MIL playing favorites

Before I start I just want to apologize in advance for any typos, spelling errors or things that don’t make since. The babies got up at 5:15 this morning so mommy is tired!!
So I know I posted about my MIL when the babies where younger about this but I thought for a while she was better (in retrospect I think it is just because she wasn’t around that much). I would very much appreciate feed back if you guys think I am making something out of nothing or not
So here is what happened. She has been complaining that she never gets to see the babies (even though she goes weeks without calling my DH and she never calls me) so she called the house phone and left a message on Friday (for my DH) saying she wanted to come out on Sunday, and then I heard nothing. So yesterday I called her and said I was going to be close by and would she like to see the babies which she said yes to. So we meant up at target and when we got done she asked me to bring them by her house so she could introduce them to her neighbor. I agreed thinking it would give me chance to feed them solids before I headed home so they wouldn’t’ be too far off their schedule since I am still trying to get them back on it, what was I thinking?
We get there and I start to unload everyone and I hear her talking to her neighbor about my older DS who is chattering away about his day. I set the babies down so the woman can look at them and my MIL starts to introduce them, now this is a direct quote of what she said, “this is my older grandson John Tyler, and this is my granddaughter Audrey and this is my precious, precious baby boy Blake”……….
Then while we are inside she asks if she can hold Blake while he is eating his after dinner bottle “I already got to hold Audrey and I just really want to hold him now” (like she put up with Audrey to get to Blake), then as she is holding him she comments on how Audrey looks like me and then says that “ Blake is just like his dad exactly I got my baby boy back” WHAT!!!!
Then as I am loading them into the truck to leave someone else comes by who wants to see them. I was holding Audrey getting ready to put her in my truck and J.T. was standing next to me. She yells for JT to come to her and starts to introduce them “this is my older grandson JT and my sweet little Blake (this is where I walked around carrying Audrey) oh and this is my granddaughter, they are twins not that you can tell”
Oh and she told the first neighbor when she said how much bigger Audrey is that it has always been that way “that one has always been bigger” THAT ONE!!!
Then after everyone is in the only one she said goodbye to Blake.
I could very well be totally over reacting about the whole thing but it really ticked me off. I told my mom and she got worked and said the way she acted was completely not expectable.
So what would you do in my place? Am I making too big of a deal out of this?

 

I would be upset too, Have you said anything to her? What does DH say? What about your older son? Kids are very perceptive, I'm sure he has picked up on it too :angry:

The part about not being able to tell they are twins is funny though! Sure, lots of people have two 9 month old babies that are not twins :lol:

 

Wow, that is pretty ruff. I would have DH say somthing to his mom next time she does it. It sounds like she does it often and I think he shoud be the one to say something. Oh, I love how she wants to see the kids and you have to drive out to her so that she can see them. Mine does the same thing! I am also experiencing something w/ my MIL so I don't think your being unreasonable. MILwill say things like I hope he doesn't end up short like her(me) brother, he looks more like a girl because he has a real round face, small lips, and small eyes that must be from your side(whats funny his he looks exactly like my husband and has her eyes!) Good Luck and I understand your frustration.

 

My MIL does that crap too. Only she does it with Natalie. She will call DH and say she wants to come by and see her Natalie. WTF???? What about the other kids? DH sees no problem with this but I have a problem with this. MIL also holds Natalie a lot and most times when we see her she will not even talk to Nathan. It gets on my last nerves. I try to avoid MIL whenever possible. She gets on my nerves..........

 

I'd be upset too. I think you have every right to be upset with her. They are ALL her grandkids and she should treat them equally. They might not be able to pick up on it now, but there will come a time when they can tell that she has a preference. Can your DH talk to her about the way she acts?

 

I used to joke around and say to my ex-fil "You know, Peyton is right there too, right?"

 

:hug99:
I don’t know what I would do, my MIL always makes a big deal when Nathan does something… like he just discovered the cure for Cancer … BUT Seth had been doing for 2 weeks already!!!! Nathan cry’s she’s all awww and tries to comfort him… Seth cries (and he cry’s less) she almost gets made… “Oh no, we don’t cry….” I know it sounds petty but she does little things like this and it drives me mad… and mine are identical… but since I announced I didn’t give a crap that she didn’t like Seth as Seth’s name… she has been like this… my mom has seen it and agrees with me… she said if you name him crap head I would love him the same, I would just call him C.H.… but she also did this with her own kids… dh older brother craps all over her and she acts like the Messiah is coming every time he comes to town…

 

My MIL pulls the same stuff...she likes my daughter (who looks more like her daughters did as babies) and could care less about my son (who looks a lot like me). Doesn't even ask about DS when she calls, and has told me outright that she only likes DD!

