Go in to check, Cassidy wakes up and sees me and cries for another 15 minutes, Candace stays asleep

9:00 - Both wake up and I feed them ; Both go back to sleep
(I had decided in advance to feed them ONLY the first time they woke, since they really DO seem hungry at their first waking)

10:00 - They wake up, at this point I KNOW they aren't hungry since they ate at 9, so I let them cry.

10:30 - STILL crying

11:00 - Candace's cry turns from a protest cry to a distress cry, I had never heard her cry like that so at that point I KNOW there is something wrong. I run, yes literally RUN, down the hall to their room. The poor thing was huddled into a corner with both legs and an arm stuck all the way through the crib slats ! I felt SOOOOO awful! I started shaking and crying. So of course I rescued her and nursed her back to sleep. Cassidy was still up, saw me, and screamed even louder so I also nursed her back to sleep.

11:30 - Wake again, but at this point I am WAY too traumatized to let my poor babies cry so I go in and nurse them to sleep...

I was up again nursing to sleep at 1:30, 3:00, 5:30 and 6:00 :blink: and that was actually a good night.


So anyway I just don't think I can try CIO again after that incident. If anyone has any other suggestions I am all ears! I do plan on getting DH more involved, as up to this point he has been MIA for night duty since they won't take a bottle and he obviously can't nurse.

I honestly haven't had a stretch of sleep longer than 5 hours (very rare) since they've been born!

 

QUOTE(Outnumbered @ May 4 2008, 08:53 AM) [snapback]754580[/snapback]
I do plan on getting DH more involved, as up to this point he has been MIA for night duty since they won't take a bottle and he obviously can't nurse.

I honestly haven't had a stretch of sleep longer than 5 hours (very rare) since they've been born!


I'm so sorry. I'm in the same boat, haven't had 5 hours of sleep. Can't remember what it feels like. My first suggestion is to get your DH involved quickly. It doesn't matter if he can't nurse - he can comfort. If you aren't going to do CIO that means you are going to go in and address every cry - you will make progress if you don't nurse every single time. DH can go and comfort them and you can go only when it's time to nurse.

I don't have any other suggestions because we're in the same boat. We are willing to CIO but every time we are ready to do it something happens (one gets sick; we travel etc.). I just wanted to let you know that when my DH is gone it's much harder. He needs to be there too...period.

Hang in there!

ETA: Your story of her legs being in the slats is exactly why I use bumpers. I know it's not for everyone, but I read all about what the dangers were and decided that it's really unlikely for them to be hurt by them if we are in the home and checking on them often. When we were without bumpers (for 2 nights) they bumped their heads and had their little feet and arms stuck the whole time.

 

Im sorry you had such a rough night. Hopefully your DH can get on board and you guys can come up with a plan that works for you. GL!

 

QUOTE(girls! @ May 4 2008, 07:11 AM) [snapback]754603[/snapback]
ETA: Your story of her legs being in the slats is exactly why I use bumpers. I know it's not for everyone, but I read all about what the dangers were and decided that it's really unlikely for them to be hurt by them if we are in the home and checking on them often. When we were without bumpers (for 2 nights) they bumped their heads and had their little feet and arms stuck the whole time.

ITA, we use the breathable bumbers

 

I am so sorry about last night and that you haven't been getting any sleep. I have been there. :hug99:

I tired CIO with my older ds at 5 months and it was way to hard, so I thought I would try it when he got older, so I did it again at 10 months. I did it for 10 days and he still cried when he went to sleep and woke 45 min later every night. I committed to 10 nights and I didn't think there were enough results to warrant all that crying. I was also just a wreck about it.

So, I read the no cry sleep solution link and it did help me, but I was too lazy to keep implementing it. It was easier for me to nurse back asleep because we co-slept, BUT I do think it would have worked if I would have committed to it.

When he was 17 months, I finally did a thing called 10 nights from the book Good Nights by Jay Gordon. link

He doesn't recommend it for babies under a year, but I think you could implement the ideas behind it and maybe it will take a bit longer than 10 days.

Both would be fine alternatives.

I do think dh needs to help and although your girls will be upset that they can't nurse to sleep, if they are being comforted by dad, at least you know they are not scared or getting caught in the crib.

I think that CIO for most people is the fasted way to STTN. But if you want an alternative then it will take a bit more time. Just so you and dh are prepared for that. But I think a few weeks of working on it will not be that long if you have spent 6 months getting up so much.

I hope you find something that works for you guys.

 

Oh Nicole! I'm so sorry it was such a bad experience! I don't have any other advice (my CIO experience has now made my babies addicted to pacis). I agree with pp. If your dh can soothe them, maybe you can get another hour of sleep and feel confident that they are okay. I wish you luck and LOTS of hugs!

 

I'm so sorry this happened to you! I know it's going to be terribly hard to continue with CIO at this point. I tried CIO around 9 months and I just couldn't handle it. I kept beating myself up about it but the other day, Caleb cried woke up crying around 3 am (not unusual) and when I went in to get him I discovered that he had vomitted all over his bed and was burning up with fever. I just thought about how awful I would have felt if I had just let him cry and it made me feel better about my decision to skip CIO and either deal with getting up or find another method. I'm actually going to get the No Cry Sleep Solution that was suggested by clkafka.

