My babies suck at sleeping

My babies are 6 months old (as of yesterday) (born at 37 weeks) and they don't sleep all that well. Here are the data points:

My boy:
- Sleeps in his bouncy seat. Swaddled. With another blanket tied around his torso so he can't escape the swaddle. This is embarassing.
- Must be rocked to sleep in said bouncy. Every night. And for every nap. Sometimes for many minutes at a go. Also embarassing.

My girl:
- Sleeps in her crib! Woo hoo! For 2-3 hours at a time. Boo. Then we put her in the swing or carseat where she sleeps for 5 hours. Er, woo hoo?
- Is a terrible napper (she sleeps for 30 minutes at a go) and recently decided to protest her afternoon nap in earnest.

The parents:
- Haven't let the babies cry it out (yet) for the following reasons:

1. Fear the crier will wake the sleeper.
2. It would be stupid to do CIO with the boy in his bouncy and swaddle, but he won't sleep in his crib without freaking, so what are they to do?
3. They are total wusses and whipped by the boy and the girl into lovestruck stupors. They are our leaders. Resistance is futile.

- Stuff food in the boy and girl's mouths any time they cry at night. Path of least resistance, y'all.
- Are housebound on weekends because leaving the house screws up naps, which in turn screws up meals and nighttime sleep. Both work full-time Mon-Thurs.
- Are very tired. Especially the mom.

The goals:
- To go from 2-3 nightwaking to 1 (or, dare I say, zero).
- To not have to rock the boy to complete sleep.
- For the babies to both sleep in their cribs all night.
- Better naps.
- The ability to take the babies on field trips without totally ruining their sleep.

The questions to wise TSers:
- Is CIO a necessary evil (not that I think it's evil when other people do it (I own both Weissbluth's and Ferber's books) I just have a hard time thinking of doing it myself)?
- Is there any other way to encourage more sleep without CIO?
- Is this totally abnormal to have 6 month old twins that still wake up a lot? Am I just a failure as a parent (that's a joke b/c I pretty much rock at every other aspect of this mom-thang )?
- Will these things work themselves out if I continue as I am? Or will I be feeding my 4 year olds peanut butter sandwiches at 2am to get them back to sleep?

Anyway, that's the situation around here. Thanks for any advice/support/virtual face slaps for being a total wussy-pants...

AJ

 

I am sheepishly in the same boat at almost 11 months. I wish I had done something about it before they could stand in their cribs and scream at each other. I did try cry it out, but mine cried for 3 hours 4 days straight, and every 2 hours once they did sleep. I gave it up after that. I don't have much advice, except it's harder later.

 

None of my kids slept through the night til they were upwards of a year of age. I have always gone to them when they cry - if I can't get them to settle by shushing then I would feed them. The older ones are now 4, 5 and 7yrs of age and sleep ALLLL NITE LONG. I did not ruin them at all!

I am not good at advice on how to change it - I just wanted to say you're nto alone and no - you're not going to be feeding them pnut butter sandwiches at 2am! I am NOT a fan of CIO for my family - so again, I can't give advice on that one.

HUGS

 

I have to giggle at the image of your DS! :FIFblush: Don't worry - you can turn it around when you are ready. My DS also slept in the bouncy and had to be violently rocked to sleep until he was 6 mo. DD needed rocked, but was easier to put down in a crib or cosleeper and say asleep at night (although she slept in the swing A LOT for naps). Neither slept for more than 5 hours at a time until they were about 8 mo.

At 6 mo I decided it was time to get them out of our room (DS slept in bouncy at the foot of our bed and DD either in bouncy or in the cosleeper beside me). So we started by moving them to their room in their bouncies after they fell asleep. We were so happy to have our bedroom back! So then over the course of a couple weeks we started moving them from bouncies into their cribs after they were asleep. DD did great and DS did ok, but still needed to go back in the bouncy to be rocked back to sleep. He also wanted to be fed when he woke (that boy has always screamed for food).

