More inappropriate gifts...

DH's sister doesn't have kids and pays no attention to the age recommendation on a product. She keeps buying stuff that T&T can't use yet. This time, it's a pair of 24-piece jigsaw puzzles labeled 4+. They're really very difficult and I'd be surprised if many 4-year olds could do these. They'll destroy them long before 4 unless I put them away for later... away with the metal tricycles that weigh more than they do, the Lincoln Logs, the barrels of monkeys that are useful for nothing but dropping down the vents, and the book to memorize the 50 states and their statistics... :huh: Can anyone think of a nice way of telling her to stick to clothes?

 

Yikes! That's a tricky situation. I have a similar s-i-l, also with no kids, but her issue is she likes to overspend. I tried to get DH to nip it in the bud because not only did I know it would get out of hand, I feel very strongly about her not trying to "spoil" our kids. Well, he was successful, but I kind of feel bad now. His way of handling it was to basically tell her to put the money towards savings bonds. Not that this was a bad idea, it's just that now I think we look greedy in a way and the poor woman doesn't get to buy any fun toys! Let's just say he's not very diplomatic.

Sorry to highjack your post. I guess my initial response to your question is there doesn't seem like there's much to do without potentially hurting her feelings. I would probably just grin and bear it (but then again, my house isn't stacked with age-inappropriate items, either... ) I guess it could be worse, they could be too old for the toys rather than too young...

 

I would try and return the stuff from now on. Walmart will take back just about anything without a receipt and you can get a credit there and buy cute Garanimal clothing. :hug99: Sorry, Deb, wish I had better suggestions!

 

Is there anyway to say something like, "Wow, the boys get so excited when they get presents from you! And I love how advanced you think they are, but some of this stuff is way beyond where they are and I hate to disappoint them and put it away until they can use it and not ruin it. And they're currently really hard on clothes...so they may not be thrilled with some pants/shorts/shirts but I would be!"

Some folks you can say stuff like this to and they'll get the hint/won't be offended and others....well....

 

Wow, does she even ask before buying.

I usually get lots of questions about what they need, etc.

I would take Sarah's suggestion and maybe hint that age appropriate gifts or even gift cards would be more appropriate.

 

I would just thank her for the toys and tell her that they have enough toys for now and you would prefer clothes. Make sure you mention what size they are in too. Like "thank you for the toys but I was wondering if you could get them clothes in a 5T since they have all the toys they can play with right now". Even saying that she still may only buy toys. I have mentioned it to my dh about my bil buying toys for the girls and told him to ask for clothes in a certain size but my dh won't tell him so we get toys that they either won't ever play with or I have to store them for when they get older (I don't talk to bil that's why I don't say anything to him).

 

Personally, I'd keep the puzzles. We got a hand me down 36 piece floor puzzle and I gave it to my boys to play with before age 2.5. After about a month, both boys could do it all by themselves at age 2.5. Now at almost 3, one of mine is doing 48 piece puzzles by himself (labled for 5+). So what if they destroy them. You might be surprised. Mine are working on a floor puzzle of the US that has the state capital on the puzzle pieces that are shaped like the actual state. They are getting pretty good with it, can put about 1/4 of the states in the correct place and can name some of the capitals of the state they are looking at. They don't have to be able to do it, but I think they are great for learning to try and fit the pieces together and such with help from mom and dad. JMHO though .

 

I am the kind of person that would not say anything. They are gifts; graciously accept them and then privately return them, pass them on, or store them. It isn't worth the uncomfortable conversation, IMO.

FWIW, the 24 piece puzzles are too easy for my kids now. So, don't get rid of them yet. Your kids aren't too far behind mine!!!

 

QUOTE
They are gifts; graciously accept them and then privately return them, pass them on, or store them. It isn't worth the uncomfortable conversation, IMO.

This. I'd probably grin and bear it, and stash it all high up in the garage. I'd feel too guilty even to return/donate/re-gift.

Re: the barrel of monkeys, though -- I picked these up at the twins' club sale (remembering them fondly from my grandparent's house) and the girls really like them! It seems like just the right level of fine-motor challenge for them right now. However, we don't have open vents.

 

QUOTE(twoin2005 @ Apr 29 2008, 05:08 PM) [snapback]746550[/snapback]
I am the kind of person that would not say anything. They are gifts; graciously accept them and then privately return them, pass them on, or store them. It isn't worth the uncomfortable conversation, IMO.