 

we are CIO failures, mostly because when Jake was 2 months old, we tried to put him on 3 hour day feeding schedule and found out from the dr, because of his iugr, we needed to feed him on demand, up to a year. so i could never bear to let him cry too long because i was afraid he was truly hungry. the unfortunate side effect of that is a bottle fixation (which we are breaking because it's time to be off bottles..but i digress).

do what makes you comfortable. i would recommend trying to eliminate multiple nursing sessions, by having your DH soothe the babies.. also, we did modified cio where we would let them cry for 5-10 minutes, sometimes 20.

hang in there, even though we are failures, the kids do STTN most of the time. ironically jake is our better sleeper at night, although he is often a bad napper.

 

Aw, I know it's hard. That's why I stayed close by. It stinks at first because you don't get to do anything else, but I just couldn't leave them to their own devices for hours at night. When I first started cio, I'd put them down and sit on my bed (they were in our room because of space issues). I didn't do anything (unless there was a real issue) for 15 minutes. Then I'd go pat backs, recover, etc and wait another 15. When they went to sleep I could go do something else. When they woke up I'd wait the 15 min unless it was that distress cry and then repeat as before. It's so hard at first but it's well worth it when everyone is sleeping well. I also used bumpers until almost a year old just so we wouldn't have issues with stuck legs/arms. I hope you find what works for you all so you can get some sleep!

 

We use bumpers too for this reason. I also still swaddle so I know they can't get in too much trouble that way. Obviously your first night of trying was upsetting and didn't go well, but I'd try again in a few days when you're ready.

 

Sorry things are hard right now Nicole. Even with bumpers mine on occasion still get a foot caught so there is no reason to beat yourself up over that one. It happens to us all at some point. Hang in there. No advice, just hugs for a tough situation. :hug99:

 

Sounds like maybe you need to do some thinking about what your goals are. If you want them to sleep through the night with absolutely no wakings, then for some, CIO is the only thing that works. BUT, if you're mostly just interested in fewer night wakings and/or the girls soothing themselves to sleep without having to breastfeed (unless they're genuinely hungry), then there are absolutely other options that may work for you.

After doing some soul searching of my own for many of the same reasons (hate hate the idea of letting little ones CIO, and I'm not all that convinced that babies younger than about 9 months old don't ever need to eat at night...), I ultimately decided that, because I have 2 babies this time around, I needed them to go down for naps and night sleeping without having to be actively parented to sleep. My ultimate goal was to lay them down with full tummies, give them a kiss, and have them fall asleep on their own...it was frankly just too stressful to try to nurse/soothe one while the other was screaming, switch back and forth, etc., etc., etc.

You may need to figure out a way to break the association between breastfeeding and falling asleep. Ideally, the babies would go to sleep in their cribs full but awake, then soothe themselves to sleep. One source I read suggested the following strategy for 10 days, which actually worked quite well for us (babies are sleeping most nights for a 5 hour stretch, then 3 then 3... i.e. 7:30 pm to 6:30 am with only 2 night wakings to eat and go right back down, which works for me!):

Days 1-3 For naps, short sleep routine (can include feeding, just keep them awake while nursing - this is KEY), lay in cribs for sleep while drowsy, but awake. Remain by the crib. You can touch (rub heads, etc.) and soothe (sing, repeat key phrases), but try your best not to pick up unless they're really upset (and absolutely don't give in and nurse to sleep...their tummies are full!). Ideal is that your touching and soothing happen only until the baby starts to drift off, but is still awake enough to go to sleep _technically_ on their own. For bed, do the above, just incorporate a bit longer routine (naps are 5-10 minutes, bed is 15-20). Don't give up too early...it took us an hour the first few times before the babies were asleep.

Days 4-6 Same as above, but after putting babies down in cribs (remember to put them down awake), rather than staying right by the crib, move to a comfortable spot in the room where the babies can still see you. Soothe as necessary (I mostly just talked to them from my chair when they started to fuss, and reading TS to pass the time!), but by this point the babies will actually know the drill, so they should start to drift off on their own with very little support from mom or dad.

Days 7-10 After going through nap or night routine, put in bed, say good night and walk out of the room. As necessary, check periodically and soothe.

I know that it sounds like pure hogwash, but I promise you that it worked for us...and NO CRYING! My DS fussed a bit here and there, but never once did the twins (or I!) have a total breakdown...and the fussing was ok, because I hadn't abandoned them, I was right there to soothe when it got to the point where it wasn't just cussing me for making them fall asleep somewhere besides my arms. For the most part, they really are going to sleep in their cribs, and are sleeping for much longer periods at night (we were on a nurse every 2 hours around the clock schedule just 4 weeks ago). Their night waking is now just for hunger, we're up 10 minutes total and back to sleep. Hallelujah.

Hope this helps...I can find the source if you're interested in reading (I combined tenets of HSHHC and another one that I forget the name of to come up with a plan that was comfortable for me).