Around 8 mo we started putting them into their cribs to fall asleep sleep. We were traveling and needed them to sleep in pnps so it was time. We did a modified CIO taking many principals from theories and applying what worked for us. We never did extinction CIO, but I would set a time limit. By the time they were 1 yo they were falling asleep on their own and STTN.

I had great sleepers all through the 2nd year! Now... well we have new challenges, but that's another story.

GL, be strong and do what works for you and your family!

 

I just wrote a post almost exactly like yours just a few days ago! My two are also horrible sleepers/nappers. I was scared to go full force with CIO but knock on wood, it has been working wonders so far (like I said, it's only been a few days but I will totally take a few days of good sleep over what it was before). The first night was REALLY rough for my daughter (and me- it breaks my heart to hear them cry) but it has changed sleeping patterns already! Their naps are longer and they sleep soooo much better at night. Last night we went the whole night (8pm-7am) without a single whimper from either! I don't know if it's a necessary evil, but I finally caved after I felt like we had tried most everything else....

Good luck from a fellow mom-of-crappy-sleepers.

 

We did the ferber method just for going down at naps or bedtime. It got them used to going to sleep on their own. I started just doing it at night. It took about 3 days of going in every 8 minutes for about an hour and a half. After they got used to that, I started just putting them down like that at naps. Sometimes they still fuss a little, but never for more than a minute or two and its definitely not crying. I should also mention that when we started doing the ferber method, I had just transitioned out of the swaddle and out of their swings. We did everything at once. Prior to this, my girls were sleeping only for 1.5-2 hours at a time. Their pedi suggested extinction CIO, but I didn't feel they were ready. After doing this for a little over a month, they are much better sleepers. K sleeps for 10 hours straight and then 2 more at night and C does 7 and then 5. I am keeping up with their one nightime feeding (K's is actually early morning but before she is ready to wake up) because they are still in the bottom 15 percentile and I think they might still be hungry. At 6 months 3 weeks, may CIO with C if she is not sleeping 10 hours. Even though I know K wants to sleep 12 hours total and wakes just to eat, I am fine with that because I hardly can go 12 hours without eating I don't feel like forcing them into submission for 12 hours (despite my pedi saying they are ready).

You will be shocked at how much they will correct their sleep on their own. i know I was! As for going places, I do whatever i please during the day with them. They will either sleep in their carseats or in my arms (yes I still hold my little fatties at the same time!) However, we keep out bedtime routine very consistent. Always eating solids at 7, bath at 7:30, nurse and bed by 8.

If you haven't done so already, I would start a bedtime routine. Its the first step to a better night's sleep!

My girls were exactly how you are describing until I ferberized (ha) them. I am a much happier and more active mommy during the day now that I am getting at least 4 hours straight of sleep at night. Now when the girls wake up, they are shrieking with delight so I know I haven't permanently scarred them (I was really concerned about this).

Good luck mama!

 

Thanks so much! I love that so many have shared/are sharing my experiences and that I'm totally not alone in this. It just seems like everyone's babies STTDamnN well before 6 months.

Emily - Thanks for your experience with Ferberizing. His seems like the method that I would most be willing to use. When you say you transitioned from swaddle and swing at once, do you mean you basically just put your girls in their cribs unswaddled and started Ferberizing one night? That is what I am thinking we're going to have to do with the boy, but it's going to be a rough night. I have basically never seen him sleep unswaddled for longer than 20 minutes or so.

