MIL whine...

I know I constantly get upset with MIL about EVERYTHING and I take everything she does so personally. But I'm seriously upset about this so tell me if I'm being ridiculous (like my husband thinks...)

she is keeping a baby book for the girls!

I wondered why she was always asking me when they got their teeth or when they did this and that. Now I know! I guess she writes in it every time she sees them and puts all their milestones, weights and all that in it. She told me it's so the girls will see how much she loved them someday. I think it's because she thinks I'm going to screw it up! Anytime something happens she says "did you write it in their books?".

Isn't it a MOM'S job to keep a baby book? This seriously bothers me because it makes me think she thinks I can't do it so she needs to. This is of course the 1000th time she's made me feel like I'm incompetent over the years. Just last week she brought a cake to my house for FIL's birthday dinner that I was hosting in case mine wasn't good. She said it was because FIL "really likes her cake" which is total crap.

I know it's totally not worth being upset over but I have my period and am very emotional!

 

LOL, that is bizarre! Have you ever talked to her and let her know that she's stepping all over your toes? I wonder if she even knows?

 

OMG my step mother is doing the same thing and I think it is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I feel like that is my job too and I am doing it. Strange!! Totally feel your pain.

 

Ok, I'm going to say that you are probably over-reacting. Your MIL just loves your girls. I guess I think about how little time I have to update my twins baby books, and how nice it would be to have someone else doing it so they will have that keepsake when they are older. You can always remind your twins that you were busy RAISING them while grandma was writing in a book! haha ... I'm just kidding, but really, try to remember that your husband means to your MIL what your kids are to you. He is her son, and she is probably just enamored with your girls, and wants them to know how important they are to her. No matter what, you are mommy, and NO ONE can replace mommy. Try to take the things she does with a grain of salt, and angle it like you appreciate how much she loves the girls and what she does for them. I'm sorry you are feeling crappy about all this. Vent as much as you need to get it out!

hugs!
Erica

 

You may be over-reacting, but I would too. My mom is making a scrapbook for the girls, but that doesn't bother me but if my MIL was I would be annoyed. Actually everything she does annoys me so take what I say with a grain of salt

If it makes you feel any better, my MIL used to show up with a COOLER full of food AND drinks when she came up for dinner. I had my DH stop fast!

 

You're probably the only person who would really know if your MIL thinks you're incompetent... but without knowing the full situation, I'd say maybe you're overreacting a little? My mother is keeping a baby book for my girls too, and although I think it's weird, I'm not offended. She totally knows I'm competent and respects the job I'm doing. I think for her, she's just so darn excited to be a grandmother that she can't help herself. Perhaps it's the same thing with your MIL?

 

Whoa, bringing her own cake made me think of that episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" where Deborah is hosting Thanksgiving and Marie brings her own turkey!

The baby books would be okay by me, but only because I am far too lazy to do my own. I just did baby calendars for my kids. They hung on the wall and I could make a quick note whenever something happened.

It may be that she's just bubbling with enthusiasm, but it may be that she was what my therapist sister calls "boundary issues." She's not recognizing your boundaries, so she's walking all across them and that's why you feel upset. :hug99: Some people can learn to respect boundaries with enough repetition. I hope she's one of those!

 

QUOTE(caba @ Oct 22 2007, 07:09 PM) [snapback]462082[/snapback]
Ok, I'm going to say that you are probably over-reacting. Your MIL just loves your girls. I guess I think about how little time I have to update my twins baby books, and how nice it would be to have someone else doing it so they will have that keepsake when they are older. You can always remind your twins that you were busy RAISING them while grandma was writing in a book! haha ... I'm just kidding, but really, try to remember that your husband means to your MIL what your kids are to you. He is her son, and she is probably just enamored with your girls, and wants them to know how important they are to her. No matter what, you are mommy, and NO ONE can replace mommy. Try to take the things she does with a grain of salt, and angle it like you appreciate how much she loves the girls and what she does for them. I'm sorry you are feeling crappy about all this. Vent as much as you need to get it out!

hugs!
Erica



I agree in that you are probably over-reacting. To me it is no different than scrapbooking. I don't even have babybooks for the girls . I wish I did or had someone doing something in that sense for them since I have barely anytime to do anything. It just sounds like grandma is being a grandma and is enjoying their milestones just as much. Plus the twins will have it for when they get older!

April

 

hmm, you may be over reacting but I don't know the history with you and your MIL. Believe me, my MIL is a pain in the ***, she's says B-S things like, "crying will make your milk sour and that's not fair to you babies." So I would probably be annoyed if she were doing the baby book, even though my mom is doing the baby book and I'm grateful because I don't have the time to do it. Try to think of that way, like she's doing you a favor.

 

I don't think you are over re-acting it would upset me too. IMO grandparents are their to love and kiss on the babies and hold them every now and then and that is about it. This is only my opinion. I have issues with my mil... mine are mostly because I am jealous as can be. She watches my girls 5 days a week while my husband and I work. She loves them and takes good care of them, but when 4:30 hits they are my babies. They are always asking to take them to church and that is not happening. I only get 2 whole days with them and nobody is taking them. Sorry to hijack your post. whoops... Just letting you know... I know how you feel.
Missy

 

This is from the other side of the spectrum. I am the grandmother. My daughter actually gave me a set of twin baby books to keep. It had really detailed information such as newspaper headlines, popular songs of the day etc. She said she definitely wasn't going to go to that extent and I was the only person she knew of that would be that obsessed. She has her own baby books that were given to her by her sister and she's keeping those. Now I must make a confession. I haven't been really good about keeping up to date so occasionally I have to peek at hers to see what to put in the ones she gave me. It's not that I wouldn't love to do it, but I keep the boys and I make that my full time duty. If they are awake, I'm in the room with them. Now that they are mobile there is so much more to worry about.

 

I would agree with Erica too...just a little. It's kinda nice if she's doing it, if you're not. If you are you can tell the girls your grandma kept one separately so she could feel close to you. On the downside you could always be like me. I can't stand my MIL so I don't even answer the phone when she calls! Ouch! That's a long story in itself. Maybe one day I'll share.

Good luck!

 

I would be livid. Only you know the full history of you and your MIL.....The next time she ask for info about the girls...I would frankly tell her that....it is your place to do it....and you are not comfortable with her recording the information. That is all that I would say. The books are a Mother's record of the child's first years...


Good luck with this one!!

Missy

 

Thanks for all the opinions!

Just wanted to add..
I am keeping baby books and I'm kind of obsessed with making them really nice. Which I think is part of the reason why this bugs me so much!

 

It sounds like this is not so much about the baby books, but rather how your MIL acts like you are not competent (or at least how her comments make you feel). I agree with the pp about how this totally reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond! Your MIL sounds like she is just like Marie!

Can DH talk to her about her comments? If not, try to just ignore her or reframe her comments in a positive way (like "Oh she cares so much about our kids that she wants to be so involved). I know I know.. easier said than done. GL, Leighann

 

I'm kind of late, but I don't think you're overreacting at all. I know what you're feeling. It's the same as when my MIL visits and feels the need to TELL me things like: " oh, look, he's discovering his hands!" or "oh, look, he can push up on his chest" or EVEN "he has a dimple!". No s*$!. I'm with them 24 hours a day-you think I don't know these things? And he does NOT have a dimple! Phew. Sorry. This is your issue, not mine. Anyway, I totally hear you. It's not her job. And seriously, make her watch a season of Everybody Loves Raymond.