My 19 month olds dont' seem to understand anything !

Oh alright I know my topic title seemed Harsh.. I just did it for shock factor to try to get some help. I love my girls and they dont' have to be brain surgeons for me to love them but they just dont' seem to be catching up to other toddlers their age. I know I know don't compare.... but my one twin still only says 3 words and doesn't seem to have learned much past what she knew when she was 12 months. I swear she has been cruising for 7 months and still not fully walking. My dh and I are decently intelligent people, my dh is one of the smartest people I've met actually. The problem is we are not big talkers. I have a hard time talking all day to the girls and I see other moms and they are so good at it. I told myself "no mother guilt" but already I swear I feel like a failure. I feel like my kids are not getting things because of me. I shouldn't have been a SAHM and they might have learned more in daycare than with me. Maybe I would have talked more to them because i wouldn't have had them ALL week. I know kids all learn at different stages and often it is due to myelination of their neurons in the brain... but I guess i am just looking to see if there is anyone else out there with the same issue, or someone who has older twins who now have caught up mentally.

just looking for some support,

Heather

 

:hug: Don't be so hard on yourself! Some kids just learn at a slower pace. My ds just started speech therapy because he doesn't talk but he also doesn't have a clue to what I'm saying. If you have concerns talk to your ped and/or get a referral for EI.
Do you like to read? Maybe make a goal of reading 2 books a day to them, even if it's during meal time. What about signing? How about taking them to a library for reading time or a playgroup of some sort. I think mine learn more through my 9 year old then me half the time!
Being a SAHM is a tough job and you're right, you should have no mommy guilt!!

 

1. :hug: Go gentle on yourself. Twins are hard - and you're pregnant (or you have an infant? I can't remember when you are due!). Don't feel guilty for doing your best. Throw that guilt out the window.

2. All kids learn things at different rates. My good friend's daughter went from crawling to walking in one day, when she was 18 months old. Kids follow their own pace, and they don't give a care how worried we are!

3. If you are concerned about their development, try contacting your Early Intervention program. They can come out and do an evaluation in your home and provide services, if they qualified. Have you talked to their pedi about your concerns?

4. A "method" that I learned during my master's program in special ed called "Say what you see" works really well, especially if you have a hard time talking to your kids all day long. It is basically saying what you see them doing. EX: "Oh, Finley is pushing the red car fast." "Sullivan is talking on the phone." "Finley is petting the puppy." "Sullivan is running around the room.", etc. It is an excellent way to build a child's language without feeling like you have to keep up this awesome dialogue between you and your children all hours of the day. I use it at home and in my special ed classroom. Try it, you might find it really easy!

Hang in there!! You are doing just fine!

 

You are doing a GREAT job!!! First of all - the fact that you decided to stay at home and raise your children is a wonderful thing, that will NOT hurt them. You are giving them love, attention, hugs and kisses and your time - and that is all far more important then talking to them all day long! I am SURE you do talk to them and you dont even realize it. Mine are talking, but it is only sounds, it is not actual words - like water is wawa (and not 100% of the time), but I have found doing some sign language with them has helped tremendously - we only have about 10-15 signs but it seems to have really helped. I think our children sometimes understand far more then we give them credit for. I recently started giving my kids instructions (like, go put that in the laundry basket, or put that cup on the table) and to my SURPRISE they actually started doing it - and prior to that I swore they didn't understand a word I said!
I do try and talk to my kids a lot, but it is tiring for me, so I have bought a Tape/CD player and a bunch of tapes that have songs, stories etc and I often play those when I am feeding them, or when they are bored.

I know that you have your kids in daycare right now and I think that will help as well - gives you a mental break (which you greatly deserve, especially having a new baby!!) and gives them a chance to see and explore different things and people. No mother guilt!! You are doing a great job!

 

I am hoping this one day a week in Daycare will help them. I never thought of the books on CD I saw some at the library the other day ... great Idea. I have taken them often to the library for song/ rhyme time and I sing to them often. They have gone to several playcentres so physically they have had lots of exposure.

My one twin does seem to respond to commands more and I see the "light bulb" but her sister as sweet as she is still seems like a baby and not a toddler. The light bulb of understanding is more dim. I mentioned it to the Dr. last time he saw her and he didnt' have any concerns at that time. He said some kids are more "thinkers". She does have a facination with her hands and often moves them or looks at them but she loves "twinkle twinkle.." and loves all the hand motions with that. I think because she is super happy and interactive he didnt' think Autism was a concern. It just seems like "Ground Hog Day" sometimes.

 

:hug: Don't worry! I know it's really hard to do but it sounds like you are doing just fine. There are MANY ways to be a great SAHM. I think lots of us have a hard time with the whole "Groundhog's Day" effect inherent to most of our lives as SAHMs. I agree with all of the pp's and suggestions. Another thing might be to consider letting them watch an educational DVD every now and then. I know TV is supposedly not good for them, but my kids have learned a lot from their DVDs and tend to pay more attention to them than to me. I think since we are such a permanent fixture in their lives, sometimes they act like we don't even exist and that's why the lightbulb doesn't seem to go on when we talk to them - at least that seems to be the case with my boys. If they learn something from someone else, they usually pick it up in a normal way. However, with me it is more of a struggle to get and keep their attention and interaction. Hard to explain. Another thing is that my son Jack is not very demonstrative so sometimes it seems like there's nothing going on with him intellectually when I introduce a concept, but the gear ARE working - he just doesn't let you know until he has perfected a concept inside his own head... then it comes out. Maybe your kids are more like that?

There is also typically a language explosion between 18-24 months, so maybe you are in the "calm before the storm", so to speak.

:hug: Hang in there - you're doing great!!!

 

I'm right there with you. Mine are only 16 months but I'm not a big talker either and keep thinking they would be better off in daycare (although we can't afford for me to work)... although it's even worse with me as I speak to them in French during the day. I just have a really hard time chatting about everything...

No advice but you're not alone!

 

Big :hug: you are a great Momma! It is hard to constantly talk to them all day, so besides chatting, I will read to them, sing nursery rhymes to them, like Jori said state what they are doing. They might be due for a language explosion soon, hang in there!

 

buy the Ames and Ilg books (lookup on amazon) these are great to tell you what's age appropriate behavior and what to expect. theya re quick reads and focus on each year of life. a definite tome in our house.

 

I love the ideas and I'm going to try them all. I have almost all the Baby Einstein CDs and I try to point out things when they watch them. When we went to the Zoo I took some of their books and pointed out the animals we saw and how they were in their books (they loved that).. or I compare two books with the same animals. Say a polar bear in this book and another polar bear in that book. I'm heading to the library today or tomorrow and try to get some books on CDs. I do play music and I do sing to them. I guess I need some inspiration for ideas (thanks for the ones so far). I do still feel guilty that it is a bit of a struggle for me, as if talking to your own children should come easy but it doesn't. I'm sure each parent is better with different ages and stages...... Please keep your ideas coming I'm really appreciating them.

Heather