Moms that work full-time

I'm getting so depressed about going back to work next week. I'm grateful that I got to spend the first 4 months with my little guys, but my maternity leave ended and my vacation bank is almost empty. The first 3 months with the boys were miserable (mostly because we were living in a 2 bedroom apt and because they had lactose intolerance issues that weren't discovered until 3 months). I'm finally starting to enjoy spending all day with my kids and now I have to leave them and it makes me so sad. I am blessed with a job that allows me to work out of my home 3 days a week, but the other 2, I'll be in the office. Plus, it's not like I'll get to spend a lot of time with them when I'm working from home as I have to be working. We've hired a nanny and she'll be coming to our home to watch the boys 5 days a week. I just sometimes feel like I'll miss out on all the milestones and they'll eventually love her more than they love me. I just pray that they don't start calling her "Mommy".

For those of you that work full-time and have a nanny, did you feel like your kids had a strong attachment to the nanny that they didn't have with you?

Will this sadness subside and I'll get back in the groove of my old-life as a career woman?

Do you feel like you get enough time with them during the week and on the weekends or do you dread Monday mornings knowing that you won't get to spend much time with them in the upcoming 5 days?

I love the mornings and I'm so happy that I'll get the first waking hour with them each day, but it just doesn't seem like enough. By the time my work day ends, the boys will be cranky and just ready to hit the sack. Not working is not an option for me. We just purchased our first home and we couldn't afford for me to stay at home.

Any insight or positive experiences are welcome and appreciated!

 

I work FT from home, and have a nanny here 7-4 M-F. Our nanny happens to be DH's 21 year old niece. My girls definitely love her, she's their cousin and their caretaker. But they don't love her as much as they love mommy and daddy. The nanny isn't going to replace you, don't worry.

It's hard to go back to work, even thought I technically didn't "go" anywhere but to my home office. Up until it got chilly I'd take them for a walk to the park each day when I was done working, that was fun time spent together and got them past the crankies.

You'll get back in your groove, and possibly learn to appreciate that little break that getting to the office two days a week will give you. Good luck, and hang in there.

 

If our experiences with going back to work (both for her - full time, and myself - part time) is any indication - you shouldn't worry too much about them not loving you anymore. Yes, a lot of times you'll be coming home at bedtime and they may be cranky - but as they get older especially, they can treat it as a special time before going to bed when you come home. Our boys would CLING to momma when they got the chance - at bedtime or on weekends. Your schedule will adjust, and so will theirs.

And maybe you can shuffle your work schedule around so that you can come home for lunch, or early in the afternoon sometimes to spend some extra time with the kids.

And even if you can't, it'll get better as they get older. You can't stay with them all day forever - eventually they go to school.

Good luck!

--> Andy

 

I work from home 4 days a week and occassionally go into the office sometimes 2 days of that 4. I have the girls in daycare 2x a week for 4 hours a day then I pick them up and the nanny comes the other days. I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. Yes it was hard to go back at first but once you get into a groove things will be fine. Its just getting over the hump of going back. Just think if they do anything you will be right in the next room. Yes you will be working but you will be able to take breaks to check on them. You have the best of both worlds. I feel so lucky that I get to work and make a living and also be able to be so involved in my childrens lives. Not many people have the luxury of that! Trust me...... they will NOT love the nanny as much as they LOVE there MAMA!!!!! Good Luck, it is always hard to go back after being home with the kiddos!

 

My experience has been great! There's nothing that feels so wonderful as walking in the door and having both kids run around in circles and dance and shout because they're so excited to see you. Our girls love going to daycare (we have a wonderful retired neighbor, "Grandma Becky" who watches them 50 hours each week) but they love coming home, too. I felt guilty at first, but I know in my heart that this works out well for all of us. They get Mom when she's at her prime and not exhausted from chasing kiddos all day.

It's good to find the balance of time away and time home. You will adjust, and so will your babies. If you're too worried, pray for guidance to make the right decisions, and peace for whatever your outcome is. While it seems traumatic right now, have faith that everything will be fine. It will.

