Mother-In-Laws

Okay I have MIL issues. From the moment I started dating my husband (8th grade) she has had something against me! She has 2 kids that are 2 years apart. She is always saying... it is just the same as having twins b/c they are so close in age! EEEEKKKK it makes me want to scream! She has no clue. She is always telling me what I should and should not do. What they should and should not eat. And whatever else she can think of to go against my parenting style! Okay, so let me add that she lives 4 states away from me! My husband and I always talk about moving back to our hometown in Indiana, but the thought of her being that close makes me nervous! Anybody else have MIL issues, or am I the only one??

 

You are NOT the only one!! DH talks about moving back to our hometown too (only 30 minutes away...) but I cringe at being that close.

I have more issues then I could count!

I have a friend who's mother in law is her best friend and I am SO jealous! Of course, she doesn't have kids yet!

 

My MIL hasn't been too bad as far as the kids go. Over the years she has given me heartburn over many issues, though. It's just kind of par for the course when you merge two different families. My husband's family does things so differently than my own, and for that they think I'm odd, when they have no idea how insane they all are. After 20 some years, thay have just come to accept me for what I am, and I have come to ignore their silly behavior. They have been very supportive about my kids, and because my girls are so very sweet and well-behaved, they have no complaint or criticisms over how I am raising them (plus with my girls having been adopted, they are out of their league with advice anyway, ya know?)

But that hasn't stopped other family members for criticising me. The criticisms hurt and are so not helpful, especially when you are struggling to find your way through parenthood for the first time. I made it a policy not to take anyone's advice unless I sought it out. Too many people thought they knew better than I how my kids should be raised. I would tell them that unless they have raised internationally adopted twins of a different race, they need to leave it to me. It didn't put an end to their edvice, but it helped me feel better about myself, anyway.

 

My MIL is fantastic. There are a few minor issues but nothing we can't work out. Sounds like your personalities just clash. But no, not all MILs are evil. Sorry you got stuck with a bad one.

I wonder if it's because you and DH have been together since you were kids. Do you think she still sees you as 14? You're probably also the first serious girlfriend that DH had. So in her mind, you're the one who took his childhood and virginity away. You're the little girl who took her place in his heart.

You could go super passive-aggressive on her and ignore every bit of "advice" she gives you. Don't engage her, just change the subject. MIL: "You should feed them nothing but swiss cheese for lunch." You: "(pause) So how about that Raiders game last week?"

Another option is to just agree with everything she says. She's four hours away. How's she gonna know what the twins really ate for lunch? MIL: "You should feed them nothing but swiss cheese for lunch." You: "Yes, I agree completely. That's all they've eaten since we last spoke."

I know, my suggestions aren't very practical and would probably blow up in your face. I just love messing with people like her though. Laughing at her is a lot more fun than being mad at her. The main thing is to ignore her criticisms and do what YOU think is right.

 

I love my mil, which is good b/c we live 2 doors apart. Kind of an I love Raymond thing. But we get along great & I actually think she's a lot of fun. I think she had a hard time in the beginning of her marriage with her own mil getting too "bossy" & dh says that's why she's so cool to me.

 

QUOTE(marshalltwins @ Aug 6 2008, 04:13 PM) [snapback]916813[/snapback]
She has 2 kids that are 2 years apart. She is always saying... it is just the same as having twins b/c they are so close in age! EEEEKKKK it makes me want to scream! She has no clue.



I tolerate my MIL okay, she is a big talker so that can kind of grate on you, but I survive it. I sort of let the advice slide by, I'm pretty confident in what I am doing as a mom.

But my DH and his older brother are 10 months apart in age (yes 10 months) and she is always saying it was just like having twins or harder than having twins. I have every confidence in the world that it was difficult, but you can't compare it to twins unless you've had twins and lived through both scenarios.

 

I lucked out on the MIL front. I hear terrible stories all the time about interfering MIL's and so on. My MIL lives about three hours away. We don't see them that much, but they are great to me and our kids when we do. Sorry to hear you are dealing with a Monster.

 

My ILs are awesome!

They (DH's Dad & StepMom) are the nicest people.

Now don't throw anything at me: they are almost too nice!

We live on the same street as them. No complaints here!

Now if this topic was about SILs, I'm afraid I would crash the entire TS website with my post! :lol:

 

Mil and I had issues at first but now we get along pretty good. I didn't think we would ever get here tho.

 

QUOTE(Juj @ Aug 6 2008, 02:07 PM) [snapback]917068[/snapback]
Now if this topic was about SILs, I'm afraid I would crash the entire TS website with my post! :lol:



:rotflmbo:

 

I definitely have MIL issues. She is a very nice person and would do anything for our kids, but wow she can drive me crazy. She is a diehard catholic and I am not, so that got us started on the wrong foot back when DH and I started dated. There have been many, many other issues, but things have actually gotten slightly better for us since the kids where born. I made it clear from the beginning (as did my DH) that they were our kids and we were raising them. We welcomed her input, but we would make the decisions on what to do with them.

 

My MIL isn't bad. She does drive me nuts sometimes with some of her comments about the girls diet, but overall I get along with her. I only see her a couple of times a month though so I think that helps.

 

Oh god, you don't want to get me started on my psychotic mil. Let's just say we haven't seen her in 9 months and she lives 5 min. away. She truly is crazy.