We do have a bedtime routine at the moment (bath, change into PJs, sing or play some songs while feeding bottle of EBM, bed). Actually, for further clarity, here is our daily schedule (with no specific times for anything but naps b/c of variation):

6:00-6:30 Wake up
Play, Bottle
9:00-9:30 1st Nap
Play, Bottle, Solids
12:00-1:30ish 2nd Nap
Play, Bottle
3:00-3:30 3rd Nap
Play
5:15 They have to get into the car with DH to pick me up at the train station. DD always falls asleep for the whole ride, DS generally sleeps a bit and whines the rest of the time. This is a necessary evil.
6:30 Begin bedtime routine
7:00 Sleep

Now that I am thinking about it (not that I wasn't thinking about it before), could we be trying to force them to sleep too much? Maybe I'm not adjusting their schedule to account for them getting older? Could that be why DD wakes up bright eyed and bushy tailed in the middle of the night sometimes?

So many variables...

 

If you're not sure you want to CIO and are looking for alternatives you might want to read The No-Cry Sleep Solution. It's not a quick fix thing and is written from a more attachment parenting point of view, but I think it's well worth reading. It has lots of ideas of different ways to help babies self-soothe.

Good luck!

 

I love the mental picture of your DS! Our DS was about the same. I was very anti CIO until about a year. We used to get up and check on them when they cried. We would feed at night and help them get back to sleep. Around a year, I was so very tired and had enough. I decided we all needed more sleep. We met with a sleep specialist and came up with a plan. We would verbally provide support for them at intervals, but we did not pick them up anymore. She help give me a backbone and realize I wasn't emotionally neglecting my babies if they cried while going to sleep. It was rough for a few nights or so. The second year of life has been much better because they sleep 11 hours every night and nap regularly. whew....
If I had another baby (no!) I would do it sooner. I'm not sure when...maybe 7, 8 or 9 months, if it was necessary.

 

I see our babies are two days apart! We just recently went from 3 naps to 2 naps and it is so much better. I just wrote a post about my schedule. With 3 naps mine were only sleeping for 30-45 min. but now sleep for 1 1/2 hours!

As far as the bouncy sleeping, we where there with the swing about a month ago. Reece only slept good in his swing, but I woke up one morning to find him dangling out of it! :woah: Long story short, we had to send the swing back to manufactuers and got our money back. So we were forced with the task of getting him to sleep in his crib. First couple of nights were hard, but every day got easier. He loves to sleep with a crocheted blankie that is see through with holes so I don't worry about suffocation. I know one of the twin mom's on here had to wing her boy off of his bouncy at 10months because he got too big! I think eventually he might not like the bouncy because it will get too cramped, just do what you feel is best.

 

I tried unswaddling the first night but leaving in their swings. It was a rough night so I figured I might as well do all of the changes at once. That way they didn't get used to being unswaddled and then all of the sudden their world is turned upside down again when I transitioned them to their crib. The second night was about the same (crying wise) as the first, but they were in their crib. However, I did stay in there with them and sang for like 30 minutes before leaving at all the first night in the crib. Then I went to the intervals. My girls were always swaddled. ALWAYS! I hardly have any pictures of them in their first 4 months without being in a swaddle. Its a hard habit to break!

 

No real advice, but your posting had me in hysterics! I did CIO with my singleton because I could not wake up anymore in the middle of the night! It did work and was worth the pain of listening to him cry. Good luck1

 

what about adding more food during the day? abbey sleeps WONDERFULLY at night..she also gets 2 solid meals a day, 2-3 bottles of formula and nurses 3-4 times a day...jack, on the other hand, wakes up at least twice after abbey goes down for the night (she goes down about 9:30-10)...he'll be up around 11, and then again, between 1:30 and 2, both times to eat...he also has taken to refusing to eat solids...he does get as many bottles and nursing times as abbey, so he's waking at night because he's hungry...can you add an evening meal for them, a solid meal i mean, like a bowl of cereal? also, when you feed them in the middle of the night, do you turn lights on and all that? i suggest getting a decently bright nightlight for the hallway, so if you leave the door open it still sends in enough light you won't crash yourself into something in the bedroom and feed the babies that way, no other lights on..just go in, feed them, put them back to bed...i think with your son you will have to let him cry a bit..however, until he gets more accostomed to the crib, let him stay swaddled (i've never had kids that like being wrapped up so i'm not sure about all of that)...

