Miscarriage Comments

I saw an aquaintance today and she asked me how far along I am. I am 10 weeks. She got a concerned look on her face and said "I was about 8-9 weeks when I lost my sons twin. But I am sure YOU will be ok". OMG! What is wrong with this woman?? I just thought it was a really horrible thing to say. Now I am worrying up a storm. I hadnt expected to have twins but now the thought of losing one is just devistating. I hadnt really been worried about the possibility of losing one because I just saw the ultrasound of two healthy heartbeats. Now its all I can think about!!!
Thanks for listening to me rant.

 

I saw an aquaintance today and she asked me how far along I am. I am 10 weeks. She got a concerned look on her face and said "I was about 8-9 weeks when I lost my sons twin. But I am sure YOU will be ok". OMG! What is wrong with this woman?? I just thought it was a really horrible thing to say. Now I am worrying up a storm. I hadnt expected to have twins but now the thought of losing one is just devistating. I hadnt really been worried about the possibility of losing one because I just saw the ultrasound of two healthy heartbeats. Now its all I can think about!!!
Thanks for listening to me rant.

 

First things first, there are factors that will increase your risk of vanishing twin. You have seen two strong heartbeats and your sacs look relatively similar in size. Two good things going for you. I'd try not to worry about it (so hard I know).

The woman probably just wanted to relate to you as a twin mom but didn't really think about the way it would come across to you. I'd say try not to hold it against her. Everybody makes mistakes and she did share something really personal with you.

You are going to find that people love to whip out the stories about babies who died 5 minutes before they were born or other crazy stuff like that. Just remember that those stories stick out because they are an anomaly...not because stuff like that is ultra common. There are too many people in this world for having a healthy baby to be impossible.

 

The night I had my PTL scare and was put on bedrest (only hours before I ended up in the hospital), 2 of my friends came over to see how I was doing. When I told them what was going on, the one friend was very upbeat and supportive and the other 'friend' looks at me and says 'oh this is the same exact thing that happened to my SIL and her baby died'. Ummm thanks. Of course this is also the same 'friend' who has only been over to see me 3 times the entire 12 weeks I've been on bedrest (and she lives directly next door) and even then the last 2 times were to ask my opinion on paint color and a new carpet scrubber. People are insensitive to say the least, even when it comes to just making conversation.

 

Honestly, that is one of the reasons I didn't tell anyone until after 12 weeks. I have to admit I have similar thoughts when people tell me they are pregnant really early on, although I know better than to say anything. I am just nervous for them that is all.

I agree that she probably just wanted to connect on the twin mom level and wasn't thinking about the underlying impact on you.

Try to grin and bear it, unfortunately it is only the beginning of the comments you will receive through your pregnancy and motherhood.

 

I'm sure we all know the feeling. It's hard to read/hear about others who have had misfortune, but we must remember that we are not them and we need to stay sane for the sake of our children. I read WAY too many stories about the vanishing twin and miscarriages until I freaked myself out. Worrying does nothing but cause stress on you and your babies. I convinced myself that I was going lose one or both of the babies and I'm now 18 weeks and they are both doing well.

You can take all the precautions in the world to protect your babies, but whether or not they make it past the vital 12 weeks, for the most part, is out of your hands.

I just wanted to add that your u/s picture is almost identical to my u/s picture at 9 weeks. Big sacs and plenty of room! I think you and your babies will be just fine!

 

I can totally relate. I was told from early on through the whole pregnancy that i would likely lose Madison and that made it so much worse especially since Ive had a loss before them

Dont stress yourself over it...

 

What an incredibly insensitive comment!

I had a m/c about 6 months before I got pregnant with the twins. Some people have made THE most hurtful comments to me about being worried about "something going wrong." To this day, my mother-in-law still makes comments about the possibility of something going wrong. I am 23 and a half weeks along! If anything were to happen at this point, it would be a freak occurance that could happen to anyone randomly. It just hurts to know that people are going to see me as a freak for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Anyway, please don't let her comments get to you. Your pregnancy is going along just fine and I'm sure your twins will be fine too!

 

Early on in my pegnancy my DH and I told our neigbors that I was pregnant with twins. They kinda looked at each other as he preceeded to say that his friend's sister just buried her baby that died when she was seven months pregnant. What a nice response! So I just really wanted to let him know they were fine so every time he came over to visit with my Dh I would pop in the most recent u/s of the twins and show him their pictures! Wonder why he rarely comes over anymore?I sure miss his visits.
Melanie ( 28 weeks with b/g twins)

 

quote:
Wonder why he rarely comes over anymore?
Do you think it could have been hurtful to him to watch someone else's babies after just burying a friend's? I understand your feelings but I don't think an eye for an eye is the best way to deal with things, he hurts you so you hurt him. Someone they know has just lost a baby so when a new baby is mentioned their minds are going to go to the baby that was lost. It is human nature and shows they care for their friend who lost her child. Did he do the right thing when he responded openly about it to you? No but people say alot of things in ways they don't mean when dealing with death. Perhaps you showing him u/s pictures made him feel exactly how his comment made you feel. Perhaps he is thinking quote:
What a nice response!
Someone I know just lost a baby and every time I go to their house they whip out u/s pictures.

