Moving with Twinfants

Last week DH was offered the oppt'y of a lifetime in the form of a new job. However, the job requires a relocation from New York City to the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. It is a no brainer in terms of accepting the jog - but now I am trying to figure out how to handle the move, my career and the coming of twins.

Any help you can provide would be VERY appreciated.

Here is the backround: The job starts March 1. I am a high risk preganancy due May 23rd (40 weeks). I am planning on staying here to deliver because the doctor who is a nationally recognized expert in my problems is here AND I am very comfortable with my care. I also have a job that I would like to keep working at until my maternity leave kicks in. DH will need to be in VA Monday through Friday - and is not likely to have the option of taking more than a couple days off (2-3) when the babies arrive. My mother and MIL should be available to help in the beginning.

So a couple of key questions I am trying to resolve:

1. Should I stay in the area for the first three months with DH home on weekends and then move down to VA? Or should I move as soon as possible after they are born? (Assuming no health issues)

2. If DH takes a couple days off when they are born - and I am in the hospital, that may mean that he will not be around to bring them home from the hospital. All of the care will fall onto me. I am planning on hiring help for the overnight in the beginning - but am I better off to send him back to VA while I am in the hospital and then come back home for the first coupel nights home from the hospital? This one has me in knots...

3. Can I get by with only nighttime help - or do you think I will need 24 hour assistance for the first couple of weeks?

4. Is DH going to miss out terribly on the bonding with the children in the first several months? I am very worried that he will view these kids as "my responsibility" and he will just view them as toys to pop in and play with. (FTR: I was not concerned about this when he was planning on being home every night).

This is very long - if you have even read this far, thansk for sticking with me. Your thoughts tips and tricks are appreciated.

CJ

 

Hi, CJ
Wow this is hard decision
but how far are you now in your pregnancy? Can doctor take you off from work?
I would say it's probably better to move before having the babies. but it is hard to find the new OB and etc...
If you OB can take you off work. at least you don't need to worry about that. and you can go to VA with you DH.
if not I would say stay here until babies are here and might be move to DH a month later on. but it is hard to move with all babies staff which would be already set up in one place and nee dto be moved to another one.

 

hi hun
im not sure if this will help you out but my twins are 18days old, i have 2 other kids a 2yr and a 4yr
my husband had the first 2 weeks off, after that he went back to work and i have been on my own,
the night feeding havent been hard because he helps at night, so i still get sleep, during the day i have a schedule that
works great, no stress. and everything gets done.

i would want to be with my husband, i would move with him, make friends before babies are here so you have some close by companions, what does your husband think? will your mom or inlaws go to virgina when babies are born?
i understand that you want your ob because he is the best in your case, however, he might be able to advise another ob,
i would talk to your ob, would you be more stressed if you stay or move

 

Hi,

I just moved from VA to CA and the twins were 2 1/2 months when we left. It was a little crazy, but they were a lot easier to move than I thought they would be. I'd say go as soon as you can after you deliver so you don't risk messing up a schedule the babies might be on at 3 months. I'd say have your DH there to come home from the hospital with you, especially if you have a c-section. You will need help lifting the babies and will be pretty tired for the first few days until you can get into a routine. I think you could get by with just night help if that's all you want to do. During the day, the babies will be primarily sleeping and eating, and that's not too hard to do on your own (relatively speaking). Good luck with your decision. I know it was really stressful for me to think about moving, finding a place to live, being on bedrest the last couple of months, and taking care of my other 2 kids. Make sure you take care of yourself and if you really start to overthink and over stress, find some time to do something to take your mind off everything.

On a side note, we just left the Hampton Roads area. What part of HR are you moving to? We were between Smithfield and Newport News and I can recommend drs in that area if you are going to be on that side of town.

I hope all goes well for you.

GL,
Amy

 

I would try and find a new doc and move with your husband now. There is no way my husband would agree to let me stay back for three months. If you cant find a new doc that you like, then I certainly would move as soon as possible after their birth.

 

Such a tough decision to make. Personally, I would want to deliver with the drs I know and trust. Chances are you'll be delivering around March 1st or even earlier. If it were me, I would deliver in NY and move as soon as the babies come home. Have DH set up things at your VA home and come up to drive you all "home". I would want DH with me for the first month. My DH was deployed from months 3-5 and it was easier than if he was away the first two months. I really needed him then and was able to do things on my own after. Mind you, my DH didn't do much with the babies, but what I needed him for was emotional support and keeping my sanity. The first month the boys were home (there were in NICU for a month) my mom was also around as DH had to go to work. My mom would do the morning shift, we shared the afternoon and I did night shift. That allowed me to sleep in the morning when the boys were easiest to deal with.

After reading this reply it's a little jumbled so I hope it makes sense and helps you a little!

HUGS!

 

I'm from VA too and we have lots of docs here that are awesome and have been recommended to women across the country. Def. talk to your doc now and see what they say as far as recommending something in VA. I would want to move with my dh before babies arrive. GL! This is a tough decision.

 

I just wanted to wish you luck.... I can't help with any of it other than letting you know that I am moving next Thursday (1/29) my babies are due 2/10 and if I don't have them before 2/1 I WILL have them 2/2..


I am a nervous wreck about moving with them OUT. I would prefer to move with them IN. I know it is all what you prefer, but I think it would be much easier to move pg than not. JMO - and FWIW I have 3 other kids 10,9 and 2 so it is going to be tough all around!

Big hugs!

 

Thank you for all of your great thoughts and suggestions. I am no closer to making an actual decision - but have much more to think about and discuss with DH.