MIL problems- need to vent

just need to vent a bit -sorry- my MIL has be a great help since the twins were born, been here almost everyday- but now i am trying to do it more on my own and get into a routine so i am weaning her off to two or three days a week and I think she is not taking it well- I don't mean to complain about the help, but when she is here I don't see my kids, she wants to do it all- just fustrating that it seems to be causing tention that I want her to come less- with my son, who is 5 now I had her come once a week so I could get out and errands without him, I would like to get back to a similar schedule with the twins, but don't want her to feel like I don't appriciate all she has done and continues to do.sorry so long, thanks for listening

 

I have the exact same problem with mine. She came every single day in the beginning and it made me crazy. I finally made my hubby tell them that they can come visit Wednesday evenings and we will probably see them once on the weekend. She's the same way as your's, she wants to do everything for my babies and I don't get to hold them or do anything for them when she is around. It makes me nuts, too.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one

 

I remember that feeling too - though it was both my mother and my MIL. I was so grateful for the help they gave us in the first couple months when things were so rough but after a while I wanted to do it on my own (during the day when my husband was at work) and get into my own routine. I also missed alone time with my hubby in the evenings! At a certain point you need to indicate to your MIL that, while you are very appreciative of all the help she's given you, you need some time to learn how to handle all of the kids on your own and develop your own routine. You might also say that you value the time she has given up to spend with you and the kids and you hope she will be willing to help on an as needed basis in the future. Not sure what kind of relationship you have with her but if you don't feel comfortable saying this then maybe ask your husband to do it?

 

I didn't have exactly that problem because I breastfeed, so only I could feed the twins. However, rather than help by doing laundry or dishes or cooking, my MIL would sit on the couch and wait until I was done so she could hold a baby. It drove me nuts! She was here from out of town so I knew she was leaving eventually. If she had been local I would have given her a list of things she could do to help that didn't involve the babies. Like maybe she could take your 5 year old somewhere fun and you could have a day with the babies. Or maybe she could take a trip to the grocery store for you. That way she is still involved but not driving you crazy.

 

I had the conversation with my husband before the twins were born --- and said that we needed to get into a routine before anyone came in and tried to help with anything. My MIL was under the impression that she would be moving in with us for a while - so I had my husband tell her that it wasnt going to happen that way. (for alot of reasons --- primarily we didnt have the space, and she is not particularily healthy - so she would have been another person to take care of)
I married into a Greek family - so there was ALOT of people who were willing to help, however they tend to come in droves - and the last thing that i wanted was 12 people to feed and entertain with twins in the house.

We got "lucky" with the whole H1N1 thing - in so much as it helped us keep people away until we were ready for them to come.
By the time that my MIL came - we had been home from the NICU for a few weeks - and i was confident that we wouldnt be frantic without the help.

She never did wind up coming to spend alot of time here - and its been good for us. My husband and I have our time at night.
I never did learn to speak Guilt -- so its been ok (so far)

 

Me too!!! My in-laws are Greek immigrants. I would guess yours are, too? They are very kind and they like me, but they make me insane. Have you gotten in trouble for stepping over the babies and stunting their growth??

I have to kick my MIL out and keep her to a schedule, otherwise she would ask to come over everyday like she did in the beginning.

 

HAHAHA!!! no there havent been any aquisations that i stunt their growth (to my face) ...... but i hear all the time "you dont east enough to be nursing both of those babies - they are so small!". Thats usually when my husband reminds them that i have about 150 bags of milk frozen - so supply isnt an issue.
At that point they usually go off and start talking about it in Greek ---- so i have no idea what they say

Ignorance really is bliss sometimes!!!


I have to say though ........ If i get one more Greek spitting at my kids - i am going to loose it :headbang:

 

Yes!! I hate when the Greek starts flying and I know it's about me or what I'm doing! And the spit, gross!!! LOL!