 

I was having ligament pain a couple of weeks ago. It was so bad I posted about it, well it finally went away this week.

But needless to say at work, I had to walk so slow and at times I could barely walk and just stayed at my desk, and luckily my reps really helped me out and got things for me when I needed them

Anyway, there is one co-worker who saw my pain, and that I was holding the area where it hurt and told me how she used to have pain "there" and ended up losing one of her twins. She scared me a bit, but she was really just trying to look out for me, and let me know to look out for any red flags. She also explained her pain came with bleeding, while I have none...

Since then, she comes by my desk and checks up on me all the time to make sure I'm OK. I think she just knows how it feels and probably is worried for me. But it's coming from a good place so even though I was originally a little put off, I realize her comments were not meant to hurt me, just to look out for me instead....

 

How rude - I hate comments like that - that is the LAST thing
anyone should say to a pregnant mother! I'm sorry you had to listen to that!! CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy!!! Twin pregnancy is the most amazing thing ever!! I learned more about pregnancy and babies
with this pregnancy than I ever did with my singletons - it was a great experience!! I think that all of us who are expecting / have
multiples are so lucky!!! and now that mine are 2 weeks old - I CANNOT believe that these two babies were packed inside of me -
they are little bity (6 pounders) but together WOW!! what a miracle!! Life is beautiful!!!

 

Those comments killed me! Thankfully I am 33 weeks now and they come less and less often. The lady in the front office of our apartment complex though did ask us if we had prepared to lose one of them only moments after we had told her how healthy that both girls are.

Be glad that you don't hear that you are way to young to have two at once. I have even been asked if I were going to keep BOTH!! I am only 20 so the first part I get, but keep one and not the other, what are people thinking???

-Cari

 

I hate it when people feel the need to make comments like that. though maybe she was just trying to connect by pointing out that she was once carrying twins? but I hate even hearing what people have to say early on so much that we didn't even tell family until I was about 15-16 weeks along when I was afraid I may not be able to hide it much longer. and I still had no idea it was twins. but like a PP said, people point these things out because they're what sticks out in their mind because they're rare. try not to stress about it, it's not good for any of you, and most likely things will turn out good in the end anyway. just take what she said with a grain of salt, and don't worry. you're almost through your first trimester! focus on that milestone instead.
good luck!
Michelle

 

Thanks Mary, You made me feel alot better. I realize that my friend probably just didnt think before speaking and that I am overly sensitive right now. I will try not to worry!

quote:
Originally posted by Marbear:
First things first, there are factors that will increase your risk of vanishing twin. You have seen two strong heartbeats and your sacs look relatively similar in size. Two good things going for you. I'd try not to worry about it (so hard I know).

The woman probably just wanted to relate to you as a twin mom but didn't really think about the way it would come across to you. I'd say try not to hold it against her. Everybody makes mistakes and she did share something really personal with you.

You are going to find that people love to whip out the stories about babies who died 5 minutes before they were born or other crazy stuff like that. Just remember that those stories stick out because they are an anomaly...not because stuff like that is ultra common. There are too many people in this world for having a healthy baby to be impossible.

 

Thank you so much! That really makes me feel alot better!!



quote:
Originally posted by 2BMommyof2:
I'm sure we all know the feeling. It's hard to read/hear about others who have had misfortune, but we must remember that we are not them and we need to stay sane for the sake of our children. I read WAY too many stories about the vanishing twin and miscarriages until I freaked myself out. Worrying does nothing but cause stress on you and your babies. I convinced myself that I was going lose one or both of the babies and I'm now 18 weeks and they are both doing well.

You can take all the precautions in the world to protect your babies, but whether or not they make it past the vital 12 weeks, for the most part, is out of your hands.

I just wanted to add that your u/s picture is almost identical to my u/s picture at 9 weeks. Big sacs and plenty of room! I think you and your babies will be just fine!

 

Your babies are beautiful!!!!


quote:
Originally posted by Cassie05:
I can totally relate. I was told from early on through the whole pregnancy that i would likely lose Madison and that made it so much worse especially since Ive had a loss before them

Dont stress yourself over it...

 

Some people just don't think, and when they do, it's only of the experiences they've been exposed to. It is kind of ignorant, but I don't think that it's deliberate on their part. All you can do is try your best to ignore it and enjoy YOUR experience - don't worry about someone else's tales of terror.

 

it's funny that you mention that - several women have told me about their miscarriages since i told them i was pregnant

 

I had a vanishing twin with my son's pregnancy BUT it was much earlier than where you are at AND my Dr knew when he saw the 1st ultrasound. We were told to expect to have only one. Your ultrasound picture looks fabulous to me and since the doctor did not mention anything out of the ordinary, I would not worry about it!

When we told relatives we were expecting my twin daughters, one actually said, "Well, we'll see." and did not sound very happy for us. I know it was because we started with twins before and they did not want us to be so excited about this set. I was nervous but my ultrasounds looked great and the doctor even joked about what we should name them (Claude and Claudia - both after him!

 

quote:
Originally posted by violetcaille:
Your babies are beautiful!!!!


quote:
Originally posted by Cassie05:
I can totally relate. I was told from early on through the whole pregnancy that i would likely lose Madison and that made it so much worse especially since Ive had a loss before them

Dont stress yourself over it...


Thank you!