MIL visiting

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Brooklyne, Aug 26, 2008.

  1. Brooklyne

    Brooklyne Well-Known Member

    My MIL is coming for 3 weeks in December with a niece. They are from sunny Australia and will be here during winter so we'll be housebound in my tiny house. MIL and me don't really get along too well. She's very condescending and criticizes me about everything - looks, personality, cooking skills etc. DH has to work and I'm home alone left to entertain and raise twins who will be 6 months around then.

    Any tips on how to stay sane? My twins will be 6 months then. Will it be easier to get out with them at that time (winter) - to the mall, restaurants, etc.

    Any tips?

    Brooklyne
     
  2. ladybutterflyrose

    ladybutterflyrose Well-Known Member

    :hug99: Is there any way one of your family member's can come over to act as a buffer, while DH is working? I always have DH around with MIL because she always seems to act more pleasant, overall, then.
     
  3. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    At 6 months we had a routine down for getting out of the house. I would try to plan one outing a day (even if its to the grocery store or to run some errands). That will break things up a bit. How old is your niece? If she is a kid, you might want to have some things that MIL can do with her alone (to get them out of the house and also to entertain her). GL!
     
  4. dfaut

    dfaut 30,000-Post Club

    :eek: oh no!! I am sorry to hear it. Maybe she'll be busy with Nephew? One can hope!!

    It will be much easier to get out (earlier than 6 mos. even). You can practice before she gets here.

    Brace yourself if you have a good schedule going! (by 6 mos. it's a good idea) It's hard to get out of the house in between naps and such, so just stick to your guns with your schedule and let her take your car and the nephew and get THEM out to different places.
     
  5. Joanna Smolko

    Joanna Smolko Well-Known Member

    If she's good with the kids, then YOU get out. :D Do your grocery shopping by yourself (trust me, it feels like heaven after manuevering two crazy babies around the store, as they toss things out the side of the cart), go to a movie (haven't done that since the kids were born), go for a DATE with DH (uh, doesn't happen very often here either).

    If she's there to help, strategize ahead of time what things will really help you.

    It wasn't as long, but we had my DH's super high maintenance aunt stay with us for awhile. She thought she knew how to handle babies better than I did, and she didn't. I think I told y'all about her before, she would get in the babies' faces and almost shout "yupperdupperdooz" in their faces until they were screaming. But they were only a couple months old at the time, now I think they would find her amusing. Anyways, it was stressful, but we did use the time to go out to a coffee shop, etc.

    6 months is a fun age. You can go out with them, they're pretty cheerful (at least ours were), and they're less mobile than they'll get later.
     
  6. stefwebb

    stefwebb Well-Known Member

    6 months so far was the perfect time to be out with them. They became more aware of what was going on around them and enjoyed the lights, colors and people. Now they are squirmy and want out of their seats.

    I would try to mix it up some, maybe one day a week get out by yourself, another day everyone goes, and another day the MIL goes with or without the niece depending on how helpful she is. Send her with them on a walk each day or you take them to get out or even go by yourself. MIL doesn't have to know you don't do that everyday! Also can you find things for her to do that might be in another room? I've had my mom and MIL help with swapping out and organizing their clothes at size change times, reorganize my kitchen to make room for baby stuff (while I was on bedrest). Maybe she could help make room for baby food, sippy cups, etc. Are you going to be getting a playroom ready? That's what my mom and SD are helping with next week - though they don't know it yet! I would try to think of specific things and make a list - if you're busy (or she is) you're much less likely to be annoyed :)

    Good luck.
     
  7. Azevedo7205

    Azevedo7205 Member

    .. at least she lives across the world! hehe.. Mine live 10 mins away and I have to see them all the time!! Iwould love to be in your shoes!! Just keep telling yourself it is only 3 weeks!! Try and go over to your friends and familys house to get away from her a bit!! =)
     
  8. heathertwins

    heathertwins Well-Known Member

    I have family visit from Canada here to Australia and unless someone has had a long term visitor they have NO idea how tough it can be. My parents were wonderful but even our decent sized home gets small quickly. I did have my Australian SIL come to visit for 2 weeks and it was the longest ever !! Hope these suggestions help.

    -- from the beginning let them know they will be making meals as well. Say you get Tues, thurs, sat supper. If you start out by making them meals you will do it the entire time. My SIL didn't offer to cook anything --her helping was "holding the babies or feeding the babies". If you can't muster to tell them this then get take-out or go out for dinner and have separate bills. You can't be buying every meal. Also for lunch or breakfast just show them where everything is and they are to get their own. DON'T start out by offering them a pop/soda, tea, etc. Start out by showing them where everything is in the house. Say "with twins I won't have time to make you meals too often so I will show you where everything is and you can make it yourself" (I've heard of two long term visitors who didn't make a single meal for 4 weeks and one was a VEGAN).

    --- be clear "what I really need help with is making meals" if she is a decent cook. (I don't find Australian food very good)... Get a housekeeper if you don't have one just to make your life a bit better.

    --- try to set the rule that "visitors must get out once a day" since they can't drive (other side of road) get bus routes NOW and look into say an evening boat ride (just your MIL and neice) that they take a taxi to. Or send them on a train trip,a play, bus trip, plane trip to NYC for 3 days, etc. Go to a large outlet mall and say "we will meet back here at 1pm" then go your separate ways.

    -- pay your family/friends if you have to, to have you over for a dinner or order-in pizza. Just to be around other people will break up the silence. During the day or even in the evenings. Book friends in NOW to come and visit you during the day. My mom was great and took my SIL out to the mall quite often.

    -- Pay for taxis to get them out of the house if you have to. Have easy food for them to just grab and take like muffins.

    --- go to the library for baby story time and just say that it is too small an area or you would take them with you.

    --- Dont' feel guilty about going somewhere with the babies yourself. You don't have to have a shadow everywhere. Get your dh to take some days off and HE can spend some alone time with his MIL.... Take the babies to your parents on the weekend to allow dh some alone time with his mom. Make sure your dh doesn't "offer" his mother to go with you (men do that sort of thing.)

    --- Put a T.V. in their room (borrow if you have to) to give them a different place to hang out -- or make one room an extra T.V. watching area.

    --- at 6 months they will be starting to get better going out. Mine did have some stranger anxiety at 7 months which might work in your favour.

    ---- have a T.V. in your room so you can zone out too.

    -- make sure they are shown the shower as soon as they arrive BEFORE they touch the babies -- those planes are so nasty.

    --- Book all doctor appts. for the babies during this time and decline if they offer to come and help. (gives you another day out) Drop them off downtown or at a mall.

    --- Get every pamplet known to man and book things for them to do. If you keep busy and have some relief staff (your family and your friends) around you the time will go more quickly.

    -- set her straight from the beginning if she attempt to "instruct you" on how to raise your kids. it will set the pace so she knows to mind her own business. Heck, if you end up with an enemy by saying this first off she might not come back again.... (good thing)

    Heather
     
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