 

I was also scared of doing CIO, but then it just got to the point where I couldn't do it by myself every night & day anymore. I would put them down to sleep in their cribs, and jump in the shower. By the time I got out, they would be sound asleep. They would still over the course of a month wake up every once in a while at night, but it gradually got less and less. However, they were also 4 months old by this time, and I'm not sure if its harder or easier as babies get older. Honestly, my babies would never wake each other up. Maybe they are just very, very sound sleepers (which they really are), but its worth a shot if you want (need) to. GL!

 

Awww. You guys are the best. Last night was decidedly NOT better. But I can’t blame the babies. I can, however, blame my giant husband-baby. He had the early shift (which has been more difficult lately) and was so whiny about it that we ended up fighting until 11pm. While the babies slept most of that time. Can I Ferberize my husband? Every night he’s all “CIO begins TOMORROW!” and then in the morning, “They weren’t too bad. I don’t think they really need to CIO.” Gah! Anyway, some responses to your loving support:

Zoē – Thanks. I have seen lots of recommendations for No Cry Sleep Solution. I’ll go check it out.

Betha – Thanks so much for your experience. It’s good to know that even if we succumb to our babies for a year, we can turn it around thereafter. Cheers to much better sleeping for you guys!

Holly – I totally read your other post about your schedule. Thank you for that! I am beginning to think that 3 naps is just too much for my girl, but the boy still needs it. I can’t believe you found your baby dangling from the swing. I’m definitely a little worried about my boy throwing himself out of his bouncy, but honestly, at this point, he’s so big that the bouncy is hanging really close to the (carpeted) floor, so he wouldn’t fall that far. Er, does that sound bad? But yeah, I want him in his crib ASAP. Crazy how close in age our twins are. Too bad you don’t live up north, or they could be BFF.

Emily – I think that really makes sense to do it all at once to avoid shaking up their lives over and over again for each stage. How long did your babies cry the first couple nights (if you remember – I barely remember what I ate for breakfast 10 minutes ago)?

Zsmommy – Thanks for your experience. CIO definitely seems to be effective.

Serialmommy – You bring up a lot of excellent points! I just told my nanny this morning that she can add another solid feeding to the day if she has time and I told my husband (literally 5 minutes before reading your response) that starting next week, when I get home from work, we should start feeding them a “dinner” of solids a little while before bed. My girl is not a big eater in general – she has to be pretty sleepy to take a bottle and solids aren’t her thing yet (we just started a couple weeks ago). And now my boy is refusing to eat enough (EBM/Formula) in the afternoons. So I always know I’m doomed when they don’t eat enough food during the day to feed them overnight. So I’m hoping, as you say, that adding a solid meal at night may help with filling their bellies more. I am afraid that having them eat more solids will cause them to eat less formula/ebm. Hopefully that won’t happen. As for feeding them in the middle of the night, I do it in the pitch dark. I swear my night vision has become hawk-like from dealing with middle of the night feedings. I agree that my boy will probably have to cry a little when we put him in his crib. I can’t believe you have 7 (I think I am reading that correctly) kids. You are insane. In a good way.

Eliseypoo – Thanks. Sounds like CIO went really well for you. I hope, if we come to that, that we have the same success.

 

You are my new favorite poster! So funny!

I am a huge fan of the Ferber method - if you can muster the will to do it, and follow the instructions exactly, you will be done by the end of the weekend. Just think, this time next week and it'll all be over ...

If you need a little extra pep talk, I'd recommend reading the sleep chapter in "Baby 411" by Dr. Ari Brown and Denise Fields (who wrote Baby Bargains). I absolutely love this book - very straightforward, frank, no scare tactics. Love it! Anyway, the sleep chapter is a very quick and easy read - as is the entire book, in my opinion - and has some advice to help you muster the courage to make it through to better sleep.

Good luck - you can do it!