Miserable Meltdown Day

Ugh, I'd like to just go back and start today over

I was supposed to have an ultrasound to check in on the girls today, apparently it never got booked so I didn't get in until late this afternoon. I had the same tech that I had on Monday and I really don't like her. She's rough and she doesn't speak AT ALL, I have no idea what she's looking at/for or what she's doing, it makes me very uncomfortable. My doctor wasn't there so she had another one come in to get a doppler she couldn't and a few of the things they said really upset me, like "That one there is the really little one, under 3rd percentile" and "There's not much fluid there, are they moving?" They did say they scored 8/8 though and that the dopplers were good but they almost sounded surprised. It just all felt so negative especially since my doctor has been so positive all along. I was really hoping to hear something good today and it just wasn't there.

So by the time I got back to my room I was bawling. I've been in here for twelve days now, doing everything I'm supposed to. This whole TTTS nightmare is going on seven weeks now. I've been trying so hard to keep it together and though I've had a few little meltdowns I think I've been handling things pretty well. This just really knocked me down today and I was a mess, sobbing to my sister and husband. Both of them were pissed about how it went (husband was in with me, sister just hearing about it after) and tried to reassure me that things were ok.

A while later after they both left my doctor came in to see me and of course I started bawling again. He was quite upset that I was upset. Said that the girls were doing just fine, nothing's any different than it was on Monday. Wanted me to tell him why I was so upset and he said he'd go talk to the other doctor and come back and see me. He left and came back, wasn't able to see the other doctor but did take a good look at the scans and everything looked good to him, Baby B even looks like she has a little more fluid. He's just such a positive guy and it helped to talk to him. We talked for a while and he said of course you know what their chances are if they were to come now but they're doing fine, they're holding their own and we're going to try to keep it that way for a while yet.

Shortly after he left my nurse came in. I've had her the past two days and she really hasn't been very pleasant but she sat and talked to me for a while too and was quite comforting. I've since had some time to settle down and I'm feeling ok now, was just a really rough afternoon and I had hoped for a much better experience. I just have to try and shake it off now and move on, tomorrow's another day.

 

Wow, you have been through a lot today. :hug: I'm sorry you have had a bad day today. :hug: I'm glad you got a chance to talk to your Dr. and that the nurse was comforting to you. :good:

 

I don't like those type of appointments either, I hope you have a better one next time.

 

:hug: Sorry you had a rough time. You're doin good girl! Keep those precious lil girls cookin like you are and i'm sure everything will turn out great in spite of stupid things other doctors say. I'm glad you have an upbeat dr, it makes all the difference in the world!

 

:hug: I'm so sorry you have had such a rough day!! :hug: You are doing an amazing job Momma! Hospital bedrest is so hard! I had many breakdowns while I was on bedrest. Just keep in mind every day you can keep those babies in your belly is 3 days they don't have to be in the NICU. Keep up the good work!! :hug:

 

I'm so sorry about the long, rough day you've had. :grouphug: :hug: :hug: You are doing such an amazing job!

 

I am so sorry you had a rough day :hug:
I hope tomorrow is better for you & am so glad the the Dr. could reassure you & that the nurse was helpful and supportive :hug: :hug:
Keep us posted on how you are feeling!

 

:grouphug:

 

Honey I am sorry to hear you had such a bad day.. believe me I have those days too. We started our TTTS on Jan. 28th...we are now in recovery but still have issues. Like this past Tuesday we had another Echo (we have them every 3 weeks) and they still saw something with our recipients heart that might be pulmonary steno sis but they couldn't really tell me for sure if that was the case or not.. could be from the TTTS or could be nothing at all.. that is frustrating and then same day I had my weekly ultrasound and it is a tech I am not fond of. She seems more interested in my kids that are with me than my babies in me. Last time she wouldn't stop talking and I felt she wasn't paying close enough attention. But you know what I know it is all okay as my Doctor always looks at my scans and then reassures me of how things are looking and going. Keep your chin up.. remember each day makes another week and another week is a milestone for these babies. I will be 28 weeks tomorrow and I am thrilled.. I have a mental goal, but I also know I may never reach it, and I have to know I have the best doctors taking care of these babies, as I am sure you do as well. We will keep you in our prayers.

 

Thanks ladies
I was doing really well yesterday, felt pretty good. Of course when this really sweet resident came in to talk with me and mentioned what happened the day before I broke down again. She chatted with my doctor and agreed that I needed to get out so they gave me permission to go out for an hour or so by wheelchair, so I got out in the park infront of the hospital with my husband and son for a bit, it was nice. Did the same again today. Mind you both times I had a little leakage once I was back inside so I think I'll stay put the next few days but it was still a nice break.

When we landed in here two weeks ago the neonatologist said most moms with similar issues will deliver within 24-48hrs of rupture but might get as far as a week or two. Well, here we are, two weeks later, I feel pretty proud of myself for proving him wrong there! I was thrilled to hit 25wks yesterday and I'll be even happier if I can make it to 26. 28 would be awesome but I'm not getting that far ahead of myself. I know someone who delivered at 24wks 5days and her little guy - though he had a long rough journey in NICU - is doing just great now so that gives me hope that I'm at least past that gestation.