This is what I'd do. If space is limited I'd either regift or return (assuming she won't ask you later where the gifts are).

 

QUOTE(twoin2005 @ Apr 29 2008, 05:08 PM) [snapback]746550[/snapback]
I am the kind of person that would not say anything. They are gifts; graciously accept them and then privately return them, pass them on, or store them. It isn't worth the uncomfortable conversation, IMO.



Ditto to this.

 

I probably wouldn't say anything -- just give them away, or stash them away somewhere...

That said, you might be surprised how quickly your guys take to puzzles. My DD was easily doing 24-piece puzzles at age 2.5, and now she does 100-piece puzzles.....maybe let them try!

 

I am kinda picky about my toys and I dont like to sound impolite when people want to buy stuff for my kids. So I suggest books, maybe u can just say something like. The kids are up to their neck in toys right now and their books are getting kinda worn down. or It would be great to take them to Barnes and Noble as a treat with their aunt. We are trying to instill a love for reading in them and seeing loved ones support it would be great.

Or maybe comment on how the house is getting full of toys and u would love to see the kids spend some one on one time with her instead. Perhaps she would enjoy a special outing with them.

 

I know my kids use those 24 piece puzzles before age 4. No trikes?

 

Me?? I told my MIL straight up to not buy things that weren't age appropriate. She bought dolls for my girls (when they were 11 months old) labled for 3+ and had little bottles with them... They promptly took the little bottles (that were small enough to shove the whole thing in their mouths) and tried to drink out of them. They got put in a drawer, and now, at almost 18 months, they are just starting to get the gist of feeding the DOLL instead of themselves!

But, I told her, "why'd you buy something that's listed for 3 yr olds and they aren't even a year yet?" She got overzealous and bought them 'becuase they were cute'. I told her to keep her cuteness to herself and to please buy age appropriate gifts for the kids. Maybe a little curt, but my MIL wouldn't get it unless I told her straight up, she's no good at taking 'hints'.

 

An other option is to make a 'wish list' on Target, Amazon, etc....I keep an updated list of toys/clothes/etc that my girls would enjoy AND I approve of. That way it makes it easy for everyone to pick something out if they want, AND it is something that we were thinking of anyhow (clothes and toys). Simply email the link to the list around birthdays or holidays.

You could donate the 'unwanted' gifts, return them for something else, or just put them away.

My 2.5 year olds are doing 24 piece puzzles and jsut learned to do a tricycle....they may surprise you! Some of their favorite reading "material" is old catalogs/ ads....they may like the state book.

KC

 

I kind of like gifts that are a little beyond their use... stuff that is for their age now will be done and donated before you know it! I look for toys I think they will be able to use for a few years... the Lincoln Logs for example... at 1 or 2 years they can bang them together, by 3 they could build small stuff, and by 4 they are constructing villages!
So I don't think I would say anything... just put away stuff that will get destroyed or be unsafe until they can use it... it won't be long at all!
Helen

 

I should clarify... they can ride a tricycle. The reason the trikes are an issue is that they're VERY HEAVY, they can barely reach the pedals even now, the trikes are already rusted from being left outside overnight twice, and we have basically no pavement rendering them useless for at least another year until they have the leg strength to pedal on our bumpy, rocky, sloped yard. I've been storing them since December '06.

The puzzles are now a non-issue since they destroyed them while I was making dinner last night. They are made from a very thin cardboard and for some reason they decided to chew on the pieces (weird since they didn't chew any of the other puzzles). They'd each "eaten" a puzzle piece by the time their pasta was cooked. I put the mess in a bag and stuffed it in the coat closet so now I need to take it out and see if they chose two pieces from the same puzzle or one from each before I'll know if one of the puzzles survived.

Gotta run, they're trying to cook a bagel half.

 

We just had their 2 yr birthday party & with so many people, they got lots of gifts. Some good for their age & some way beyond. I just took the stuff that was beyond & bagged it up to put in the top shelf of the closet. The advanced toys don't bother me nearly as bad as the candy & junk food they always seem to get. I felt guilty, but after Easter I just had to throw a lot of it in the trash. And it's usually coming from the same person, so I can somewhat see where you're coming from. In our case, I haven't said anything yet.....most of the time I'm able to keep the candy away from the kids & nobody's the wiser. I guess I don't say anything b/c she's much older & gets a kick out of spoiling the kids.