 

Oh, and one more thing. Grandma Becky told me that when I see new developments, to please share them with her so she can share the excitement. If something new happens on her watch, she won't ruin the surprise for me. She lets me see my girls' firsts on my own. I greatly appreciate that. Ask your care provider to do the same. Then you won't miss a first anything.

 

I also work full time. I work 4-10 hr. days (Monday,Tuesday,Thursday,Friday from 6:30am-5pm). They are long days at work, but it's great coming home to all the kids. It's also nice that I have Wednesdays off, it gives me a special day to spend with them by myself, since DH is at school all week. My parents and in-laws watch them all two days a week, the other two days the older two go to daycare and my mom keeps the babies. This schedule is working well for us. I had to go back to work both times when the babies were 8 weeks old. It was really hard in the beginning, but it does get easier!!! By now, I enjoy my "break" of coming to work Mine are not more attached to their grandparents, but it's not the same as a nanny I guess.

Good luck,
I know exactly how you feel though. I wish I could stay home with them every day, but it's not an option for us right now.

Crystal

 

It is really hard at first. I remember crying as I left the house and being afraid that they would not love me as much as DH (because he is a SAHD). But, going to work gets easier and no one can replace mommy. There is nothing better than the moment I walk in the door in the evenings and both girls run up to me and say "mommy's home" and give me a big hug and kiss. I would love to be able to be home with them all the time, but I still feel really involved and part of their every day lives.

 

I work 5 days a week 6:30 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. and even though I HATE getting up that early....it has worked out for the best. I get about 4 hours to spend with them in the evening. We eat dinner together and I put them to bed. DH works 2:00 p.m. until 10:00 p.m. and we have my dad and his dad come over and stay there while the girls sleep to cover the gap between me coming home and him leaving.

 

For those of you that work full-time and have a nanny, did you feel like your kids had a strong attachment to the nanny that they didn't have with you?
- it's all in your perspective. Yes, i can tell that the boys love their nanny but they love me too. I want them to be happy when I'm at work and to be with someone who loves them. that's what they have right now and it eases my mind while i'm at work.

Will this sadness subside and I'll get back in the groove of my old-life as a career woman?
- I'm a lawyer and once i saw how far my cases had progressed without me, that snapped me back into the groove (and reality). but each day is different. There are days (after particularly rough nights) that i can't wait to get out of the house and work is my salvation. there are other days when I'm missing them so much it pre-occupies my brain.

Do you feel like you get enough time with them during the week and on the weekends or do you dread Monday mornings knowing that you won't get to spend much time with them in the upcoming 5 days?
- I don't dread Mondays, but I do look forward to Fridays knowing that I'll get more time with them.

I love the mornings and I'm so happy that I'll get the first waking hour with them each day, but it just doesn't seem like enough. By the time my work day ends, the boys will be cranky and just ready to hit the sack.
- EXACTLY my situation and experience. No advice here, but I totally and completely understand.

 

I work full time also. There is no way those kids are going to love the nanny more than you! Mama comes first, trust me. Think of it this way - you go to work and spend the whole day with other people. You like your co-workers and have fun with them. But the relationship you have with them doesn't even hold a candle to your love for your husband or kids. It's a similiar thing.

It's hard working a long day and coming home to cranky kids. I get home at the hardest stage of the day when they are tired and melting down. But I still can't wait to walk in the door and get those big hugs and kisses.

My job is a pretty high-pressure job and I am the breadwinner in the family. But my job is EASY compared to staying home with 2 two year olds. I actually enjoy the "break" of going to work and then having the mental energy to come home to my kids. And no, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

For me, the hardest part is how I think of myself. At work, I never feel 100% engaged because I'm distracted by thoughts of my kids. The days I'm home with them, I feel burnt out and really tired. It's important to try to strike a balance between work and home and remember you are doing the best job you can in both areas.

You will find it's hard at first, but once you get into the routine you'll find it goes smoother than you expected.

Michelle

 

Good luck going back to work. It really is tough at first, but once everyone gets used to the routine it really is great. You want the nanny to have an attachment with the kids so you know that they are comfortable with her, but no one is ever going to replace mommy. Hopefully the sadness that you are experiencing is coming more from the worry of how you and they will react, and once you are back into the swing of things and the kids have adjusted to the new routine it wil subside.

Good Luck!!