I just want to say I know I post all the time here about my woes and don't respond much to others. It is not because I don't care, it is because I don't have much time, but now that they are napping, I will try to do my best to respond and help out others. With that said, I just almost had a meltdown. And of course I called dh at work (he is ok with that) and was he helpful???? Noooooo of course not!! And I can't call my mom, so I just felt really alone and crappy, and it is only Tuesday!! Usually I am ok until Thursday or Friday. Dd is the better one with falling asleep. So I brought them up for nap #2 and put her in the crib. I know that we have given ds alot of bad habits and that it is our fault but at times it has been all we could do with his issues. I held him and tried to rock him and all he was doing was crying I would get up and walk around, sing to him (I always have the same soft music cd playing in their room at bed/nap times) anything I could think of. This went on for a while and then dd would start in here and there. And it would break my heart that I could not pick her up too. So I tried putting him down and holding her for a bit, she was fine but he cried worse. I started to cry a little and get upset and was trying not to have a panic attack (I used to have them but it has been pretty much under control since I got pregnant). So I put her down, picked him up went and got the pacifiers that we have not used in ages. Surprisingly they took them. They were still upset and probably very overtired at this point. I could not take him screaming anymore and I actually started to get mad at him. How could I do that, he is just a baby and doesn't know any better. So then I felt worse and called dh and like I said, he was not supportive. Putting them in their room for naps is new in the past few weeks (I wanted it much sooner because it is better for them but he fought me on it since it was not as easy) and he said to me well maybe they don't want to be in their room. So don't even get me started but that was the wrong thing to say to me. Needless to say, I finally got them to sleep and it was 45 minutes before their next feeding and ds does not sleep through one of those. So I am sure he will be up soon. Nice right? A 30 minute nap. I am ok now but I was just feeling like a bad mommy because #1 I got mad at my son, #2 I couldn't hold both of them at the same time and #3 I could not get them to sleep.
I just read your post to mine ... same thing, honey!!! Big hugs, we will get through this. Just want you to know that I too have gotten angry with the babies, and then you just feel like the worst mom ever for being mad at a defenseless little baby! It's a completely normal, human reaction when you are all by yourself with two screaming babies and you are trying to manage it all ... it's OK, we all get those feelings. You just have to realize that you are human and move on from it. When mine were colicky it was so terrible, I had all the feelings you had because I coudln't hold them both and walk around with them, I would get mad at them after hours of crying, heck, I still get mad when I make a hot meal and just sit down and then one wakes up, which wakes the other, and my meal goes out the window ... it happens. But then they smile at you and it's all OK again. Don't beat yourself up, twin mothering is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. :hug99:
Do not ever feel like a bad Mom. You are there taking care of your babies and being there for every need and that is not a bad Mom. You made me feel better because there were so many of those times I felt angry when my son would cry and no matter what I did he would not stop. I would feel guilty but my twins are now 19 months and I look back and realize I should not of felt guilty, so what I felt a little mad I take good care of my twins and that is the best we can do. Our husbands will never understand what it is like to care of two helpless little babies that can't comunicate other than to cry or scream for all the hours we care for them. Don't be upset with DH either I am sure he feels stressed. This is a great site I have never posted anything but replies to try and lend a word letting the women out their know they have support. I went through severe post partum after the twins were born and severe anxiety I didn't have help with the twins. My husband and I had many an argument and it was just from our lives changing so drastically after the twins were born. The best I can tell you is that it does get better and your babies will be more indepent as time goes by. It goes so fast and I wish I could of enjoyed the first year more than I did. I still have some trouble with naps. My twins do not like to nap in their cribs but they go to bed a night in their cribs so I don't understand why the naps are so much trouble. Instead of fighting it I let them nap on the floor on a blanket or on the couch with cushions around them. Hang in there .....
I'm having many of those days as well...it sucks not having help but I also think at times I'd rather just be on my own and not feel like I have to "entertain" anyone. I have also gotten angry with them and "lost it" luckily I took it out on a spatula. We are good mommies and LOVE our kids...having a child is a stressful time and doubling that is even more difficult so I say KUDOS to us for doing it! We have a right to get upset every now and then. I just remember to put them down in their cribs and walk away if I get that angry and that is the best thing we can do. Unfortunately our DH's will NEVER know what we are going through until they are left alone with them for a few days. Maybe we should all get together in a central state and leave the hubbies to make due for a day or two on their own..we can have a party!
I agree LB, we should all get together and have a party. Only my dh would not even get it then. He cares for the babies but he does not do baths, do laundry (well he helps a little if I ask), pay bills, make bottles, etc. He will change, play with and feed them and put them to bed. Oh well. Anyway, I am feeling better tonight, thanks for the support.
Ack it's happening again!!!! They needed a nap at 5:30, yes 5:30 so I figured I'd let them go for 45 minutes, they'd wake up for "dinner" and go back to bed by 8:30. Well I cannot get ds down, and again, I am horrible. I got mad at him. So right now he is safe in his crib but screaming and crying. And I am sitting in the rocker in their room typing this crying. I feel so horrible for getting mad, how can I get him to go to sleep better. This is ridiculous he won't sleep and then will be waking up to eat. I know I should make them not even have a nap now but they get so tired and had pt today, so I gave in. How do I stop the insanity? How do I get them to nap longer less amount of times a day and how do I get them to longer inbetween feedings? I need an instruction manual!!