Hang in there!

 

:hug99:

 

Oh no, I'm sorry it was so stressful for you! I hope tonight is better for you. :hug99:

 

I just wanted to give you some :hug99:

I don't have any advice unfortunately. I sure hope that some of this other advice will help you out.

 

Oh boy do I remember those days--we were getting up 15 (or what felt like) times a night for a nuk after I decided to stop the night feedings. I might suggest seperating them while you are doing the sleep "training" with them. It will help get you in a pattern and they won't wake each other as you are working through it. At this point, we also bought video monitors for both rooms (found on Craiglist) so that I could see if and why there were crying (if there even was a reason). It helped me to eleviate some of the anxiety. After 2-3 rough nights, it kind of sorted itself out...now they sleep 7p - 7a every night! Hang in there, you can do it!

 

Thanks for all the wonderful advice and support . I think I will try some of the strategies suggested here and I also bought "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" yesterday. Hopefully we find something that works!

 

I think this a great strategy as well. You may find that combining some diff things will work. Good luck!!!!!

QUOTE(ChelleBadger @ May 4 2008, 05:40 PM) [snapback]755044[/snapback]
Sounds like maybe you need to do some thinking about what your goals are. If you want them to sleep through the night with absolutely no wakings, then for some, CIO is the only thing that works. BUT, if you're mostly just interested in fewer night wakings and/or the girls soothing themselves to sleep without having to breastfeed (unless they're genuinely hungry), then there are absolutely other options that may work for you.

After doing some soul searching of my own for many of the same reasons (hate hate the idea of letting little ones CIO, and I'm not all that convinced that babies younger than about 9 months old don't ever need to eat at night...), I ultimately decided that, because I have 2 babies this time around, I needed them to go down for naps and night sleeping without having to be actively parented to sleep. My ultimate goal was to lay them down with full tummies, give them a kiss, and have them fall asleep on their own...it was frankly just too stressful to try to nurse/soothe one while the other was screaming, switch back and forth, etc., etc., etc.

You may need to figure out a way to break the association between breastfeeding and falling asleep. Ideally, the babies would go to sleep in their cribs full but awake, then soothe themselves to sleep. One source I read suggested the following strategy for 10 days, which actually worked quite well for us (babies are sleeping most nights for a 5 hour stretch, then 3 then 3... i.e. 7:30 pm to 6:30 am with only 2 night wakings to eat and go right back down, which works for me!):

Days 1-3 For naps, short sleep routine (can include feeding, just keep them awake while nursing - this is KEY), lay in cribs for sleep while drowsy, but awake. Remain by the crib. You can touch (rub heads, etc.) and soothe (sing, repeat key phrases), but try your best not to pick up unless they're really upset (and absolutely don't give in and nurse to sleep...their tummies are full!). Ideal is that your touching and soothing happen only until the baby starts to drift off, but is still awake enough to go to sleep _technically_ on their own. For bed, do the above, just incorporate a bit longer routine (naps are 5-10 minutes, bed is 15-20). Don't give up too early...it took us an hour the first few times before the babies were asleep.

Days 4-6 Same as above, but after putting babies down in cribs (remember to put them down awake), rather than staying right by the crib, move to a comfortable spot in the room where the babies can still see you. Soothe as necessary (I mostly just talked to them from my chair when they started to fuss, and reading TS to pass the time!), but by this point the babies will actually know the drill, so they should start to drift off on their own with very little support from mom or dad.

Days 7-10 After going through nap or night routine, put in bed, say good night and walk out of the room. As necessary, check periodically and soothe.

I know that it sounds like pure hogwash, but I promise you that it worked for us...and NO CRYING! My DS fussed a bit here and there, but never once did the twins (or I!) have a total breakdown...and the fussing was ok, because I hadn't abandoned them, I was right there to soothe when it got to the point where it wasn't just cussing me for making them fall asleep somewhere besides my arms. For the most part, they really are going to sleep in their cribs, and are sleeping for much longer periods at night (we were on a nurse every 2 hours around the clock schedule just 4 weeks ago). Their night waking is now just for hunger, we're up 10 minutes total and back to sleep. Hallelujah.

Hope this helps...I can find the source if you're interested in reading (I combined tenets of HSHHC and another one that I forget the name of to come up with a plan that was comfortable for me).

Hang in there!

 

I can't handle the CIO either, which is why my first three were co-sleepers. (Two-year-old still sleeps in our bed!) I wish you luck, Lisa

 

Nicole, I am so sorry you had such a traumatic experience with her getting caught in the crib slats. Hugs to you. I don't have much advice as we are in transition from cradling to sleep and CIO ourselves. It is hard to listen to them cry. Indira is gettting worse because she can stand in the crib but can't get down and she will scream until we come get her. Many hugs and hopefully the advice on here and the new source you got will work.

 

I'm sorry, I haven't read the PPs so this may have already been mentioned. have you tried the sound machine? It works great, my twins love the heartbeat inside the womb sound. It's soothing to them like being in the womb again I guess.

I hope you get those littles to sleep so you can keep your sanity.

Side note: you have very cute little girls