Mother Staying to Help

Hi Ladies and Gents, I know this topic has been discussed before but I have a question specific to my situation. My girls are due to be delivered via c-section the first week in January and my mother wants to come in from out of state and help out with the kids and the new babies.

She is an excellent help...cooks, cleans, the works. However, she wants to stay for the entire month of January and maybe longer. Although she is great, our home is relatively small and my husband and I enjoy our privacy and she is narcissistic and a HUGE talker...so much so that if my husband and I are talking, she will just walk in the room and interupt us. Now when she visits, we have learned to go into our room and close the door. It's exhausting to say the least and most of her conversation is about how she can't stand her husband (not my father) and wants to divorce him. It's as though she wants to extend her stay with us just to avoid being around him. I think one month is plently and I'd hate to have to kick her out because she takes everything soooo personally and would be hurt by it. But, I just can't see her being here for more than one month.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

 

My mom stayed for 7 weeks, and I *needed* her for that amount of time (although I was really ready for her to leave by the end of it!). But, I had preemies, one of whom had health issues and an early surgery -- plus, I was desperately trying to nurse them and it wasn't working, so I was pumping a lot and nursing a lot, and it was just hellish all around.

I also had a very bad C-section recovery and complications with high blood pressure, so I was on bed rest myself post-partum. So, long story short, having my mom here was invaluable! She did one of the night feedings (EBM and formula mixed), then DH did one, and I did one before pumping.

It's all a blur now.

But, one thing -- we have a lot of space, and a separate guest suite in the basement, so my mom wasn't in the way at all. If we had cramped quarters, I don't know that I could have handled her for that long. When I had my older DD, she stayed for 3 weeks, and that was plenty.

 

Having had ZERO help, I guess I'd take what I can get. I don't know how many other kids you have etc. If they're full term twins, then maybe you won't need as much help.. I don't know.

Me and DH did it by ourselves so, I'm not even remotely sure what it would be like to have someone unload a dishwasher for us. LOL.


I'd plan on a month so she knows when she's done but IF you want her there longer, you can extend it at that time. GL! Lucky YOU!!

 

I would at least see if you can tolerate a month, I think after the babies are born you will need her help. My DH and I were very fortunate to have people come and help us out for the first month after the babies were born. It made a difficult transition easier.
Good luck on your decision!

 

Can you ask her to stay a month and then you'll see if you still need her to stay longer? ardon: I'm sorry you are in this situation, I know it's hard to tell our parents things and risk hurting their feelings. My mom stayed for six weeks and I loved it but was ready for her to leave by the end. :blush: But she did help me tremendously and she really respects my and my husbands privacy... meaning when we were talking she stayed out.

Good luck!!

 

My MIL was only able to stay for a week, and I would have LOVED for her to have been here for a month!! My DH was home for the first month, but to have had the extra set of hands would have been amazing.
If you can find a way to tolerate her & maybe set some ground rules I would recommend a month as well :good:
Good luck!!!

 

i had help for 6 weeks: 3 weeks with my parents then 3 weeks with his. help was needed! i took care of the babies, they took care of EVERYTHING else.

 

I had help for 8 weeks but it was rotating help so the longest any one person stayed at a time was 3 days! By the end of it I was tired of everyone but really appreciated and enjoyed the help! I say play it by ear, but honestly things are so hectic once you bring twins home that I didn't seem to care about the things that drove me nuts about my help, I was just happy to have it! Best of luck

 

Two years.
No seriously, it sounds like she's not bad enough to outweigh the amount of help you will need. My husband is usually a little stressed when my parents are here, but they were here for 10 days after the twins were born and he cried as hard as I did when they left.
I'd plan on two months and see if she can be flexible to see if she can stay longer depending on "How hard it is" while we know you really mean "If I can stand you any longer."

 

Thank you all so much for your input. I feel better knowing that her help will be much needed and I will definitely look forward to it.

 

I say keep her as long as you can stand her being there. My Mom was here before and after. We only live a few miles apart. She's one to mind her own business, as she says "I have enough of my own to mind, I don't need to mind yours"! Before the babies came, we stayed with her and after they came she stayed with us. She stayed for 9 months, going home alone on occasion for some much needed rest from all of us!! My Dad came home from deployment so of course she had to go home and stay, but they take the kids now and then, sometimes the 2 older ones and sometime the 2 younger ones and once in awhile they take all 4. My Dad can only take them for so long before he goes nuts!!



It's great to get the help when it's being offered for sure. I'm very grateful I had my Mom to help out for so long. In the beginning she helped with the night feeding and then after a couple of months when I could finally get around (my recovery wasn't too easy) I would do night feeding and she would do morning feedings so I could get at least 6 hours sleep.

Congratulations and lots of best wishes! Happy New Year!