Mother In Law and Dh Decided to give my BF Babies Formula tonight

MIL (visiting for a few days) and DH decided that it would be a good idea to give my BF babies formula before their solids tonight instead of waking me up. Apparently they thought it was a good idea to practice giving them formula in case something happened to me and I was not around to BF them. My babies do not take a bottle or formula at this point.

I woke up while they were finishing the solids. Each baby only took at 1.5 ounces and were really upset to nurse when I came down. I think the supply issue should be fine since they took so little, right?

I was really upset because I have worked so hard to maintain my supply for the past 6 months as it is, the evenings are generally really hard to begin with, and we do not usually make unilateral decisions like that. My husband swore that it was his idea but it really sounds more like her influence to me. Personally, I think it was totally out of line. What do you think?

 

I am seriously LIVID for you!!! I know how hard you have worked to BF your LOs...and to have someone make a decision like that without consulting you is no good!

I would have a good heart-to-heart with DH. I think DH's often have no idea how vested we are in BFing...we may say it over and over, but it sometimes doesn't sink it. Especially when we struggle with it on a day to day basis...I know I stress-out a lot about BFing my two and DH still doesn't understand why I am SO commited to continuing if it cause me so much angst!!

 

Yup I'd be pissed! Especially since you were right there!! Kudos to you for 6months though, I only ever got to pump and had to stop the other day bc I just can't keep up!!!

 

I would also be really mad. It's hard work establishing a bf'ing routine (of which I was never successful with my boys, but did with my singleton) so I'd feel like no one gave that any consideration. Sorry that happened, hopefully they've learned their lesson and won't do it again! Good luck!

 

Oh.... I would be SO ANGRY. That is not fair. People should not be making decisions about the babies (particularly about feeding) behind your back. It sounds like jealousy - they wanted to experience feeding them - or best case, they were trying to let you sleep (but that's not what it sounds like). I would definitely be having a heart-to-heart with DH. Urg. I'm fuming for you.

 

I would freak

 

I'm sorry that happened :hug: I did not BF but I would be seriously mad if my DH and MIL did that.

 

TOTALLY out of line! :angry: I don't say much - I tend to let a lot of things go. But this, without a doubt, would have caused me to say something to my MIL and my DH. I just cannot believe they did that to you. What in the world were they thinking? I'd have a long, firm talk with them. And make sure they know that they are never to do that again. Period. I just got done pumping/bfing my two - and I seriously just cannot fathom anyone doing that to me/my babies. They all knew how hard I worked at it - and it would have felt like a slap in the face to me!

I'm sorry that they did that! :hug:

 

That was out of line. I assume that the formula was in the house. :hug:

 

They each deserve a V8 smack to the forehead! I swear I would be all over them both. They had NO right to do that. You can play the WHAT if game all day long. but that doesn't mean they need to shove bottles at them! OH my I am so upset for you. What were they thinking? the point is that....you were there, they don't need to practice a crisis.....oh geeze! DO NOT GO TO SLEEP with them incharge of the babies!

OH and THROW out or (hide very good) all bottles and formula in the house. I mean they would not be able to find them.

 

Oh my, yes I would have totally and completely lost it. Big time.

 

Yeah, my DH does that kind of thing not infrequently, and it just kills me because then I have to pump. Sometimes he says he's just trying to give me a break, which is fine, but let me know in advance. My Dh really has no excuse to get jealous either because my guys often get 3 bottles a day (1 of formula and 2 of EBM), so he really shouldn't feel left out.

You should try to talk with him about it (like that actually works in my case ). And if he wants to be part and feed the babies maybe you can find a way to integrate him until solid feeds or EBM or some other option.

 

DH would be sleeping on the couch and MIL would be on the way to the airport.

I think it is important to talk to DH. Though if he could even think of pulling a stunt like that I doubt he would get it. Nor do I think he would take it seriously, but I would definately try. I would also make it clear that what they did was absolutely unacceptable and should not under any circumstances be repeated.

 

Since your babies are 6 months old, your supply is pretty well-established and you will be fine if you missed just one feeding so I wouldn't worry to much about that. :hug: I'd be mad that they made a unilateral decision without me but I would have been thankful for the extra sleep. Your DH may have been contemplating this in the back of his mind for a while now but finally had someone who could help out so he jumped at the opportunity. If you have a good relationship, just tell him not to do it again because it really hurts your breasts to miss a feeding and leave it at that. I wouldn't get too confrontational because he was probably just trying to help and he really didn't hurt anything. They are his kids too. You know your DH best though.

I'm wondering if the babies' grumpiness was due to the formula rather than the bottles. Maybe they didn't tolerate it well.

 

I would be pissed. It sounds like something a mil would do. From other people it seems family espically prior moms know what is best and want to influence how new moms do things. I would definately talk to both of them. These are your children and you should be involved/ only you and Dh should be making those decisions (together). I think what irrates me is that it was not a "life or death situation".

 

QUOTE(MissyEby @ Jan 21 2009, 08:17 PM) [snapback]1156722[/snapback]
DO NOT GO TO SLEEP with them in charge of the babies!


Umm I think that is just a teeny bit of over reaction...

If they are there to help you (and I am certain that is the case) by all means, take advantage of the chance for a break and sleep as much as you can! Please don't feel to nervous to leave your children with their father and grandmother for one botched up feeding. The logic was, dare I say, really, REALLY stupid but I bet you they, well at least he, had good intentions!