 

i too am glad my MIL lives 3 hours away. she ALWAYS has something to say about what i should do with the kids and i just agree. i do whatever i want, she won't know. but it really grates on my nerves. the problem is when she asks me something and i don't know what she wants to hear, i always get it "wrong" :S --to take an example from pp "do you always feed them swiss cheese for lunch?" yikes!!! if i say yes, she'll say "well you really should offer a different type of cheese every day" and if i say no, "well, swiss cheese is great for children and i remember betty (her daughter) said her pediatrician recommended swiss cheese at lunch every day" arrrggghhh

we just got back from spending 10 days with her, and she is convinced the babies sleep too much (still on 2 naps), eat too many starchy foods (pancakes at breakfast), wear the wrong shoes (the sole is too soft), use the wrong sippy cups (soft spout), eat like animals because i put food on the tray of their chair (as opposed to a bowl or plate which would ipso facto become a flying saucer!) and are bathed at the wrong time of day (before bed). and that's just what she told me, lord only knows what else she told her daughter (who is great to me btw).

before the babies we had a good relationship, cordial and not much criticism, though hardly close--she totally changed when i got pg....

QUOTE
It's just kind of par for the course when you merge two different families. My husband's family does things so differently than my own, and for that they think I'm odd, when they have no idea how insane they all are.


i agree with this completely....

 

I have large MIL issues <_< If it was just difference in opinion I could just ignore her, but its not. When the babies were first born I had pretty severe PPD and needed help, she would say she was bringing a meal and would not show, she would call and say she would be there at 3pm and not get there till 7pm or later, or most often...she just wouldn't show up. We needed help in a desperate way, she lives 5 mins away and works a 9-5 job, has no spouse or friends, yet couldn't seem to help. We had neighbors that helped a TON more than she did.
Then she started getting really consistent with not showing up <_< She would offer to watch the kids so we could go out to dinner and not show up. I would say out of 20 times she was supposed to do something she did it maybe 3 times.
She hasn't called or stopped by in about 2 months now (since thier B-day).

We have decided to distance ourselves from her, we don't want the kids to get disapointed by her too. We used to "deal" with how she was pre-kids, but now we have to think about them too.

 

How lucky am i?? I have 2 MIL's.. Yay.... (not) DH's bio mom i get along with. and DH's Step mom I get along with too.. butfor some reason I never feel good enough for her. She makes me nervous...

 

wanted to add...I always say what a GREAT mother in law I'm going to be!!! I am keeping a list of all the things NOT to do!

 

QUOTE(mandyfish3 @ Aug 6 2008, 03:43 PM) [snapback]917257[/snapback]
wanted to add...I always say what a GREAT mother in law I'm going to be!!! I am keeping a list of all the things NOT to do!

hehe me too! I have been married 3 times soooo....I have quite the list!

 

I'm very fortunate in that not only do I get along great with my MIL, she watches our kids during the week. She is awesome with them and they love her so much. She has never tried to tell me what to do - we take on a more collaborative approach to raising them and tend to agree on many things. I am really grateful to have that kind of relationship with her. She's also one of my best friends.

 

I'm on the side with having major MIL issues... my IL's are truly crazy and have a long history of treating my husband poorly (growing up and as an adult), me poorly, and badmouthing both of us to almost anyone, including my two stepsons. Needless to say, I don't want my children having any relationship with them. They are the total and complete opposite of my own family, who are supportive, helpful, friendly, fun, interested in us and our lives and our children, etc, etc, etc... They live 15 minutes away and we see them probably 4 or 5 times a year at this point. It only gets worse the longer I've known them!

It's encouraging to see so many with good relationships because I truly hope to be a great MIL when it's my time!

 

ARGH! That would drive me CA-RA-ZAY! My MIL is pretty sweet most of the time ... but even she does the "you aren't going to do it THAT way are you" or the "you wash dishes (or whatever) THAT way?" ... you know, the underhanded criticisms. She will sometimes say she "knows exactly how I feel" especially during the colic days b/c her first daughter was colicky ... and I was like YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW I FEEL!!!! in my head, of course, not out loud! The truth is that NO ONE knows what it is like to have twins unless they have had them! That is why we all love this site so much! At least when her newborn was born her other child could walk and feed him/herself! And had TEETH (holy moly, the teething ... it is driving me batty having two kids climbing my legs all day).

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this! The plus side of being closer is that trips to see you may be shorter ... you know ... as in, if it isn't a 500 $$ plane flight then there isn't the pressure of making the trip worthwhile by staying 2 weeks ... sort of thing ...

Anyway, good luck dealing with it! I would probably eventually just lose it and knock her out with my monster diaper bag!

 

My mother-in-law is a wonderful grandmother, and I must say, has always been very good with me despite huge differences in our beliefs in many areas. She does have LOTS of strong opinions about the way things should be done, and will repeat them over and over, but as a pp said, what works for me and keeps our relationship pleasant is not arguing, just pretty much nodding. It does no good and serves no purpose for me to try to change her mind.

Her: "You could always just tie them to the bed"
Me: "Wow - that's an idea - thanks."

Now, clearly this wouldn't work if I planned to leave my girls with her, but I don't.

Best,
Mia

 

Wow... it's so neat to read about everybody else's MIL issues. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Some of you sound like you have great MIL's. I'm jealous! It seems like I try so hard to please her, justify my actions, and try to include her... yet it just drives a wedge further between us! The good thing I got going is that my husband is totally on my side! He thinks his mom is weird, intrusive, and just doesn't "get it". That also makes me sad though, b/c if it were me being the MIL and one of my boys thinking that about me... well

 

We have MAJOR issues with the inlaws, started when I was pregnant with the beans and ended right at their Christening six months later with my DH getting punched in the face by his sisters, slapped by his mother and told by his father that marrying me was his biggest mistake ever, at church, in front of the priest! I could go on and on and on, LOL. They want nothing to do with our kids because they will always be tied to me. HHHHHMMM,let me think about this ......OK. BUH-BYE.