Milestones and comparing

Does anyone else drive themselves nuts with comparing????? AGHH!

One of my boys is the mover and shaker. He's already scooting all over the place; not a complete crawl yet but pretty close. And the other is more of the talker. So I compare.... Why is one not doing this and the other is? Driving me nuts!

So there is a questions here:

I'm concerned that the one that doesn't scoot, should be. He HATES to be on his tummy and as soon as he is placed there he rolls onto his back. The times that he rolls onto his tummy himself he gets mad quickly. He hasn't figured out yet that he can push up on his arms making him being able to see better. And his "grasping" at objects placed in front of him are not as fluent as his brothers. Is/has anyone else experienced this?? I'm concerned that he's behind in his milestones. Should I be? I'm going to be a SAHM now so I can work on these things more where before I'm not sure if the sitters were doing anything.

TIA. Take care!

 

I don't compare them as much as marvel at how truly different two babies can be! I have a boy and a girl already, but they are 4.5 yrs apart, so my remembrance of "when" they did stuff is vague...as in "Well they rolled around this age, and crawled around this age...."etc. So I think it's amazing to see two babies develop so uniquely.

That being said, I don't think you should think one is behind. ALL babies, even identicals, will develop in their own unique way. It's just because you have them both right there, at the exact same moment, that you are able to compare them.

Milestone ages are an average. So remember that some babies will do things at the beginning of that average statistic, and some will be at the end, and some will be right in the exact middle. As long as they are continuing to progress, that's all you have to worry about. If they seem to get "stuck" or regress (without learning a new skill at the same time), then you might have to start being concerned!

 

Danibell is right. It is really hard not to compare with twins, though and I found myself doing the same things. It seems like DD is usually ahead for motor milestones, DS for language and expression but they usually do catch up to each other. I was concerned because DS was not crawling at 10 months and would only use his arms to propel forward so we did do an EI evaluation (and he must have heard us call because by the time they came out, he was crawling), he did not need EI services but we were glad to have him checked out. If it is anything you are concerned about, check with your pedi.

 

I do the same thing. My DS was holding his head up at 6 weeks and pushing up in his forearms at ten weeks. My DD did not hold her head up until 10 and did not push up on forearms until 14 weeks. However, DD did start cooing at 6 weeks. DS did not start cooing until he was 11 weeks old. They will develop at their own rate.

 

I am SOOO guilty of comparing! It drove me crazy the first year, but I've been a bit more patient now...though I still worry. I don't think you need to worry about your two at all. My boys didn't scoot until 8 months and grasping wasn't always consistent. It seems that I would (and still do) worry myself sick over a milestone and 2-3 weeks later, they would reach it. My boys are ID and as Danielle said, it's truly amazing how differently two babies will develop.

Hang in there and try not to compare, though I know how hard that is! :hugs:

 

QUOTE(silver_stardust @ May 25 2009, 11:07 PM) [snapback]1327857[/snapback]
Does anyone else drive themselves nuts with comparing?????


Yes, all the time.

It is very hard not to compare since all of my family does it to them as well. Just remember that there is a wide range of acceptable for developmental milestones.

 

You really, really, really cannot compare them. They are two different babies. Especially if they are frats, they will be as different in milestones as any two siblings. For instance, Bea crawled at 7 months, cruised at 9, walked by 11 months. Ainsley didn't even crawl, she scooted on her bum at 11 months. Pulled up at 14 months, walked at 18. I would have drove myself crazy if I compared what one was doing to the other. They will do things in their own time. Yes, if one is taking months longer to do something, then talk to your pedi.

 

QUOTE(Snittens @ May 26 2009, 09:30 AM) [snapback]1328162[/snapback]
You really, really, really cannot compare them. They are two different babies.


Please don't think because of my question that I compare them to no ends. I do treat them as individuals and realize the importance of that. I merely am concerned about them hitting milestones and being the fortunate mom of twins I see that one is doing something around the time he should be and the other is showing no interest so I just tend to get concerned. I'm a first time mom and probably worry too much.

 

I take an odd perspective on the whole thing. Their names are Bob and Miles, so Miles has milestones and Bob has bobstones. They laughed within a day of each other, but Miles didn't crawl until he had scooted for several months while Bob was cruising.

I think comparing can be either a blessing or a curse. For me it was fun watching Miles become better and better at army crawling, while watching Bob cruising faster and faster. My in-laws seemed more worried about it, and kept saying "You need to crawl like Bob!"

I'm not being very clear today... I figure they're learning everything from scratch and the way the figure out how to do things is amazing to watch. No, Miles wasn't crawling like Bob did when Bob did, but he learned to army crawl by reaching for things. That just blows me away! So we have milestones and bobstones, because Bob isn't Miles and Miles isn't Bob.

You sound like you're doing a wonderful job with your twins and I think the fact that you worry and compare shows your heart is in the right place.

 

QUOTE(silver_stardust @ May 26 2009, 04:07 AM) [snapback]1327857[/snapback]
Does anyone else drive themselves nuts with comparing????? AGHH!


Guilty as charged!!!

I'm the same, i realise they are different it is hard not to when there is 2lb between them and one had stopped growing at 31wks lol Not only do i worry about one being behind but i also comare them to my friends kiddiewinks aswell (crazy i know) I realise they are individuals and they will do things in there own time and i encourage what i see coming through for each of them but i also think it is just our job to worry about anything everything, someone's got to

 

ive found myself doing some comparisons. Kenneth was born first ( just by 1 minute ) and is smaller by about a pound, and was the first to start scooting, but Ian holds his head up better. He is doing some scooting also, but i think maybe the extra weight makes it a bit harder to move his little body.


Kenneth and Ian are 1 month old

 

I am very guilty and my family keeps telling me to stop it. Jack was IUGR and was behind Nate for so long in milestones that I worried like crazy. Then suddenly Jack took off and is now ahead of Nate (crawling on hands and knees, standing, cruising while Nate is just army crawling). Now I worry about Nate being behind!!

It drives me nuts!

I just try to remember they're very different, and that Nate is still hitting normal milestones. Jack is just extremely motivated and not content to sit and play. He has to move! Nate is a very happy boy and is fine just sitting and playing quietly. Also, Nate can do some things Jack can't, like feed himself. Jack tries to get a puff and ends up with his thumb. :lol:

I think this comparing is inevitable when you have twins. It's just too tempting with 2 babies of the same age.