Just make it crystal clear to them that if they give the babies formula again they will BOTH have to drink all of their food from a bottle cause some heads are totally going to roll!

I totally sympathize with you I'm currently here pumping my life away to keep up with my twin boys and I know I would be LIVID if my husband, MIL, or anybody did this! I'm only 3 months in and this is the hardest thing I have ever done! And I breastfed my daughter for over a year! But I am doing it! And you are too!

This one feeding shouldn't affect your supply in the least and no matter what you are giving them breastmilk all the time so that 1.5 oz is NOTHING! So please try to keep it in perspective and not totally hate them forever! I am sure your lovely babies will be fine! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Good luck!

 

QUOTE(beemer @ Jan 22 2009, 04:21 AM) [snapback]1156890[/snapback]
DH would be sleeping on the couch and MIL would be on the way to the airport.

I think it is important to talk to DH. Though if he could even think of pulling a stunt like that I doubt he would get it. Nor do I think he would take it seriously, but I would definately try. I would also make it clear that what they did was absolutely unacceptable and should not under any circumstances be repeated.



Oh, AMEN! I don't BF, and to me, that would be no different tham my MIL whipping out a breast and trying to feed the girls. Honestly. That's just totally overstepping. After I got over not speaking to them (especially HER-it was even more of an overstep for her, at least your DH is a parent to them-she's not) I'd be having a major Boundaries Talk!

Ugh.

I'm so angry for you!

 

I had my dh and sil do this to me, with the excuse of "we thought we'd let you sleep" my sil said when I came downstairs and was mad "oh you didn't want to miss out on the fun ?" WTF !!!! Yeah I was livid and it didn't happen again.

I think getting frustrated about it is more than just the bf part of it, .... it is about making joint decisions in your babies lives. It is about your dh making decisions with YOU about their care, and not making decisions with HIS mother about what is best for them. If you feel like you need to discuss things further with him make sure he realizes that it is a bigger picture. "WE" will decide what is best for them together.

Heather

 

QUOTE(JicJac @ Jan 21 2009, 08:52 PM) [snapback]1156691[/snapback]
That was out of line. I assume that the formula was in the house. :hug:


It was in the house, now in the TRASH, because I had been given a sample by a doctor when I inquired once about what kind to use in emergency. I have used it on a couple of rare occasions to try and practice getting the babies to learn how to take a bottle. THis was very planned out though, when they had already been breast fed and just to learn so that we would not waste my pumped milk learning. They never took to it anyway.

 

Yep, I would be livid. I am so sorry that happened.

 

I would also be pretty angry.

 

That is SO not ok, for so many reasons. :angry: Anybody taking care of your babies should respect your wishes, period. That goes for feeding and everything else. Their hearts were probably in the right place - being a mom of twins is exhausting, and you do need naps and breaks - but that's about all that can be said. <_<

Your supply won't suffer, though. It is definitely well established now, and you feed on demand, so I don't think you're in any danger whatsoever!

 

Completely out of line!!! I'm mad for you!!! Go kick your MIL out of your house!

 

Oh my, are you my SIL because it sounds like you have my MIL…

Not that it is even close… but I ran to the store and my dudes were asleep when I left, and they sleep an hour and half… well I came back at the hr mark and she had them in the highchair w/ PURE juice in a bottle… WTF… oh I have to stop typing, as I am getting mad all over again… I only gave my dudes half juice and water when they constipated (that’s why it’s in the house).

Sad thing, is I have a typed food and nap schedule up to help DH… so “Oh I didn’t know” didn’t fly… I know what she was doing… it’s the baby version of giving candy in her eyes….


Sorry that happened :hug:

 

Absolutely unacceptable and disrespectful.

You're probably right that it was your MIL and please take it from me, stand your ground now or she will be undermining you forever. She should be ashamed.

 

I would have been really upset too. I started Tyler on formula in the hospital after our nursing sessions were not working and they were "too busy" to help me. We have been over 48 hours with no formula (Ty's only 6days old) and its a great feeling knowing hes getting everything from me. If for some reason someone gave him formula I would flip. It is on the house just in case something happens but it better not be opened!!

(((HUGS)))

 

I would be angry that my husband made an important decision without me. I would be mad that MIL was involved in the event.

That said, maybe you should talk to him about his reasoning. Maybe he really would like to be more involved with the feedings. It is an incredible bonding experience. With my first DD, once I had BFing established around one month, I pumped one feeding a day so DH could feed her. It was so great to see this interaction between DH and DD. Did I like pumping - no. I did it for him and for her. The benefit was that we could go out without her and not have to be tied to a BFing schedule. Even when I missed feedings, my supply never suffered. I pumped exclusively with the twins so everyone fed the girls and boy was that great for me - I needed a break sometimes.

 

I think you need to talk to dh. For him to do this it says he doesn't know how you feel about formula for your lo's in a clear enough manner. I know my dh would often want to feed the babies and show off when family was around (why he couldn't do this in the middle of the night is beyond me ) and I respect that. But we talked about it first.
I was a lot like you, always worried about my supply, making sure I was available for all feeds when home. In the end I wish I had taken people up on more offers to let me sleep and give the babies some bottles, sleep really is a GREAT thing.

But yes, I would have been mad too!!