Mourning relationship with first born since twins are here

Have any of you felt a grief of sorts over loosing the one-on-one relationship with your first born once the twins arrived? My son is 7 years old and he has been the center of my world every minute of those years. I am really missing our relationship. I miss just hopping on the bikes after school, taking his friends to the movies, playing and talking with him…the quality of our life that we used to take for granted every day. I know we can still do lots of things – in a modified way of course – but it’s so different. The poor kid went from being numero uno to the fifth wheel…not quite a little kid but not a grown up either.

Anyway, I’m just wondering if anyone experienced this and how things are going now for you…? Do you think this could be some variation of PPD?

 

I am in the same boat. My little man will be 6 six summer and the girls are just about 1 And I really missed the simplicity of our life before. It has been hard for me and him to realize we can;t just go do what ever we want like we used to. I feel that he has had to gie up alot of his mom to get siblings. He is a very proud big brother and so sweet to his sisters but I know he misses his momma time. It is way easier now than it was in the begining. Oli and I have gotten alot of our time back as nap time is set in stone and the girls are on the same schedule. We even got to play baseball today.

I feel your pain and would give it a PPD term if one exists. I hear alot of women say it and it is true, it does get easier. Still I feel for my little man. He is so young to give up the world he knew for two little invaders

Best of Wishes and congrats Momma

 

:hug: Having twins makes everything a bit more complicated in the beginning. Things that you used to do so easily are suddenly not that easy to do anymore. But I can tell you that it does get better. Once they twins are taking one or even two naps a day you can schedule some fun things to do as a family and do them. I have a 4.5 YO and I can tell you that with 2 YO twins, life is better. We can do lots of things as a family and I dont feel like my DD is missing out on anything.

When they boys were little, I would make an effort to do things with her. While they were content, we would watch a TV show together, play puzzles, etc... Also on the weekends, I would take her out for some one on one time too. Hang in there. It really does get better!!

 

Yes, for sure. Loading up and going somewhere with infant twins is no easy task, so I definitely had a major slow down that first year as far as doing things with my older 3. It does get easier though, easier, but different of course.

The fact that you are even questioning PPD, makes me believe that you definitely could have it. I would speak to your doctor and let him/her decide.

:hug:

 

Absolutely. In fact, I still find myself thinking about how much time I've missed out on with our older DS, Lennon. But I've also realized that we have given him the gift of 2 brothers who will be lifelong family to him. The sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship - after grandparents and parents are gone, siblings are still here. So, while he's not getting as much time with us he is building a very important relationship with his brothers. I'm reminded of this every single time I watch them play. :wub:

It does get better, but it doesn't go away (at least 16 months after their birth). If you suspect PPD, I would definitely talk with your doctor. :hug:

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ May 17 2009, 09:18 AM) [snapback]1316870[/snapback]
But I've also realized that we have given him the gift of 2 brothers who will be lifelong family to him. The sibling relationship is the longest lasting relationship - after grandparents and parents are gone, siblings are still here. So, while he's not getting as much time with us he is building a very important relationship with his brothers. I'm reminded of this every single time I watch them play. :wub:


I was trying to think of a way to put that into words. You did it for me!

 

My twins came first, and now I have little Amelia. I am mourning the loss of my relationship with my Katy and Bella!!! I used to have so much time to play with them. We'd go for picnics, walks in the woods, go the park and I'd goof around with them .... I still try to do these things, but it's hard with a baby who is still so little. I do think it will get better when Amelia starts to nap more regularly ... and then even better when she's old enough to join in on the fun. But I know how you feel.

 

Thanks for all the support and feedback. MIL couldn’t help yesterday, so I actually dropped the twins off with another friend who has 3 year old twins. I was able to work for a couple hours – without watching the boys! – and then pick up my son from school. When we got home, I realized that it had been the first time in 2 ½ months that he’d been in our house without the babies! It was so liberating for us to be alone in the house. We got to hang out and watch cartoons, do homework, talk, clean up – all the little daily things that have been overshadowed by babyland lately.

Anyway, I think it was good for both of us to have a few hours that could be dedicated to us time, even if we weren’t doing anything super exciting.

 

I feel the same way about my firstborn. I spent the last 8 weeks of my twin pregnancy in the hospital and cried everyday about missing out on his last couple of months as an only child. My twins are 5 months and I still feel so ripped off about missing out on all the special things I had planned to do with my toddler. I try to take him out whenever I can and I really cherish our outings.