I always try to ask a mom 1st what a kid needs before we go shopping for birthdays, etc. Or at least what they're interested in. If you're going to buy toys, seems like something like big legos or little people would be more appropriate for a 2 yr old than a Bratz doll. <_< But, I think you have to just take it all in how it was intended......after all, they're gifts & the heart was in the right place. You just might have to get one of those storage Pods! (j/k)

 

Oh how I sympathize with you!!! My MIL is the SAME way...I always find it IRONIC that she still refers to my CHILDREN as BABIES, yet buys them toys 2x's their age!!! For the twins 1st b-day she bought my ds model die-cast cars (like a metal PT cruiser). We put them away and we didn't bring them out. She noticed we hadn't brought them out for him for the party and we had to tell her that they were MODEL cars that were NOT toys...they even said NOT A TOY on the box...They are still in storage for him to HAVE ( not play with ) when he is at least 6 or 7.
I have a box of stuff put away for them for much, much later. At 3, my kids have no interest in puzzles...and I have no interest in cleaning them up!
A friend of my MIL's gave my dd a doll cradle and made some bedding to go with it. It was a nice thought - but the doll cradle was quite obviously a DECORATIVE doll cradle that a very much older child or even an adult would use to display DECORATIVE dolls. It is brass and made of very thin, wire-like bars. It has knobs that screw off and land in their mouths. After my dd tried to STAND in the cradle, I took it all apart and put it away.
I remember last year, before they were even 2, my MIL called to ask if she (at leased she asked....she is learning) could buy the kids some "toys" from an educational magazine she had. The "toys" included an interactive globe of the world, a light projector that projected the entire galaxy of stars of the ceiling...and some other very non-age appropriate toys. I mean, the toys she said she thought the "babies" would like were intended of 8 year olds!
The one that tops them ALL was when, she sent me a brand new Karaoke Machine and said "I know how much you like singing to your BABIES...so I thought you would enjoy a Karaoke Machine."
Oh yes, every night, at bedtime, I set up my Karaoke Machine and Tv and sing "Tommorow" from the Movie Annie, to my 3 year old BABIES. All though they much prefer "Blue Suede Shoes".

I know the babies thing is not really a big deal, but I don't call them babies, and I don't want them acting like babies (which usually involves annoying fake crying). They are BIG kids now who wear big and big girl underware! When she calls, she always asks "Are your babies sleeping??" and I say, "My CHILDREN?? Yes, they are napping." She has YET to take a hint.

I guess you only options are ones I have done in the past: Put Away, Return (my MIL NEVER includes receipts...ever...), Resell, or re gift. Unless she can handle being told to stick with clothes...

 

I didnt read thru all of the responses, but you might set up an account at a place like Toys R Us. You can go in and create a wish list for the kids. That way you can pick out the stuff you think your kids might want and you know that it is age appropriate. I would just tell her that people were having a hard time with ideas of things to buy your kids and this was a way to help everyone out. Make it about other people and not just her.

 

Feeling the pain. Gma bought the boys Moon Sand for their bday.

I think this is actually a HORRID gift for any age, but at two-years old we don't even do a lot with crayons because they are used for a snack as much as an activity! She knows all this b/c she helps care for them twice a week while I'm at work. It's a head scratcher.

 

My MIL is the same way, however I would never say anything. We just continue taking things up to the attic for later. I'm sure she wonders where everything went every time they come back to visit!

 

QUOTE(me&myboys @ Apr 29 2008, 09:05 PM) [snapback]746546[/snapback]
Personally, I'd keep the puzzles. We got a hand me down 36 piece floor puzzle and I gave it to my boys to play with before age 2.5. After about a month, both boys could do it all by themselves at age 2.5. Now at almost 3, one of mine is doing 48 piece puzzles by himself (labled for 5+). So what if they destroy them. You might be surprised. Mine are working on a floor puzzle of the US that has the state capital on the puzzle pieces that are shaped like the actual state. They are getting pretty good with it, can put about 1/4 of the states in the correct place and can name some of the capitals of the state they are looking at. They don't have to be able to do it, but I think they are great for learning to try and fit the pieces together and such with help from mom and dad. JMHO though .


I was going to say about the same thing.

There is a brand of puzzels made in Spain that are sold here in Mexico that have age rating on the back, but with the note *Children who do a lot of puzzels can do puzzels beyond their age range* At two my girls started loving puzzels! And once they were able to the ones we had without any challenge at all, I went ahead and bought the next level. The I did that again and again. They are 3 years 7 months and are now on puzzels label 8-10 years! I buy them new puzzels every couple of months.