Sometimes I feel soooooooooooooooooooooo cluless!!! My mom said that my pedi use to write down in a notebook (once a month check up for the 1st year) what to eat, how much, etc.etc step by step GUIDE- of course they didn't have the internet then- and this forum to consult with others...but sometiems I really wish I had a guide I always heard' motherly insticts"-- I don't know= sometimes I think those develop in the last 2 months of pregnancy that I missed- yes I recognize their cries a bit- but honestly is because I am with them all day long so I know what they have been doing (when they slept, ate, etc---(the first thing I catch myself doing when they cry is looking at the clock) then I think this first year is soooooooo hard just because when you start getting the hang of one stage they move on to the other--- I get so stressed out about the little things- when to feed them solids, how much, what type--- since the little sheet the dr gave me at the 6 month check up does not work until the 9 month... and when I get there he asks me all the things that they should be doing..etc.etc...etc.. or eating... it is just all confusing and it all happens so fast X2 with no prior experience...and to top it all of "every baby is different" Sometimes I feel like a bad mommy because I feel I lack those instincts of knowing what to do when they cry.... I still go by trial and error.... most of the time.
:hug: I don't think mommy instincts are easy for the mommy to realize they have. Usually it's just more of a gut feeling. I was so stressed the first year worrying about milestones they hadn't reached and feeding them in the "right" order for solids. Honestly, it doesn't matter. If your gut feeling tells you something is wrong, check it out. That could be anything from "maybe she has a dirty diaper" to "maybe I need to call EI or the doctor". It got easier for me after they could eat everything and I knew they reached most of their physical milestones. Hang in there and (as hard as it is) make sure to stop and really enjoy the fun times.
I think with twins it is sooo different than with a singleton pregnancy. With my dd (singleton), I could hold her whenever and for as long as I wanted and I think it was easier to get the motherly instinct faster. Now with my g/g twins, albeit they are only 9-1/2 weeks old and spent 4 of those weeks in the NICU, I feel like I am going through the motions a lot more (getting them fed, in dry clothes, asleep comfortably, etc.) that I think it takes longer for the motherly instinct to fully develop. What I have been trying to do now that they aren't so floppy, is to carry one around in my Moby D after they are fed and dressed in dry clothes (spit up seems to never hit the bib) and they love to cuddle this way for an hour or so while I fold clothes, clean bottles or just sit and watch tv and relax. I do this for one feeding and then the next feeding it is the same for the next baby. I try and feed them about an hour apart so they aren't awake for feedings at the same time. I found it takes just as long to feed one after the other as it does to feed them at the same time because one always spits up a ton while I am burping the other and vice versa. I think you would be amazed at how you really have that motherly instinct, especially if you have people over to "help". Hang in there!
I think you're looking for something bigger than it really is. For me the mother instincts are more in the little gut feelings. Like when the pedi tells me to give them vitamin drops, but I don't because one more thing, even if it's just a few drops, will send me over the edge. I guess what I'm trying to say is this, sometimes when you have to make a choice what to do you hear two conflicting thoughts. One says do this, the other says, no, this and this and this will happen. Pick the thought that stresses you out less. THAT is your mother's instincts. You sound like you're doing a great job. I don't feel any less clueless than you feel, but it's not about knowing all the answers. We may not know why they're crying, but they do. Listen to them not everyone else. The truth is it's all trial and error, and some times you never do know what's going on in that little head! But like I said, you're doing great! :hug:
QUOTE trial and error You hit the nail on the head right there! It's a little bit of trial and error combined with what you think it *might* be. You are doing great! :hug:
I agree, just listen to your gut instinct! These babies are YOUR babies...no one else will love them or understand their needs better than you! If something doesn't feel right, ask your pedi, other moms, your family, etc... There's no right or wrong here...as long as their basic needs are being met (feeding, changing, etc..) and you are loving them, than you are doing great! The fact that you are worried about it at all shows that you are a wonderful mother, in my opinion
:hug: for me, it wasn't so much about finding my motherly instinct (because i think all mothers & fathers have innate instincts about caring for their young) as learning to trust those instincts & have confidence in myself & my choices as a mom, if that makes sense. i still struggle with this every day, but each time i "guess" right, it adds a little more to my confidence. i think it sounds like you're doing a great job! trial & error is a great way to learn about your babies & what works best for them (and you). keep up the good work.
This is the Oxford English definition of instinct: • noun 1 an inborn tendency or impulse to behave in a certain way. 2 a natural ability or skill. Like a pp said, you may not *know* you have it. That's instinct by it's very definition. It's just there, so you may not realize you're even doing it. I mean, your baby cries, and even though you look at the clock, you *know* to look at the clock. I look at the clock when they cry and I have four kids! You protect them, keep them safe, feed them, clean them, and above all, you love them. That's instinct. All babies *really* need are love, food, shelter, a clean diaper, and clothes on their back. And out of those, love is by far the most important, becasue it leads to you providing the rest. Every time you hold you baby or smile at them, or talk to them, you're teaching. A good routine is the routine that works for your family-which may be flying by the seat of your pants! I gaurantee you, that since you're this worried about it, you're doing great. If you weren't, you wouldn't be worried about it!