I've chosen just to ignore her, because I don't really like her enough to want her to be a regular presence in our lives, anyway. If she plays favorites when the babies are old enough to notice, I might say something, but I'm hoping she will have matured a bit by then

 

I am sorry MIL is such a big butthead, to put it nicely. I know how you feel though. My SIL, treats my DSD better than my kids, even though DH and I have been together for the last 7 years. She has still never once met the twins and when my MIL asked her if she wanted to see pictures she basically said no. I look at it this way, she will never spend "quality time" with the twins. If she can't treat ALL the kids equally then she doesn't need to be around them. I told my MIL, that I won't put up with my babies being treated better than my other children, because I love them all equally and they all deserve to be treated equally. I understand that the 3 are their biological relatives, but we are trying to build a family. You can't build a family when one is treated better than the others. It causes hurt feelings and resentment. If I were you, I would walk up to her, face to face (w/o children around), and tell her to start treating all the kids the same or she doesn't have to be a part of their lives. I wouldn't put it off on DH. I would tell him what is going to happen and then do it. This will keep all angry feelings directed towards you and not on the kids or DH. Sounds to me like you can handle it better anyway. I imagine she knows how to play DH to begin with and if you handle it, this doesn't put him in that spot. If he is okay with you handling it... then go for it. Put her in her place.

 

What about saying almost non-confrontational but firm " oh no we don't play favourites -- we love them all equally right ?" for those more dense MIL or In-laws you might have to repeat this again after their immediate rude comment "Yeah NO we don't play favourites"
Other comments you might consider.....

--- Oh "insert MIL's name" "John and Aubrey" are also your beautiful beautiful precious grandchildren too.

--- "we feel it is important for all our kids to feel like they are special and equal" "we don't play favourites"

--- hold the more precious child or if your dh is there leave the other kids and take the "precious" one with you out alone to the store. I'm sure you wouldn't want to leave the other two ALONE with your MIL..... but if your dh is there. Better yet leave with the baby BEFORE she arrives and arrive home in time for bath and bed.

--- or you could ask her "I know Blake reminds you of your son but I feel like he is getting more attention than the other grandchildren and they might notice that later on"


In most cases I think it is just better to avoid them -- but that is me.

Heather

 

I have to agree with some of the other pp - I say that dh has to deal with issues in his family and you have to deal with issues in your family. I believe there is something about blood relatives that makes it often easier to say to and hear things from. Can dh mention something to his mother? Maybe that he has noticed that she is playing favorites and that he wouldn't want his daughter to feel left out....

 

We are in the same boat. I wouldn't let MIL hold one of the boys till he was 4 months old because she called him a loser and a failure within the first 12 hours of his life. Needless to say I was pretty pi**d off. I am not sure if there is much you can do except say something about it... even then she will probbaly deny that she is doing it. At least that is how my MIL is. When we are around people who give one more attn than the other I try to make sure I give the other one more attnetion so he doens't feel left out. Sorry you are having problems. Good Luck.

 

i would say something to her. it is not exceptable to single any child out. she may think your crazy and she may noteven see what she is doing. she did hold your DD before DS. that's how she may say it. i am in the same situation with my MIL and she lives downstairs. however she hardly comes upstairs to see them and never just to spend time with them. she stays up here for longest 1/2 hour. then she would clearly rather play with DS. now DH has said something to her and she tries to play with DD but now DD won't have any of it and she is only 14 months. i don't like the comment of she has her son back WTH. but then again maybe she was commenting on how much he reminds her of him. i wishi could say she just doesn't know how to say what she really means or feels but i don't know her. i did read your last post before awhile ago and if i were you i would speak to her. just ask her don't blame her. tell her you noticed she pays more attention to Ds rather DD or older DS. and ask her if she would please stop because you don't want your kids to get hurt. it hurts their feelings and you won't have any of it. see what she says maybe she doesn't realize the extent she is doing it. i see what you mean and how you are taking it but sometimes when you ask the person about it that it not how they meant it. so maybe she isn't being mean but don't know how to spread her love. i don't know and i am not picking her side what so ever so don't get me wrong. i just feel you should speak to her not DH because then she may say oh has SHE been saying things to turn you against me. UGGGHHH. i hope i made sense