mom guilt, please help...

OK, I know this is normal, but I still can't help feeling guilty and need someone to talk me out of it... It's the end of the week, and I am so worn out and burned out. I am totally not in the mood to entertain babies all day. Feel like I'm just living from one nap to the next so I can get a little @#$* peace and quiet. I feel so terrible about this, I feel like such a bad mom... I love my babies to pieces, but I wish I could just go swim for at least an hour, then have a long bath, then curl up with a book and a big mug of coffee, and NOT hear anyone fussing.

 

:hug99: that is so typical! If it helps, I still live for naps! It's not that I don't love my babies, it's just nice to have peace & quiet! Is there any way that you can have a few hours break? /Anyone who could care for them? It really does help. A good night sleep also does wonders! :hug99:

 

Oh, I have had those days SO many times. You are so thankful for your babies yet you need a break. My best advice to you, find time to take a break. Run to Target by yourself, browse the CD's and books just because or just go to the mall and walk around and window shop or how about going to bed a little bit earlier with your favorite book. You are perfectly normal, we all have those days, but they are HARD.

 

Can your partner do a 2-hour shift on the weekend so you can do a least part of what you're wishing you could?

Do your babies like to take walks? I find that taking a walk easier than being at home sometimes. At least I don't have to entertain anyone! We take 2 walks a day, weather permitting. We don't go anywhere special or specific but at least we're out of the house!

 

Not a woman on earth gets through the week without feeling what you're feeling. That's why grandparents LOOOOVE being grandparents!

 

Like all the PP said, don't feel guilty! We all LOVE our babies, and we all LOVE their naps! I know none of us want to our babies watching too much, if any TV, but on days like this, give your self a break and turn on sesame street, or whatever, and make a pot of coffee!

And make sure SO/DH gives you a break this weekend, if at all possible!

 

:hug99: I hope you get a break soon! Even an hour or two does wonders!

 

Completely normal. I felt the same way this morning. We're going through a really rough stage with the boys right now. I got a total of 3 hrs sleep last night and this morning when they woke up (at 5 am) to eat I just plopped them in their boppies, propped their bottles, and laid my head down on the floor. I felt so guilty but I am really running on empty. Twins are exhausting. Just when it seems like it's getting better... something changes and it gets worse. Do whatever you can to give yourself a break. Have someone watch them while you get some well deserved alone time. And try not to feel too guilty... we all feel like we need a break sometimes.

 

Oh - don't feel guilty. YOU need a break. I swear I felt like jumping off a cliff sometimes - or just to go pee without hearing one cry. I felt like my nerve endings were raw. It was pretty bad. I finally ASKED for help. It's essential for you really. Like the other posts, will Dh watch them for a couple of hours on the weekend? Maybe 2 friends (most of my friends are chicken to do it by themselves) can come over to watch them - or take them for a walk / drive. Give you a couple of hours. It was hard for me to ask for help at first, but I knew I needed to if not for my sanity alone. What you are feeling is very normal. don't feel bad at all. think of it this way. You need to take of you so you can take care of them. It makes you a better Mom.

 

Oh, I SO sympathize with you!! You should definitely not feel guilty for wanting a little rest, and it's ok to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. There were days when I would get up, get everyone dressed and diapered and fed, and then just sit on the floor looking at them, thinking "I REALLY don't want to do this today. Can I just NOT do this job today? Please?"

One thing I used to do around that 5mo time, was just take them for a nice long car ride down to the beach. I'd put on good music, or listen to NPR, and just breath. Once I got there, the babies were usually asleep (I'd schedule it for their late afternoon catnap) and I'd just watch the waves and try to relax. At least I wasn't entertaining babies.

Also, please know that it really does get easier! Once they're able to sit upright, they truly begin to entertain themselves. It's still pretty physically tiring but it's nowhere near as emotionally exhausting as those first 6mo.

 

Thank you so much for the support, everyone! :love0028:

QUOTE
There were days when I would get up, get everyone dressed and diapered and fed, and then just sit on the floor looking at them, thinking "I REALLY don't want to do this today. Can I just NOT do this job today? Please?"


That totally says it...

Yeah, I know it's ok not to want to do this job all the time, but I still feel guilty. Maybe even more so because I have such a good support system. DH is very involved and (mostly) very competent, and has no problem taking over everything but the breastfeeding when he's around. My mom also helps me out a few days a week. So I actually get some breaks here and there - which makes me feel even more guilty when I just don't want to deal with it. It's not like I haven't had an hour to myself for 2 months...

Always catch myself thinking, "If I were a GOOD mom, I would never get tired of soothing/playing with/entertaining them!" Yeah right. So that's why I need you guys to remind me that I'm not a total freak!

 

You're not a freak, everybody needs some down time. :hug99:

 

Well, you are a freak. Feel better? OF COURSE YOU"RE NOT!!! Or, if you are , then we ALL are. I, too have decent support - and there are times when i think 'um, do i not get a weekend day here?" I mean, i used to have a professional life, and even when i was working sixty hours a week i got SOME days off. This is the job from which we can never punch out - so you have to. And don't feel guilty. And a little re-charging (and personally, i think that means that occasionally sitting in a cafe, or walking, or a yoga class or window shopping or WHATEVER, not doing soemthing for the house or running errands), really refuels and recharges you. So much so that - i'm going to schedule an hour and a half like that this week!

 

With my older DD, I finally realized what I *really* needed was time alone, in my own house, to putter or do whatever the heck I wanted. My DH was great about giving me time to get out of the house, but I really wanted HIM to leave WITH the baby, LOL.

Once she got a little older, and after she weaned, it was a lot easier for DH to take her out. I found that this was the only thing that recharged my batteries after a particularly hard week.

Twins are obviously a lot more work -- and I don't foresee my DH taking ours to Gymboree by himself anytime soon, heehee.

But, maybe your DH or mom could take the babies out for a drive one day, and just let you rest at home for an hour or two? Even a 20-minute hot shower, followed by lunch where you can sit down -- with absolute silence in the house -- is blissful....